Where do I even begin?... my god.
So this part of my life has to be called, rehabilition, life purpose and no time
Basically still at the gym every evening for around 2-3 hours working on specific injuries. Bursitis in right shoulder, tendinitis in right shoulder, slight burstitis in left shoulder, bursitis in right hip and 2 swelled knees in which hey aren't sure why yet. I have had all sort of blood tests done and they have came back fine so its not auto immune related as we know. At the gym every night I follow a set planned training to gain muscle around weak joints, gain flexibility and rehab the other injurires. So that's everything taken up. I started studying again (psychology and math). I am struggling with the math that much that I've had to hire and pay for a private tutor on a Wednesday evening. So a lot of my other time is taken up with attending college or home study. Also after the gym each evening I go on video call to my PT to give him feedback each on each gym session so we can keep a close eye on the pain etc.
With regards to life purpose... I'm pretty sure I have found it (99%). I dedicate other slots of my time to reading books and studying my hobbies (psychology, coaching and consciousness work).
What else has been going on... where do I even start ...
Okay so with regards to the new relationship... all I'm gonna say is one word... mirroring and questioning.
This relationship has probably been the biggest factor for personal growth I have ever come across. I've never suffered so much
If you take 100% responsibility for the way you feel 100% of the time you will grow. Fact.
I've also gone through and are going through many of existential crisis due to questioning and contemplation. I honestly hand on heart have no fucking idea what is real anymore. I don't even know if 'truth' exists. Is truth something humans created to feel comfortable? Who knows. Everything is a perspective inside a simulation. Last night i went through what can only be described as a 'mini' ego death of sorts. I came to realise that I had taken Leos teachings, spirituality on as an ideology. Last night during meditation this occurred: demonic images and my greatest fears occurred, flashing in my minds eye over and over again I reacted with tears but I remained still and present. Then the insight occurred (as I mentioned I have been questioning over and over ((paired with microdosing))). Resistance was obviously super strong but after letting go and surrendering I burst out in to a deep state of sadness. It felt as if I was letting go of an old friend or something. Letting an old lover go. Very hard to try and communicate this into words.
Okay... so what else has been going on. I've continued microdosing which has been a roller coaster of a journey.
I've been working with limited beliefs I didn't know I had. Working on old childhood stuff that has been unconsciously keeping me stuck as an adult. I've actually taken responsibility for my learning and I'm now able to go away from college and do all my own empirical investigations into what the college curriculum states as truth. I have been becoming more and more creative, this creativity has just been beaming out of me lately and I've been looking at different new ways of channeling this energy. I had some messages and hidden signals in my dream that I have been following up with
((gonna post this before My battery goes)) 1/2...
