Emerald

I have noticed the same thing. I suspect this could be just naturally the way men are, generally speaking. But I'm sure that cultural norms have a lot to do with it... as sex and fighting/anger are framed as the only 'manly' options for emotional expression and catharsis.

I was just asking you why you prepare yourself to date immature women... and whether it's preference or scarcity thinking. Personally, I haven't found it difficult to find mature men or women. They do exist... in spades. So, in my mind, I wanted to know why you're preparing yourself to date immature women... when you could just raise your standards and sort those women from consideration. Sure, someone could always fall in love with an immature person. That could happen to anyone. But my question is more along the lines of why you made the earlier statement around expecting to date immature women and planning and preparing as such. To me, it just came across as an indicator of scarcity mindset and preemptively not sorting out immature women from your dating pool... or as an indicator of a preference to date immature women.

You're welcome!

Of course the primary value of going to a sex worker is sex. But when I was in my 20s, I went down an internet rabbit hole of learning about the realities of phone sex operators (mostly) and other types of sex workers. And apparently it happens so often that many of the men who go to sex workers and call phone sex operators are looking for a therapist they can get sexual with. I also personally know a courtesan who has told me similar things about some of her clients. I'd imagine that it was like when I went to New Orleans about 10 years ago. And I bought a 20 minute psychic reading, and I totally related to that lady as a therapist rather than as a psychic. Surprising even to myself, I wasn't even that interested in the psychic stuff once the reading got going, despite being really interested in getting a psychic reading before that. I just couldn't help going into therapeutic territory because I didn't have any other outlet at the time to talk to about my struggles. So, it wouldn't be a surprise to me if sex workers commonly experience the same kinds of things.

That's just not true. When a woman is in love with a man and hasn't yet developed self-respect and boundaries, he can get away with murder because she's so attached to him. And you don't need to be some "alpha" guy for that to happen. I let my first boyfriend (who I was with for 4 years ) get away with a lot of things that I would have ZERO tolerance for now... and that's because I loved him and was attached to the relationship. And I didn't want to even think about it ending. And my first boyfriend was nowhere near alpha. He couldn't keep a job and was like 5'6" tall. He didn't work out and he was missing like half of his teeth because of poor dental hygiene growing up. But I fell in love with him when I was 16 and he was 17. And I held onto that relationship until I was 20 despite him being a total ne'er-do-well.

It's very important in the initial phase to be more nonchalant and hands off. So, practicing non-attachment and giving the woman space is important, as it creates less pressure around the situation and gives a container for the chemistry to naturally flourish. Think of it a bit like if you planted a seed in the garden... and then you keep digging it back up again and again to see if roots are starting to grow. That's the kind of thing you want to avoid by taking your mind off of her and putting most of your focus towards yourself and what you have going on. You just want to plant the seed and mostly forget about it, while watering it here and there with banter. Then, when the seed has sprouted and taken more stable root, you can start gradually giving more attention to the relationship and investing more and more over time as that is what grows the sprout into a tree. But that's only if it gets to the point and you and she actually want a longterm relationship. That will likely be many months down the road. So you don't want to rush it. Instead, just keep your focus on yourself and give her space. And gradually progress it over time.

While it's true that many women fall in with a toxic guy at some point in their lives, it's just as as easy for a "beta" guy to be toxic compared to an "alpha" guy. So, the idea of "non-toxic beta" versus "toxic alpha" just isn't really true. And that idea tends to lead into the "nice guy" phenomenon, where a guy starts believing that he's a nice guy... and gets bitter because the woman he likes isn't interested in him.

It could be one of several things... She's a bit flaky and fickle. And the hot and coldness is just part of the way she operates. She's deliberately being hot and cold to get you more interested in her. She's deliberately being hot and cold towards many guys to get many guys interested in her. She's interested in you enough to flirt with you but doesn't want to pursue anything deeper. She has a naturally flirty personality but shuts it down if she sees someone interpreting her flirty personality as a sign of interest. But regardless of why she might be acting that way, you'll want to let the whole thing go and avoid overthinking it. Just interact with her nonchalantly and be playful if the interaction flows in that direction. You can also ask her if she wants to hang out again sometime in the next few weeks or so. That works especially well if you're getting together with some other friends and you invite her along as it's more casual.

But they already paid the OP... and then the AI came out two weeks later. So, while the existence of AI might eventually drive the general market value down of the service... that was not in effect when the OP struck the deal. But cheaper widespread market options (like AI) driving the general market price of a service down not-withstanding.... I still stick by the statement that people should charge for the value of the service and not the time spent producing it. And for most people, quicker is better than slower. So, it's even more valuable. So, if someone is a skilled painter and they can painting in 10 hours rather than 20 hours and get the same result... it's more valuable for many of those who might be interested in purchasing the painting for the painter to do it quicker.

I didn't pick up on him bashing on the guy too much... but it's been a few days since I watched it. It's more about him communicating what studies and surveys show that women actually like. And women (even if it's not correct to project this) might see a guy with a very muscular, ripped, or shredded physique and have a bias where he doesn't come across as the kind of man a woman would feel good in a relationship with.

To be fair, Dr. K is probably in his late 30s or early 40s. And the wisdom of that age is to be right in the middle of life with the new dawning embodied recognition that your time is bounded by death... and that you have about as long in front of you as you have behind you. So, there is a great contraction that comes from the wisdom of this age, while youth (from age 0 to age 35) is all about expansion and the wisdom of expansion. And life is contextualized through the illusion of infinite expansion. And there's a great wisdom and maturity that comes from recognizing that you are ordinary... and dying the death of the illusion of exceptionality that youth brings with it. And that's when one recognizes their place in the circle of life... and that the simple things in life like friends and family are what makes life worth living. And with contraction comes a richer experience of the smallness of life. That's not as to say that one cannot aim for excellence and move towards their goals and dreams. Everyone would be wise to also embrace their excellence. But being able to conceptualize of a finish line and conceptualizing your life in relationship to a not so far distant death brings us face to face with the fact that we cannot infinitely expand. We must also contract. So, I think Dr. K is actually doing a favor in giving this advice. Expansion is Masculine and contraction is Feminine. And I've observed that men generally tend to have a harder time contracting and letting go of the expansion of youth... though women are not exempt from the same patterns. But this can lead to older men who are stuck existing as the Puer Aeternis (of Puella Aeternis for women).

You're mixing up level of high-level intellectual/paradigmatic development with maturity. But maturity is a lot more grounded and ordinary than that, which can be realized at any stage of Spiral Dynamics. It's important to be able to distinguish the differences between intelligence, maturity, and Spiral Dynamics stage. And why is it that you haven't seen any mature women in real life? They do exist. So, it seems to me that you're only tuning into the immature ones as potential mates. And I wanted to know if it was a preference or a scarcity thing.

It's not about what I personally consider mature. You said that you tend to date more immature women in your post. I was just responding to that and asking you if it was a preference or a scarcity thing. But being Tier 1 doesn't mean someone is immature. There are plenty of mature Stage Blue people even.

First off, the type of mature kind of Masculinity that helps a woman feel secure and stable in your presence can't be learned through all these online propaganda perspectives... and it can't be learned through pick-up either. The only thing that actually works is to develop yourself into a man of high integrity who knows himself and feels comfortable in his own skin. And men are a lot more likely to learn this if they avoid the Masculinity internet propaganda and low quality perspectives. You can observe that these perspectives on Masculinity are actively making men worse at embodying mature Masculinity because their mind is so polluted with Masculinity propaganda. Also, why do you date women who are immature? Is it a preference? Or do you just feel a sense of scarcity and are putting up with immaturity because you feel you have no other choice?

That's a perfect explanation of where these kinds of rigid male/female relationship paradigms and victim narratives come from. And they're very protective because it allows them to feel a false sense of empowerment... but also keep these guys in the same disconnected state. And it creates this bitterness towards women that pushes them away. So, it self-perpetuates as a cycle.

This is more of a movie trope. Scars are neutral. Women are not more likely to be attracted to a guy who has scars versus a guy who doesn't. That said, if a woman is attracted to you... she will also likely find your scars interesting and attractive because she finds you interesting and attractive. But women are not generally attracted to scars on a guy.

How do you mean? What does Red Bull represent in this context?

One thing I would mention about my attractions/fantasies is that they tend to come up at random towards a particular guy that I initially had platonic feelings for. But over the course of interacting with him, some internal switch gets flipped where I start to feel emotionally drawn to him for reasons that aren't always clear to me. Like, I personally don't like the IDEA of longterm relationships because it sounds as boring and bland as dry chicken breast. Like, when I look at other couples, I just feel like it's so boring. So, that notion of "I want to get into a relationship" rarely factors into my fantasies. And I have never before sought out a longterm relationship unless I had feelings for a specific man. And when feelings do arise for a specific man, I just feel so excited and compelled to get close with him and for things to take a sexual turn. And my fantasies during that time, are usually around the moment of the revelation where things turn from platonic to sexual. And this whole process of just following my romantic and sexual feelings has usually organically lead into longterm relationship. And then relationship becomes suddenly un-boring and interesting because of who I'm with. So, those are what my fantasies tend to be like. It's like a desire to become passionate lovers and explore each others' minds and bodies in deep ways and to merge with him... rather than the idea of getting into a relationship. But as that organic lovers dynamic unfolds over the course of months, it tends to lead into longterm partnership and brings my instincts towards long-term pair-bonding, marriage, and children online. That's the process in a nutshell. --- But in terms of the latter archetypal category (which is an interesting category), I occasionally have a more archetypal fantasy expression that might catch my attentions. And I see these more as what I need to integrate or explore within myself. Like, when I was a child (around 6-7 years old), I used to fantasize that I was 30 years old to give myself an adult body in the fantasy... and that I'd be laying in my bed in a pretty blue satin nightgown. And Count Dracula would come to my window at night (a balcony in the fantasy). And there would be all this chill night air and so much excitement. And he'd whisk me off into the night to romance me and drain me of my blood and turn me into a vampire. I suspect this one came up because I had recently had an experience of French kissing with an older boy that I had a crush on who was 6 years older than me. And it was my way of exploring my mixed feelings about that... which were both exciting because I had a crush on him and overwhelming because I was only 6 years old and it was way to much for me to handle. And I think a fantasy about a vampire was a way to explore those conflicting feelings. And when I was 13 years old, I had these crushy feelings arise towards a fictional gun-slinger anime character called Vash the Stampede. And there was this desire to embrace my dualities that arose from my admiration towards that character and to realize that I didn't have to be just one thing... and that it was much more interesting to be multi-faceted. My favorite thing about the character was that he was a total goofball and also super deep and serious at the same time. And at 18, I got a big crush on Jerry Cantrell from Alice In Chains. He isn't a fictional character, but he's the guitarist of the band. And there was something about him that really inspired me and drew me in. And that's been half my life ago, but if memory serves, he was the one writing all the lyrics, which are dark and poetic. And his guitar playing is superb as he's just really got at manipulating the strings. And I even noted at the time that there was something really sexual and phallic about the way he wielded the guitar. So, I think this celebrity crush was about connecting to some kind of excellence in my craft (I'm a painter)... and as a celebration of poetic darkness more generally. I've had many others of these over the years. And I love it when it happens because it indicates to me that a new layer of the onion is being revealed in terms of my individuation process. Most recently, I was watching this detective show that's set at the turn of the 20th century. And there's this really brash hot-blooded inspector character who's like 50 years old. And he's slightly chubby, he's got red hair and a mustache and side burns. And he has one of the rougher working class English accents. And both his joy and his anger are right up at the surface... like effortlessly so. So, he has this mixture of jovialness and brash anger that come through in his speech patterns. He's also got this "Don't over-complicate things. Take care of business." philosophy. And there's something very opposite about him to me. And I suspect that this character piques my sexual interest because he is so opposite to me and represents a positive expression of what I need to integrate within myself. I've also had similar types of "Archetype crushes" on male teachers and professors as well through middle school, high school, and college. And those are usually about integrating some qualities they possess into myself. I've always tended towards self-exploration through the lens of these archetypes and feelings towards male fantasy characters or off-limits men... like famous musicians or professors.

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Yes, it's a convenient thing to do to relegate male/female relationships solely to the material.

Yeah, that's exactly what I mean by niche marketing. And I feel like most of the men on this forum would be doing so much better across the board (dating-wise and personal development wise) if they really leaned into the niche angle. It seems like most of the guys on this forum hit a bottle neck with their personal development path because they keep trying to be coca-cola and appeal to the lowest common denominator of attractiveness to women. But you can't develop yourself and still be Coca-Cola. It's really scarcity thinking though. It's like, "I need the most mass appeal to attract women." But just like if you're in business, unless you're LITERALLY Coca Cola or Walmart, you're going to have to niche yourself down. And that will attract far more customers than if you tried to be really general with what you provide. Specificity sells. And that dating market is no different. So, the paradox is that if you try to market yourself to a general audience of women, you will get fewer women who are interested in you compared to if you narrow the scope of the audience you're trying to appeal to. It's also what's really nifty about having hobbies to engage in and subcultures to belong to.

Yes, exactly. There is a desire to divorce human to human love and connection from spirituality entirely... and to view the laws of nature as the only root of these drivers. And it seems to me to be reflective of a fear of real connection and intimacy... and a fear of the Feminine more generally. One thing that I experienced in one of my medicine journeys was that God (which I experienced as the Divine Masculine), was showing me the burdens of infinite love by letting me embody its perspective. And it was showing me the pain of grieving infinite griefs and suffering infinite sufferings. And it was showing me how human men are also burdened with love as they are like a little Earthly microcosm of the Divine Masculine. And this burden causes them to disconnect from the Feminine... and to go into a state of disconnection in general. I think that's why men have such a resistance to connecting to the Lover Archetype, despite it being a Masculine Archetype. And I think that framing love as survival is a way of keeping all of that Lover potential and the burden of it repressed... and as a means of trying to also suppress and control and marginalize the Feminine in themselves by disconnecting from and blocking out Feminine perspectives.

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Thank you! I'm only using the word "beta" because that's the term Dr. K is using in the video. What I mean by beta is really just a regular guy who's somewhat Masculine but isn't hyper-Masculine. And the driver towards personal development isn't inherently about running away from one's self. Like, it's really attractive if a guy is doing personal development and going to the gym to enrich his experience of life and his joie de vivre. What I mean by "running away from themselves", is men who feel like they are inadequate in the eyes of women. And they feel like they have to be some hyper-Masculine alpha guy to get women. So, they either try to become that guy and succeed (like some RSD coach pick-up guy who has sex with hundreds of women).... or try to become that guy and convince themselves they've succeeded when they've actually failed (like a lot of Redpill guys)... or try to become that guy and fail and wallow in the failure (like Incels). And even though the expressions are different, all three of these outcomes arises from insecurity and a neediness for female validation. It's just a spectrum of responses to the same insecurity around men feeling "not man enough" to be respected by men and desired by women. And it just knocks them right off the center of their own sovereignty, power, and authenticity... which is what's really necessary for a man to become a truly admirable man. And it's also what men need in order to stop making women the authority figure they run their lives at the behest of.

That's a mistake that you're thinking my reasoning for sharing these perspectives is to go... "Ooh! Look at us women. We're so much more conscious than you guys. And look how beyond survival we are." But I'm not trying to compete with you or other men for whose sexuality is better. Nor am I trying to say that survival has nothing to do with my sexuality. I'm trying to make it clearer to you what the reality of being female is like and how it feels to be attracted to and care about a particular man, because you're way off base... as are most of the guys on this forum. And it's impacting your (and their) ability to relate to women in a functional way because of these skewed hyper-rational paradigms. And the reason I communicate about his often is because I want you guys to get out of paradigm lock around this reductive transactional view of human relationships so that you can actually let go of your insecurities, enjoy yourself more, and be more attractive to women who will like you for who you are. And that's honestly what most of these guys are so upset about in the first place. They feel objectified because they believe that they'll never be loved or preferred... just settled for because women couldn't land the supposedly hotter guy. And that's because of their reductive paradigms, which you also reinforce by boiling everything down to a transactional Social Darwinian survival game. Of course, a lot of men feel this way about women where they just settle for a woman out of scarcity until someone hotter comes along, as they themselves are disconnected with all paradigms except the utilitarian paradigm. So, they tend to project their own objectifying tendencies onto women as well, which makes them feel less guilty about these tendencies because "Women are doing it to us too." So, they have their own reasons to keep these victim narratives around. But it doesn't help when other men keep reinforcing their distortions and projections. The paradigms you and a lot of the guys on here operate through are pretty boring and repellant. And it's going to impact their ability to connect with women. And it will get worse and worse as they age. It's like watching you guys confidently and unnecessarily driving off a cliff. And I'm like, "Hey, there's a cliff up ahead!" And I keep trying to find new and creative ways to communicate it, such that you might hear it. Then, you guys are like, "Don't ask a fish how to catch it!" while your car is a scant few inches away from careening off the cliff.