Charlotte

@Opo did you get tested to find out what it was within the plants you were reacting to? Do you know specifically what it was?

@Matt23 Thank you so much for the input. It would be interesting to know if the Eczema ever came back. @Michael569 Thank you for your input, always appreciated. Oh I haven't really gone anywhere, just grasping university life and facing fears and new challenges and exploring a completely different way of life for this chapter ? Diet- vegan eat sugar in moderation, plenty of beans legumes, fruit and vegetables, some mock meat, but I would say (currently) a ratio of 65-70/40, 65-70 being organic wholefoods plant based and the rest being processed. (Also I was 2 years into veganism when this started) Environmental- cold and dry environment does make it worse, however, this seemed to of redeveloped, out of the blue approximately 2 years ago (a lot of issues did seem to develop after my intermittent fasting year. I.e., tendonitis/eczema.) Omegas- I do take some suppliments but not consistently enough, ahi flower and these from Tesco (https://www.tesco.com/groceries/en-GB/products/255431548) Zinc and protein- again I take zinc suppliments but not consistently enough and protein is definitely more than enough as I lift weights therefore consume 120g approx daily (tracked via myfitness). B and D - I do take consistently, b12 and D3 regularly. Overburden immune or detoxification- no idea. Possibility as my tendonitis has recently flared alongside an eczema flare. I have been investigated for autoimmune disorders (particularly psoriatic & rheumatoid) which were negative. I had bloods, scans and a full MRI of the entire spine. Long-term stress - there is a higher chance of this than anything else mentioned. Since beginning this journey I voluntarily explored every area of the psyche and my heart possible by entering into therapy. Since that began I have healed many areas but unveiled many areas of the unconscious which were possibly hidden. I made a commitment to myself to align to my higher self and heal the inner child. I do feel like the Eczema and tendon issues are a psychosomatic byproduct of the attachment to mind and neurotic behaviours that have manifested. Meds and gut health - I don't feel my diet would interfere with gut health as I regularly eat fermented foods and even take gut health supplements to compliment. The meds is out of question as I don't take any. Although, I were prescribed propanol to take on the occasion to help manage panic and anxiety. Sleep - in general very good. Cycle - last time I remember having eczema I must of been early teens and then again early 20's, it does seem to have a 7 years proximity, I am now 31, and it restarted when I was around early 30's. I hope that helps gain some insight @Medhansh thank you very much. @Opo animal foods are not superior in anyway shape or form. I am able to get and retain all the nutrients (and more) from a plant based diet. The only ingredient animal flesh contains that plants don't is animal fat. I don't see how animal fat cured Eczema, only if you were deficient in other vital nutrients that you were not consuming via a plant based diet.

It took a few years but when it hit, it stung. I have come to observe how the mind will mistaken the map for the territory ?️. It will cling like no tomorrow, and not only cling (to the map) but also hide the fact you don't know you only know the map, intellectually. You won't know (not generalising only speaking from my own experience about myself) you only 'know' the map until you bring this to light and question it. You won't know until you directly experience the territory vs the map. What I have in fact, directly experienced, vs held as belief, I can count on one hand. This is profundity. It's amazing, why? Because I can let go of beliefs, I can clearly now differentiate between map vs territory, menu vs food. I can see and most importantly, feel the contrasting experiences. This is profound. Have you seen this? Felt this?

You get out of it what you put into it (or don't) and the mind set you have (beliefs, ideas) you hold whilst going into it.

@RickyFitts very similar to the experience of myself. Sometimes brute forcing our way through can have an adverse affect. Love, respect and patience. We are magnificent, a miracle, we are the universe. How could one brush this off and try and 'rid' themselves of themselves with an intention of nothing but love?

@Nahm @Alex_R Sorry @Alex_R and Willie please ignore tag's. Nahm one major burning question within me is centered around feelings. Feelings fleet, feelings are subjective and to me an energy. However, feelings can and *sometimes* do relate to something deeper, for example, I just spotted a mangled pigeon on the sidewalk, I decided to bury him or her, and within the the stomach I felt a deep pit like feeling, sadness. I honour that feeling, I don't disregard. I respect and accept that feeling. Another hypothetical e.g., being with a partner I no longer wish to be with, being in their company provides a deep, unsettling intuitive like feeling. I listen to that because it's a story, it longs for awareness, it longs for the light. So my question is, some feelings, yes, maybe even most, derive from thought, they fleet, and blow around like a bag in the wind. These fleeting feelings I see are limited, and superficial, however the other feelings I mentioned further up, are I would say from a deeper space. It's important to hold space for these feelings, and acknowledge them yes? I almost feel, 'feelings' could attach an unhealthy stigma to them, and be spirituality bypassed, when, I feel, fleeting, superficial, or limited feelings should be held, acknowledged and allowed. They had a story, which points you to a deeper lesson, and usually a huge chance for growth. What would you reply to this?

Thanks for all your replies. @Nahm I do see this with thought, I see the subtleties in the distinctions, however, I still identify, the identification is strong. I did contemplate why this identification is so strong and why the need to 'cling' to thought, something blurry appeared from this contemplation, a blurred feeling of fear, of loneliness. Thought is me, I am thought, thought I am, when the thoughts are gone there is nothing. I hold a belief that thought (me) is 'my' closest friend and has kept me safe. There is such a strong hold on keeping with this narrative so that the 'I" remains. It's beautiful nevertheless. Undoubtedly 'I' will deploy the strongest strategy there is on keeping this identification with thought. And that's okay as I surrender slowly, I surrender in love and with love. Keep returning to feeling and the senses.

@Sam Johnson let go and surrender to *everything* you hold in your mind. Everything, including the help you need, the ideas you hold about this topic. It seems, and correct me if I am wrong, you have a bunch of ideas in your head which you're trying to grasp with your mind. Let go of it all and be.

I started University last week and I had a terrible first week, so overwhelmed and 'in over my head', with just the sheer amount of people and noise. I can only stand a limited amount of external auditory and visual stimuli otherwise I start to get a headache and stress. I felt socially hungover every evening and this weekend has been cool to recharge. I wasn't always this way, however, I think the pandemic has a huge role, and the craving to be alone. Funny that maybe some 6 years ago I would have hung around with people at University but now I literally just want to be alone. The content is interesting, and I am trying my best not to be a close-minded prick (i.e, quantitative research methods). I realised when we got on to the topic of the scientific method, in my head, I could hear myself echoing Leo, and then I realised that I was actually shutting down the chance to be open-minded and experiencing the topic for myself. So I went ahead and shunned any 'beliefs' I have about anything I have learnt which has left me open to experience. Although I still look for the opportunity at any given moment to contest the materialistic scientific paradigm. But, I have no actual experience of science, I am looking to refute this paradigm as a student who has been at Uni for 1 week. I feel that is somewhat bold and almost ignorant of me. However, keeping myself sat on the open-minded fence is of most importance, I can see the mind wants the pendulum to swing more so in one direction but recognising this need for certainty and remaining aware is key ? . The sheer stress from last week triggered a deep contemplation. I realised, that I rush, and pressure myself, and remain too attentive to make sure I do miss content, I know where I am up to, I am on time, why? Because if I am, late, or miss content then there is a chance of a huge backlog of work (i.e., pressure/stress). So, to avoid this backlog stress I reinforce the first protocol. However, I have realised this is an unhealthy jerk circle. I am fighting fear with fear. So, as of the end of last week, I started CBT with myself and trying to remain more mindful within the 'rushed' or 'pressured' times within the day. This and also questioning why I am not just chilling the fuck out ><, I am going to keep letting go and trusting myself as opposed to the mind gripping and trying to control this experience. I also micro-dosed at University, which was an amazing experience as I was walking and I realised everyone is a figment of my imagination ><, furthermore, random social anxiety, pressure and stress were almost gone. Interesting, however, as much as I love mushrooms I don't think they are a good tool to deploy on study days, they ground one so much that concentration and learning is too hard to do. I may try and seek out some LSD as I have never experimented with that before. This week upcoming is going to be further tests, sp what I am going to do to try and swing my pendulum in a healthier direction? Meditation as much as possible throughout the day. Be alone more often, seek solitude and silent areas. Continue with CBT where possible. Before changing the activity, e.g., walking out the door, stop and set a timer for 2 minutes and consciously breath. Keep practising open-minded practices.

Stopped posting on my old journal because I wanted to post so much but then I remembered it's a public forum. So this one is gonna be less about personal shit but just life, the journey and all the minutia that is involved. I will be starting the University journey next week so that will be interesting. Currently dealing with a tendon flare up and learning how to power lift. Microdosing regularly, attending further therapy, meditating and as always, wondering "Why?" Last year got so hectic that I barely had time to come on here, and I hated not being able to, it grinded at the front of my mind regularly. My partner moved in, covid started, I started EMDR which was unbelievable, but, to be honest, it was also one of the hardest times of my life thus far. I was doing therapy and studying at such high demand that the EMDR made studying 20X as hard. After much deliberation and stalling and crying (didn't want to 'be' weak, but counterintuitively I knew to surrender to the idea was to be 'strong') I decided to opt for a small course of anti-anxiety medication, which to my surprise, helped tremendously. I continued with the strength training at home during all lockdowns, I showed up every day and made it work. Exercise, especially strength training has been one of my greatest 'anchors' and teachers along this journey. Ego, or mind, however you wanna frame it, is constantly tested and placed within the uncomfortable position during exercise and it truly is phenomenal to observe how the mind creates not only boundaries, but the limitations you 'think' you can do. I recently started at a competitive powerlifting gym, I am being coached 1-1 and he has observed how I tend to 'think' my way through mechanical movements, he told me (most probably due to the injuries I have sustained), he notices I am very analytical when it comes to something as simple as a squat movement. This was somewhat disheartening but I accepted it. I have had to let go (I am self-taught) of the mind and completely hand over trust not only to a stranger but to my body, trust it knows what's best. Feeling the movements instead of thinking them. I am within my early days of learning, I hope to compete, but I have to take it slower than the average person due to tendon issues (which I sustained most probably in my early days of intermittent fasting and a lack of nutritional knowledge). Anyhow, enough of the rambling. I hope to post some cool things here I discover, cool videos about physical chronic pain (again another great teacher), microdosing journey (week 3 using Golden Teacher), and other random shit such as healing, love, connection, strangers, friends, university etc.

@RickyFitts Life is unbelievably beautiful isn't it

Been wondering lately, been contemplating death and regret. I am more afraid of regret than death itself, why? Because I don't know what death really is. I just buried a squirrel in my back garden. I cried, I felt deep sadness, not suffering per se, but more like a 'love' cry. I realised I cry because life is lost, but then I thought, am I crying for the 'form'?, am I crying for the form of this animal?. When as a matter of fact, I don't know what will happen, or where he may go. But I know he will live on through the plants and the earth. I go through a phase of Nihilism when it comes to death, but it keeps me on my toes ><

Amazing https://youtu.be/5Y6iQz3vuM8

Only thing that I find works for me (at those times when you're rolling around from the pain) is Feminax. Ibuprofen Lysine seems to be the main active ingredient.

I've found that the green individuals in those places seem to also be encompassed in ideology. Don't get me wrong, I also fall prey to this but they don't even see it. Any type of challenge and they quickly turn back into the close mindedness of orange.

The questions are so broad and vague and reek of determinism, absolute horse shite I'm afraid ? (jk btw)

https://youtu.be/wLLFho-ea6E

I have been in education (started with zero qualifications) for almost 3 years already, working my way up to university. As proud and elated as I am for getting this far, I am feeling somewhat fatigued of academic work. It's been non stop graft for 3 years already. Managed to secure myself a place at University studying psychology. However, the course I did last year (fast track to university course) was so demanding, pressure some and fast paced (I was also doing therapy alongside this which wouldn't of helped with the regular stresses of the course) it's knackered me for what I am about to endure. I feel so tired from it. And scared, scared to have no life like I did with the last course. It drained me and zapped me of any free time whatsoever. Anyway, enough of my ramblings. Could you provide me with some motivation? Some of your key ?️ advice for University starters? Trying to motivate myself. Muito apreciado Merci bien Sehr geschätzt Очень ценится बहुत सराहना की ??

I am going to tell you guys something and this for me, is an act of vulnerability. Please, be sensitive in your responses. In lockdown I found myself in the most scariest position I have ever been in within this physical realm. My dog got his head stuck in some netting and was choking to death, in front of me, myself or him unable to break him free due to the strength of the cord/netting. Screaming for help and in the most horrifying panic I have ever felt to date, a man heard my screams and came running to try and free him. For the most part of the longest 5 minute's of my entire life, he couldn't do it. He was suffocating before my eyes. After struggling and pulling and tearing his fingers apart he finally broke him free. From this event, it has now manifested itself into a huge fear of choking/suffocating (myself, others and even wild animals) and overprotective behaviour from myself to the dogs. I have just started reading the beginnings of a book called 'Feel the Fear and do it anyway' - By Susan Jeffers, and she says that the reason we fear is because we distrust ourselves, and our ability to handle whatever arises. It then hit me... The reason this situation was so bad was because I was completely helpless toward saving his life and the situation as a whole. I cried. I was helpless and he was dying and I couldn't do shit. I have to accept this vulnerability that I *was* helpless and I had *zero* control. This is so hard to accept. Anyone any advice? I have had one EMDR session on this but I need more (I have been referred to a psychologist for further help). Could you guys provide a spiritual or other perspective on this for me? Thank you ???

@Marcel this is really interesting and insightful, thank you so much. I started the practice and already had a small but growing reaction. Looks to be very promising, I don't know in what way exactly, but I will keep you posted. @RickyFitts you have the most beautiful words, thoughts and feelings. Thank you so much for your support on the forum. @Alysssa Thank you for your reply. Enjoy the time you have with your dog. Animals are absolutely profound ♥️???

This is beautiful. Thank you for this. I will write a letter, love the idea. ? Absolutely. Thank you ?? @catcat69123 thank you for replying. I agree exposure to the situation would help. Like I mentioned I have undergone one EMDR session, in which shame did surface. There was a feeling of guilt underlying as I was helpless toward him. That's why I feel I need to accept the fact that I did have no control and I was myself helpless. Yes, to a degree and no. This is the first time a traumatic event has happened to somerhi I love deeply which I have bore witness to, the previous time it was myself. I was the victim. @Nahm as per, evoking deep contemplation, thank you for replying ? @Surfingthewave yes, I have an overarching feeling to control in some areas. I experience OCD symptoms and have done for year's (I'm some areas) I am starting to see this may simply be a byproduct of overthinking. I am allowing myself to enter into environments in which I have to surrender and give over control and trust more. This has been so hard but unbelievably rewarding and insightful.

Notice this has been a theme that has occurred as an adult for myself, feeling overwhelmed at appointments or minor commitments (no I don't feel threatened or overwhelmed at big commitment such as relationships etc). E.g. an appointment, a date to have tea at a friend's house. Something small. I am scared to commit (as in agree to the appointment or friend date) in case, when the time arrives I can't make it and have to rearrange, or, rush because something cropped up. Anyone else? Any opinion advice? ?

I have faced fears in the past but they gave returned for the same action. Would that indicate I have not actually faced the fear?

@Thought Art What would you say you have learnt so far from Oshos book? Will definitely check that out thanks. @Seed Enjoy and hold tight for the journey.? ? @RickyFitts More than welcome brother ♥️

@Flowerfaeiry @RickyFitts thank you so much guys. Ricky, really appreciate the compassion. So beautiful. Thank you, love you to ♥️??