RickyFitts

I think this is key, yeah. I can completely relate about the feelings of intense guilt and shame, I felt that after an ex had a complete breakdown when I ended the relationship, I ended up blaming myself for it and getting back in touch with her out of guilt - and it just made things worse in the long-run, I just ended up hurting her even worse, and then I felt even more guilty and ashamed. So it became a vicious circle, and I resolved never to make the mistake of acting from a place of guilt ever again, because I'd seen that it just made things worse. It can seem so hard to resist those guilty impulses though, so I really do feel for you ? I think just reminding yourself that you aren't responsible for this guy's well-being and trusting that he'll be all right without your intervention is important. Boy, though, working through those feelings was tough... they can run so deep, and there can be so much pain underneath them. Maybe it was worse for me because I'm a guy and, as you say, we do tend to bottle these feelings up so much. But you're strong, Gianna, so I know you'll be fine ?

Beautiful ?

There's no rush, don't force yourself to do it if you don't feel inspired to do so

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Gianna, I can't imagine how awful it must be for you Maybe this is your problem - that you don't understand what's at the root of his behaviour. I'm not proud to admit this, but I can relate to this guy - I was stuck on a girl for years, too, just couldn't move on, wasn't remotely interested in other women. I had a little more self-control than your ex has, thankfully (though I did pursue her pretty hard for a good few months), and I knew it just showed that I had some serious issues to resolve - but it was so, so hard, I was in so much pain and turmoil. It took me a long time to come to terms with it. I don't say this to try and diminish the severity of your situation, I'm just trying to help you see the situation from his perspective. I think maybe feminine compassion is the answer in this instance. I understand you feeling frustrated, but please don't allow the situation to harden your heart, Gianna. Feel the inner resistance to the situation within yourself. Allow that to relax. 'What you resist, persists.'

@Preety_India Not at all, Preety, I'm so touched you posted those two beautiful songs ?

Couldn't agree more. It's a complete abdication of responsibility to point the finger like that, not to mention downright tedious.

They've gotten the lyrics slightly wrong in that video - the line is 'You can't play ON broken strings', not 'OUR broken strings'. Bothering me much more than it probably should, it's making me want to send a strongly-worded letter of complaint to someone ?

Christ, the various aches and pains I've felt in my body the last few years, man alive I got a sharp pain on the right side of my chest before, around the bottom of my ribs - hard to describe it exactly, but it felt a lot like a stitch (just a bit higher up, obviously) and it smarted like an absolute motherfucker. So er, yeah, I highly recommend this whole kundalini awakening business, it's terrific fun! Helps if you have a masochistic streak I should think, which is unfortunate for me as I have an allergy to pain, really not a fan.

I can honestly say that that thought never even crossed my mind! You're not wrong though, that's some seriously disturbing shit right there, fuck me

@Gianna Absolutely perfect, yeah I thought I'd like your choices, but that's exceeded my expectations

That's a new one on me, but it's absolutely lovely

'Awakening is about letting go of all control. That's why meditation practice can be useful for our physical bodies, which are conditioned to control, and defend, and hold on. Meditation can help you notice where the holding on is - you just sit, and stop, and notice what's going on physically, emotionally, energetically. The physical body is a wonderful mirror.' - Jon Bernie

This is so wonderful, Esilda, and it fits with the impression I have of you as a very kind-hearted, giving person, I look forward to reading further entries

And this, dear people, is wisdom

@SLuxy A truly remarkable guy, yeah.

I don't know nearly enough about the subject to be able to offer an informed comment, sorry!

Yes, this is the key thing to understand - this is what's at the root of addiction. And there's no judgment in this, because understand this: We are all addicted to something, it's how we humans cope with life. The question is, at what point are you no longer content to simply cope with life? At what point are you willing to stop and face that from which you've spent your whole life running? (Like the avatar by the way, SLuxy - I was thinking about rewatching 'Schindler's List' the other day, amazing film.)

@Esilda

@nistake

Great idea, love this!