RickyFitts

No problem with the rest of your list, but I'm not loving this at all. Maybe we have different ideas about submissiveness.

Oh yeah, for me too - I've found certain music to be hugely cathartic for example. It can become a problem if you're consuming it mindlessly, but if you're fully-engaged it can be truly wonderful.

Ooh, now that's also interesting, I hadn't considered it in terms of self-deception - I haven't seen that video, I'll have to give it a watch!

I've heard about people having these sorts of symptoms checked out by professionals and they didn't end up being hospitalised or on medication - the professionals couldn't tell them what was going on, which might happen to you too, but it's surely worth getting yourself checked out.

Mate, it's got to be worth a shot given how much you're suffering at the moment. What have you got to lose? If not for yourself then do it for your parents.

Oh yeah, the old earworm - I can definitely relate, drives me up the wall sometimes. I think it's a sort of nervous tic in my case, there's something I'm not wanting to face so my mind will start singing to itself in order to distract itself when it's not engaged in some task. You're right, though, it definitely shows you just how mechanical the mind is.

That sounds healthy to me, not weird at all I noticed a pattern with one girlfriend that we'd be emotionally open and vulnerable with each other and then we'd feel very aroused, it seemed odd to me at first (I suspect because I'd unconsciously separated sex from love, which is a bit depressing) but I think it's completely natural for that to happen - you merge at the level of the heart, and then you feel the desire to merge physically.

This is true, unfortunately - it's inevitable, I guess, when the majority of us are operating from a fear-based, separative state of consciousness, but it can still be hard to deal with. Allowing oneself to be vulnerable can feel very dangerous and frightening, it can require considerable courage to do that even with yourself, let alone with other people; finding a person with whom you feel so comfortable that you can really open up to them without fear of judgment is such a wonderful thing. Ahh okay, I've probably put two and two together and made five there, in that case. I can certainly understand attraction on the visual, hormonal level (well, I am a straight man, after all ). That makes perfect sense, and as a man I can definitely relate to the bit about orienting to the feminine side of both myself and others in a harsh way. I really had to learn how to acknowledge and integrate my own feminine side before I could relate to women in a healthier way (it's still a work-in-progress, mind, and it hasn't been easy).

@soos_mite_ah Thought I heard that somewhere, I might be completely wrong though.

This is where I have more and more sympathy with women, the more conscious I become, because I think it's just natural for the majority of them to desire this heart-centred connection owing to the fact that they tend to be more heart-centred and in touch with their emotions, but then so many men are emotionally shut down and really incapable of that sort of intimacy. I imagine that leaves a lot of women feeling rather unfulfilled and unhappy in their relationships - it makes sense to me that so many women (I think it's around 50%?) feel a same-sex attraction, because they're surely more likely to experience that depth of connection with another woman. Maybe I'm painting too bleak a picture of my own gender (or maybe I'm just projecting), I don't know.

That can be part of it, but I was thinking more of the physical shutting down that tends to happen instinctively when we sense pain - you can feel it as contraction and heaviness in the body, and it can create blockages in your energy system which can then cause all sorts of mental and physical issues (because mind and body are inextricably linked). The physical contraction in your body that I mentioned is suppressing the pain, which prevents it from being felt, so you first have to bring your attention to that contraction and allow it to release, and then the underlying emotions can come to the surface. It's simple enough in theory, but those patterns of contraction in the body can be very deep-rooted, and the underlying emotions can feel overwhelming when they do start to arise. I know that in my own personal experience it's taken lots of time and discipline to fully process these feelings, though I was very emotionally repressed.

'You can only heal what you can feel,' as Teal Swan would say. There's often a tendency in humans to try and rationalise these painful feelings away, or to divert attention away from them, but the only way to truly resolve them is to allow yourself to feel them fully, to completely surrender to them. The core issue isn't actually the pain itself, though - it's the not wanting to feel it that really creates the issue. And that's understandable, of course we don't like to feel pain (well, unless we're a masochist), but you have to make that inner resistance conscious and allow it to fall away.

You will insist on making cryptic comments

I wasn't sure what she was referring to either. A dildo/vibrator maybe?

@Gianna Ahh right, I'm with you - thanks for the clarification Wonderful, wishing you all the best going forward

@melodydanielluna Yeah, interesting that uncertainty in your circumstances triggers those feelings for your ex - it seems like maybe he fulfilled some sort of psychological need for you, even if you know deep down that it wasn't a healthy relationship. Anyway, I hope the new job prospect works out, and good for you that you're focusing on taking care of your own needs

It might seem counter-intuitive, but maybe the healthy living actually allowed all the feelings you'd previously stuffed down to come to the surface? That tends to be a necessary part of the healing process for most people I think, though it can be easy to conclude that something's gone wrong when it happens, and it can be extremely challenging to navigate those choppy waters when it does happen. On that basis, maybe it's worthwhile to get back into those healthy habits and just see how it goes?

Yeah, just the fact that you consider her flirting with another guy to be cheating suggests some major insecurity and possessiveness on your part. Don't get me wrong, I probably wouldn't be delighted in your shoes either, but calling it cheating is just extreme.

I'm struggling with this (quite possibly because I'm just a bit slow), what do you mean by fulfilling our needs indirectly? Could you give an example?

@Emerald Thanks for elaborating, I really appreciate it What you said perfectly explains a relationship I had a few years back which triggered significant trauma for both of us, I think it's fair to say we both had a significant shadow to integrate.

I'm struggling with this, you seem to be saying that there are two contradictory vibrations in most people, both of which are simultaneously attracting those of like energy towards them like a magnet? Is that how it works, or am I misunderstanding? Absolutely agree with you about healing and integrating in order to attract a compatible partner, though. Although dysfunctional, emotionally-wrenching relationships can also aid one's growth enormously, in a messy, tumultuous sort of way, I guess it depends on whether or not you've had your fill of the heartache.

I was going to say 'great analogy', but then boy did it take a dark turn at the end there

You could try being emotionally available, empathic, compassionate, understanding, respectful - I've found that women tend to appreciate this sort of behaviour. Depends what you're after though, obviously, if you're just looking for a one-night stand rather than a serious relationship then this approach probably isn't a good idea (because you might actually start to develop an emotional connection with her, which can be sticky).

@Preety_India Oh right, okay

I did this the other day, took me ages to figure out how to remove it - if you hover the cursor over the quote and then hold CTRL and right click, it'll give you the option to remove the quote.