Buba

Thank you very much. So trust in God or some power is not a hindrance in path to enlightenment? So the horror will disappear by itself? What does facing fears mean? Let them happen? For example I fear that I will be mentally crippled and it will be embarrassing.

So what should they do?

When I have a glimpse of Truth I feel disgusting.

I read comments of people who become immensely depressed after finding truth.

Yes I have. I told them my brain still makes me depressed despite there is no reason for depression. My brain is irrational and does not care arguments. That is why I decided not to think instead of thinking right. Thinking right did not help me.

I have been seeing psychotherapists and taking antidepressants for more than 5 years. And they did not work. News

I am afraid of becoming mentally crippled. Why is meditation recommended as a practice to be happy?

But during this phase some people commit suicide. This is depressive

Yes. 8 minutes of meditation, or total relaxation. And I start not to feel like myself, I start to disappear and feel fear.

I may consider it. I thought it was dark night which happens to all seekers.

So after dark night of the soul I quit meditation. The Dark Night alleviated but did not disappear. 2 months ago I resumed meditation, but instead of 20 minutes I started doing it 8 minutes, with hope to avoid dark night. But it showed up again. Cant sleep, eat properly, as if my heart wants to stop, tremendous fear, confusion and etc. I never do self-inquiry, only meditation, total relaxation and living in the now. How do you go to work and function in dark night? Is there a phase in spiritual path when this horror is left behind? I did not start to meditate to find the Truth. I just wanted to be happy, because I suffered from depression and obsessive compulsive disorder, borderline personality disorder for more than 12 years. The only reason which pushes me forward in spiritual path despite dark night is I am suffering anyway even before starting this journey.

How long have you been meditating and how long do you meditate per session?

So if enlightenment is binary, you are either in or out, how do babies slowly go out then? If babies go out, then can enlightened adults also go out (ego comes back or new ego comes) ? I was very happy when I was a child. I remember clearly. I had an immerse trust in existence. I was scared of death, but deep inside I was not. I was ready to die anytime. I was complete.

What do you mean by mastering the object world?

Hi, I meditated for 5 months and experienced dark night of the soul for around 40 days. I dont meditate anymore, but I throw myself into emptiness, nothingness in daily life when my mind wants me to lean on it.

Yesterday at night I noticed weird sensations which as if were visiting my chest, belly and balls subsequently. It is like tickling. As if something wants to come out. I relaxed and let it come out, but it did not. It was like sneezing or farting feeling which comes, but you cant do that, you just feel like sneezing or farting, but it just does not come out. So as this sensation did not come out, I decided to bring it out with force. I stretched my body several times, but it did not come out. I could not sleep. Now I still have these sensations. They are not that unpleasant, I just want them to come out. I also feel like laughing hysterically without any reason. These sensations are not that strange to me. Because I had them when I was a kid. I would stretch myself many times to bring them out. As if it is electricity accumulated in my body. What to do? I dont know any spiritual practices except meditation.

Meditation, surrendering to now and etc give me fear, depression, depersonalization, derealization, panic attacks and etc.

You can get awaken even without meditation and other technics. Everything is possible.

Buddha says there are 3 kinds of thought-coverings. The first is karma averna - incomplete acts. Untotal acts cover your being. Each act wants to be completed. There is an intrinsic urge in everything to complete itself. Whenever you allow some act to hand around you incomplete, it covers you: karma averna, karma that covers you. (Osho) Does he mean we should solve unsolved desires, deeds and etc? Should I complete every act hanging around me?

I gave up cannabis because it was inducing fear in me. I remember once I started to investigate why I have this fear which does not make sense. I dig deeper and deeper and found out that my biggest fear is my parents. When I think I might die I think my death would be devastating for my parents. When I do something "shameful" I think my parents will be embarrassed because of this. And etc. I have OCD and Borderline Personality Disorder nd when in my first visit psychiatrist said that my disorder were caused by my parents I laughed and said it was impossible. But day by day I figured out how they imprisoned me psychologically since my childhood. I always envied junkies, criminals, who did not care their families, the tears of their moms. Who were so free. They did not feel sorry for their parents. Zero attachment.

Does the love to parents, siblings, spouse, kids prevent you from attaining liberation?

Scientists are not sure. https://thehumanist.com/magazine/september-october-2007/features/can-meditation-be-bad-for-you

Seekers call it dark night of the soul. But I did a research on internet and saw that dozens have committed suicide after meditation (especially retreat) and hundreds became mentally disabled (depression, psychosis, panic attacks and etc). I saw people on psychology forums who have been suffering from depersonalization for years after doing several months meditation.

Meditation once a day (20 minutes) brought me to the edge of suicide.

I have read a lot of posts of spiritual seekers and allegedly enlightened people who did not like this eternal now, oneness with everything, enlightenment, but could not go back. If somebody experiences non-duality, oneness, emptiness, nothingness, beyond time and space, but not bliss, on the contrary, agony, why is not it called enlightenment?