Azote

There are tons of math in every field of science. No escape So just go for it, fellow. What's the current topic in math on your curriculum, by the way? (pm if you like)

I don't see any conflict between having life purpose and being a millionaire. Besides, it would be kinda unwise to give control over multimillion business to someone without experience or even direction in life. So, you gonna manipulate your gf into risking her business for you, right? How does your integrity react to that?

Week report #3 I really should start my weeks on Sunday, folks. And I will Anyways, here's what we got today: Meditation - concentration on breath 7x20 minutes. Lab - had to skip it due to a bunch of tests in university. Every week I realize more and more how this activity is interconnected with my other studies. But my resistance towards it grows nevertheless Have been testing the technique for "ruthless effectiveness" at science. Hope I will come up with appropriate procedure soon. Studying 1.Quantity. Scored 32 hours again, but in 5 days instead of 7. 2. Quality. How I applied tips I mentioned above: computer-free Tue, Fri, and Sat. This device really exhausts me --> not so easy! Although I did have less working time with the laptop this week. jogging or walking after classes at the university --> not everyday switch from do-nothing to concentration on breath technique in meditation --> done no ditching classes --> skipped 3 classes instead of 9 on previous week get some sleep! --> yeah, overslept the test on quantum mechanics. Wasn't prepared anyway. don't study in the dorm while my roommate is there --> done. Worth it. keep working in blocks --> yes give up tea for a week --> got a cup of tea Friday night, cannot really tell the difference yet get appropriate rest on Sunday --> on Saturday. Okay, I see some results, will keep building the momentum here. Although not pulling allnighters of cramming and copying homework assignments will bite me in the ass very soon %) Sports - 2 classes out of 3, fuck yeah. Money - keep filling my financial journal. Planned November budget. Weight is 67.6 kg (-0.4). Kept thinking about beef cutlets for some reason. Cooked them today. Warning sign, huh?) Acne is getting better.

Insight about looks and weight loss As a woman, I look ugly not because of my masculinity. I'm not masculine. Just amorphous.

Tomorrow you are starting... what exactly?

My vote is for meditation. Really helped me with exam anxiety.

Working hours track, week 1 So remember how I nagged that I get so tired from overworking? I actually scored 32 hours this week. And feel like I couldn't do more. Still didn't have a normal weekend, though. Now, this is a mindfuck. Not only I don't work enough time, I also usually have a hard time concentrating on stuff. I studied in blocks, in a quite quiet place, so the main distraction is thoughts, and sometimes my phone. So what should I do? Try that: 1. Get quantity. I'll try to get to a time distribution like 8-8-8-8-4-4-0 this week. 2. Get quality. computer-free Tue, Fri, and Sat. This device really exhausts me. jogging or walking after classes at the university switch from do-nothing to concentration on breath technique in meditation no ditching classes get some sleep! don't study in the dorm while my roommate is there keep working in blocks give up tea for a week get appropriate rest on Sunday That's all I came up with. See ya in a week)

A rare thing to hear something pleasant about my interests, thank you! Totally agree with the club part

Why not doing a blood test to know for sure? Also, a dermatologist might give you some useful recommendations.

Week Report #2 Meditation - do nothing, 20+20+20+17+20+30+20 minutes. Lab and studies - had some interesting results from working hours tracking. Gonna write a separate post on it. But generally, I still suck. Sports - only 1 class out of 3 again. Seems like I have no time for it now. Keep filling my financial journal. Weight is 68 kg again. I readjusted my calorie counting procedure yesterday, let's see how it will work. Acne therapy is okay.

General vision of getting the shit handled I was going to work out my life consistently, domain by domain. Once I go through all the domains, I start a new cycle. So I kinda grow in spirals. But on the current level, problems with other domains are going to interfere with my work on the current field. For example, I tend to sabotage studying because I blame it for me being a fat ugly nerd. So the plan is to divide my work into two parts, where I concentrate on 2 life domains on stage 1 and on 1 domain on stage 2. Among the 2 domains from stage 1, there is a Major and a minor domain. Major is higher in priority, more long-lasting focus. The minor focus is a quick (up to 6-9 months) fix in domains that interfere with the Major. So, now the M is my career, fundamental work on it, and m is health, particularly weight loss and acne therapy. I hope that on stage 2 I won't have to split my attention and work more effectively on a single task. What do you guys think?

Way to go! Seems like you aimed at improving your communication skills. Have any particular goals?

I do not have to go fulltime pro and teach to enjoy Seems like I am going to have lots of OBVIOUS insights (to which nevertheless I couldn't get for years) these days. This thing hit me because of a short conversation I had with my capoeira instructor last week. You see, I had a belief that if I keep training, I will eventually have to become full-time capoeirista and teach kids. This scared the shit out of me, because I can't last even for 3 hours of training and because I wouldn't be able to drop my other interests. And yeah, kids are fucking scary themselves. I really do not like kids. So, no wonder I started playing 5 years ago and still cannot do a handstand. I gave up on this art 4 times and felt hopeless. And then he says: "Nonsense, there are actually plenty of guys who didn't teach until master's belt (that is like 20-30 years of practice) and played as a hobby!". And then I was like: "holy shit!". I can do this as a hobby and still do well! Because it is cool, fun, healthy, beautiful. No academy arrangement, no working my ass off for 8 hours a day, no kid classes, no obligations. Just fun and some conceivable effort. No interference with my life purpose. This was so fucking obvious that...eh! Actually, today I managed to hold a stand for a sec. And some progress on other elements. And most importantly, had no usual negative emotions about my slow progress, life purpose and other shit. I guess I do not see all this as a sacrifice anymore. Best class for a very long time!

Dude, it sounds like a torture. Isn't it much easier to make a 300-400 daily calorie deficit? Fuck carbs, fuck fats, counting just the energy.

Amount of working hours issue Counterintuitively, I shouldn't work/study for more than 40 hours a week to be the most productive and outperform others. This thesis really makes me laugh. Bitterly, and hysterically. As I am not supposed to have weekends. As I feel guilty and fucked up if I don't study every day during the semester. As every weekend is just full of guilt and self-reproach. As I still do not keep up with my university program anyway. Okay, to hell with the drama. I am going to fix this shit First, I need to track down how many actual working hours a have during a week. Then we'll see,

Short weekly report Meditation - ok, 7x20 minutes of do nothing. I am finishing 'trial period' for this technique in 2 weeks, so far I think that for 20-minute sessions it is more efficient to focus on the breath rather than do nothing. Had no system to evaluate my activities at the university and in the lab. Gonna fix it. Sports - only 1 class out of 3. I skipped the one on Saturday because I felt the urge to figure out all those decisions about my career in the above post. Oh, actually, similar shit happened to the second class. I registered here that day. Finances. Keep filling my journal. But, well, I was very stupidly frauded for about $18 this week (my current wage in the lab is $12/mo). Had to sell those boots I have been wanting to sell for months to cover up. So, on the one hand, I got my desired motivation, on the other hand, I am still this naive little fucker, who is not prepared for real life. Just an observation. Weight - is 68 kg today, 25.3% body fat. I guess I finished recovery from peeling. Continuing my external acne therapy tomorrow or day after.

Career Option #1 - Polymer Physicist This is kinda default option for me. I am also trapped in this field in terms of finances and accommodation for now. It doesn't really matter if I am 'TRULY' passionate about it or not. I have to admit that this is "if you are a secretary - first become a world-class secretary, then you'll see" type of situation. So, by publishing this post: I give up my hopes that finding my true life purpose will give me an excuse to quit university I give up my belief that any negative emotions or tiredness related to science are signs of getting my life purpose wrong I decide not to give a fuck whether I am 'genetically' good enough for science or not I decide to commit to the science related career for at least next 7 years (until I get my PhD) and master it I (important!) decide to make science my main money source and make good money with it I let my other options be no more than a hobby, and decide not to chase great results or monetization in this fields Gotta re-read this every day now, haha.

"Art and Synergetics" by Igor Yevin A peculiar jigsaw puzzle piece for my life purpose investigation that I came across recently. Here is the main point for me: The main purpose of all the miraculous, ambiguous and unusual things in art is to maintain your brain, as a system, in a critical state. Perception of paradoxes and ambiguous situations excites much more neurons than usual, common stuff. In other words, art makes your brain work. Several studies of school students showed that constant comprehension of artworks actually raises the intelligence, namely, performance at maths. So, briefly, art is not that stupid bullshit I used to think of it. It seems like aesthetic pleasure is actually an evolutionary mechanism for developing our brains! Now I have more reasons to keep practice painting, playing capoeira and dealing with other kinds of art. It really wasn't obvious for me, guys. I mean, why do I need to practice such 'ineffective' martial art? Or painting, which is so practically useless? Of course, these topics still need further investigation, but I am really glad that I have finally moved from the "I just get really upset without those stupid hobbies" point. There is a bunch of other cool ideas there, not quite related to my career issues. The synergetics approach itself. The connection between brain functioning and art "functioning". Really made me want to dig into neurology and psychology.

Alright, here is what I am going to do for now: 1. Stick to the meditation habit. I've been practicing meditation for about a month now, with 2 days skip. The most basic habit, besides, really helped me to pass the entrance exams to university. But I gave it up soon after those exams. Time to bring it back! 2. Fulfill my university obligations The hardest part, I guess. Here comes the work ethics. 3. Fulfill my obligations at lab Have no idea what they are yet. 4. Get my ass to capoeira classes I decided not to consider capoeira as a stupid hobby that must be dropped. It has something to do with my life purpose. Also, if I drop it now, lack of physical activity and axé will fuck my studies up. No goals. Just get there 2-3 times a week, please. 5. Keep the financial journal. Just in case of slacking off. 6. In reading focus on books related to scientific careers. One more point! I kind of have this public resolution that I lose weight and take care of my skin. Can't get away from that. So I should watch out.