Forestluv

That sounds like a high Yellow level realm. I'm also in the sciences and tend to think abstractly, big picture, integration, inter-connectedness etc. I can also see how there are so many fragments in need of synthesis. For example, neuroscience, psychology, therapeutic modalities, yoga, meditation, reiki, medication, mind-altering drugs etc. Also, how intellectual theory, personal experience and social dynamics are all inter-related. There is so much to learn from each area, yet it is like people are in different camps and can't see how all the camps are inter-related. I think there is a need for Yellow level open minds that can see this and start connecting dots. Understanding the science part can take many years of study and training. It also requires resources like access to education and money. I think people with solid science backgrounds that expand beyond science can make a great contribution. There just aren't many people like Deepak Chopra that have both scientific and spiritual integration. Even the Science and Nonduality conferences have few participants with extensive scientific background and understanding. Nearly all seem very heavy on nonduality with surface-level scientific understanding.

Psychedelics are just one tool. Deep immersion into cultures / retreats is also a very powerful tool. Regarding expectations: I've found there comes a time during immersion to let go and let the retreat do it's thing. It's like the retreat takes a retreat and I'm just along for the ride. For me, expectations can introduce an egoic dynamic which can be a subconscious distraction and block. I find it help to reorient myself form expectation to intention. What is the deep genuine intention of this endeavor? From this mindset, a sense of openness, curiosity and humility can arise.

To me, what you write brings up the contrast between life in the storyline and what is Now. I also like the storyline. I like thinking about time. Memories and hopes/dreams for the future. It has deep meaning for me and there is a type of magic to it. We don't have to reject or destroy the storyline and living within the timeline. There is a beauty about that. Yet if we are 100% immersed in the timeline, we are missing out on something else that is very special as well. Now. There is also a magic is now that is extraordinary. There is curiosity, connection, flow and all sorts of realms to explore. Imagine times in your life when you were 100% in the moment experiencing the moment. Perhaps playing a sport or a musical instrument. There was no "you". In that moment, you weren't doing it to impress anyone or gain anything. It was an expression of love and joy in the moment. When I first started having awakenings of Now, I thought I had to get rid of the story. I thought I had to be 100% in Now to be a spiritual person. This just caused lots of inner strife in me. Eventually, I realized I couldn't do it. What helped me was to step out of either/or thinking. I realized I was spending less than 1% of my day fully immersed in Now. So I made a goal of spending 20% of my day completely immersed in Now and 80% of my day within the timeline. This greatly increased my quality of life.

Hmmm, that part about god using the body as a vehicle sounds a bit off to me. It suggests separation - some entity, separate from the body, that uses the body.

Nice. Sounds like a great adventure and opportunity to go deep. If you like online journaling, you could start one in the journal section. This has the makings for a great story.

No thoughts or feelings. Emptiness. Yet not in a “bad” kind of way. An empty expansiveness. She may have sensed the “me” wasn’t there anymore. I get the part about a look of nothing. I’m uncertain about the hidden part I love random encounters like that guy in the park

@Ampresus You are fine how you are. When I grew up, I was never allowed to express anger and frustration. I had to do things just right and be a certain way for my parents and teachers. I kept it all bottled up. I was taught to repress and avoid anger and frustration. And it’s not good. Genuine expression of anger and frustration can be healthy, it can be beautiful. It can help us form boundaries. It can show us we are not being true to ourselves. Perhaps your mind body is telling you it doesn’t like the current pattern of your daily activities. Anger and frustration can be a powerful force for change. And perhaps your mind-body is saying it really does want to be an astronaut and it doesn’t like people getting in its way and saying you can’t be an astraunaut. Anger and frustration can be an expression of passion for something.

Ooohhh. That one has me contemplating. So the other night my gf and I were doing eye gazing. At times I there was a something being communicated. Then I went balnk. There was nothing. She became confused and uncomfortable and asked “What’s happening? What?” I think this nothingness through her off. Perhaps it was “hidden” from her. Is that the essence of the saying?

I agree. The map is not the territory. Yet the map still has value. Direct experience has value. Knowledge and concepts also have value. No teaching is complete Truth, they are partial descriptions of Truth. That doesn’t mean they don’t have value.

Thats often how high conscious folk roll. There is a knowing from direct experience. And they can connect through eyes.

I experienced an energetic shift from seeking to meet self needs to a seeking beyond self needs.

What is the face of an enlightened being before he appears?

Synchronicity. It’s all inter-related.

@Nadosa Breathe. It can help ground.

This week two high conscious people and some good pizza entered your life. Sounds like a good week.

This sounds like detachment/disidentifaction with the psychological self. It can be very uncomfortable and anxiety inducing to the mind-body. It is entering a deeper level that is unstable at first. I’ve been through this anxiety/panic and at times it was overwhelming. Breath, let go and observe. Get curious about the experience. There is nothing in the deeper transpersonal realm that wants to harm you or others. You are not going insane. You are just seeing glimpses of the truth: the whole story of you is just a story. There is deep liberation in that. It allows one to experience life in a deeply profound way.

Leo did an interview series with Ralston. It is very good and available on YT.

Sounds like you two had some pretty good pizza. When is the next date?

Yea. I would just add that there is a transpersonal person form of "desire" that can arise. Ime, it is very distinct from personal desires. It's a pure genuine "desire" of the magnificence of life. It's beautiful. I suppose we could give it a new word, yet I don't know what else to call it. Perhaps a "connected wanting". There is a sincerity, appreciation, innocence, curiosity, awe and love about it.

@Patok There is no way to step outside of nothing and try to define it. As soon as one idea appears, or one word appears, it is not longer nothing. It is a something. It can be fun to conceptualize nothing and create all sorts of thought experiments. Yet just be aware it's not nothing. It's a something.

@Wyverz I've had similar experiences on psychedelics - especially when I was new to them. I know that anxiety very well through direct experience. I would be cautious about over-analyzing it. When I went through something similar, it took me a while to recover from it and my thinking mind went into over-drive. I was really shaken up. . . If it keeps coming up, I would just sit with it. Sit on a cushion and allow it to arise and express itself. Connect with other people that have had similar experience. It may be difficult, yet it may also be profound and beautiful. Also, it sounds like you were in the sub ego-death zone. Once ego death is crossed, the anxiety dissolves. There is no longer any person to be fearful for. The sub-ego death zone can be extremely uncomfortable. I've entered insanity zones here that I would not wish on anyone. Yet there are lessons in there. For example, I now connect with people that have anxiety and panic disorders very differently than I used to. I now have direct experience and can bond with them in a matter of seconds. If you decide to trip again in the future, I would take a much smaller dose. It sounds like nature is telling you to stay away from the ego death zone for now. Mini doses have a very different dynamic, without the anxiety, and can be very insightful.

Your question brings to mind the distinction between self-need based desires and trans-personal desires. Self-need based desires would be desires seeking personal pleasure and avoiding personal discomfort. For example, wanting to be right, wanting to control a situation, wanting attention wanting sex for personal pleasure, wanting to win an argument etc. There is also a form of desire that is trans-personal. For example a desire to explore and experience the magnificence of life. Imagine a child climbing trees, exploring streams and catching dragonflies. There is a pure desire to experience and participate in life. They aren't doing it to satisfy a personal agenda or to look good or for attention. Similarly, we adults can have a form of this trans-personal desire. A great way to tap into this is to go into nature and explore. For no other reason than to experience and become one with the magnificence of nature. It is sooo beautiful. It blows lower level self-need desires away. There are also conscious states with an absence of desire. This may provide relief from the unpleasantries of self-need based desires - yet I would be open doors to trans-personal desires. They are absolutely beautiful.

Beautiful sadness. Welcome back

I think the consistency as a daily practice is a more important factor.