Viking

i have often times tension or preasure or energy in my head. it makes me crave some food or masturbation because it feels if i eat or drink coffee or masturbate it will go away. ofc it doesnt, or maybe just slightly, and in the case of masturbation if i focus the energy to my head at the orgasm, i might have a headache. i do also have with that a stiff neck and maybe a tense throat. i do get eye twitches and nerves crawling in my forehead. in addition, i might have a hard time breathing, shortness of breath. even if i try doing breathing exercises it doesn't always help. i also have some back pains. the symptoms are worst in the morning and i have an especially hard time being fulfilled by my breath. i dont have asthma or any similar condition. the symptoms might be eased when i hug my girlfriend amd the energy spreads throughout my body. im not sure on that one though, i might be just imagining.

@latina25 what can a foamroller do that stretches cant? and do you have any foam rolling routines as examples? i dont know. how do i figure that out?

I ask how to do it in this post. i've meditated on and off for about 3 years now and it seems that after one meditates, one should feel 'grounded', meaning not in the mind, feeling more. thing is, im so heavily mind dominated that even if i have not much thoughts during the meditation, the second i finish it my mind starts racing and doesnt let go. this also happens almost every morning. i am usually stuck in my mind in my daily life, especially when i start to be aware of it. this makes me emotionless sometimes, somewhat autistic even, trying so hard to interpret social situations that i get confused. i dont have autism, i can pick up very well social cues, but only when my mind is calm. if even grounding meditation doesnt help really, what will? P.S. i have a feeling it has something to do with me rejecting life and not really choosing/wanting to live, so i sabotage myself by thinking. kind of 'why are you hitting yourself' thing. on one hand i want to have a good life, on the other i want to ruin everything and cease existing, but since it cant happen what it does is just make my life less good.

When i love someone (including myself), im willing to do things for them. it doesnt take mental effort, there's no resistance, i dont have to convince myself, im just sure 100% that i want to help them and there is no doubt. On the other hand, when i dont love someone that much, there are some things that feel like too much effort, there's resistance to doing something. I can force myself to do them (for example to not feel bad for not doing them), but emotionally i dont want to. So i started wondering, what is the difference between people I love and people I dont love? from the two points above, i deduced that the difference is the resistance. Meaning, that the natural state is love, and if you add resistance on top of it for whatever reason (survival, cultural ideas, baseless beliefs, desires), you love the person less. From this, i can induce that love in its general form (not related to loving humans) is not something, but rather the lack of resistance. We feel it as something, because all of our life is filled with resistance, so when there's something without it, it stands out, so we think it is something. This conclusion could be strengthened by the life experience that sometimes the more you know a person, the more you can trust him, the less resistance you have towards him, so with time you love the person. so my question is, how do you love someone? in other words, how do you shed that resistance? it seems that i cant just let go of it, although sometimes i can.

@nightrider1435 i see thanks

sometimes im being aware of what can be described as "flow of life". aware of how things fit perfectly together and how everything is so "obvious". this awareness comes when im flowing and tuned with my intuition i think, and dont think too much. this awareness itself sometimes confuses me because im kind of scared because it feels weird. i get stuck in my mind a little because of this awareness. i dont even know if what im saying is bullshit does anybody else experience this?

im having trouble making decisions. i have no life experience. every decision i make i can look at so many perspectives and possibilities but none of them have any weight so i just dont know what to do and im afraid to make wrong decisions. usually i choose the thing that sounds most rational and "safe" what should i do?

ohh i see. i guess cuz i didnt experience much traumas the term "trauma" is too abstract for me so i dont kno what im talking about hahaha thanks

thanks, but i dont avoid suffering when jm sure 100% it's necessary i just go into it what i am trying to avoid is unnecessary suffering

@IJB063 obvious advice but i think it inspired me a lot upon thinking about it more. i think the reason im timid is because im afraid to fuck up my psyche or create traumas but i guess there's no way to avoid that and live a life at the same time

i think by doing so you will improve in the wrong direction you need to ask yourself what do you want from the girl and lead there i dont think your real desire is to improve texting skills, too mind oriented it could be intimacy, sexual stuff (nudes, phone sex... [though be sure the girl is open to that before going there]), exploring what girls are like, politics, philosophy (if they're into that), just like a real conversation but without the touch/smell/see elements which make it feel simply less real

idk why im doing it but im detaching myself from everything, repressing all emotions and not taking responsibility for my life. i feel like i could do the opposite but i just dont do it. i feel like im slightly going crazy. you might say "it's your choice, just do it" but i still wont do it lol. i know life can be good if i put work into it but i dont really care, i just dont want to do anything. i know life can be bad if i wont do the things i have to and i dont want to live that life yet i still dont do anything. i feel like this situation is just worsening of my notions previously in life when i was my whole teens lazy and detached from everyone and everything. i basically was raised with a silver spoon so now i dont want to exert any effort to achieve anything. you might also say that this is caused by my thought patterns and i should change them or give them up but that takes too much effort so i just wont do it I don't know why im writing this post, as it sounds like im just whining. maybe some part of me hopes for some magical solution or some insight as to why i am this way.

games that required thinking @DrewNows ill try to do that, thanks. just let go of the resistance. i feel even though i have all those negative emotions im almost as aware of my emotions as on a meditation retreat, so ill just try to let go of the resistance.

i always loved videogames and tv shows. last few years it just stopped feeling as good. hmm that could be the reason for my lack if interest, as im 8 months already in almost isolation. socialize maybe once a few weeks

i mean those things dont bring that much satisfaction after i do them, so they're not worth it. i do have hobbies. in fact it's the things i liked to do as a kid. but last few years they just became unfulfilling and boring

@remember nothing brings me that much enjoyment. some things are ok but aren't worth the trouble of doing them no it's not how i would want it to be but the point is i dont want to put in the effort. i also dont believe i can truly enjoy things anymore, as if it's not a part of my physiology. i havent truly enjoyed things for more than 6 years i believe i have a feeling as if people who enjoy themselves must be deluded in some way

judging by this i think you might have suppressed your masculinity. watch 2 parts of Leo's videos on how to be a man and try to see if you have some resistance to the stuff he says and see if u can apply it in your life. i think your masculine energy is blocked and that's why you're not attracted to feminine energy. i think you need to feel a man to be attracted to women. i have experienced this firsthand the last few months. ive started a job where i have to bring out my masculinity more and what happened is that i started to be attracted to women more. what helped is also quitting porn 2 months ago. like intuitively being a man is just wanting to see a woman and fuck her brains out as leo said but what happened to me and maybe to you too is that we're afraid of this energy of owning the woman because it's considered bad and not how we should act, its not socially acceptable, so we suppressed this side of ourselves and now we just dont feel this attraction to women and what's left is our feminine side which is attracted to guys.

I've been noticing a certain anger or hatred that's been rising up in me the last few weeks. it's mild, but im worried that it will transform into something bigger with time. what that anger energy does is lets me be less caring of hurting people. I've felt some fear of hurting people or going against other people but this energy kind of penetrates through that and it feels liberating. it's kind of "being tired". i guess it's just a certain release of suppressed emotions (i dont know, is it?) but i dont know what to do with it and how to not let it get out of control. how should i approach this?

lol get to know her via texting

i seek a relationship right now because i want to feel love and to fulfill my needs, but also because I've been living in a bubble and i feel stuck and i feel like i need an outside source to break through to the next stage of my life, as nothing in life interests me because im emotionless (except with women). the problem is that im somewhat isolated and i dont know how to judge people properly and i dont know whether im attracted to a person or not. i also can't allow myself to get closer to girls for some reason. i have been on my first ever date 2 months ago (im a virgin and never kissed a girl) and the girl definitely liked me but i didn't know how to know if i like her or not. at one point she asked if she could hold my hand and i told her no because i didnt want her to think that i like her and hurt and confuse her later. the date itself was good, i am good at making people laugh and having conversation but when it comes to intimacy i cant know what to do and im afraid to fake my feelings or do things that i dont really want to do.

@Preety_India im 21 and what im doing right now is actually chatting with girls online, ive been doing it for the past few months but i never got full nudes (only half) because the girls that happened to talk to me aren't into sending them, or im not good at getting them lol I don't know. i have been watching porn since i was 12 though, but I've got desensitized to it so now even if girls do send me pics im not aroused. meaning i made a big distinction between real life and porn so porn doesn't help. this is exactly my worry and it makes everything even harder because im more nervous. yes actually im uncomfortable in social situations. im usually silent and dont talk to anyone. people scare me and i dont trust them

i told her that what i want is to experience new things, she knew my situation fully and she told me she doesn't expect anything, but i didn't believe her. she can't control her feelings and she still might've been hurt. also a big thing was that i was afraid I would get disgusted by her body (as i never seen a naked girl irl) and hurt her a lot by this

@Preety_India i dont have problems with touch i think. i have problems with commitment. for me having sex or kissing with someone means serious commitment

@Leo Gura i think you didn't get it. SHE was the one trying to hold MY hand and i refused. i might have been attracted to her, but something in my mind was blocking me from getting on with her. what's the difference between that and a date? @Meetjoeblack i can't get myself to have sex because first, im a virgin and im afraid, and second i can't make up my mind about a girl whether i want to have sex with her or not. i think maybe part of the problem is that i know that some girls get hurt if guys only have sex with them, so i have to be really careful about who i have sex with. i hate when people are attached to me or if i have obligations to people. also im afraid to be disgusted by her body (as I've watched porn since i was 12 ) and ruin her self esteem. i stopped watching porn for 2 months or so now

hey, i also experience that fear to an extent and i also "feel men's energy" sometimes. my situation is also a bit harder i think because im a virgin. what helped me accept myself as i am is to realize i have a choice and i dont have to act on it if i dont want to. you have a choice. if you see an attractive woman on the street you have a choice to approach her or not. it wont "create a conflict" in you if you dont approach her. OK, you get turned on by having gay fantasies, but when you meet a man do you actually want to start flirting with him and bring him home? the idea might make you aroused, but do you ACTUALLY want to do it? practically? do you have the desire to try new things? if you genuinely wanted to do it i dont think there would be any fear because there wouldn't be any reason not to do it. you said that the brotherhood is very valuable to you. so what's more important? your brotherhood or enjoy having gay sex? if the answer is brotherhood you dont have to have gay sex. it's the same as wanting to have sex with a 16yo in a place where the legal age is 18. you have a choice. your fear is more of having no control or choice i think. like god fucked you over and you can't do anything about it. you do have control