Hardkill

Okay, so process of elimination, huh? Well, I have ADD (predominantly inattentive), generalized anxiety with OCD, and auditory processing disorder.

Ok. Perhaps you’re right. This will be the last time I’ll ask a question like this again (I’ll try my best from now on to ask more relevant and practical-based questions regarding cold approaching and dating). Though, if you could just humor me just one last time on a question like this, I would greatly appreciate it. I just want to know the answer because a lot of times I feel like I may be rejected by every woman I ever talk to. Also, a lot of guys I know feel this way and maybe wish that they had enough proof or reason as to why if they did go out enough that they will inevitably get laid even if they have the most atrocious level of game ever in history. Also, one guy on a YouTube vid sad that he approached over 850 girls and go rejected by all of them. Is that possible or do u think that he was lying or exaggerating?

Serious issues such as?

Though why is that?

I am not saying that I am just going to give up. I am asking if I will need to hire a professional dating coach and/or get wings who will agree to consistently help me out with dating and cold approach because I do have a mild degree of Aspergers.

Ah okay. That sounds reasonable. Btw, I have mild form of Aspergers. Would I still be guaranteed to significantly improve my skills if I go out enough and consistently catalogue and analyze my day or night on what went right, what went wrong, lesson learned just as I would be guaranteed to get laid if I went out enough? Or will it be absolutely necessary for someone like me to get some wings or a dating coach to truly get far with dating and pickup?

So, you're telling me that each and every day you would spend way more than 2 hours per day working on analyzing what you did wrong on all of your interactions the night or day before?

Oh okay. Well, I am actually do believe that I can inevitably get laid again. In fact, I actually did get my first girlfriend ever from cold approaching out on the street using a direct approach style. We've actually been together for almost 2 years now. However, I had to go through hundreds of rejections and tried practically all kinds of ways and avenues to meeting women before I finally got her. Although, I think my relationship could be ending soon because of some personal things going on lately with me and her. So, I plan to go back out in the field and game women if I do break up with my girlfriend. However, I worry about dealing with the frustration and pain of not being able to break through even if I did approach at least 30-40 girls a week and tried to analyze each interaction I had. Also, how much time do you or did you spend cataloging and analyzing each interaction you have or had with each girl, Leo?

That's it? So, you rarely if ever enjoyed the journey to achieving success with women? I mean, are you telling me that there's nothing I can do about dealing with the constant pain of rejection and failure, except just bare it all like a tragic victim? What if you feel began to feel suicidal and hopeless about dating, sex, and romance?

So, how do u deal with or cope with the pain of failure and struggle with women, especially when you’re still a novice? Well I am willing to put in the work, but what if it no longer becomes fun at all or negatively affects my overall happiness? I thought you also said that pickup and dating was supposed to enjoyable.

I've already tried just enjoying myself at nighclubs/bars, streets, malls, social cirlce, etc. A lot of times I do enjoy having a good time just being there and enjoy talking to new people. However, I would say about the majority of the times that I've been at any kind of social environment, event, or gathering of some sort where there are girls are when I can't help, but feel like I will be missing out on something great if I don't get at least one of the cute or hot girls I meet to date and sleep with me. I feel especially disappointed every time I get rejected by a girl whom I find to have the ideal look and personality that I am looking for. I've gone to many social events and have been a part of a number of social circles throughout many years of my life, but I failed to sleep with or even get more than a 1st date with any of the girls I was attracted to whom I met from all of those social events I went to and the social circles I was in. I also feel like it becomes so tedious and frustrating every time I have to analyze what I might have done wrong, let alone having to figure out if I even did anything wrong? Okay, I see what you're saying. Though every time I work on building my charisma, I get exhausted, depressed, and frustrated especially when I have to analyze each and every single interaction I did to figure out where I went wrong or if it was something that I said that wasn't funny or too dull or not cool.

Okay, I do agree with what you said here. However, there are a couple of issues I still have with learning good game. The first concern I have is that learning good game still might turn a guy into a stoic being who is forced to mask all of the pain of rejection and uncertainty he has to deal with on a constant basis. What if he reaches a certain point where he can no longer handle anymore rejection from women. Back when I approached hundreds of girls and tried connecting with countless girls on online dating websites and other social media platforms, I got to a point where I felt my self esteem and confident drop so much and I got so exhausted with having to pretend that I was okay with being constantly rejected. I felt so worthless and incredibly frustrated and indignant about dating. The second concern I have has to do with working on my social skills. While it’s all sounds good that being a confident and masculine man is what makes you attractive to women, having strong masculinity and solid confidence isn’t actually enough to date and sleep with a great amount of the kind of women you want. Unfortunately, you need to also have a good level of social skills to achieve the results you truly desire with women. Yes, we all need to have at least an average level of social skills to properly get along with others at least at a normal functioning level, respect other people’s boundaries, acknowledge and comply with authority, read and understand non-verbal cues given by the person or people you’re talking to, act with at least a certain level of dignity, learn how to be kind/sympathetic/empathetic with others, etc. However, what about learning the techniques or methods to be more charismatic such as good story telling, humor/wit, being good at starting a conversation, transitioning conversation topics smoothly, having deep, meaningful conversations that invoke emotions in others, etc.? Wouldn’t learning and practicing all of those techniques eventually turn you into a people pleasing entertainer?

Hey guys, Happy New Year. It's been a while since I last posted on here. Anyways, so I've been trying to reach out to a lot people through Facebook, Instagram, emails, phone calls, and text messaging as a friend. Yet, A lot of them never reply back to me. Even many of the ones who do respond to me eventually stop replying back after about a few message exchanges. I get that no owes anyone anything when there was neither any sort explicit agreement ever made between one and another nor any sort of professional or financial obligation that needs to be fulfilled by anyone for anything nor any sort of thing that's legally forced. However, why can't people respond back to you out of common courtesy as long as you are being polite and respectful to them? Especially, if that person is in your class or you work with that person.

I do agree with you that cold approach in real life and meeting others through your social networking friends IRL should be the primary way to develop your skills, your circle, and dating life. However, it's not entirely true what you said regarding the use of online for building connection/attraction. Otherwise, online dating would be out of business. Also, a significant amount of people have successfully dated or met others IRL through media platforms such as Instagram, Facebook, etc. In any case, that wasn't the question that I was exactly asking for this thread. I want to know why people you are acquainted with or friends with don't respond back to you out of the kindness of their hearts.

Well if that's the case, then that must mean that most people in the world are phony and cold-hearted.

Guys, I've been so down ever since, I got terminated from the placement internship for three reasons: 1. Somehow, I made my guiding teacher uncomfortable by somehow being awkward around her personal space and staring at her a number of times. 2. I took too long with helping her with on some tasks she had me do to assist her. 3. She had to modify a lot of directions for me during a number of situations were I didn't listen well enough. Yet, she never told me about any of these issues in person. I heard it from the assistant director of the fieldwork placement operations who heard it from the principal of school who received word from my guiding teacher about the problems she had with me. The day before I found out about my placement site being cancelled, the last thing my guiding teacher said to me was that she would see me next week in a pleasant civil demeanor. I never thought that I would ever be blindsided by my guiding teacher like this, let alone be dismissed from the placement site because I thought that I was doing well enough there. Also, it was only the first two weeks that I got to do this placement and out of the days of each week I had to be there, which were Mon.-Thursday, my guiding teacher was not there from Monday through Wednesday because there was no school on that Monday due to the Labor Day holiday and on Tuesday and Wednesday she had to do some training for art teaching. I tried applying to part-time jobs in the meanwhile and so far I haven't heard back from most of them in over 2 weeks and I already got rejected from all 4 of the available jobs that I was most qualified for at a Hotel Resort. I am 31 years old and turning 32 in a few months, and I've only worked for my dad part-time for many years and at a halloween store for a seasonal position a few years ago. Even thought the job market has been really job, I fear that I may never succeed in my life. I asked Leo before about whether or not I should try to become an entrepreneur and he said that I should definitely try, even if I utterly fail. I also wanted to try acting and modeling, but never made the chance to even try it out. I further can't help, but keep getting envious and down about other people out there on all kinds including Leo himself who are successful and productive and has almost a million Youtube subscribers and is under 35. I know that I shouldn't compare myself to others, but I can't stop being so envious of other people who are more accomplished than me. I feel so much pain.

Yes and I have been doing meditation more consistently than I did before for almost a month now. However, I am not sure if I've even made any significant at all. Sometimes I feel temporary relief after meditation; however, during the rest of the day I don't think I really feel any different overall.

The problem is that the only ones I could find who I know for sure became successful as entrepreneurs are those online who will be willing to work with you for an expensive fee. Do you know how to find any entrepreneurs in real life to make friends with?

I've always thought about that, but I've heard stories from personal trainers I know who have struggled with succeeding as one. Maybe it's possible for me to succeed at it, but I really don't know if it's too impractical.

Yeah, I have an advisor specialist who has been telling me how to improve my communication with my next guiding teacher. However, I am still very worried that it may not be enough. In fact, I've feel like I can't trust people as well as used to after getting blindsided completely by my guiding teacher. Also, I've already heard from several people that they applied to hundreds of jobs even when the job market has been reasonably good overall. It kinda haunts me almost everyday. How do you stay hopeful and confident about getting a job, especially the kind that you want?

I am into fitness including weight training, running, martial arts, ocassionally taking some classes like an HIIT class, yoga class, pilates class, etc. I've also studied a lot on anatomy/physiology and nutrition. Furthermore, I graduated with an undergraduate degree in Fine Arts. I like researching and studying various self-help and self-improvement subjects.

*I am no longer going to be writing my journal entries on here because after doing some thinking I no longer want to risk jeopardizing my private life. So, I have decided to continue writing in my journal on my own Pages word processor on my own computer.

First week of resuming journaling Hey guys, it's been a long time since I've journaled on the forum. I should've continued journaling, but I guess I got too lazy and yet so preoccupied with other things going on in my life. So today, I am going to start off journaling from what happened last Monday. Monday - I had an unproductive day and was very depressed because of what happened last week with my placement internship, which got abruptly cancelled. I started looking into jobs. It was a great shock to me as it ruined my self-esteem and confidence about my future career. Talked to my parents on the phone about what to do for my future. I did some stretching and then trained my girlfriend a bit at the gym. We made some dinner together and watched tv until we went to bed. Tuesday - I slept in and had another unproductive day as I was still distraught about what happened last week. However, I continued looking for jobs and worked out at the gym. Talked to my parents again on the phone about what to do for my future I couldn't sleep well at all during the night. My girlfriend consoled me including having read me some pages of quotations and passages on life wisdom from the book called Light from many Lamps and which gave me some feeling comfort or relief. We made some dinner together and watched tv until we went to bed. Wednesday - I had another unproductive day as I was still upset about what happened last week. Talked to my parents on the phone about what to do for my future I still looked up and applied to jobs and worked out at the gym again. I couldn't sleep well again. We made some dinner together and watched tv until we went to bed. Thursday - I slept in late again. had a slightly more of a productive day with my work. Still feeling very down about last week. I missed my appointment with my placement academic review counselor because I had trouble connecting with her on Zoom for our online meeting. I was freaking out because I had been waiting to speak to her to get my issue straighten out as soon as possible. However, I was able to reach the counselor by email and she wrote on there her cell number which I called. Even though she only had time to talk to me for about 15 minutes on the phone, I felt more calm having at least been able to get somewhat of a start with her. I also have been feeling bad about not managing my time well and annoying other people for being inconvenient. Went running and did a full body calisthenics routine. We made some dinner together and watched tv until we went to bed. Couldn't sleep well again. Friday - I had a little more of productive day, but it was still not productive enough. Early in the morning, the toilet overflowed from being clogged and so I had to help her clean up the floor including doing some laundry. I did some more job applications. I decided to do my stretching before Holly came back home so that she wouldn't complain about having not used the time to exercise while she was at work. I felt a little better about having worked out earlier. After she came back home, I then helped her clean the bathroom with a mop for the floor and wipes for the toilet which really sucked. I began to feel like this month of the year keeps getting worse for me. My girlfriend and I then went with her best friend and niece to a town fair and afterwards ate at a restaurant. I got some milk tea. Going out with them, helped with my mood to some extent. We made some dinner together and watched tv until we went to bed. Saturday - I slept in late with my girlfriend until I had to get ready to go to the Hapkido studio in the morning, which became the first time in a long time since I was last there. Teaching the beginner class was not bad, but I felt a little shaky due to not having taught it in a while. When I took my black belt class, it turned out harder than I though it would be, even though it had been a few months since I came back to the studio. The sides of my hips hurt afterwards. However, I didn't feel so fatigued from the class like a lot of times do during and after each class. Maybe, it's because I didn't push myself completely hard like I usually did before I was absent from the Hapkido studio. Not entirely sure. After coming back from the studio, I showered and then we decided to go shopping at Party City, Ross, and Target to get Halloween items, more house supplies, and food. My girlfriend recognized how down I felt about myself during the store. I did appreciate her trying to cheer me up. We made some dinner together and watched tv until we went to bed. Sunday - I slept in late with my girlfriend again, she talked with me about issues. Her best friend came over and then they left to go shopping for a while. While they went shopping I ate my lunch and wasted a lot of time not doing much. Afterwards, I went to the gym to workout. During the middle of my weigh training workout I was breathing so heavily and I then became so nauseous that I ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I had my girlfriend pick me up immediately. After I got home I showered and stayed home while she went out to her brother's girlfriend's daughter birthday party at the Cheesecake Factory. After she came back I did some stretching as we watched tv together until we went to bed. Overall, I felt like I had another bad day this month, even though I was glad to both see that my OH Press strength was coming back up and that the new liquid chalk I used for the deadlift earlier today worked well.

Saturday - I was pressured to wake up early to go to the HIIT class which I was not looking forward to. I did the class without pushing myself to complete exhaustion. It was definitely a relief when the class finally ended and it was somewhat nice to meet and talk to some new friendly people in the class. I did some stretching afterwards for the front splits. Then, I went back home, showered, and ate. I felt crummy afterwards for the rest of the day. I talked with my parents again about my situation with the school and I felt good to talk to them about it and have them encourage me about it. I had plans to do more stretching; however, I couldn't muster up enough willpower to do them given how down I felt. I talked to my girlfriend on the phone. We didn't talk as much as we usually do. I guess it was largely because I was too down and preoccupied to talk to her much and I didn't want to bring her down by talking about it. Despite the encouragement I got from my parents I still felt depressed by the end of the day. Sunday - I got a little late in the morning and even though my parents needed help with the packages that were brought to our front door, I begrudgingly did it because I felt tired and depressed. Ben and Eli came to visit us in the morning, and Ben invited me to go with them to a mall outlet near our place. So, I decided to go with them after I ate my breakfast and did my teeth. At first, when we went to the mall outlet it was fun at first, but then I felt down again and just wanted to go back home as soon as possible. My mom wanted me to help her with some more things and to study, but I told her that I feel too depressed to do anything and that I need more professional help. She told me to stop complaining and feeling sorry for myself. I argue with her about it and I felt increasingly frustrated and upset with both her and myself. I felt for a moment that coming back to my parents' place to stay with them was a mistake. After cooling down a bit, I studied a bit on the cards for the RICA test, worked on catching up on my journal entries, and went to the gym. I went to the gym for longer than I should have been as usual. I hated doing those Bulgarian Split Squats with the dumbbells. Though, I though it was good to change it up a bit by doing them with heavy dumbbells this time. My mom got upset at me for coming back home later than I should have. I showered late and called my girlfriend too late. When she didn't answer my phone call, I texted her to call me back, but when I got her text at around 11 pm she said that she was going to bed immediately. So, I wished her good night and that I will talk to her tomorrow. I feel even shittier now than I did earlier today. I am hating my life even more now.

Wednesday - I woke up late again, had breakfast. I felt bad again. I talked again with my parents on the phone about the same issues. I felt really worse today about my life. I didn't get much done today. My self-esteem feels broken and I am becoming increasingly anxious about my future career life. I went to gym to do my squats and bench press. I was disappointed with my performance on both of the exercises. I felt weak on both of them today and I couldn't even get more than 5 reps with 260 lbs. on the squat with even my best form and I couldn't get more than 5 paused reps on the bench press with 185 lbs. with good form. I spent about an hour on just both of those exercises, which is sadly the usual time it takes me to, and I am getting tired of it taking that long. After finishing the bench press, I got a text from Holly asking when I am coming back and so I told her that I would be back in about 20 min., but she said that she wanted me back in 10 min. So, I only had time to do just the glute-ham raise machine before I had to ran back home. I ran back home before 8pm, which was the time that I agreed with her to be the latest that I would be ever be back from any gym workout. However, she got annoyed with me over not having finished my workout earlier. I told her that I promised to finish my workout earlier tomorrow. Afterwards, we had dinner and watched TV. Eventually, when it was time to get ready for bed, she reminded me about cleaning one of the drainers that she wanted me to do a few days ago, which irritated her. I promised her that I would get it done tomorrow. I planned in my head that I would get up early tomorrow to workout early in the morning to get it done as early as possible. After getting ready for bed, I tried sleeping as best as I could. Thursday - I got up early in the morning, which I was proud of. I got up early enough to go to with her to go ride with her to the gym and to her workplace which are on the same university we were going to. I first took my time eating my muffin and drinking my Starbucks Frappuccino drink. Then, I worked out finishing yesterday's workout and then did isometric stretching for loaded middle splits. I then went to my first Toastmasters meeting that I've been to since about a few years ago. Afterwards, I went back to gym to do isometric stretching for the hamstrings. I felt good about getting my whole training done for the entire day. However, I wished that I was able to finish working out faster. The next thing I did was walk to Subway to buy myself a sandwich there as my mom said over the phone that I could. I went afterwards to check out the Spirit Halloween store for job opportunity. I went inside to ask about it and they said that I would have to apply online. On the way back home and ate my sandwich. At home, I did some laundry followed by showering. I then ate cereal while watching some Youtube vids to distract myself from my misery. After eating my cereal, I cleaned the drainer as promised. When I got that done I ate a PB & J sandwich and other foods as I watched more Youtube vids. Afterwards, I did my teeth and got ready for my girlfriend to come back home and take me to the medical clinic to get my flu shot. Getting the shot was quick and easy and afterwards we went shopping for more foods and for her to check out more clothes. We got enough food and went home to make dinner and watched TV. She seemed more pleased with me today than yesterday which gave me some relief regarding our relationship. I packed up a little bit to get ready to leave Pasadena tomorrow to visit and stay at my parents' place in Irvine. In some ways, I am looking forward to seeing and staying with my parents, but I also am not looking forward to traveling down to their place, especially given how down I still am overall. Friday - I got up early and got ready to go to the train ride home. I left my girlfriend's place later than the time my mom wanted me to leave; however, I was able to rush to the train station fast enough with enough time to go on the Metrolink and then make it to next train I have to get on, which was the Amtrak. There were no problems with either one of those train rides on the way to Irvine. My brother-in-law picked me up on time, which I appreciate it. I had a nice time chatting with him as we went on our way to his place to visit my sister and her newborn daughter. I really enjoyed meeting and holding my newborn niece who looked so precious as a tiny and sweet thing. Other than that, I didn't feel like staying over and talking to my sister and brother-in-law because I wanted to go to my parents' place and be comforted by my parents. So, I stayed quiet most of the time I was at my sister's place. After Ben took me home, I feel happy to see my parents and my dog again. I sat home and relaxed until I did a little running. I really didn't want to run because I felt so depressed and I felt like I couldn't bear the pain of both running and this feeling of depression and hopelessness I felt. So, I stopped for a while and listened to some self-help gurus on Youtube on my phone for advice on dealing with the pain of depression and hopelessness. I felt that the advice I got didn't really help much and that I needed more help on how to let go of the pain. My mom called me and told me to come back home and do a trail run near their place, which I did. However, I wasted about 20 watching youtube vids before I felt ready enough to go on the trail run. After doing the trail run, I came back home and felt a little bit better and took a shower. I relaxed by myself mostly for the rest of the night and talked to Holly on the phone before. I stayed up late before I went to bed.