RickyFitts

That's quite the cross to bear, because no-one is perfect - you're holding yourself to an impossibly high standard. What if you don't do things perfectly, can you handle the idea of being imperfect? What do you feel it says about you if you aren't perfect? You've instinctively learnt to shut down over the course of your life, due to the environment you were raised in - it's sadly so common in humans (and again, especially in men), I was no different in that regard. And I was a very sensitive, troubled child, too, so I ended up bottling up all sorts of strong emotions, until the pressure simply became too great and the sheer extent of my suffering forced me to awaken. That was really only the start of the journey, though, and things actually got much tougher for me after that, as I had to face all the emotional issues and traumas that were still in my system. The big thing for me was simply learning to consciously inhabit my body, we humans tend to be so much in our heads and we end up having a very conflicted relationship with our bodies as a result, we tend to feel restless and agitated if our minds aren't engaged in some task or other. I keep saying it, but body-centred practices are so important I feel - or at least they have been for me personally - because we can't think our way to emotional resolution. Exactly, yeah, that' s how you've been conditioned. Hard to break these patterns, it takes lots of discipline and patience - and time, as you say. I know from my own experience that having a loving partner who's compassionate and understanding to talk things through with can be hugely cathartic and healing, though, so I'm glad you've got Preety for that my friend

'When you sit, stop, and tune in, you’re entering an infinite realm of discovery and possibility. So what you think about it, the beliefs you have about it, what you’ve heard about it – all that can go into the background, so that you can actually begin to see, and feel, and be available, fresh, for what’s happening. You have to go beyond the teachings. You have to go beyond your own beliefs, especially ones that you are very attached to.' - Jon Bernie

Yes, exactly. Exactly this. Often people are trying to manufacture a certain state, they're trying to control their experience in some way - that isn't meditation as far as I'm concerned, that's a waste of time. For me, meditation is simply a state of non-resistance. It's a relaxation as much as anything, an allowing.

It's a funny thing, I'd have thought that as I became more sensitive in my body that I would become clearer on what exactly I'm feeling - but sometimes it seems like the opposite is true and I'm actually becoming less clear. Maybe that's not entirely true, though - maybe the truth is that I simply don't want to feel what I'm feeling right now, so I go into denial about it. The emotional theme that recurs most often is simply grief, but the frustrating thing about it is that I can't seem to figure out exactly what I'm grieving. But do I actually need to know that? I think there's a tendency in humans - certainly in myself at any rate - to try to figure out the reasons why, simply because that's how our brains are wired - we're problem-solvers by nature, that's a big part of why we've been so successful as a species. But, as Teal Swan would say, you can only heal what you can feel. This is where humans (and especially men) tend to be stunted, I know that in my own case I've had to relearn how to feel - and it's been extremely challenging.

There's no rush, I'm sure it'll all become clear in time

Pink Floyd - 'Empty Spaces/What Shall We Do Now?'

@Marcel Cheers buddy, really appreciate it. At the moment I'm just feeling disoriented, I'm not even really sure how to describe it... it's kind of like I'm being emptied out, I don't know. It's not like I feel really terrible or anything, just... well, like I say, disoriented! I'm all right though pal

I've been feeling soreness in my shoulders today whilst meditating, particularly in my right shoulder. This kundalini awakening business I tells ya, it's the gift that keeps on giving...

Or you could meditate whilst sat on a chair if that's more comfortable for you, obviously, that's always an option. It's just whichever position allows you to sit with the least discomfort

You're so cute Ah well I haven't fully resolved the issue, but it's certainly much more manageable than it was Oh no, sorry to hear about your issue with your knees! Is it a serious issue? I'm just a little concerned that seated meditation might worsen the condition, though you can always see how you get on with it and then stop if it becomes too uncomfortable, of course. Great!

To surrender in this context is to allow the resistance to the visceral sensation of fear that you can feel in the body to release. Because whilst you're in resistance, you suffer, because your resistance is blocking the flow of energy (and the felt sensation of fear is ultimately just energy).

You are definitely not a sociopath, Preety, let me just state that categorically. Sociopaths can't feel empathy, guilt, or remorse, and that doesn't apply to you.

Why would it mean you're a sociopath?

Funnily enough, I'm also of German extraction on my dad's side (great-grandparents were German, my surname's actually German).

Sigh, beautiful, again... what a gift to the forum you've been

I just love the way your mind works, Gianna, I'm in awe of it

Oh, just another note on meditation: Try positioning the tip of your tongue against the back of your top front teeth, that'll pull your tongue forward and out of the back of your throat, which should allow you to breathe more easily and freely. This might sound odd, but our jaws are misaligned because we eat with cutlery, apparently - our teeth should be aligned so that the top row sits directly on top of the bottom row, but instead we tend to have an overbite, which pushes the tongue back and can inhibit our breathing.

God I love you, Gianna A sure-fire sign that you've found the right practice for you, that's wonderful It became painfully apparent when I was having a hard time a few years back, when I meditated during that period I'd become conscious of this painfully contracted, desperate sort of feeling in that area of my body (but I'm doing much better now ). Oh I'm so glad to hear that Oh, I'm so glad I mentioned it then in that case! Hope it helps I had posture problems too, initially, sitting in meditation was exacerbating a long-standing lower-back complaint I had - though when I corrected my posture, the complaint magically resolved, which was a very pleasant surprise!

I love your passion, Preety

I know, I'm conscious of sounding like a broken record! Doing yoga's fantastic though, yeah, that should help a lot! It's just a question of finding what works best for you personally in helping your body relax and release whatever it's been holding on to, I personally prefer meditation but I know yoga helped me so much a few years back when I was suffering with chronic anxiety. Great! We do tend to develop patterns of resistance in certain areas of our bodies (I know that for me personally my solar plexus area has been a particular problem area, for example), but just bringing awareness to those areas and allowing them to release and breathe can help them start to break down - again, I imagine yoga will help a lot in this respect. Also, don't be alarmed or discouraged if you find that you actually start to feel worse at times, that can happen as the body starts to release what it had been unconsciously resisting - it can really suck, but it actually shows that it's working, as perverse as that might sound, and it will pass. I haven't tried shamanic breathwork, but I would have thought so, yeah - anything that brings attention into the body and helps it to relax is great. Do ease off if it starts to feel too overwhelming, though, there's no rush I personally prefer a method of meditation that involves as little technique as possible, because trying to follow a technique can make me neurotic and edgy - what I'm finding works best for me is to sit with the sole intention of keeping my body relaxed and still (ie in a state of non-resistance), and the actual content of my meditation in terms of thoughts and feelings isn't important. But again, it's about finding what works best for you personally, maybe observing the breath works better for you for example - I like Jon Bernie's rule of thumb for whether a practice is working or not: Is the space opening, or is it getting tighter? Just a quick note on posture when meditating: I find that sitting up on a cushion, so that my hips are above the level of my knees, helps me to sit upright without straining. I personally prefer to sit in the half-lotus because I feel like that gives me a solid foundation, though again it's about finding what works best for you.

Oh, Gianna, another thought that occurred to me recently: Have you considered how these energetic issues might tie in to your recent readings on trauma? Just another angle to consider.

Fuck me sideways, the pressure in my heart is so great at times - it makes me feel like this: Seriously It's kind of frustrating, there's one part of me that wants to scream like that ^^, there's another part that wants to burst into tears - and I can't seem to do either. I'm trying to think of an appropriate analogy but I'm too busy feeling inexplicably furious, it's all really most disconcerting. Don't mind me, I'm just venting.

I'll say this to people: Never forget that these posts you're reading, they've been written by living, breathing human beings who can get hurt and upset just as easily as you can. I think it can be very easy to forget that - I know, because I've done it myself.