RickyFitts

@Esilda Great! Boring question, but do you drink it straight or do you add anything to it? Agree 100% with all of this, nicely said There are some really wonderful women on this forum - Esilda, Gianna, Preety, Olivia24, modmyth, amongst others - and I feel so blessed by their presence here Edit: Oh, and Emerald! How could I forget Emerald, she's amazing Double edit: Oh, and FlyingLotus! I'm just astounded by her summaries of Leo's videos, amazing work

I think it took me a day for the profundity of what you're saying here to really sink in... I really have to start reading your posts more carefully, I'm just a bit slow I guess You have such a beautifully perceptive mind

@Gianna I look forward to it

And of course I'm going to have to listen to it again now you've said that!

Good heavens, the pressure in my heart and head at the moment is monumental at the moment, man alive! Phew, fairly takes my breath away so it does, though I'm so used to it by this point that it doesn't bother me too much. Boy do you realise just how dense the physical body can feel when you've got all that energy pushing up against those energetic dams, though. Apropos of not very much, but I got to thinking just now about something my ex (the one I mentioned in my first post) told me about my heart - she told me that I had numerous small spikes lodged in it (not actual, physical spikes - think it's something in the etheric realm?). I just bring it up because I swear I can actually feel those spikes at the moment Gets me to wondering, naturally enough, what on earth would cause them to be lodged there. Other thing I'm noticing recently is that I'm feeling quite light-headed at times, almost giddy or even delirious. I'm assuming that's being caused by a combination of the energy and a rather erratic sleep-pattern (these energetic movements can really screw with your sleep-patterns, I've found, which isn't especially surprising), though it seems to be pretty much under control, I don't think it'll be a serious issue.

A completely random thought occurred to me when I was meditating just before (and don't ask me where this thought came from, because I haven't a clue ) - Esilda is an anagram of 'ladies', was that by design or is it just a coincidence? Also something completely random: I was watching telly before (England getting spanked in the cricket - great fun) and accidentally leant on the remote, which changed the channel to an infomercial channel (channel 669, Best Direct), and what should I hear but New Zealand accents! Utterly random, but it's not often I hear kiwi accents on British telly - just seemed funny because I know you're from New Zealand (They were advertising a massage chair, btw - looked very comfortable to be fair, kinda want one now.)

Enjoy your green tea - a woman after my own heart, I drink that too! I should really meditate in a minute, can't really be bothered though...

You're killing me, that's too adorkable!

@Marcel Fuck yeah

Hey, me too! But that's all right, y'know? Because we're adorkable

I kinda feel like that's your only problem, really, that you judge yourself like that. I say if it feels good, do it (provided no-one's getting hurt, obviously - well, unless you're into BDSM I guess ) - and what feels nicer, as a straight guy, than intimacy with a lovely, sexy woman? I can't think of anything I'd rather do Couldn't agree more

You're so welcome, darl

We come to true understanding by allowing the insecurity of not knowing. Life's fucked up like that, I still don't really understand why... ...but only because I'm still bloody trying to understand! Headfuck central, honestly... feel into the trying, Daniel, feel into the trying...

Completely agree. Would you mind expanding on this, if it isn't too personal? Do you mean that you end up feeling suffocated by others when they're being overbearing?

Oh man how true is that! Speak very slowly and very clearly, affecting patience whilst a part of you wants to scream. Ah man, God bless 'em...

Fuck I love you, Preety

Beautiful, just beautiful

Oh you're so welcome, @Esilda , I'm so happy if I can help you in any way because I think you're wonderful, your presence on the forum has been a real blessing - and I know I'll continue to learn from you, too, thank you, too, for sharing your valuable perspective and your good heart There's so much wisdom in this, I love this It's weird, I have periods when I remember dreams very well (usually because they're so freaking troubling , or just downright weird) and periods, as now, where I don't remember them at all - I can't remember the last time I had a dream I remembered, which, to be honest, is probably a relief I'll keep it in mind (though I'll try not to absolutely spam your thread with them, because I do love a bloody good quote ). Here's another lovely one from Rumi: 'Be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop.'

I do just also want to add that if you feel like you are closed off to love, there's no shame in that and it doesn't make you defective - no, it makes you human. Most people are closed off to love.

Interesting article on the divine masculine here, you might find it useful: https://themindfool.com/divine-masculine/ It begins with a VERY interesting quote by Carl Jung which resonates with me a lot:

When I think about love, I think about it in relation to a quote by Rumi, I don't know if you know the one: We tend to believe that love is 'out there' somewhere, that it isn't present right now if we can't actually feel it - but is that actually true? Another quote to consider, by Adyashanti: 'The opposite of love isn't hate, it's fear'. If we can't feel love in this moment, it's not because it isn't present - it's because we aren't open to it. And I don't mean open to it mentally, I'm thinking more on the level of feeling, of the heart. But maybe it's covered over with emotions like sorrow, anger, or fear - it's unfortunate, but we also have to be willing to feel those feelings, too. We have to be open to it all, because love doesn't discriminate, it doesn't say 'I can love this but I can't love that' - it loves everything, without conditions.

@Marcel I hate to say it, but I've always preferred solitude for the most part, there aren't that many people I've especially wanted to hang around with Always used to feel like there was something wrong with me for feeling that way (I remember thinking when I was at university that I really needed to make an effort to be more sociable - didn't really happen!), but it's just never really felt like that much of a need for me. That feeling's only gotten stronger the more conscious I've become, too, though maybe that'll start to change as my heart opens up.