Courtney

I've been trying to find a good source to order DMT from and found a site in Canada (which is where I live) that i could order from, however, it says it's in "freebase" form. I want to administer the substance rectally like Leo suggests, so just wondering if this is the form I should be ordering? Any help would be appreciated!

@@Leo Gura thanks for the info! I’ll see what I can get my hands on!

@cetus56 you're absolutely right about that!

@Nahm thank you so much! What an adventure this has become! I never could have imagined the possibility of being able to experience God and the fact that I may be able to do that in this human form is just mind blowing in such an incredible way. I KNEW there was a Truth out there and that there was something fishy about this reality.. What an incredible moment this is! Let's continue this journey!

@leintdav000 I also had a very rocky childhood, a true narcissistic mother, emotional neglect, sexual abuse, etc. (Like you said, it's not about the details) and I have struggled through this life for the majority of it as well with feelings of inadequacy and have never been able to love myself. Until recently. I've been self inquiring for 3ish years now, and have really stuck with it (especially over the last few months) and spend hours a day inquiring. I'm starting to break free of whatever the hell I was stuck in. I contribute this mainly to practicing "letting go" (on a daily basis) to the negative thoughts and self talk that seems to follow me around. My advice: Fuck the past, it wasn't real anyway. And treat it as though it's a gift to yourself that brought you to this place right now where you are on the path to discovering the Truth! I tell myself if I didn't go through these last 30 years of "shittiness" I would not have ended up where I am now, which is a journey to find out that I (and you) are God and created this entire universe along with an infinite amount of universes. See, you win. And so do I. I love you unconditionally, and I am only able to say that because I love myself unconditionally. Give away what you need the most and you'll have it. Keep focusing on finding the Truth and you'll be set free. (If you want a head start I suggest trying 5MeO DMT at some point... I'm trying to order some at this moment)

I think I found my answer... Seems like I'll need the HCL version since freebase is for smoking Sorry for the nonsense post!

I am almost ready to try 5 Meo DMT and am terrified and excited. Am I better to do it alone or with a friend for the first time? Should you have a "sitter" your first time?

This video has me shook. If this is true, am I imagining this forum and whatever response I get will be imagined by me as well? Am I just communicating with myself anytime I communicate with another "person"? Are other humans experiencing this imaginary world just as I am, or are there no other humans at all and I am just imagining it all? Should I even try and explain what reality is to other people in my life or is there really no point since they're all imaginary? This is the most radical explanation to what reality is and it somehow makes so much sense. Are we all stuck in this imaginary reality, or is it really just me imagining my entire life? Am I imagining other people and they are also imagining me? Sorry, the questions are just pouring out of me, so if some seem repetitive or contradictory, please excuse me.

I have a personality disorder (borderline personality disorder), and am just wondering is this disorder hindering my search for the Truth and towards enlightenment? Can I beat this disorder by being in the present moment? Is this disorder made up? I’m just curious as to what others think about personality disorders and if they need to be taken care of first and foremost or can I bypass the disorder by understanding it in a different way or by being present? Thoughts?

@Feel Good thanks so much for your advice! I will absolutely look into spritial bypassing! I am going to work on these issues, but also not give them a label or anything like that anymore, because as we know, labels aren’t our friend. I appreciate your feedback!

@tashawoodfall thank you for your response! That’s an interesting way of looking at different personalities! And it’s so interesting to think that we are not our personalities or our thoughts or feelings... we’ve been taught this from the day we were born and now we have to peel all those labels off and try to see things with an unbiased eye again. What a puzzle!

@Nahm Your responses have given me a feeling of peace and comfort. I cannot explain why but it’s as though you’re saying the things I truly need to hear in order to know I’m on the right path at this moment. Thank you very much, I hope you don’t mind if I ask you questions in the future! I do remember that kid. I do.

@Nahm you’re right... I have noticed this awareness that has always been with me through everything, just observing and being ok with everything that happens and there’s a comfort sometimes that I feel that I cannot explain but is always there. The thoughts only have power if I take them seriously I guess.... and maybe I get caught up in the feelings and think it must be real if I am feeling deep sadness or anger. When you put it that way, it seems silly to give those thoughts any power at all. They’re nothing, really. My ego maybe... but you’re right they don’t mean a thing. Is there anything you do or say to help bring you back to that awareness in moments of distress? Maybe I just have to keep reminding myself that awareness is my true nature, not these thoughts that are so negative at times. I am so grateful for your advice.

@Nahm Thank you for asking that question...it’s actually leaving me a bit speechless... There is no “I” that I can describe...i know I’m not my mind/brain.... so I guess it’s not really “me” that has this issue, it’s this brain that is in this body which I am experiencing reality from... so I should accept these negative thoughts without judgement? Let them pass and maybe try and rewire this brain and it’s patterns? I appreciate your guidance, thank you for responding!

New Brunswick, Canada

I’m trying to get into a meditation routine myself, and what I find is a great starting point is just recognizing this exact moment as much as possible. I find in those moments where I bring awareness and just let myself “be”, I am happy and relaxed and carefree. I’ve dealt with depression since I was a child, but I now am starting to see that I am much more than a sad, lost child. You said you were afraid of change, and of letting go, and I was too. However, you already are everything you’re looking for. We need to get back to our true being, before all the labels and fears and before other people and our environment created these biases that we have ingrained in our personalities. Changing doesn’t mean losing any part of yourself, you need to peel those layers back and be kind to yourself first and foremost. You deserve this “change”. I would continue with your meditating but also don’t put so much pressure on yourself. I’m still not at the point where I sit down for an hour and meditate, however, I will sit down a few times a day and just be silent and try and feel the awareness inside me. Hope this helps because you deserve to feel this freedom and love.

I am creating this journal to document my journey to discover the Truth about reality, existence, our true being, and finding peace. I’ve only been on this journey for about a year, and I feel I’ve opened up a massive can of worms and sometimes lose my focus because there are SO MANY topics to learn about, let alone to actually put into practice. I actually came across Leo’s videos accidentally, while I was listening to a podcast while I was working away one day...it was on personal development, probably a topic on how to control your emotions or something along those lines. Anyway, it brought me to one of Leo’s videos as a suggestion and after listening to the first one, I was hooked and that’s how this whole thing began for me. I have a lot of work to do on myself. A lot. One of the main issues I have to conquer is the fact that I have issues with self-love. I’ve already dived way too deep into all the incidents that have happened in my life that would form my opinion of myself as “not good enough” or “unworthy of being loved”, blah blah blah... anyway, that’s another journal altogether. That being said, I feel that the first step I need to really focus on is learning how to love myself again. I swear, when I was 5 or something, I must have! I can get that back. The question is how? How do I truly get over this idea that I believe i’m not worth loving? Why do I believe everyone else is, and I’m not? I’ve been so obsessed with trying to make people like me my whole life. I always felt like I had to prove that I’m worthy of their love and that they really Should love me because I am such a “good” person. People-pleaser syndrome. VERY FRUSTRATING. But I learned this last year that this was a game I was playing and I was never going to win. I am not a GOOD person. I am not a BAD person either. I am a person. That’s it. And that’s ok! It’s more than ok, it’s perfect. So 2017 was spent learning as much as I could about how to stop caring what others think of me and how people-pleasing is just such an awful way to go about life. I think i’ve turned a little bitchier in 2017.... but I feel way more authentic and free. I needed to grow a pair, and I think they’re coming along quite well (not literally of course). Haha. So that was my first step, my first mini break through and now I am leaning towards the next breakthrough. These are the tools I will be using: Meditation Reading Listening I will come back to this journal soon.

Currently in the middle of this little gem! If you’re addicted to thinking, as most of us are, this is a great book to help you shut down your monkey chatter!

@spicy_pickles I was stuck in the exact same type of relationship! I was with a very manipulative, controlling man. We were together for 5 years. I finally left last year. I walked out and never returned. The immediate feeling of freedom I felt and relief..... words can’t describe. Do this now! I don’t have any regrets in life, but the sooner you leave, the better your life becomes. Do this now! If you want to ever chat more about this you can also personal message me! I’d LOVE to give any advice/support I can in order to help!

@Leo Gura I’ve done mushrooms numerous times, but I may try them again, now that I’m doing this type of work! Maybe I’ll have a different trip this time! Thanks for your reply!

@Leo Gura I want so badly to have an experience of no-self. Although I’m only a year in on doing this work, would I still experience “no ego” by doing 5-MeO-DMT? Or would you suggest doing more prep- work on conciousness, etc. first?

@CuteCornDog It kind of sounds like you’re stuck in “victim” mode. I’ve been there before, however when I started digging into the root of my unhappiness I found that it was all because of me! Take some responsibility for the life you have and don’t blame anyone else for your unhappiness. This is where I would start. I struggle with negative thoughts daily, but I’m starting to learn to embrace them, dismiss them, and breathe through them so I can move on to the next random thought. I admit that I don’t feel as grateful as I should feel for just being alive, but that’s on me and only I can fix that. Meditation is key.

@stevegan928 I love how open and honest these posts are! I’m new to this stuff as well and I’m trying to learn how to love myself, even though my darkest fear is that I’m not worthy of being loved. Reading your posts have inspired me to be more honest and vulnerable. I think I’ll start a journal too someday this week when I feel like working on things. Life has so many distractions and I am all over the map! I am a logical chick who is trying to convince myself that I have grown more than I really have. Anyway, just wanted to say thank you!

@Hardkill another response from the opposite sex... Re-approaching rarely ever works! I can only speak for myself of course, and I’ve had a couple “re-approachers” in my day and it has not once worked out for the guy. There’s a reason we said no in the first place (even if it was because of a bad mood), and if we have any interest whatsoever, we will find you. Move forward, not backwards and find yourself a woman who is deserving of you! They are out there! Also - yes I agree, move out if you’re unhappy!

@WildeChilde I would tell myself to stop worrying so much about what other people think and stop trying to please everyone!