Tyler Robinson

Jesus paradigm does exist. You really have to clasp on to it badly. That's why I turned to Mormonism.

Eminem can only make diss tracks on girls.

Keep a sex journal. My humble advice.

Maybe lack of intellectual maturity and too much day dreaming. I used to be like that. But relationships helped me spot my flaws Maybe you haven't been in many relationships.

Trolls Haters Bullies Stalkers

I have Hyena Energy in me.

@Leo Gura how to file an appeal?

Weirdly enough, I don't feel that lonely and I don't care about approval anymore. I don't feel that weak or ignored or hated. It feels weirdly calm if nobody likes me here. I just accept it now versus constantly feeling like I needed people to like me, accept me. It used to drive me nuts if I wasn't included in something. I used to feel like an outcast and that used to drive me mad with anger thinking how I could be treated like I don't exist. Like everyone cares about each other but not me? I don't know what kind of personal transformation I went through but I no longer care about it anymore. Emotional independence? I seriously don't know what caused this tremendous transformation in me that I no longer care if someone cares about me. Going through this experience has also taught me that everything is perception and feeling. If you change your perception towards something, everything you thought about it automatically changes. And how you feel in the moment is not a dictation of how you will feel forever. You can feel completely different in another time slot of your life. It's that fickle. I'm trying to dig into my past and find clues to why I felt so weak back then, why did I crave company and approval so badly. Like if someone didn't pay me attention in a group, it used to make me intensely uncomfortable and ignored. It used to make me angry. And now it doesn't matter at all.

One good news is that I don't care about this forum anymore. Especially the journal section. Weirdly enough, I don't feel that lonely and I don't care about approval anymore. I don't feel that weak or ignored or hated. It feels weirdly calm if nobody likes me here. I just accept it now versus constantly feeling like I needed people to like me, accept me. It used to drive me nuts if I wasn't included in something. I used to feel like an outcast and that used to drive me mad with anger thinking how I could be treated like I don't exist. Like everyone cares about each other but not me? I don't know what kind of personal transformation I went through but I no longer care about it anymore. Emotional independence? I seriously don't know what caused this tremendous transformation in me that I no longer care if someone cares about me. Going through this experience has also taught me that everything is perception and feeling. If you change your perception towards something, everything you thought about it automatically changes. And how you feel in the moment is not a dictation of how you will feel forever. You can feel completely different in another time slot of your life. It's that fickle.

Today was a sad day. All past memories came up. It was hard. Still trying to heal.. Survive. Get by

Yup I have heard of such.

My last epilepsy episode was during childhood. Variations in light or sound trigger my episodes sometimes. And sometimes over stimulation. So games like poker can trigger it. Reading and writing tends to soothe it. I am not on meds. It just healed on its own. I never had a full episode but I'm prone to seizures under extreme stress or fright.

Today I felt ugly inside.

Say goodbye and then block her and never message her again.

Message to myself I'm the only one in the world who will truly give a fuck about me. Right?

..

One brave step at a time. Even if I don't live tomorrow, these videos will always stay here on my channel. Maybe someone from my family will know that I left something when I disappeared from this planet. Was feeling suicidal again. Venting about it helps.

Venting my trauma again.

I'm watching the "the Exorcist" right now and it won't let me watch. The lights go out or I get weird smells. Or I feel exhausted suddenly. I'm slowly trying to watch since past 10 hours. Very exhausting movie. And it's paranormal. Something happens when you watch this movie. It's insane.

Subjects — Science Arts Philosophy Medicine Religion

Today I kicked a door out of anger

Contribute horror music.

Ok got it now. That's understandable.

Not necessarily totally healthy but yum yum for cheat days.