RickyFitts

As perverse as it might sound, the fact the pain got worse could actually be a sign that it's working - it often gets worse before it gets better.

I'm noticing more activity in the upper part of my chest at the moment, which is a new development as far as I can remember - it's the familiar dynamic of energy meeting resistance, which then stirs up feelings of upset, frustration, and anger. I've been feeling very irritable around people the past couple of days, I find myself wanting to snap at the smallest thing though thankfully I have just enough self-control and good sense to know that a) it isn't warranted, and b) it won't help matters (quite the opposite, it'll just create complications). I'd say I should invest in a punching bag to release some of the frustration, but that feels like too much effort at the moment quite frankly, I doubt I'd make a dent in it Boy, trust really is such a big word I've found. It feels sometimes like armies are massing on the northern and southern borders of my heart, and it's been pretty well established by now that fighting a war on two fronts is a fool's errand, so it feels like I'm - hmm, what's the technical term? Oh yes, that's right - fucked. I know there's no use grousing about it. Doesn't stop me, mind, but, y'know, I'm only human.

I think maybe the issue is that you're conceptualising reality as being something separate from you. When of course, the reality is that you are reality. If you truly knew your own nature, you would understand. But to truly know it is to consciously be it.

@Gianna Excellent advice

I think the key is to recognise how you're working against yourself. Self-honesty and self-awareness are so, so important where consciousness work is involved.

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Love that 2001 is also a great shout, very deep film.

True. Though the joke of it is that God is simply resisting Itself.

Been referenced on the forum quite a bit recently, but 'American Beauty' falls into this category I'd say. It's about the awakening of desire, and then a recognition of the mysterious force that pervades all of life. Great shout, love that film - it's essentially a heist film, but it's the tragic backstory that really gets me. Oh and Hans Zimmer's score, my word ?

I'm experiencing thudding head pressure at the moment, my third eye and crown chakras appear to be active AF at the moment. Again it's interesting to notice the corresponding activity in my heart chakra - I'd had a realisation when I was having a desperately hard time a few years back that my head and heart were out of alignment, that my mind was basically estranged from my heart, and I seem to have undergone a process since then of bringing thought and feeling back into alignment. Interesting to observe how that dynamic plays out energetically and emotionally. (As I'm typing, a song called 'Stubborn Love' came on my Youtube playlist, which feels very appropriate )

What a great line

I need to see this film, sounds amazing

So happy for the two of you

@Gianna Devastatingly beautiful, isn't it? Here's a happier one

Still feeling sorely in need of a cuddle buddy at the moment, I'm not going to lie Bless you though, Gianna, I really appreciate it ??

The universe's timing amazes me sometimes, because as I type this there's a line in the song I'm currently listening to that perfectly sums up my current predicament: 'You broke my chest' (the line's from 'Youth' by the band Daughter). Because fuck - fuck, FUCK - that's exactly what it feels like in my chest right now, and it's a complete drag... Anyway, so yeah, I'm feeling a lot of pressure again in that solar plexus/heart region at the moment, and a lot of upset when I feel into that pressure. I've been experiencing a lot of contractions in the last few days, as the energy tries to push through those blockages - it might sound daft, but I almost feel like I'm in labour sometimes with all the contractions, only the movement through my body is upwards rather than downwards (just got to remember my Lamaze breathing ). Feels like a bit of a catch-22 situation at the moment, because whilst I've absolutely had it with this whole kundalini awakening business, at the same time I'm also scared of what's to come. It brings to mind a line from the film 'Inception': 'Do you want to take a leap of faith, or become an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone?' Which is a trifle dramatic, but it does feel rather appropriate.

Right, that makes sense

Watching yourself sleep - sounds kinda trippy, but also kinda dull Ooh that's interesting, I've wondered about whether enlightened people dream for that very reason, ie they presumably don't have subconscious material like unawakened people do and so therefore it's not going to manifest in the form of dreams. For myself, I've noticed I've gone through phases the past few years as I'm working through various mental/emotional issues - there are periods when I'm having very unsettling, distressing dreams, and other times where either I'm not dreaming, or I'm just not remembering my dreams upon waking up.