Sine

14-04-18 DAY 14! tomorrow we are halfway through! (Yay) I think maybe today has been the most difficult day, at least when it comes to cravings. I really want toasted bread with butter and cinnamon-sugar (wierd right?) maybe tomorrow I can eat apples with cinnamon.. Things are better with my mom now, but Im still sick, and feel kind of low emotionally. In the morning I had two bananas and a blueberry smothie with celery, spinach, cucumber and bananas. At lunch I had some salad with cucumber, onions, tomatos and a slice of boiled potato we had because we had guests over. later I ate another smoothie because my brother couldn’t finish it. It was the same as above. For dinner we made a cold tomato soup that I remembered to have eaten on a vacation in Mallorca. It tasted really good. Throughout the day I have eaten a lot of fruit like bananas and pears, and my mother also made orange-juice, and boiled water with lemon. body: still sick with a small fever. Also I noticed that I have lost weight. It was never a goal for me, so Im not sure what I weighted when we started but I think around 61-62 kg and now it was 57,5 before I ate in the morning. I can see that my belly is thinner, even though I have been skinny all the time, I have always had this soft stomach. Its still soft.. but a bit thinner still. Mind: Getting annoyed easely, and angry with myself for small matters. I hope some of it will leave when I get better from my sickness. I try to control my thoughts, and started to read the book of Byron Kathy about “the work” that Leo suggest if you have trouble with your emotions. meditation: because I have felt so bad, I have done yoga nidra meditation so I could Lie down. Run: nothing.. too sick. It annoys me, because I will visit my friend next weekend and I want to be in my best shape so I can run just as fast as him! Hugs, Sine

13-04-18 DAY 13! Everything is really really terrible. I’m really sick, i feel so bad. Also my nervous system and emotions are freaking out. I’m visiting my family but i wished I stayed in the boat. My mom is mad at me and I can hear her talking to her husband downstairs about how I don’t put an effort to be part of the family and build a relationship with mu siblings. Earlier today she said she was looking forward to when I would grow up, and then blamed me for starting negativeness when I said that what she said makes me sad. I know that I could just pack my stuff and leave for the train, but all my emotions are mixed up, and its hard just to leave because I missed my family and my mother and hope things will be better. I really feel like she loves me less and less as the years go by. I think Im sick partly because of the cold boat and partly because of the baby I take care of at work was sick, but maybe there is also some cleansing going on. I feel really much pain in my throat, and also in my stomach. All my body hurts when something touch my skin and i am cold all the time. It could also be that I became sick because I have been so stressed out with a full time job, three cleaning jobs and two projects, one with film another with theater. I really feel my mother has so many expectations that I cant live up to. In the day summed up I have eaten: -two smoothies with blueberries, bananas and different kinds of greens. -Four bananas, one peach, two apples, two oranges, one pear. - Salad with pesto made from spinach, garlic and tomatos. Also I had one slightly heaten mushroom and one onion that my family heated on the grill with no oils or so (my mothers husband need something slightly heaten to eat for dinner because his vleansing symptoms was too strong) I also ate a lot of raw onions because it could cleance me from my cold or flu or what it is. i have been drinking boiled water with Lemon and herbal-tea. hugs, Sine (sobs)

12-04-18 DAY 12 I’m happy to see that I get through more and more days. 12 days.. thats something. Today has been a bit harder than the rest of the week. I had a lot of work today and is getting a bit sick. Just a cold, but still. It makes me dream of warm dinner, Like... roasted mushrooms In vegan butter with salt and pebber or indian dahl.. or .. pizza.. shit just writing about it. I feel sorry for myself (teatsrops fall down in my smoothie) I Woke up a bit late so only had water and a banana early lunch. A smoothie. The same old with blueberries, celery, cabage, kiwi, bananas and hamp protein lunch. The worlds largest salad with cabage, peas, avocado, orange, pear and tomatoes afternoon: three bananas, strawberries, a pear, a red smoothie that i bought from a store, some dades dinner: a carrot, some peas, some celery sticks, an orange. Then I had something to remind me of icecream.. it was blended strawberries and bananas (frozen before) with liqurice powder on the top. mediation: did it at work to the Sound of monks chanting oooooohhmmmm on youtube body. Im getting a cold. But its because I live on a boat and thought it was warm enough outside to turn off the heat at Night. I was mistaken. mind. Not the best. Has a lot of selfdoubt thought and Im scared because I get to direct this play that I wrote and all the actors and people think that I am in control of the shit but really Im not. I find it hard not to think about theater, and I need peace in my mind to live. hugs, Sine

11-04-18 DAY 11! Still writing on my phone. . . Morning: I tried to make celery-juice in my blender with celery and lemon-juice. It tasted awfull but I guess it works. I also made a smoothie with strawberries, blueberries, celery, cabage and orange that I brought with me to work and drank before noon. lunch. A Big salad with salad-leafs, cabage, cucumber, pineapple, pear, kiwi and orange afternoon, a banana and some strawberries dinner. A smoothie with rasberries and three bananas, hamp protein posede and chlorrella powdee. I also had half a melon, some strawberries, a carrot, some dades and a banana meditation- I did it at work with ten minutes breathing exersice and ten minutes silence. Mood. Good, except for the morning but nothing too bad. It accured to me that I have felt good and stable for a while now Body. I think my face is a bit more red and “unclean” with spots. But other than that everything is normal. My belly looks a bit thinner. heres a picture of my fridge. The butter I dont eat of course

10-04-18 Day 10! I am still writing on my phone - miss my computer so much (sigh). Today has been a really bussy day. Even though I didn’t go to work, because the baby I take care off was sick, I still feel like I have been doing a lot of work! The good thing is I have worked on stuff and project that i love. Theater and acting! I have had a meeting with my friend which I am making a shortmovie with, and this evening I have held auditions for a play that I wrote and now wants to stage. So i feel happy and tired. Just got a message that the baby is better, so tomorrow I will go to work as usual and then more auditions in the evening! Early morning: I woke up late, so only had regular weather and a banana before I went for my run. I could run 7km in 40 minutes which is alot better than ever before. I met a puppy on the way that made me feel felt up with energy, but maybe all the fruit is also to blame.. morning: half a melon and a clementine lunch: to the meeting I had brought with me a large smoothie with blueberries, bananas, selleri, ginger, cabage and strawberries and hamp-protein powder. I also had a kiwi. My friend bought a cake........ it was a bit hard.. Afternoon: A salad with cabage, celery, tomatos, avocado, radishes and a bit of pepperI know I shouldn’t eat so many avocados but my mother gave me so many, so I’ll eat the ones I have. But still no more than one pr day! Also I ate a handfull of dades or so. Dinner: to the auditions I had brought a smoothie with raspberries, bananas, cabage and celery, which I could drink between them. Before bed I ate two strawberries and a pear. Emotions: I woke up really really tired, whitch was alot different than the other mornings i have had recently. Also I felt sad. After and during the run I felt alot better though and it got better and better throughout the day. Body: Recently I have had a lot of pain in my back. Mostly the lower back. Today I had a small sense of pain “down below” and Im afraid that the shingles may come back soon... I am surprised day 10 is already at its end! Soon I’ll be halfway there. I feel happy and even though I think of pizza and chocolate and even warm oatmeal sometimes.. this has not been as difficult as I though it would be! I think after the cleance it will be easier to go full vegan. hugs, Sine

09-04-18 Day 8 and 9! My computer broke down and is about to get fixed, so I’m writing this on my phone. Day 8: morning: I Woke up at my fathers placed and spend the morning doing yoga and meditation and taking a long shower! Therefor I only drank water and had a banana. Lunch: my father made smoothie for both of us. It had blueberries, strawberries, spinach, selleri and ginger-root in it. I will start using more ginger in my smoothies, cause it tasted so great and it’s cheap to buy. We also shared a mango before we went for a walk. Tried to get him to run but walking was also nice. Afternoon and dinner: at these times i was in the train. With me I had two smoothies simmilar to the one above. I only drank one and also ate a box with mango and spinach. I also had carrots but I didnt eat them. night: I had a friend over and I smoked weed which I guess is ‘t excactly good for the cleanse, but better then alcohol I suppose.. before we smoked I ate a salad of spinach, cucumber, tomsto and oranges day 9: morning: orange and melon lunch: smoothie from my father - the same as above + one banana dinner: smoothie with mango, ananas, banana, spinach + salad with cabage, tomatos, avocado and mushrooms. + one kiwi today I felt a bit bad because of the weed yesterday and I forgot to bring enough lunch, so I was so hungry in the afternoon that I felt dizzy. But overall I feel different than before in a positive way.. stronger.. also mentally. It’s wierd.

07-04-18 DAY 7! So I'm actually writing this in the morning of day 8, but I had so many things to attend yesterday, that I didn't got to write (and even meditate, shit.) I had to travel to a different city early in the morning, so I could take this admission test for university. It was lucky that my body has started to wake up so early these pas few days. I had a hard time to go to sleep, but woke up at 5 anyway, and with out the alarm. I am so happy for this, since mornings are very important to me, and I like to have plenty of time. Because of the early time I had to catch my train, I had made two smoothies and a fruit-salad the day before. And only ate a banana and drank lemon water, before I left. In the train I had the biggest smoothie with blueberries, celery, spinach, bananas and hamp-protein powder, also I ate another banana. At the test I drank the other smoothie with raspaberries and bananas, and ate a box of blueberries that I bought. After the test I went to take another train to go visit my father. Here I ate a box filled with cubes of pineapple, mango, celery, kiwi and peach that I had made at home the day before. (I also set two separate whole peaches) Before I ate this I was very hungry, but the kiwis and pineapple made my mouth burn In a very strange way - I guess I had to much fruit and not enough vegetables, and this got me worried a bit about stomach acid mouth-blisters and stuff, actually the whole cleanse. Can it really be healthy to eat so much fruit as I do? But I just stopped eating, and then everything went back to fine. At my fathers place we made a smoothie out of coconut, blueberries, strawberries and bananas. My father didn't like it, but I read about coconuts and got alle hyped about them. I drank the whole thing by myself. (this I would later regret) For dinner I made a salad for us, which had spinach, tomatoes, celery and cucumber in it. On the top I had made guacamole of blended avocados with some garlic. I couldn't eat my whole salad and fell more full than I ever had these days. Then later, the fucked up thing happened! I was sleeping on this lousy guest-bed, peaceful and tired after a long day with test and my crazy dad. But in the middle of the night I wake up and feel so much pain in my stomach - similar to the pain I have felt before this cleanse when I have eaten too much bread or had alcohol. .. I went to the bathroom (lol) but still this morning I can feel a slight pain. Then it occurred to me - the fucking coconut! It's a nut! not fruit or vegetable. Maybe, together with the avocados (witch is allowed on the cleanse, but people say you shouldn't have too much of them because of the fat) - So I think I gave my digestive organs a chock because through this week they have got so used to just relaxing. Maybe... Things I will do: Drink more water (my father pointed out to me that I don't drink enough. I have poor acces to weather where I live, but it is important so I will keep it up. Go talk to some people on the internet who also takes the cleanse. I need to understand the coconut-incident, and the thing that happened in my mouth when I ate the cubes of fruit in the train. Also I have to regain trust in the cleanse and the fruit Meditate more, actually I'll do it right now- Good, fine just meditated 20 minutes it was so nice. Will keep it up for the rest of the days in my life. Hugs, Sine

06-04-18 DAY 6! Early morning Water with lemon A banana Morning A smoothie with mango, spinach, celery and bananas, also a spoon full of hamp-protein powder Lunch A smoothie with blueberries, spinach, celery and bananas A bottle of organic coco-nut water (bought at a café) An apple Afternoon A peach and two bananas Juice from strawberries, elderflower and spinach bought at a café Rest of the pear from the morning Dinner An orange and a kiwi salad of cucurmber slices, red cabage, celery, spinach, asparagus and mushrooms, with a raw tomato sauce made from blended tomatos and garlic. A banana Feelings and body I woke up by myself 5:30 with a lot of energy and happiness. I often experience a heavy sadness in the morning, so this was really great. I went for a run, and I have the feeling I don't run as fast as usual, but I'm not sure, and don't feel I have less energy when I do it, so maybe it's fine. Later today I've been sad, and this has been tricked by very small events. This can have something to do with my cycle, and not the food though.. I am getting more and more use to it, had some cravings in the middle of the day, but when I had the coconut-water they went away. I feel proud of almost reaching a week! Hugs, Sine

05-04-18 DAY 5! Early morning Blended celery and orange-juice half a pear Morning A smoothie with blueberries, spinach, celery and bananas Lunch a whole melon with some cucumber and tomatoes Afternoon An Apple and a kiwi Juice from strawberries, elderflower and spinach bought at a café Rest of the pear from the morning Dinner salad of cucurmber slices, red cabage, celery and mushrooms, with a raw tomato sauce made from blended tomatos and garlic. A smoothie of two bananas and two cups of frozen strawberries A banana Feelings Today I have felt very tired, and low. Maybe a bit sad. I am stresses because of other things and haven’t slept the amount I need the past few days. I will catch up on this tonight, and hopefully feel better tomorrow. I get more and more used to the food and don’t have so many cravings. I feel hungry a lot but it is tolerable, and not as extreme as the last days. Maybe some of the hunger is also just emotional - since I eat alot, and get my vitamins I think. body Tired, but not as much as I thought I would be. My skin was red the other days but its gerting better now. Still goes many times a day to the toilet... and I stink... omg. I thought I would freeze more, but actually I think I feel warmer. Hugs, Sine

04-04-18 DAY 4! Guys.. I might be dying.. Just kidding but it's really hard! I crave nutella and ice-cream and pizza and sex! having sex wouldn't be agains the cleanse, but since the craving feels like it wouldn't matter if I had sex or a piece of cake, I guess it is a sign of addiction... So I won't think more about sex today. Back to the talk about food! Right now I actually feel okay, and warm.. Soft, in some weird kind of way. But other than that - the day have been terrible! I woke up, went for a run where I didn't run as fast as I thought I should have - but it still felt good to run anyway, so that was nice. Before the run I had a glass of water with lemon, after the run I had a smoothie with blueberries, spinach, celery and bananas. - I decided this smoothie into two, so I drank some of it before work, and the rest early at work. At lunch I made a salat similar to the one I had the day before. I skipped the avocado though, because it will be best if I have max. one avocado a day, because of the fat (Now you might think - but, Sineee you eat like fucking 1000 bananas that is so much fat! But no. read the book, it's apparently not the same) Later at work, in the afternoon, I had a mango with an apple, just cut in slices. This was really nice. I love mango. After work I went for some grocery shopping... This cleanse is really expensive! Bought more frozen berries, and (yes) bananas. At this time I was really really hungry, so like yesterday, the first thing I did when I got home was to make a simple smoothie of raspberries, bananas and celery. After this I felt really sad. And lonely. And empty. Then I made a could soup of an avocado, bananas, spinach, asparagus and celery, blended with some lemon juice. Couldn't bare the sight of another salad so I thought this was a smart move. I was wrong. The soup tasted disgusting! I swear it was really bad. But I ate it. Of course I ate it, while feeling more and more sad. I tried to concentrate about feeling the feeling, without escaping from it through interaction with other people or comforting unhealthy food. Right now, as described above, I feel a lot better. Just tired. Also I am hungry. I will eat some kind of fruit, then go to sleep. Hugs, Sine

Oh and the pictures! My fridge is not pretty anymore because I ate so much and messed it up, but it is still full of good things! In the boxes I have lemons and rucola-salad. In the bags chopped cabage- The wine and the chill sauce I will of course let be until I've past day 29 haha! The other picture is of my salad today (the first one at work) I thought it looked kind of pretty because of all the green color.

03-04-2018 DAY 3! This day has been easier than yesterday I think. My hunger hasn't been so extreme, even though I was hungry for some time, in the afternoon. But the was mostly because I had lost my appetite, and didn't felt like eating another salad - I did it anyway though. A big salad with all kinds of leafs, spinach, cabbage and orange, avocado and green asparagus. This made it up for dinner. I felt full for some time but now I have just ate an apple with the last of the licorice-dates, and maybe I will also eat a banana before I go to sleep. When I woke up I felt pain in my stomach like menstruation cramps, even though it is not this time of the month. I have heard people have had all kinds of symptoms and reactions to the cleanse, so I think everything is as it should be. I woke upon late because I spend most of the night sexting with my ex-boyfriend. The stupidest thing. I woke up so late that I couldn't meditate before I had to leave for work - I will have to do it now before bed! Also, I should remember to take my vitamins (Vitamins and supplements are a part of the cleanse, the book explains all about that) Even though I only had 40 minutes in the morning, I drank water with lemon juice as the first thing. Tomorrow I will try to make juice of celery and water in my blender. Celery Juice should be very good for the stomach. I didn't feel hungry at all. Almost too full actually. Anyway I made a smoothie of bananas, blueberries, celery, spinach and orange witch I brought with me to work, and drank before noon. I am very lucky to be alone most of the time at work, so around noon I had time and peace to make a big salad, which I actually enjoyed. It had avocado, spinach, asparagus, tomatoes and cucumber in it. In the afternoon I ate an apple and banana, but later wished I had brought another more with me. When I got home I felt very tired and out of spirit, I thought that if I was to see another salad, I would die. So I made a light smoothie out of frozen raspberries and bananas - this was the most delicious thing ever! I mixed it with a bit of hamp-protein powder I got from a friend of mine. This gave me the strength to make, for the sake of Gura, another Salad... This I ate out of need and not out of want! - I described it's content above. So this was day 3. Not too bad. I need to be aware of my emotions though. I have felt happy and spirited most of these past days, but I can feel the black hole is just under the surface. I am a bit stressed, because I have a lot of projects going on, and all kinds of things I want to do. But I guess you can be too inspired. It is important that I am aware of the now, and concentrate on being here in the present, even though I have big dreams. It will be good to meditate before sleep. I should not sleep to late. No ex-boyfriends.. Maybe I should go for a run tomorrow. I hope some of you are reading all of this, no matter what, I feels good to share. Hugs, Sine

02-04-2018 DAY TWO! So because of all the easter, today is actually my day one I think. If I survive so far I will go on till day 29! My day started with a big glass of cold water mixed with lemonjuice. This was a very easy and small thing to do, taking into considerations how great it made my morning. it was a nice way to wake up, and made me feel very fresh and good. Shortly after the drink, I ate a big bowl of spinach which my mother had put in the blender together with tomatoes, celery, garlic and some oranges. This made it up for some kind of cold soup. (Luckily I was still with my family this morning, so we could enjoy our cleanse-breakfast together!) The Soup didn't taste like something really awesome, but it was eatable, and while eating it extremely slowly I read in the book about all the healing powers of spinach, which helped me to eat it all up. I read that spinach is good for cleaning up you intestines, and I guess that was true, because without going into further details.. I have been going to the toilet a lot today.. Some time after breakfast I was extremely hungry! Even though I supported the spinach soup with a glass of blueberry-banana smoothie, it was like my stomach was one big black hole! I kept eating bananas and apples, and this helped a bit, but I wasn't until I got home to my own place, and mixed some licorice-root powder with a handfull of dades, and ate it as a dip for some apple slices that I felt full. Then it was clear to me that it wasn't a matter of the amount I ate, and how full I technically was, but more a matter of how comforting the food has been. In some way I must have craved the sweet taste. This was a good insight about how my emotional state affects my body. For dinner I ate out at a raw-food restaurant, to celebrate the first day, haha. I had a BIG salat with all kinds of greens. It was so tasty. They had put a little bit of chickpeas and beans in it, but I decided that I was going for an easy start, and enjoyed the whole thing. Now I am off for bed, and thought that I would eat a banana before I'm going to sleep, but actually I feel really full, so I'll safe it for tomorrow. I bought a lot of food today - vegetables and fruits of course. My refrigerator looks amazing! beautiful I could almost say... Will share a picture tomorrow. Hugs, Sine

This is so cool! Please go to Copenhagen someday! Or at least Scandinavia.. Though I might also consider travelling to USA just to see you haha, It would be so awesome! - also just to meet all the other people who listen to you.

Maybe when you start School again, you will get friends and meet people your age that could also be motivation to start

Maybe you can find the answer if you reflect back to when you started College. What kind of dreams did you have back then and Why did you choose to study subject like this. Was your Dream to someday get a high degree?

It's nice to see you all. I don't know why.. I guess I had wondered sometimes what you all looked like!

I know this feeling so well. I really hate those 9-17 jobs too! it takes all your time and makes you depressed. I respect those people who can do it, still keep there insanity and make time to work on their goals and dreams . First of all I think you should figure out what your dream career is or what you really wanna do in life. If you really just wanna meditate and learn stuff about self actualization, you need something where you can get enough money to live, but still don't use up all your time. For myself I use most of my strength and time doing art and doing self development work, therefore I also need my own time, and I maybe have had some jobs that could inspire you.. I am introverted an don't like stressfull jobs or jobs with a lot of noise or people watching my every move. I have had jobs like cleaning - it' doesn't pay well, but if it is at some peoples private home you can usually be finished on maybe 1-2 hours even though you are hired for the double time. And that can be really useful. Also you can see the time your cleaning as free workout + you can listen to leos videos or audiobooks while cleaning. It is also cool to get a glimpse of the life of rich people who has a totally different view on life than yourself. Also I worked for a year as a private caretaker for 1 year-old girl. That job was really great because she slept for two-three hours in the middle of the day, and in those ours I meditated, watched Leos videos or wrote (I also write plays as a part of my art-dream) Taking care of a child is really a good experience and it teaches you a lot about yourself.I think maybe that job was my best one, because I really developed a relationship with the baby. She made me feel a lot of different feelings, and it was hard work (when she was awake) but we had many great days and experiences out in nature and I took her to baby-music class. She was so scared in the beginning but I kept on taking her, and she enden up liking it a lot - that feeling of seeing her develop from shy and anxious to becoming brave and happy.. That was really amazing. So that job ended up being a part of my self-development work I think. After and during that job I actually also tried sexwork. That can be a really quick way to make a lot of money. You can work for maybe one or two hours every other day and easily make enough money to live. This I would only recommend to people who really have their mind set on a goal, and are at peace with themselves though. It is really hard work and I had to quit because it started to have a negative impact on my personal life, but everyone is different and some people can handle it. I used the money I made on a half year long acting course - It can be a good job for a period in your life where you really need money, but need your own time to work on your dreams at the same time. At last I started at the university, but that is because I am so lucky that my country give people money to study, so I think I might just stay there a bit until I hopefully will get accepted into the school of performing arts. So well, that is maybe some inspiration Good luck!

I use different guided meditations around every other day, but I try to be aware of the times i do it because I don’t feel I can handle the all-alone space - then I don’t use the guide and do it on my own instead to confront the feeling. But I think guides can be a great tool sometimes.

I think that the titles aren't really useful, because maybe someone who doesn't post that much and maybe one day post something really smart - people will think " oh he is just a spider monkey" but maybe he just has a low rank because he used all he's time meditating instead of posting stuff... Maybe it would be better if the upvotes and titles didn't exist so people would think for themselves - on the other hand, I can see the usefulness of upvotes. Not the titles though.

this video really changed alot for me

Leo posted a picture of a mouse and a snake on his blog. First the snake wants to eat the mouse and the mouse is scared, but then they both change their minds and have some sort of carresing-moment. I have been looking at that picture for a long time now and seriously.. I just don’t get it. Why has Leo called it true love? I really want to understand - can someone please explane it to me. Thank you..

omg so true! Dealing with 8 a lot right now x_x

Oh I see.. In some of his videos Leo talks about the different about just knowing and understanding what he tells us, and what you can read in books about enlightment and stuff - and then fully understanding it/experience which probably takes a long time.. Sometimes I can feel like i’m going insane and that experience/these thoughts you had while walking - I know that feeling so well. Thoughts like that really makes me scared/depressed or even once in a while krads me to suicidal thoughts. I think it has something to do with the brain trying to make reason of all these new understandings. But the thing is that ”god” isnt something you can figure out and understand. It is an experience. Also the thing you talk about with you career. I can totally understand that. Some of my life goals also became meaningless when I started this and I started asking questions and Why do this even matter to me when everything is just.... But. That is also the amazing part. In someways life is a playground. Also. I don’t think a psychologist would think you are crazy. Sometimes you are lucky to find a good one and it can be an amazing tool in your way to develop yourself and find peace.

Maybe you should take a break from relationships for a while - I had similar problems and thats what I did. After three months of more or less isolation (mentally speaking, since I go to the university almost everyday - but like, no parties, no sex, no starting of new friendships og love-relationships) but just tending to myself and contemplating about the loneliness. I know feel alot more capable of "going out there" and being in relations with other people. Like, a former friend of mine told me that she got used to the thought about her working with some "boring" job she didn't like - she told me she cried a lot, but then felt relief and acceptance. Then a few weeks later she came back to her original dream career but could pursue it with a lot more peace in mind, because she wasn't so afraid of failing - I really thought a lot about that and then I used her method with my relationship problem. I tried to really accept the fact that I would die alone with 7 cats ... I'm not done yet, with accepting it. But I think I won't be ready to commit myself to a serious life-partner, before I have accepted and have become okay and fine and maybe happy with the thought of myself to never marry/find the love of my life ect. Maybe you should move away/go on a longer trip for a while, so you won't see the person you like every day. And then jut like fucking meditate even if the meditation is jut you sitting there crying/thinking of her for 20 minutes - then it's just because you need that. And maybe listen to Matt Kahn or buy his book "Love everything that arises" - The title is cheesy, but I think he's a really good teacher for those of us who are struggling more with the emotions and the control of them.