Sine

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Everything posted by Sine

  1. This post remind me so much of my ex.. we a great friends today and I have always enjoyed talking with him about these things, but when It came to the point where we couldn’t have a ‘normal convercation’ it was too much.. Also because i felt like he thought that i was stupid, or like he wanted to be my teatcher instead of my equal.. And that was really annoying. Even though I loved him and still love him very much.
  2. So for a longer period now, I have been really annoyed with my meditation (Yes I know, I should just let things be the way they are, and not give such a big fuck, but it's hard..) I meditate every day, not the same time each day though. At leat 20 minutes, sometimes just in silence and sometimes with holosync or Leos guide. I try to focus on my breathing, but also not to be too manipulative, just accept reality and what I feel and experience. The thing is I have a lot of thoughts, and the whole non-duality and "push yourself out of your scalp" .. I just can't. I can't feel the connection, and I feel very much that I am one isolated thing and the things surrounding me is another thing. And it annoys me, because I know that it is not the truth, and I want, with all my heart, to really experience it and not just know it. The most frustrating part is.. I have felt in. When I took LSD, also in some way through MDMA and then yesterday when I smoked weed with my friend. It wasn't even supposed to be an actualizing event, we just did it for fun. I was really tired, and was laying on my back, and then it was like... I understood what I was seeking through meditation, and what it means when some authors and meditation-guides talk about how it should be enough to be aware of your breath just because there is so much to investigate. - I felt that when I took my breath in, all the parts, also the tiny tiny parts of my being in some way expanded, and when I breathed out everything "pulled together" it was amazing, and I felt truly connected. It's just that.. Why can't I reach this without drugs? It feels like its not quite right that I need something to manipulate with my brain to get there. I think it can help to use LSD or something maybe once or twice because you get a short experience of this connection and that everything is one, but if you want the state to last for a lifetime and not just a couple of hours - aren't you supposed to get there without drugs? I just wish my meditation could be like the feeling I had yesterday... And it could be so much cooler to reach it without drugs and just by myself. But it just feels impossible. The thing about feeling isolated and not a part of it all, is a problem not only in my meditation but in my everyday life, and it can sometimes bring a lot of sadness and feeling of loneliness. So I really want to work on it. (Sorry if my writing in English is not completely right, I hope you can understand it anyway)
  3. My friend posted that.. sry
  4. Leo, can I give birth to your future children? You pay my flight ticket. I do the birth-thing.
  5. Get away. Physical. As far away from her as you can. Not forever, just some time - for example you could go on a solo retreat - rent a cabin somewhere, or go on a tent trip. Or go on a vacation to another city/country by yourself. Spend time meditating, maybe reading or just doing stuff you like... Then when you go back, maybe decide on not having sex for 6 months or so. This really helped me in a similar situation, and made me change my focus to stuff that is so more important than these feelings of "being in love" - Because.. It think.. You feel like you need her because you feel lonely. Maybe think about what it is that you want from her, where is your "drug" in the relationship, and the reason why it's hard to quit? .. So.. If you face the loneliness.. And it won't be easy but I believe everything is going to be easier afterwards.
  6. Activating Kundalini? - I have read a lot about that, and I do yoga on a daily basis, but I have never experienced anything in that direction, event hough it would be awesome
  7. Thank you, this made me think a lot today, and I came to the awareness that my eating habits actually have been "going the wrong way" these past few weeks. I have always been very conscious about what I eat affects my mood, my focus ect. I'm also a vegetarian but I would like to eat more vegestables and fruit and not just avoid meat. It is really my experience that it has great affects to eat what your body needs and not what you feel you want.... Also because I think I have been eating bad food to avoid the feeling of loneliness/sadness. And that is not the way to go.. Thank you for reminding me of what I had forgot I knew!
  8. Trying to get into acting-school. Then I also write plays. But to afford living I study arabic, though it's not really what I want, but I'm so lucky that my country pays people to study at the university...
  9. I struggle a lot with the same issue! When I'm with any one of my parents, it's like all my old patterns come back, and it's hard to control - Even more through the holidays and when I'm here for a longer period. A thing that I found really helpfull, is to wake up early, so I can be alone for an hour or two before the house awakes. Then I spend some time just being, or meditating/go for a run. When I start the day by sticking to my own routines, and connect with "myself" it is a lot easier to stick with being more mindfull and not fall into too many feelings and discussions (that really doesn't matter in the long run) throughout the day. Even though my family can be a whole lot to handle sometimes! But when I do this my time with them ends up being a lot more pleasent for everyone I think.