Jack Walter Leon

@ivankiss And if the decisions we make come out of nowhere, they are still impersonal and just happen without us contributing anything. Free will and no free will are two sides of the same coin.

To clarify the question, one must define what free will is. What would be the basis for having a free will? Which factors play a role? If our will was free, would it come out of nowhere?

Sounds like a fulfilIing life if you don't wanna explore the rabbit hole. Ignorance is bliss. The truth can hurt if your ego is not ready to accept it.

@ivankiss @ivankiss My pleasure! But it also seems to me that my creation takes place in the subconscious while my awareness belongs to my conscious part of being. I'm here to experience something and even if my ego might not like the results or decisions I make, it is exactly what my true self wants to experience. You know what I mean?

@ivankiss From my experiences I can tell that I rather feel like an awareness which is not a creator but rather an observer of actions and thoughts.

@ivankiss How can you proof to yourself that you can consciously control your actions and thoughts?

@Epsilon_The_Imperial What do you think is the soul and what's the occult connection? And do you believe in free will?

@Aaron p I love synchronicities, too! There were times when I experienced them every five moments. Best time of my life, lol. I guess the more you surrender to the universal oneness, give up your need to control anything and just live the moment, the more you will experience them.

@Salvijus What about wet dreams then? Would you consider them as relapse?

@iTommy I can also recognize an aura when I look at people. I'm shortsighted and I've noticed that, strangely enough, I can better recognize them without glasses. It's always the same bright energy field that shrouds the silhouette, so far I have rarely noticed any colors.

I really need help, I honestly do not know if the search for enlightenment still is the right thing for me. I've been in it for a year and a half now that I've had an enlightenment experience, but in retrospect I had more problems with it. I've been struggling with strong inferiority complexes and anxiety disorders all my life, and I just do not feel right in this world. All my life I am looking for affirmation and people who really understand me. When I first experienced a sudden ego death out of nowhere, it was the most liberating feeling I had ever experienced. All my worries were gone, every day was an exciting experience from then on and I just lived the moment. I thought that through this ego death experience I would stay at this high forever. Of course, I was wrong, and gradually I came to the conclusion that I must be crazy. My friends did not understand me and told me that I have to get help. So I was really depressed afterwards and questioned my sanity as that feeling gradually disappeared again after one month. A few months later I had the same experience again after watching Leo's video about the illusion of free will and the self. I was on my high again, because everything suddenly made sense again, what I had learned through the videos. At my first experience, I did not know Leo's videos yet. This time I was also able to classify the experiences better, which gave me a sense of security and certainty. In contrast to before I knew this time also that it can only be a temporary feeling, what can be gone the next day. This time the feeling lasted three months until I arrived back in my old reality. Only that this time I felt even worse than before. I can not distinguish what is real or imagined. But I can not just forget my experiences and return to everyday life. In the end I assume that I have a very weak ego and maybe even fear of the ultimate truth because I am still too tied to my old self. If things continue like this, I definitely know that I can not be happy. Since then I live in a paradoxical condition. I intuitively know that I have no ego or a free will, but I'm even more afraid that my life will go on forever because 'I' can not help it anyway. I'm not even able to meditate for more than ten minutes because my mind always tries to throw me off the track. My last option would be to try psychedelics right now to finally break out of my old thinking habits, although i'm scared to completely lose my mind. Or I just quit the search for enlightenment and instead believe in my ego, free will and try to adapt to this sick ego society. So what would you guys recommend me to do?

@Anton Rogachevski No, you didn't offend me, mate, I'm even thankful for every constructive criticism. What I'm saying is that I already thought that I sounded like a victim when I wrote the post. It's definitely something I need to work on. It's good to be sensitive, but I guess in my case it's a bit too much. Anyway, today I just felt like I needed to express my feelings here. My serotonin level is at the bottom right now. Whenever I try to change my life, I fail and I just had another disappointing experience at the weekend.

@Anton Rogachevski Yes, you're right, overthinking is mainly my biggest issue. I know it sounds like a victim story, somehow my intuition told me that someone's gonna say that. Anyway, it was relieving just to tell my story on the internet. I just can't talk to anyone else about it.

@DocHoliday Yeah, I can totally relate to that since I nearly always experience it when I'm interacting with other people. Personally I hate small talk, I'm just not good at it and it feels so awkward and meaningless. It's not often that one can have a deep conversation, then it's the opposite most of the time.

@Fairy Are you into Magick and Aleister Crowley?

Why are you guys so sure that the self is an illusion? Do you even deny the existence of a soul? Why do you assume that if we can't have free will we can't still have a self/soul? From my experiences I understand that we are all connected with each other and that free will is really limited or even doesn't exist and everything is determined so that's not what I'm questioning right now. But I think that the self is not an illusion, but rather the perception of itself, as it perceives itself as a separate individual separate from his environment.

@SoonHei What I still wonder is, how do you deal with the suffering and the evil in the world when you know that everything is determined? Imagine someone kills your mother and you are enlightened, how do you deal with it? In the role you play, of course, you are sad and angry with the murderer, but secretly you know that you are actually the murderer, just in a different role. This is just one example of a few.

Wow, you expressed that very profoundly. Thank you! So in a sense I am you and you are me, right? Just inhabiting different roles? And I have previously decided that we have this conversation at exactly this time when I was in my GOD state. Life really seems like a movie then and I am just the silent wittness. I just do not know if the thought is good or bad in my case, probably depends on my state of consciousness. It would definitely be bad news for my ego if I was still too attached to it. I had times when I had the exact same feeling like you described it and it was really deliberating, I felt awaken and finally free. It just happened one day, I didn't even meditate and didn't know anything of this stuff before. But it didn't last too long (only a few weeks) and I got caught up by my ego again. Since then I am trying to get back at this state of mind.

@Leo Gura But Leo, who is enlightened or woke if there is no self?

@Leo Gura I already had some enlightenment experiences to be honest, although I don't like terms like 'enlightened' or 'woke 'which are only there to flatter the ego. After all this should not become a competition. But I already have an idea of what you mean. I'm reading a book by Timothy Leary ('The Psychedelic Experience'). Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream. Surrender to the void.

@Cepzeu Yes, I'm experiencing lots of synchronicities everyday, some are really obvious, some are more subtle. But I can tell you that they are definitely real and not just pure coincidence. There were times when I constantly experienced synchronicities like every five minutes.

Can you explain further what you mean? Spirit is nothing?