Emerald

What have you experienced?

Certainly there were aspects that were just a trip. I was seeing things and feeling things that I'm pretty sure isn't experienced by someone who is enlightened. But I don't know. All I know is that my past experiences match with the descriptions I've heard of enlightenment with the letting go of the personal self, end of seeking, equanimity, oneness, heightened awareness, no fear of death, and unconditional love. But it wasn't just joy, it was every emotion. Have you had an awakening yourself? Or do you just believe the last two sentences of your message to be true based on what you've learned about enlightenment? It's an easy trap to fall in and I fall in it all the time. Don't dismiss anything, as there really is no way to enlightenment.

Enlightenment isn't knowledge or insight at all. It was drug-induced but I don't recommend trying it. I took Ayahuasca, but so did a bunch of others who didn't have the same kind of experience and it caused me a lot of issues in the aftermath. It screwed up my entire worldview and motivational system which before worked like a dream, so I don't recommend this. I had my eyes open as the experiences lasted several hours each. What I believe happened was that the drug itself took away my fear, so that I could see things clearly and with a higher degree of awareness. I had already been deconstructing pre-conceived notions and building my awareness since I was younger, so I think it allowed me to see clearly what my fears and attachments had otherwise obscured from view. I noticed (on both occasions as I did it twice) that my identity wasn't really me and I was able to truly let go of my identification with it. Basically, I didn't care that much about myself. I could have died right then and been forgotten by everyone ever and been completely okay with it, even thought I loved life and preferred to live. So, I was for the first time ever able to treat everything equally. I didn't hate myself or feel inferior nor did I feel big-headed and better than everyone else, which were poles I had always shot back and forth between ever since I can remember... and still do. But I felt love and acceptance of myself and everything else even in the absence of admiration. It felt a lot like childhood in that I was able to feel my emotions fully without stifling them as I had unconsciously and habitually done for years. I felt deep joy, sorrow, lust, and a wide array of other emotions. There was also a halt to the seeking of adding value to myself or adding new knowledge to my intellect. Deeper layers of thought became evident to me because I was no longer afraid to observe them. So, positive thoughts came up and destructive thoughts came up clashing against one another as they always had been, only I was previously unconscious to them in that I was uncomfortable acknowledging the negative and was heavily identified with the good. But during the experiences it gave me a bird's eye view of both. There was also this deep knowing that was familiar and I knew it was always there and always would be. It was giving me wisdom from a deep place that was always changing and had an intelligence and it was me also. I knew that I had access to everything that there was to know but that it would only give me what I needed to know in the moment. If I didn't need it, it wouldn't give it to me. Many of my repressed traits floated into my conscious mind because I no longer needed to lie to myself to protect myself. So, everything that I was, I was okay to be even if it painted me in a negative light in the eyes of others. Then there was this overwhelming sense of connection with everything and a sense that, that which I'm sensing is sensing me. All of my need for significance of any kind dropped away, because I recognized myself as part and whole of all that was which needed no label of significance simply because it is the thing that is and that's all that there is. I recognized this phenomenon as the thing called God. Everything was pure magic. It was Heaven on Earth and it had always been Heaven on Earth, I just never saw it before then. All of my value assignments of good/bad or good/better/best had just been obscuring it. It was the joy of childhood to the power of ten even when the negative would come up. But I think the main things that keep me from enlightenment are 1. Inability to let go of fears and attachments and 2. My preconceived notions about enlightenment because of my vivid past experiences with it.

It definitely sounds blah, for sure. If I hadn't had a glimpse, I would have dismissed it as boring at best and nonsense at worst. Luckily, the experiences that I had were the most liberating, beautiful, and fully embodied experiences of my life, so I have no other choice but to seek it if I want to ever feel that way again.

Is this all-of-a-sudden as a result of or in tandem with taking Leo's course? Or is it how it's been for a while? I didn't quite understand the connection. But congrats either way!

Feminism is more in the range of philosophy than anything else. Or even a study on social systems and why they gain popularity when they do. But I see this as a bit out of Leo's main idea of self-actualization. In my opinion, Feminism comes up now because new discussions are opening up about gender and society due to the widespread acceptance of the LGBT community. So, we need to take a new look at what femininity, masculinity, manhood, and womanhood means in a society where these definitions have become more fluid. In Second Wave Feminism, it was more about creating laws that enabled women the same rights in the workplace as men. So, the idea was "Women can do everything men can do, because women can be powerful like men too through work and worldly success." But now, we're ideally looking at what actually defines empowerment to the individual beyond the idea of what "should" be empowering. But many times it just gets like a broken record with everyone clinging to their viewpoints as gospel and no fruitful dialogue can happen.

When I was 20, I tried Ayahuasca twice, both of which resulted in what the video calls Satori except for the fact that it was anything but exhausting and would live every day of my life from that paradigm if I could. But it was not a permanent awakening, so after the Ayahuasca wore off I was back down to my normal level of consciousness and in a state dominated by fear. The only difference was that I had memories of the insights I experienced during the Satori experience. But the thing about wisdom, that I didn't realize until years later, is that wisdom is only wisdom when experienced in the present moment with the current circumstance. It's like Heraclitus said "You can't step in the same river twice." So, something that's wise one moment may be foolish the next. So, I ended up less conscious after my experiences and not more. But it did show me that there was something there. Prior to that experience I was agnostic leaning heavily atheist with an extreme allergy to anything spiritually related. So, I never would have sought enlightenment had I not experienced firsthand that there was something there to seek. I would have dismissed it as hogwash. But if you're already on board with seeking enlightenment, you don't need psychedelics and they can cause a lot of problems. It completely destroyed my value system and sent my life off course. Things are better now, but I really could have crashed and burned. Everything fell apart. So, I recommend not trying psychedelics because if you don't get a Satori experience, fine. But if you do, it's a lot like opening up Pandora's Box.

Perhaps. It's why I said to take what I say with a grain of salt. I only see him in the context of his videos.

Take what I say with a grain of salt because I don't know him and I'm not him. But if I had to guess from only watching his videos, I believe it's that Leo has subtle dogma that he's not yet conscious of, so he hasn't been able yet to fully let go. I believe that, deep down Leo holds an attachment to making his life significant as to not regret things on his death bed. He wants to avoid that and sees it as negative, so there's an attachment to what's good and bad in relation to his fear of regret.

You're welcome!

Yes. I've been there too. I try to stack too many things on my plate and I can't sustain it very well. But be careful approaching enlightenment in the same way that you would approach other goals (career and personal development) as enlightenment is not a goal, even if it's your desired outcome. It works differently. Willpower and determination can be your enemy in some senses because it has a lot to do with resistance and bringing yourself somewhere. Enlightenment is all about removing illusions, letting go of attachments, and being what you are. Now, you have to have enough willpower to do the inquiry and meditation work. But willpower can get in the way of surrender and letting go. I relate it to a paper printing out and willpower trying to pull the paper out as it's printing and the message becoming smeared. Or a flower that you want to grow faster so you pull on it but your results are just an uprooting and not a growing. So, you have to paradoxically will yourself to seek enlightenment while also letting go of will and seeking of enlightenment. My recommendation is just to take time to observe your perceptions (including thoughts) as they are without any preconceived notions superimposed over top of them. Best of luck!

You're welcome! As long as you are mindful, these things should melt away naturally.

This is great. It's exactly what I needed to read. I'm always trying to escape all the time using contemplation and personal development, and there's this constant fear. I find it very difficult to just be still and be with myself without distracting myself with thought. This will help me release resistance to my meditation practice and take it at my own pace. I have a difficult time finding time (or that's what I tell myself- I think I'm actually afraid) so I haven't been very consistent with my meditation practice, missing days all the time. Then I beat myself up because of Leo's 'never skip a day' idea and I feel guilty because I don't feel like I can do this yet as I've had a habit of disassociation since childhood... and I think it makes my resistance worse even though on the conscious level I take this very good advice with a grain of salt, as missing one day won't magically undo progress. I understand it to be more about keeping any practice consistent.

One thing to be careful about is resistance. If you've made the decision 'intellectually' or 'logically' as to what you should give up, this is likely working at cross-purposes to letting go. So, if you have rules that you've made for yourself, like "I shouldn't enjoy _____." or "I shouldn't be doing _______." or "I have to give up ______" This is coming at it from the wrong angle. You must recognize that your desires, including your desire for enlightenment are not something that you can get rid of through willpower or talking yourself out of it. It just becomes unconscious which is the opposite direction than you want to go in. Instead, allow yourself to go head first into whatever your desires come up... but be mindful while you do it. You can then notice more and more of your internal experience and with attention all illusions melt away. Letting go is what you want. Suppression is the opposite of letting go.

Thank you for supporting my channel! I'm glad that you like it.

Well, I can't say that I have experience with this social dynamic as I was raised in America. But if I'm brutally honest, looking at it from an outsider's view, (I hope I don't sound ignorant saying this) I feel really bad for people who live under these seemingly arbitrary social restraints. To me, these ideas and norms seem very pointless and seem to really sap the life out of people. However, I did not grow up in your particular culture, so I don't know if these norms still serve a practical function or if it's just maintaining tradition for the sake of maintaining tradition. But having lived the life that I live now, I would ask myself given that I only have one life, "Do I want to live the life that I want to live?" or "Do I want to live an inauthentic life simply to maintain my family's social status?" Of course, there may be consequences for your parents if you bring shame to the family, that I'm not aware of. Maybe it would get in the way of them living a good life because they wouldn't be allowed to do things that they would normally be allowed to do. So, given this consequence, it would be a tough decision to make. I wouldn't want to deprive my family of their freedom because I want my freedom. But if it's only a maintaining a positive reputation for the sake of maintaining a positive reputation and posturing to the people in the society, I would never sacrifice my most authentic desires for this because this is a pointless struggle. If I were put in this situation, I would tell my parents very firmly that I will marry whoever I want to marry and that's all there is to it. If they were to disown me, then I would let them go as it's not my responsibility to keep them comfortable with their social standing no matter how ingrained in the culture it is. But this is likely an outgrowth of my cultural background which is big on individuality and independence. And it's a pretty dysfunctional society too... so who knows if this is really healthier or better. But do know that leaving and doing whatever you want to do is ALWAYS an option, even if it's painful and scary. You don't have to live in a place and follow customs that are inauthentic to you. If your family cares about you more than they care about their social status, then they will begrudgingly understand. If they care more about their social status, then that's not an influence that I'd want to have in my life. But this is just personal opinion.

@Leo Gura How long did it take you to get your first 10,000 subscribers on Youtube? Was your growth slow at first, or were you able to raise your numbers at a quick pace from the start?

That makes a lot of sense. I think this is probably why adults are seldom in touch with this "stream of wisdom" as much as a child is. A child hasn't fully developed a coherent world-view and has an openness to experience so they haven't labeled things dualistically yet. So, life isn't about following ego rules yet, and thus they are more in touch with intuition.

Discovering this was really one of the most amazing things about the experiences that I had. It was like I was in touch with everything that there was to know... but it was also utilitarian in that it only really gave me what I needed in that moment. But it was very clear that there was a connection to all the wisdom that I needed to know as a human being and that I had always had this connection and always known it. So, it was amazing to discover this but I also knew that it had always been there. The only reason why I think this is so hidden (although I don't know) is because this enables that which is infinite oneness and perfection to experience finite-ness, separation, and imperfection. But this is just a guess really.

@Kevin Dunlop Thank you for watching and posting my video. Just a disclaimer, it was my first one so the production quality is very shoddy.

I really don't want to hi-jack the thread anymore. Can you PM with other messages, if you want to talk? I feel guilty diverting the thread. I don't like to break rules that much. But I understand that I can't help you. If you're past where I'm at (which I take your word for) there is unlikely to be something that I can provide to you beyond accidental serendipity which can provided by anyone and anything. I do feel a bit slighted by your rudeness though, and you can't really blame a person operating under the ego-consciousness paradigm for being slighted. I think I understand what you're doing. After I had my experiences, I realized that I was constantly trying to manipulate people's opinion of me and make myself likable and doing a ton of subtle social games that I was barely conscious of. So, after realizing this, I decided that I would do whatever came to my mind regardless of how negative of a light it cast me in. I did and said just about anything that wouldn't get me kicked out of school or thrown in jail. But I ultimately came to the conclusion that this radical unfiltered thought sharing and reputation destruction didn't really yield me anything of value. But I may have let it go pre-maturely. I have never much been able to stomach other people thinking negatively of me as I'm very attached to my "I'm a good person" identity.

I'm definitely a hypocrite. I give great advice but very seldom follow it. I have a lot of blind spots but it's a work in progress.

Fair enough. But I still don't understand what you derive from doing things the way you do. It does seem to be a waste of time for you, if you're really past trying to build up a superior ego with the realization of the illusion of separation. From my point of view, it seems like you're having a bunch of arguments with yourself. But what the heck do I know? Anyway, I'm supposed to be ignoring you... so fare thee well.

Why did you post my video?

At least it's a polite ego that doesn't spend hours a day hi-jacking forum threads and throwing random polemic arguments at people. I certainly am identified with ego though. I've never claimed otherwise. I know by contrast with my past experiences that I'm not enlightened. But if you really want to continue this swashbuckling match, feel free to PM me. Otherwise, don't waste my time and respectfully refrain from hi-jacking other people's threads.