Emerald

You're welcome. That's definitely a common pattern. And I think it's because we tend to learn about our own sexuality and dating dynamics through a male lens. So, we get hyper-focused on attraction... when that doesn't actually help us out with the skills we need to develop to sort.

This one is a difficult one to navigate... because open-hearted and inexperienced women tend to fall more quickly into the Masculine Lover role because it feels exciting and there's an illusion of having more control. The way that this one is sorted is to learn to take things slow at the outset of the relationship before jumping feet-first into it... and to learn not take those crushy feelings too seriously as some magical indicator of relationship fitness... and instead to get really realistic about where those feelings are actually coming from. And it's usually one of two place... The first is that it's a reactivation of childhood trauma and familial patterns. The second is that he's not reliable or predictable, so there is anxiety that is being perceived as desire, excitement, and longing. And neither of those tend to be an indicator of a good relationship to come. So, it's a matter of working through these patterns in general so that they have less of a pull... and learning to cultivate enough sensitivity to one's own boundaries to get bored and disenchanted with low investment. And it's also about becoming more sensitive to your own boundaries, so that you're naturally not so easily persuadable because of this or that or the other feeling that arises.

My advice on this is just to socialize with women... and people in general. Eventually, if you make a human-to-human connection a woman will reciprocate your feelings... and things can develop from there. Now, you can try pick-up. But I do recommend sorting for it because it's spammy attention. And there are better sources to pull from that are more intertwined in her social circle.

That's a good one too. If you can find like a context... like a book club or something like that, you can sort for guys who have similar interests. Though I probably wouldn't use dating apps if I should end up single ever again. I need to get a sense of what the rhythm of his personality is. That gives off a lot of information.

So, those men are weak because they were attracted to me? I think they're just heterosexual men and that that's what heterosexual men are wired up biologically to do. I'm an average woman... and the average woman is attractive in the eyes of the average man. But no one is saying what you have to do. You don't have to sleep with average women. If you want to go out and only have sex with 10s, then make merry about it. But weren't you the one saying that you were struggling to have any women attracted to you? Seems like you're so attached to that idea that you're not open to connecting with women who would like you.

This is pure fantasy. You can't kid me on this. I've lived almost 36 years as an average female human being. So, I know a bit about what men's standards are. And I have had SOOO many guys try to get me in bed. It happens all the time to women. I've also known plenty of women who are less attractive than I am that never had an issue attracting a good partner... let along getting laid down on a bed by some guy.

You're welcome! That's interesting because I also say something similar to that... that women die more often than men (for this very reason). So, we're better at dying than them.

That's definitely not the case for most men. Men actually aren't very picky with looks at all... especially the ones who make better romantic partners. Men like the idea of being with a very beautiful woman, of course. But they don't fall in love with looks. Also, take it from me. I'm a very average middle aged woman, and I've never had any issues with attracting and keeping the affection of my romantic partners. I've had hundred of men who've been interested in me in my life over the years. But definitely men have more room for improvement attraction-wise, because they need to develop themselves more to avoid being sorted and to establish a relationship with a woman. A guy can be a 10 in looks but come across totally ugly if he's got certain deficits. Or a guy can be a 5 in looks but through personality development, he can improve his way to being like 7. For women, we are as attractive as we are. We don't get any more attractive. But we don't need to improve our attractiveness to secure a good partner. We just need to get really good at sorting from the men who are interested... as the interest is already a foregone conclusion.

That's where you're wrong. Men need to focus on attracting women... as that is not a given. But women need to focus on sorting men as women already attract men just purely on the basis of being women. So, the task is to sort the wheat from the chaff, so that you're able to get together with a compatible man. And you'll especially want to sort guys from consideration who are only selecting you based on physical beauty.

You mentioned in an earlier thread a line that went something like 'what do I need to rape girls to get laid?' Given that that's twice that you're bringing up rape, please do not use this line of reasoning that you're entertaining in this thread to muddy the ethical waters for yourself to justify raping someone. In a court of law, these intellectual logic gymnastics will not work as a good defense.

I've definitely told my partner similar things before when I'm stressed/overwhelmed or I want to have some fun and lose my agency for an hour or two. But if it were an ongoing dynamic, it wouldn't be fun or relieving. It would just be hiding from life and stagnating... not truly blooming.

It might seem harsh, but look around the world. And you will see that it's just a practical safety concern. You would think similarly if you were a woman. There's so much misunderstanding that so many men have about women... and when you misunderstand something, you will fear and harm that something. And it's not a mistake that women recoil at men who openly talk about these thoughts and feelings. It's just a smart move. What's worse is that the men that think like this are so certain that they're correct. They're like a full cup that can't be poured into. And they get mean and gang up... and they let their true colors show when you challenge them on it. So, it's genuinely good for men to communicate as loudly and proudly as possible what they're thinking about women. It's better if they tell on themselves. But of course what you say is true about them saying "Don't tell women x." and then "telling women x" as they're saying that. It's just a a game to big themselves up as the 'logical ones that know better and can handle harsh truths'... but it's just a mixture of a lot of them sucking their own dicks and licking their wounds together as a salve for their own loneliness.

I have my own community.... a YouTube channel with nearly 70k subs. And I don't school them. It would be an irresponsible to relate to them in that way as people are incredibly impressionable. So, I'm incredibly careful about what I share with my audience and how I share it, as I know it can cause so much harm. And that's why I'm hard on Leo... as he has a larger audience. Yet, he often doesn't consider how much power his words have over his audience. So, no. I don't even have the urge to school my audience because my audience is full of bright deep-thinking individuals that I see as my equals. I only come on here to argue at willing targets... because I sometimes require a safe space to spar with people. It's all in good fun. But I would never do it on my own platform as it could really harm people.

I don't agree with that. It's important to know how a sizable portion of the male population are thinking about women. If you don't know it... you can't sort for it?

Well said.

I'm addressing this to multiple guys on this thread who seem to think that "such a woman answer" is such a zinger... Stop being dicks. You're not clever.

And which cartoon character are you?

Leo has a lot of really deep perspectives on many topics... but women, Femininity, and relationships are topics that he's fairly shallow in his understanding of. But that's mostly because he's not really interested in exploring the topic more deeply... as he doesn't see the value in it beyond basic pick-up stuff. I just wish that he wouldn't speak on it like such an authority when he understands to little on the topic. I would leave him alone if he wasn't doing that.

I literally said this earlier int he thread... and how taking responsibility for learning from these kinds of situations is important. But that's different than blame and judgment. I just think you like to argue for no reason.

Which one am I? Tom or Jerry?

Why do you have to be sexist about it? Just stop being so judgmental all the time... and you might learn something.

I don't see it as a binary scale like that which is meant to be consistent. It's more like modes to be shifted in and out of so that it feels good to both partners... or even colors to paint with. And I guess that there are some people who really want some kind of a bdsm dynamic to play out in all parts of their lives... like the people who like to live as each other's pets and slaves and stuff like that. But to me, the power deferential is only enjoyable if it's a pattern interrupt from the otherwise egalitarian relationship. Otherwise, it just feels stagnant and boring... and stifling. But regardless of what people prefer, you have to have the foundation of commonality and friendship to have an intimate relationship. Otherwise, it's just a power dynamic.

Yes, I'm aware of that phrase and what it means.

I don't really view anything that happened in the past as a mistake truly.... because it's all been a learning experience and it's just part of the great curriculum that God has given me to sharpen my sword on so that I may do the great work. But it would certainly be a mistake to make that decision again... now that I know better. First time's a lesson... second time's a pattern that must be worked through.

You were originally... and only softened your stance and re-explained it to sound more neutral when me and someone else called you out for victim blaming. You said that people in abusive relationship are irresponsible frogs in boiling water. Can't you be honest and admit that that's a judgment?