Emerald

This statement got me thinking about something with regard to patterns with Teal Swan... as I've been watching her channel for like a decade now. And it is a shame as she does seem to struggle with surrender.... yet very much prefers a more polarized (man dominant - woman submissive) dynamic in her relationships. She seems to obsessively look for it, even.... like a bit too fixated. It's like one of the main hang-ups she seems to talk about in her work. I think her biggest impediment to the type of relationship that she wants is because she's too polarized into Yang qualities like strength, capability, extraordinariness, divergence, greatness, etc. And she's not very well integrated with Yin qualities like vulnerability, limitation, ordinariness, commonality, humility, etc. (this is also the reason why she draws so much ire from the general public) And it's the Yin qualities that one must integrate to be "submissive" in a relationship... but beyond that, those are also the same qualities that one requires to have a human-to-human connection with anyone, even in just a friendship capacity. Even men who are resistant to those Yin qualities will struggle with connection, as polarization into extraordinariness creates a feeling of alienation... and of being outside of nature. So, this set my mind in motion a bit... It could even be that the level of intensity of her desires for submission could come from her lack of integration with ordinariness... and a conscious rejection of humility (as she consciously sees humility as an unquestionably negative thing). So, she goes looking for that through the outlet of a romantic relationship. But of course, none of those romantic relationships suffice because it's a reflection of her own repressed desires for commonality and humility. But she seems to have this impression that, if she can find the "right" man, she can experience the Yin experiences she longs for. And that requires a lot of humbling experiences to be receptive to.... which she is always experiencing a lot of and is resistant to.

Yes, that describes him well. It's ether that his emotions and bitterness holds him back from applying his intelligence to more constructive things. Or he's a really sincere-sounding grifter who knows how to construct narratives that are soothing to men with insecurities about dating and relationships.

I still don't see how your post correlates with what I said. Are you saying that the sex workers that I was reading about a decade ago were lying about some of their Johns treating them like therapists? Or are you saying something else?

I've seen a few of this guy's videos, and they really just exist as a hug box for men who are insecure in dating/relationships. His formula is basically this... "Here's an explanation of how men have all the power and how women are inherently powerless compared to men. And men are blameless... while women are to blame because of character flaws that are baked into their nature. And women are wisest to just settle for what they can get because they're powerless, and if they don't realize this they will die old and alone as cat ladies... and they'll deserve it." And he frames this as general advice towards men and women. But in actuality, the target audience is 99% insecure guys who feel soothed by these narratives as it gives them a scapegoat to put the responsibility for their dating problems onto. But it just holds them back from taking personal responsibility for their dating/relationship issues... and paralyzed in a state of cold comfort that "at least women will get their comeuppance."

That answers my question. It's a scarcity mindset thing.

What is this in reference to?

That tracks with some of the anecdotes that I was reading. Some of the stories that I heard were of men calling up at the phone sex hotline, not to talk about anything sexual... but just to talk about their pain and grief. So, I could totally see a guy trying to get that for free from a courtesan.

I thought you guys were talking about sex workers for some reason, and I forget why. Well, at any rate... it was a fun fact!

I have noticed the same thing. I suspect this could be just naturally the way men are, generally speaking. But I'm sure that cultural norms have a lot to do with it... as sex and fighting/anger are framed as the only 'manly' options for emotional expression and catharsis.

I was just asking you why you prepare yourself to date immature women... and whether it's preference or scarcity thinking. Personally, I haven't found it difficult to find mature men or women. They do exist... in spades. So, in my mind, I wanted to know why you're preparing yourself to date immature women... when you could just raise your standards and sort those women from consideration. Sure, someone could always fall in love with an immature person. That could happen to anyone. But my question is more along the lines of why you made the earlier statement around expecting to date immature women and planning and preparing as such. To me, it just came across as an indicator of scarcity mindset and preemptively not sorting out immature women from your dating pool... or as an indicator of a preference to date immature women.

You're welcome!

Of course the primary value of going to a sex worker is sex. But when I was in my 20s, I went down an internet rabbit hole of learning about the realities of phone sex operators (mostly) and other types of sex workers. And apparently it happens so often that many of the men who go to sex workers and call phone sex operators are looking for a therapist they can get sexual with. I also personally know a courtesan who has told me similar things about some of her clients. I'd imagine that it was like when I went to New Orleans about 10 years ago. And I bought a 20 minute psychic reading, and I totally related to that lady as a therapist rather than as a psychic. Surprising even to myself, I wasn't even that interested in the psychic stuff once the reading got going, despite being really interested in getting a psychic reading before that. I just couldn't help going into therapeutic territory because I didn't have any other outlet at the time to talk to about my struggles. So, it wouldn't be a surprise to me if sex workers commonly experience the same kinds of things.

That's just not true. When a woman is in love with a man and hasn't yet developed self-respect and boundaries, he can get away with murder because she's so attached to him. And you don't need to be some "alpha" guy for that to happen. I let my first boyfriend (who I was with for 4 years ) get away with a lot of things that I would have ZERO tolerance for now... and that's because I loved him and was attached to the relationship. And I didn't want to even think about it ending. And my first boyfriend was nowhere near alpha. He couldn't keep a job and was like 5'6" tall. He didn't work out and he was missing like half of his teeth because of poor dental hygiene growing up. But I fell in love with him when I was 16 and he was 17. And I held onto that relationship until I was 20 despite him being a total ne'er-do-well.

It's very important in the initial phase to be more nonchalant and hands off. So, practicing non-attachment and giving the woman space is important, as it creates less pressure around the situation and gives a container for the chemistry to naturally flourish. Think of it a bit like if you planted a seed in the garden... and then you keep digging it back up again and again to see if roots are starting to grow. That's the kind of thing you want to avoid by taking your mind off of her and putting most of your focus towards yourself and what you have going on. You just want to plant the seed and mostly forget about it, while watering it here and there with banter. Then, when the seed has sprouted and taken more stable root, you can start gradually giving more attention to the relationship and investing more and more over time as that is what grows the sprout into a tree. But that's only if it gets to the point and you and she actually want a longterm relationship. That will likely be many months down the road. So you don't want to rush it. Instead, just keep your focus on yourself and give her space. And gradually progress it over time.

While it's true that many women fall in with a toxic guy at some point in their lives, it's just as as easy for a "beta" guy to be toxic compared to an "alpha" guy. So, the idea of "non-toxic beta" versus "toxic alpha" just isn't really true. And that idea tends to lead into the "nice guy" phenomenon, where a guy starts believing that he's a nice guy... and gets bitter because the woman he likes isn't interested in him.

It could be one of several things... She's a bit flaky and fickle. And the hot and coldness is just part of the way she operates. She's deliberately being hot and cold to get you more interested in her. She's deliberately being hot and cold towards many guys to get many guys interested in her. She's interested in you enough to flirt with you but doesn't want to pursue anything deeper. She has a naturally flirty personality but shuts it down if she sees someone interpreting her flirty personality as a sign of interest. But regardless of why she might be acting that way, you'll want to let the whole thing go and avoid overthinking it. Just interact with her nonchalantly and be playful if the interaction flows in that direction. You can also ask her if she wants to hang out again sometime in the next few weeks or so. That works especially well if you're getting together with some other friends and you invite her along as it's more casual.

But they already paid the OP... and then the AI came out two weeks later. So, while the existence of AI might eventually drive the general market value down of the service... that was not in effect when the OP struck the deal. But cheaper widespread market options (like AI) driving the general market price of a service down not-withstanding.... I still stick by the statement that people should charge for the value of the service and not the time spent producing it. And for most people, quicker is better than slower. So, it's even more valuable. So, if someone is a skilled painter and they can painting in 10 hours rather than 20 hours and get the same result... it's more valuable for many of those who might be interested in purchasing the painting for the painter to do it quicker.

I didn't pick up on him bashing on the guy too much... but it's been a few days since I watched it. It's more about him communicating what studies and surveys show that women actually like. And women (even if it's not correct to project this) might see a guy with a very muscular, ripped, or shredded physique and have a bias where he doesn't come across as the kind of man a woman would feel good in a relationship with.

To be fair, Dr. K is probably in his late 30s or early 40s. And the wisdom of that age is to be right in the middle of life with the new dawning embodied recognition that your time is bounded by death... and that you have about as long in front of you as you have behind you. So, there is a great contraction that comes from the wisdom of this age, while youth (from age 0 to age 35) is all about expansion and the wisdom of expansion. And life is contextualized through the illusion of infinite expansion. And there's a great wisdom and maturity that comes from recognizing that you are ordinary... and dying the death of the illusion of exceptionality that youth brings with it. And that's when one recognizes their place in the circle of life... and that the simple things in life like friends and family are what makes life worth living. And with contraction comes a richer experience of the smallness of life. That's not as to say that one cannot aim for excellence and move towards their goals and dreams. Everyone would be wise to also embrace their excellence. But being able to conceptualize of a finish line and conceptualizing your life in relationship to a not so far distant death brings us face to face with the fact that we cannot infinitely expand. We must also contract. So, I think Dr. K is actually doing a favor in giving this advice. Expansion is Masculine and contraction is Feminine. And I've observed that men generally tend to have a harder time contracting and letting go of the expansion of youth... though women are not exempt from the same patterns. But this can lead to older men who are stuck existing as the Puer Aeternis (of Puella Aeternis for women).

You're mixing up level of high-level intellectual/paradigmatic development with maturity. But maturity is a lot more grounded and ordinary than that, which can be realized at any stage of Spiral Dynamics. It's important to be able to distinguish the differences between intelligence, maturity, and Spiral Dynamics stage. And why is it that you haven't seen any mature women in real life? They do exist. So, it seems to me that you're only tuning into the immature ones as potential mates. And I wanted to know if it was a preference or a scarcity thing.

It's not about what I personally consider mature. You said that you tend to date more immature women in your post. I was just responding to that and asking you if it was a preference or a scarcity thing. But being Tier 1 doesn't mean someone is immature. There are plenty of mature Stage Blue people even.

First off, the type of mature kind of Masculinity that helps a woman feel secure and stable in your presence can't be learned through all these online propaganda perspectives... and it can't be learned through pick-up either. The only thing that actually works is to develop yourself into a man of high integrity who knows himself and feels comfortable in his own skin. And men are a lot more likely to learn this if they avoid the Masculinity internet propaganda and low quality perspectives. You can observe that these perspectives on Masculinity are actively making men worse at embodying mature Masculinity because their mind is so polluted with Masculinity propaganda. Also, why do you date women who are immature? Is it a preference? Or do you just feel a sense of scarcity and are putting up with immaturity because you feel you have no other choice?

That's a perfect explanation of where these kinds of rigid male/female relationship paradigms and victim narratives come from. And they're very protective because it allows them to feel a false sense of empowerment... but also keep these guys in the same disconnected state. And it creates this bitterness towards women that pushes them away. So, it self-perpetuates as a cycle.

This is more of a movie trope. Scars are neutral. Women are not more likely to be attracted to a guy who has scars versus a guy who doesn't. That said, if a woman is attracted to you... she will also likely find your scars interesting and attractive because she finds you interesting and attractive. But women are not generally attracted to scars on a guy.

How do you mean? What does Red Bull represent in this context?