Tyler Robinson

If I could have one favorite song right now then it's this

Raindrops are kissing my face. Come my prince, take me. Take me to another land. Your land. Your land of fantasy. Serenade me with your music.. Softly caress my face and cheeks. Make me... Ohh..... Yours I want to be contained within you. I want to rest in you. I want to be blessed in you. I want to dream of you. A thousand things. You're the prince of my heart. My heart beats wildly thinking of us together. You're a charmer.

I don't appreciate being on a pedestal in a relationship. I would rather have my man on the pedestal.. He should be my King. The King of my heart. I want to look at him with awe. I want to be guided by him. I want him to lead me. David is that kind of a guy. He is just an acquaintance. But he is the guy I admire. I go back to the dreams of marrying coal miners in 1900s. I go back to my dream of having a home with a hard working blue collar conservative man. Me his wife, him my husband. I want to make pancakes for him. I want to make something special for him every morning. I'm good at cooking by the way. I want to make his morning coffee. I want to cook him lovely dinners. I want to iron his clothes. Button up his shirt. Kiss him on the cheeks when he is about to leave for work. And I want to surrender to him sexually in bed every night. I want the smell of his sweaty clothes. I want to offer him a towel when he comes home and let him clean himself. And then I will give him some fresh clothes touched by my hands. I sometimes want to wear his shirt and feel him hugging me. I would be delighted by the smell of his shirt. He is my Bear. He is my savior, my protector. My guide, my leader. And he is someone I will adore 24/7. I will never be bored of him. I will kiss him every morning.

I yearn to worship a man in my life. Maybe God must have made a man for me. A gentleman. Who will show me love, kindness, guidance and affection. He will fill me up to the brim of my femininity. He will make my womanhood come alive. He will make my lips purse. He will make my cheeks blush. He will make my eyes sparkle. He will make my blood rush. He will fill my womb with the most gentle feelings. With his beautiful semen. He will make sex divine. He will make love to me.. He will kiss me with pure ecstacy. He will kiss me from head to toe. He will make me his. He will own my womanhood. He will make want to belong to him.. I will respect him with all my heart. I am a virgin. I will give my body to him. I will give every ounce of my blood to him Till death do us part, I'll stay with him as his faithful wife. I will give him everything I can I will give him my love.

I'm a very womanly woman and a masculine man would be perfect for me.

You're my ideal man. I like someone like you. You are my hot man. I like hard working men who come home all sweaty. Like my dad used to. I like men who are manly and have a sense of dignity and pride and carry themselves with respect. Rich or poor, ugly or handsome doesn't matter. Just a simple man who wants work, wife and a home. A white picket fence, a church and a stable home life. That's all I ever wanted.. You're the man of my dreams. I salute you. I could have been happy only with you. You were my man.

I'm fast moving on with my life. No time to lose.

I'm gobsmacked and surprised that people don't see their own predatory behavior. Who will show them the mirror? Is there any accountability for being so directly condescending and disrespectful to others and also acting authoritarian at the same time? What have your parents taught you? Would you appreciate if someone did this to your family members and they had a mental breakdown? Where is consideration and compassion in all of this? How about being an insensitive prick and actually owning it?

You can't force someone to talk about their personal life when they aren't comfortable with it. If I were to ask someone a question I would ask them politely and I would also add something like - hey you choose to speak about it if you are really comfortable or else you might not want to and I won't ask you any further. Isn't this the way you show respect to a stranger while asking them something personal. And if you don't have the manners to communicate, then just don't. Stop being a total scumbag. Stop being so intrusive and malevolent and also defending it.

My head is spinning. I just can't write. Today was an anxious day. I'm feeling traumatized and stressed I didn't want someone to ask me questions. It was pathetic and emotionally abusive. Like wtf?????????????????? This person in the dating section just wouldn't stop asking me questions about my virginity. What nonsense people come to this forum. They see a woman and they find some way to trigger her and all the victim blaming and gaslighting, because it's her fault somehow. How rude and disrespectful to directly and publicly ask a person about their rape, virginity or sex life. People write in their journals because they feel a degree of privacy and anonymity since you are not directly engaging with anyone here. When you read someone's journal, try to respect the person whose journal you're reading or don't bother reading. Don't weaponize someone' journal against them. People write journals in public because they find it better to vent it out that way. Responsibility lies on you to respect a person.

Rape is so complex. It's more of a taboo and less of a crime. I wish it was like a crime. But rape is the only and I say it with emphasis that rape is the only crime in the world where the victim feels more punished than the perpetrator. The perpetrator is punished and people will forget them. But the victim will never be forgotten and will be constantly reminded of being a rape victim. They will always be given questionable looks. In a way rape feels like a permanent curse. Because nobody will believe you no matter what.

And then there's a problem of rape fantasies. I can't tell if it's because of the rape or not because of the rape. Sexual assault definitely adds to promiscuity.

I was sexually assaulted so many times that I can't even keep a count. I got used to it. I became immune to it.

There are just so many aspects to rape. A female opening up about it is the bravest thing ever. Of course I don't expect men to understand it. At the same time the only thing that comes with rape is shame. So many aspects and assumptions about rape are so severely loaded and tied to traditional expectations of femininity. These make rape(as a phenomenon) even more outrageous and complicated than it already is. With rape you always have a catch-22 problem. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you don't talk about rape, then people assume that you don't have any trauma. If you talk about rape, then you have to be ready to answer a lot of uncomfortable questions. If you talk about rape as in that you didn't resist enough, then men assume that you were probably enjoying it or it wasn't rape at all. If you talk about rape as in, you resisted very badly, you are considered a good woman. There are just so many infinite layers of female morality baked into rape that it's just the most disgusting thing. How are you even supposed to be yourself with so many moral traps set around you? If a woman doesn't report rape then she is asked why she didn't report it or that she must be lying because it's inherently assumed that any pious woman will report a rape when it happens. And if a woman reports rape, then she is asked evidence. Then it's like opening a whole can of worms, because that's where the nightmare begins. Now you really have to go through it all over again to make sure the rapist is punished. People don't understand how shame works.. For example, when I was raped, I blamed myself. This is just ingrained in the female psyche. You you you you you must have done something wrong to attract rape. Why does it not happen to other women? You must be slut. Thousands of questions running through your head and the enormous fear of slut shaming is what causes the internalization of blame. You feel ashamed of yourself for having trusted the rapist. You feel like you deserved it because you didn't enough to protect your feminine dignity. You feel stupid. You feel like shit. You feel like you are unworthy. Especially if you are already struggling with low self esteem. You feel like crap. You cry for days and days and try to wash it off your body. You feel like your own body is a sin, a crime, a crime to be a woman. You feel dirty inside. You feel dirty outside. You feel like you aren't a woman anymore. You begin to battle your own womanhood. You feel like you don't deserve to live. You live in regret and shame.

I think rape is probably the most complex phenomenon in the world. I don't expect men to understand what rape actually is. And men shouldn't even try understanding it. The male psyche will never be able to understand rape. There are just layers and layers of complexity, more complex than a Rubiks cube.

Discussing stuff about rape is extremely difficult. It's not something that people should discuss especially males, especially in a insensitive way.

Being shamed for my rape. Being shamed on my virginity. Being victim shamed and victim blamed hurts way more than rape itself. Rape is a physical event that leaves a bad memory which can be forgotten over time But what remains is the constant torment of social shaming and that's psychological abuse and this psychological abuse is way more traumatizing than the actual event. Having to justify yourself over and over, having to describe your situation even when you feel deeply uncomfortable, having to respond to uncomfortable personal questions over a situation people have no clue about, is the single most traumatizing and disgusting thing. I feel suicidal right now for being shamed.. The real problem is much bigger than rape. It's this fucking pathetic society that doesn't allow you to live in peace and keeps you in a mental prison.

Yes I can. Of course I can. Definitely I can. The public forum is separate from the journals. This is not place for people to gossip or talk shit about someone's personal life. These are threads where you must stick to the topic. Don't flood it with personal gossip. Use pm like I said already. Absolutely not. You are nobody to decide how much information is too much. Who the hell are you to talk about my personal life. Journals are meant for venting personal stuff no matter how personal it is. That's a person's personal space and they can share whatever they want in their personal space, that's what they are meant for. Ask Moderators. You have absolutely zero right to talk shit about my personal life, especially when I made it absolutely clear that I don't appreciate it. You can do it to a person who appreciates being talked about. You can't make me uncomfortable in public. That's aggression. Mods @integral @Carl-Richard reporting this person for constantly triggering me about my personal life which is none of his business. I don't appreciate his constant aggression to me.

Sweat off my brow!!!!

Disclaimer to you and others who are always hyper curious about my personal life - I don't appreciate being talked about in public. I don't like attention. I'm not some celebrity or role model. Sure my actions might seem attention seeking but that's just a wrong impression they create. I have zero obligation to justify my virginity or any personal detail to you or anyone. My personal life should not be your business. Just because I choose to answer a question, I should not become fair game for gossip. I reply to OP and stick to topic. My personal life is not the topic here. Use the pm function if you want personal stuff and stop violating me publicly. You were called out by user @petar8p before for intentionally triggering me with pointless personal questions/assumptions. My personal life is nobody's business and should be off limits. I'm entitled to share whatever I want in my journals and nobody is supposed to decide what is true or not. It shouldn't even matter to anyone whatever I want to write in my journal - that's my personal space. Don't use journal as ammunition for gossip or character attacks. I'm not pretending to be a virgin. I'm a virgin. I'm not standing for some kind of a virginity test here. My journal is a compilation of my fantasies. Some of the experiences are real, some are not. I write in a state when I'm not totally lucid and things become real. It's because of my mental illness that I escape into dissociation and Derealization states where reality meets fantasy or everything becomes real. I'm not fully conscious when I'm writing and it's sometimes my subconscious writing it. They are an outlet of my unfulfilled sexual desires and my therapy for my sexual repression. Regarding the rape which is highly sensitive to me, I was raped with an object. That's still rape. I did not experience penetration.I suffered sexual trauma at different times in my life and the journal is used as a coping mechanism to relive my sexual trauma from the past as well as for my sexual repression. I want no further investigation/gossip/attention on my personal life. I am not obligated to provide any justification to anyone really. Nobody's business.

I'm a virgin. I always had a strong attachment to virginity. It sucks when I know the person I'm dating is not a virgin. Like a sinking feeling in my heart. Can relate to how you feel. It's your preference and there's nothing bad about it. However it will always limit the number of people you can choose from, so more time and effort.

Kanye is mostly about creating sensation. His art is mediocre. His ticket to fame is equating himself to trump

Everything started with demoting Nahm.