Charlotte

I've been working on enlightenment for a short amount of time (around 4 months) everyday though. Meditating everyday. Really doing copious amounts of self inquiry work. Thing is, I think I can get a small glimpse of the 'true self' (very short) and I cry with realisation and feel sick. I then go on to be confused, it feels as if I'm cracking up. What do I do?

@WelcometoReality wow interesting! Like a processing type of phase... that's amazing! Towards the end of my mediation yesterday morning I burst out into tears, same kind of thing?

@Jasmine in what way as the yoga effected your pain? I'm on morphine daily, restricted from achieving my life purpose (due to pain) and I'm only 27 ? been out of work a good 5 years so I'm basically missing a good chunk of my life due to pain. So I'm willing to try anything at the moment and I'm definitely swaying towards holistic treatment.

@WelcometoReality why so? I thought it would of been the opposite?

@WelcometoReality this is something I really do need to work on though. I have noticed I get so defensive so quickly ?. All I am doing is defending my 'turf', I need to learn that I shouldn't react so quickly and besides I'm defending an illusion anyway ??

@WelcometoReality I do sincerely apologise. I took that wrong. My fault. I clearly am also sensitive to negativity ?. Apologies again. @Nahm My dad is also of Catholic background. I was also brought up Catholic. No they won't be able to see unfortunately ? I still try and hand them a small slice of the 'brownie' whenever I see them though... Can't help myself ?

@Natasha I certainly am. Excellent way of putting it! Last week, I slowly slipped back I have to admit. I could literally feel the resistance in my mind, it was awful, I've learnt a lot but at the time it was awful. The only way I could describe it was like looking at a white piece of paper and trying to convince my mind it was black, not white. I had to over come the power of the ego, trying everything it had to pull me back, I struggled all week, fell into a little depression spot, some of my frustrations in life came back which then brought anger with it. I was also feeling useless, all the enlightenment and self actualisation work I had put (everyday all day) in was going down the pan, I started to feel sad and guilty, to myself. All this arose from that one day I had a shift in awareness, a massive "Ah ha!" moment so to speak. I persevered, I resisted my own mind, I knew this was a distraction, even listening to video's and podcasts didn't sound the same. Then one night late Thursday night (Thursday just gone) I broke free again from the egos resistance, I literally cried, I had persevered so much that I beat the ego's resistance. This is so deep to me but it's a proud moment in my life. I didn't want to go back to the 'lower self' , I could see the life planned out already for that state of mind... suffering is the word I would best describe. @Nahm "You cant take everyone with you when you start noticing the gap" wow! This sentence right here resonates with me a lot. Sometimes I feel so bad for some members of my family and my partner that I try and bring them with me, I feel so bad that they are left unconscious, like a sorrowful feeling. My dad introduced me to this work in my early teens (and has tried to guide me to self actualisation all my life) and my mum has trained to be a counsellor earlier on in her life. They are both very aware of my journey and encourage me. My partner and some other close members of my family though are so neurotic you can physically see it ?

@Jasmine I haven't but I have been looking into it. Was your shoulder pain accute pain or Chronic?

@Leo Gura I am struggling to self actualize whilst dealing with Chronic lower back pain. I am 27 and have dealt with this pain for many years. It isn't getting any easier as I age. I allow the pain the hold me back and drag my mood down. Have you struggled with Chronic pain in your life? If so, how did you manage to work around it whilst maintaining focus?

@Pure Imagination Thank you for your input. This week, staying on track, after that day has been ultra ultra hard. Even today. Not to mention my family around me have been noticing my way of life has significantly changed (no tv, no radio in car etc) they seem to be coming worried about me, saying I'm taking this too seriously. How do you deal with such negativity? Especially when it's your family?

@Pure Imagination I know the feeling all to well ? Believe it or not, since that day, the ego has been very resistant to enlightenment work altogether, trying to pull 'me' in the opposite direction ? 'I' am aware of it, that's all that matters and I am persistent with the work. Tricky tricky mind ??

@Natasha Thank you so much for that link, it's really helped straighten things out in my mind. @Pure Imagination Will do! Advice noted. Thank you for responding.

Ok the confusion stage had gone, just to add... When I say glimpse, it was more of a perspective, an awareness. I realised I am no different to a tree. My mind is what makes me indipendent of the tree. I physically felt/saw the nothingness. Tell me I'm going down the right path? I don't want to fall into a trap

@Alexo45 Thank you for your input. Can you actually tell me what it is though? Is it my brain or spiritual growth? @Nahm glad to hear I'm not the only one. I will definitely give that a listen to! Thank you @Socrates YES!!!! The eye horizontal thing! I experienced that this morning. I was like "shall I move my head or..." ?

When I'm meditating the room starts to 'spin' (behind my eyelids) actually feels as if I am spinning... What the hell? It's putting me off

@Captain Flint thank you for your input. I too have experienced the eye flickering, kind of feels like how someone would look during r.e.m. I have just experienced something quite strange during meditation, I am a beginner I must point that out. It felt as if my hands where three times the size they were. I also felt a feeling of someone wrapping themselves around me, warm and comforting. There was also a huge light in front of me that seemed to drag me into it, I followed and I went to a place that was unimaginable, felt like a higher consciousness state. After I came back around I cried, for what reason I do not know. Are there trucks or the mind or something spiritual? Thank you again for your help.