RickyFitts

Oh yeah? Cool, I personally prefer to do my spiritual work in silence but I can see how it could be beneficial to do it to music

This is great, I love this. It's something I really struggled with a few years back when I was suffering with anxiety, I had to learn to be comfortable with not knowing (and boy, it wasn't easy). Trust, I've found, is such a big word. This is such an important question. For me, true confidence is quiet and unassuming, it doesn't feel the need to announce itself.

@taotemu Never heard that Jung quote before, but I like it!

Sure, I think it's best to be flexible about these things rather than taking a hardline approach about it. I've had phases in the past 2-3 years where the thought of listening to music was completely unappealing, so I just didn't listen to it (a part of me did feel sad about it/worried there was something wrong with me, but, y'know), and other times where I've been listening to it a lot. Best not to overthink it, I feel.

Just in case anyone wasn't sure, EQ stands for Emotional Quotient, it measures emotional intelligence.

@Blackhawk I'll be honest, that bit made me a tad apprehensive

@Blackhawk I love the first couple of lines of the fine print in 'Perfect Brilliant Stillness': I like it already

True enough, nicely said

I agree with you that co-operativeness and supportiveness are desirable qualities (it's a two-way street of course, it shouldn't be one-sided in my opinion).

Interesting that a good sense of humour's been mentioned a lot, that was probably one of the big things that attracted my girlfriends to me - not sure what it is that's so endearing about it, exactly?

@sda My understanding of the word (and I may be lacking nuance here) is that a submissive person is someone who meekly does what they're told and doesn't stand up for themselves. What does it mean to you?

No problem with the rest of your list, but I'm not loving this at all. Maybe we have different ideas about submissiveness.

Oh yeah, for me too - I've found certain music to be hugely cathartic for example. It can become a problem if you're consuming it mindlessly, but if you're fully-engaged it can be truly wonderful.

Ooh, now that's also interesting, I hadn't considered it in terms of self-deception - I haven't seen that video, I'll have to give it a watch!

I've heard about people having these sorts of symptoms checked out by professionals and they didn't end up being hospitalised or on medication - the professionals couldn't tell them what was going on, which might happen to you too, but it's surely worth getting yourself checked out.

Mate, it's got to be worth a shot given how much you're suffering at the moment. What have you got to lose? If not for yourself then do it for your parents.

Oh yeah, the old earworm - I can definitely relate, drives me up the wall sometimes. I think it's a sort of nervous tic in my case, there's something I'm not wanting to face so my mind will start singing to itself in order to distract itself when it's not engaged in some task. You're right, though, it definitely shows you just how mechanical the mind is.

That sounds healthy to me, not weird at all I noticed a pattern with one girlfriend that we'd be emotionally open and vulnerable with each other and then we'd feel very aroused, it seemed odd to me at first (I suspect because I'd unconsciously separated sex from love, which is a bit depressing) but I think it's completely natural for that to happen - you merge at the level of the heart, and then you feel the desire to merge physically.

This is true, unfortunately - it's inevitable, I guess, when the majority of us are operating from a fear-based, separative state of consciousness, but it can still be hard to deal with. Allowing oneself to be vulnerable can feel very dangerous and frightening, it can require considerable courage to do that even with yourself, let alone with other people; finding a person with whom you feel so comfortable that you can really open up to them without fear of judgment is such a wonderful thing. Ahh okay, I've probably put two and two together and made five there, in that case. I can certainly understand attraction on the visual, hormonal level (well, I am a straight man, after all ). That makes perfect sense, and as a man I can definitely relate to the bit about orienting to the feminine side of both myself and others in a harsh way. I really had to learn how to acknowledge and integrate my own feminine side before I could relate to women in a healthier way (it's still a work-in-progress, mind, and it hasn't been easy).

@soos_mite_ah Thought I heard that somewhere, I might be completely wrong though.

This is where I have more and more sympathy with women, the more conscious I become, because I think it's just natural for the majority of them to desire this heart-centred connection owing to the fact that they tend to be more heart-centred and in touch with their emotions, but then so many men are emotionally shut down and really incapable of that sort of intimacy. I imagine that leaves a lot of women feeling rather unfulfilled and unhappy in their relationships - it makes sense to me that so many women (I think it's around 50%?) feel a same-sex attraction, because they're surely more likely to experience that depth of connection with another woman. Maybe I'm painting too bleak a picture of my own gender (or maybe I'm just projecting), I don't know.

That can be part of it, but I was thinking more of the physical shutting down that tends to happen instinctively when we sense pain - you can feel it as contraction and heaviness in the body, and it can create blockages in your energy system which can then cause all sorts of mental and physical issues (because mind and body are inextricably linked). The physical contraction in your body that I mentioned is suppressing the pain, which prevents it from being felt, so you first have to bring your attention to that contraction and allow it to release, and then the underlying emotions can come to the surface. It's simple enough in theory, but those patterns of contraction in the body can be very deep-rooted, and the underlying emotions can feel overwhelming when they do start to arise. I know that in my own personal experience it's taken lots of time and discipline to fully process these feelings, though I was very emotionally repressed.

'You can only heal what you can feel,' as Teal Swan would say. There's often a tendency in humans to try and rationalise these painful feelings away, or to divert attention away from them, but the only way to truly resolve them is to allow yourself to feel them fully, to completely surrender to them. The core issue isn't actually the pain itself, though - it's the not wanting to feel it that really creates the issue. And that's understandable, of course we don't like to feel pain (well, unless we're a masochist), but you have to make that inner resistance conscious and allow it to fall away.

You will insist on making cryptic comments

I wasn't sure what she was referring to either. A dildo/vibrator maybe?