Emerald

I had two enlightenment experiences as a result of Ayahuasca when I was in college. Prior to these experiences, I had a Leo-level work ethic. But these experiences revealed to me all the negative motivations, crutches, and demons that motivated my work ethic. So, afterward, I decided that I was going to quit being a work-a-holic. But I fell on the other side of the horse, and suppressed all of my drives toward individuation, worldly success, and creativity/productivity. So, for years to come I was constantly fighting against myself, not sure if hard work was good or bad. I now know that I just didn't have a good understanding of what I had experienced and that I was over-simplifying and handling the insights I had in a ham-fisted way. So, I would say that if you haven't learned about paradoxes and the differences between and importance of practical truths and higher truths, then you may have trouble with work ethic afterward like I did. But if you understand that effectiveness in life doesn't stand in the way of the realization of truth but identification with being effective/successful/etc. does, then you should be able to separate the wheat from the chaff and make wise decisions regarding work ethic.

I've experienced all the things that you talked about here: the panic attacks, the depersonalization when I look in the mirror (or more recently at my face and voice and mannerisms videos), and the fear looking into my eyes or others for too long. I think it's all just part of becoming more conscious and realizing that the world is not as we commonly think it is. There are a lot of unnerving things about becoming more conscious. It's just part of it. Another one that used to really bug me was that I felt like the present moment and my awareness of it could just pop like a bubble because it was so insubstantial. I was very ungrounded back then.

I would be careful with this. This post, to me, has the feeling of self deception. Now, I'm on the outside looking in and I'm not aware of your situation. I can only relate to my own self and this sounds like my self deceptions. So, I don't know if I'm correct in this feeling. But my recommendation is to look at your reason for rebelling against societal norms. Check to see if it's a rationalization. Go through and answer these questions below, to yourself in a brutally honest way. First, adopt the mindset "I don't have to be a good person" for this inquiry. Because the desire to be a good person and see yourself as a good person can distort your lens. Do you ever congratulate yourself for being against the grain of society? Do you ever imagine other people perceiving you in this way and/or imagine people that you admire approving of you for it? Is there an imagined audience for this behavior or some kind of redemption involved? Do you ever feel like it makes you more interesting or valuable? When it comes to going down different paths from your partner, is it really because they're going in a different direction? Or is it just because the emotions are not there? Or is it because you don't want to be tied down so young? Do you fancy yourself a rational person? Does this mean anything about your worth as a person? How would you feel if someone perceived you as irrational? Again, I could be totally off-base in my interpretation of your post, and I apologize if I am. But I think becoming aware of what you really want and why you want it, even if it doesn't fit nicely with your self-image, will help you become more clear and wise in your decisions for your future.

I recommend keeping it. But here are the things I do to keep myself from getting hemmed into the scrolling game or getting caught up in reading the Facebook Post's equivalent to junk food: 1. Unfollow everyone who posts stupid, unpleasant, or hate-filled posts. This doesn't mean unfriending or blocking people that do this. But it is choosing what kind of posts that I want to see in my feed and which I don't. Facebook, to me, is for fun interactions and over-the-beer conversations with friends that don't live close to me. I want only interesting and positive posts in my FB feed. 2. Unfollow everyone who posts political stances that don't agree with my own. Nothing personal, I just don't like certain political stances and I don't want to have to wade through tons of posts that disagree with my sensibilities, when I'd rather be socializing or looking at cool stuff. If I wanted a bunch of political propaganda, I'd listen to Rush Limbaugh... but I don't. 3. Block all posts about overtly disturbing events. If someone posts about children that have been kept in cages and starved to death or other such morbid posts, I unfollow them and block all other posts from the site. There are a lot of terrible things that go on in the world, but my Facebook time isn't the time that I want to become aware of them. I do use FB to keep up on current events including the negative ones, but I don't have to know every morbid detail or see pictures. 4. Go on Facebook no more than twice a day, and don't spend a ton of time scrolling. I might scroll through FB for 15 minutes at a time and comment here and there or read an article or two. But I luckily get easily disenchanted with this. I noticed that I sort of get my hopes up by going on FB hoping to have some kind of interesting interaction. This never really happens. It just doesn't have the charm of face to face interactions that I'm searching for. So, I notice that I'm looking for this, and that I'll never get it by scrolling and searching more. So, I might make a few comments or read a few articles. But it isn't long before that becomes dull for me. So, I recommend setting time limits... especially for scrolling. You could even cut out scrolling all-together too, as this isn't really necessary for keeping in touch with friends. 5. Find another activity that's more interesting. Internet-wise, I have my channel and this forum, where people are far more interested in the things I'm interested in. So, I have more of an opportunity for stimulating conversations. But this shouldn't also become too much of a habit. I only go on here about once every day or two. My channel, I check several times a day because it's mine. But time limits are necessary in these cases too.

You're bringing facts into a feelings fight. Be careful, as a seeker, not to fall into the trap of using an objective understanding of truth to lie to yourself. Don't consult your mind, consult your heart. If you can, with full emotional awareness still contribute to the suffering caused by the meat and dairy industry, there is nothing wrong with that on the existential level. It means nothing about your value as a person and never can. But if you're skirting the awareness of the destructiveness of these social patterns by emotionally hiding behind an abstract understanding of existential truth, then you're engaging in spiritual bypassing. I mean no judgment in what I'm saying. I just want you to be aware, that it's possible to use the understanding of higher truths to resist and insulate yourself from reality. So, I recommend watching some slaughterhouse documentaries and really becoming aware of what's going on. If you can still eat meat and dairy, then that's what it is. But don't avoid the awareness. Edit: Sorry, I thought your last message was about Veganism. I read your comment through that lens. Either way, I'm going to leave the comment here.

You're welcome! When I write my videos, I create a fairly detailed sloppy outline to make sure that I don't miss anything. I organize it in a logical way in sections. Normally I start with all my definitions and explanation. Then I add my interpretations and experiences or other types of information that's helpful. Then I usually end with a process or way to apply the insights. But I have these large sections. Then I cut them down into smaller sub-points. The sub-points, I don't memorize but I have them on an outline so I don't forget to talk about them. But when I do talk about them, I talk about them off the cuff and nonchalantly. I don't read it directly off the script. If I miss something, that's okay. My videos are longer, so I don't memorize them before-hand. I just make sure that I talk about things that I know well. Or if there's an aspect that I don't know as well, like another person's quote or theory, I just research it and memorize it before-hand and record and re-record until I'm able to convey it properly. I have cuts in my videos, so this works out okay. I think the blue color is good for your logo. Darker may work even better though because it will translate better to black and white. I think blue would be a good color to use in general though... as long as it isn't electric/neon blue or paired with too many other colors.

You're welcome! I think, since your videos are shorter, I would recommend recording yourself reading off a script. Then, listen to the recording several times. Then, record yourself again until you're able to deliver the information nonchalantly. Since your videos are about five minutes, this probably won't take too much extra work, and I think the results will be much better. I think, tagline-wise, you'll want to think about who your target audiences are. For example, my audience for my channel is 75% male and 25% female. Most of my viewers are between 18 and 35. I attract people from the personal development/self help community, enlightenment seekers, new agers, philosophy buffs, and a few others. So, you want to keep your audience in mind. I would guess that the target audience for your channel would be predominantly male and between the ages of 19 and 35 as well. You'll probably attract entrepreneurs, personal development/self help community, college students, bookworms, people trying to pick themselves up out of sub-optimal situations, and several others. So, given this prediction, be sure that you stand out within the limits of these markets. So, keeping your colors more neutral or toned down is a good idea. Think about the color scheme of the inside of Barnes and Noble. I get sort of a hip, intellectual feel from that experience of being there. I think this could work well for your branding... but there could be other angles too. As for taglines, I like the idea of "more wisdom in less time" but it isn't very catchy. How about "wisdom in minutes" or "fast insights for success" or "5 minutes of mastery" or "stepping stones on the path of life mastery" or some other combination of these ideas. Maybe you could call your channel something like "The Bag of Tricks" or something cheeky like that to make it stand out more. Feel free to use any of these or toss them out... I'm just brainstorming.

Pros: - I can tell you have a naturally vibrant personality, and lots of people look for this in a motivational speaker - Great positive message - You could easily brand yourself and your channel if you capitalize upon your uniqueness. You stand out. I remember you from a year ago. Suggestions: - I can tell that your delivery style is influenced a lot by Ralph Smart. You should really try to analyze your personality and capitalize upon it in your presentation. Otherwise, it's easy to fall into the trap of taking on the traits of your favorite Youtubers. For example, Leo has been a major influence of mine, but I try to undertone that as much as possible (with the exception of the use of crazy thumbnails :D). So, I even avoid mannerisms and speech patterns that I would normally use, to set myself aside. Like, I use the word "counter-intuitive" ALL the time in life. But I never use it in my videos because it's one of Leo's buzzwords. hehe. I'll choose a word like paradoxical instead. So, I would recommend analyzing your personality and strategizing a way to share yourself naturally and authentically, while still being engaging, and avoiding sounding like your influences. - You'll want to choose a more memorable background with a personality that fits your content. It's an important part of branding.

Yes. But often times, the ego obscures suffering from view. A person could believe themselves to be happy but be in an intense amount of suffering. I bet Donald Trump can't even look at himself in the mirror unless he's top dog in all situations. I would imagine that Donald Trump suffers much more than the average Joe because he has a lot more self-lies to hide from.

My comment doesn't mean the world isn't valid or beautiful or something that we shouldn't care about. My comment was about the false nature of the word "worth". Worth is just a measuring tool of the human intellect. Reality is not beholden to ideas of worth. Its validity supercedes all ideas of worth. So, asking "is the illusion 'worth' it?" could come up with some misleadingly depressing results due to the dualistic nature of words and concepts but the non dual nature of reality.

Worth is an illusion. So, the illusion can not be "worth" anything. But "worth" itself isn't worth anything. But it's all exactly as it should be. It needs no fixing. It needs no worth.

Pros: Nice framing (rule of thirds used) Well organized and thorough Appropriate Background Good and in-demand idea for channel Your content will never run out, so your channel could go on as long as you want it to Suggestions: A little mechanical on delivery. It's a bit difficult to listen to because it feels like you're reading it. I would work toward being more conversational and off-the-cuff. Could use somewhat better lighting You may work on branding a bit more to set yourself aside from the rest. There should be something that you're offering that no one else is: personality-wise, channel branding-wise, or content-wise. Overall, I think you can be very successful with this idea if you play your cards right!

That's interesting. Did you ever speak to one of them?

You can delete your content piecemeal by choosing the "edit" option, then erasing the content. The comment and user will still show but it will show as a blank. You have 18 posts, so they should be easy to find and delete. Just search under the tab I believe is labeled "My content." You can also enter your user name in the search box... or you can just change your user name to something anonymous. That could be a quicker solution.

I would say, in general, 99% of the time, no. I've known many heavy users and they are usually not very conscious people. But I would imagine that someone who has experienced an altered state of consciousness at least once has maybe a slight edge over someone who has only ever been sober. Because the question can arise, 'is my un-sober perception distorting the reality that is there? Or am I seeing a different reality entirely that's just as valid and correct, but unfamiliar making me unskilled at it? Or are both perceptions of reality distorted by my mental state: sober and under the influence?'

No worries. No judgement here... at least none that I take very seriously. I'm a fence sitter about paranormal phenomenon as I've had a lot of seemingly paranormal-like experiences due to having out of body experiences since I was 13 as well as several strange happenings when I was very small. I was really just curious.

Why do you believe paranormal phenomenon is real, if you don't mind my asking?

Wait a whole month. That's what I heard anyway.

Unfortunately and fortunately, it's not a delusional comment. It's completely rooted in truth. The nature of the truth is that it can justify anything that exists, because that which exists is the truth. Not our beliefs about things or our preferences for how we'd like for things to go. So, you can use the truth to justify factory farming, murder, rape, pedophilia, sexism, racism, exploitations of all kinds, and much more. If you look deep enough into things, you'll see that everything is perfect: good, bad, and ugly. It's liberating and actually increases compassion to experience this recognition firsthand. That said, on the practical/subjective/theoretical level, using the truth logically to justify deeds that create suffering is an ego defense mechanism disguised in truth's clothing. Many a slave owner probably reasoned that what they were doing was a necessary evil or perhaps even good. Hitler probably felt totally justified doing all the things he did. No one feels like they're the bad guy. So, I would say that Leo's comment is an accurate representation of the truth on the logical level... but emotionally it skirts the issue. My view is that, if I'm disturbed by it, I probably shouldn't be contributing toward it. We should consult our emotions and not logical understandings to make the decisions about what we should and should not contribute to. If everyone did this, factory farming would suffer greatly as an industry. If people as a whole group really had the gumption to live in tandem with their feelings about what happens when they see it in a video and become truly aware of the suffering, the industry would be cut down to a 1/2 of its size.

Hello all! I've decided to start this journal to keep myself motivated. I'm highly influenced by having an audience, and despite my progress over the past year since watching Leo's videos and consuming other personal development resources, I still have some trouble when the rubber meets the road. It is my goal to transform my life and to reach enlightenment... to be happy and fulfilled in the most optimum way. I will start today with a quick introduction to myself and an outline of my goals. My name is Emerald Wilkins, and I'm 26 years old. I'm married, and I have two children: a daughter who is a couple months shy of age five and a son who turns one next week. I have been interested in personal development since I was about 14 years old, and got really serious about it at age 16 when I began devoting most of my time to it. At age 18, I went to college to study Fine Art and Art Education. I graduated in 2012. Up until 9 months ago, I had been working as a high school graphic design teacher. My supervisors let me know at 8.5 months pregnant that they wouldn't be renewing my contract the next year, given the reason that I wasn't a "good fit." I was let go at the end of last school year after I came back from maternity leave. A teacher in their first three years in the state of Florida can legally be let go for any reason and no reason. So, now that I've been fired from my first teaching job, my chances of finding a job as an art teacher, are slim to none because no hiring administrator is going to take a chance on hiring me. I was devastated after ten years of hard work and really pulling myself up by my bootstraps with only myself to support me emotionally, financially, and otherwise. Becoming a teacher was a goal that I've held seriously since I was 15, and even when I was in elementary school I wanted to do it. So, I'm trying hard to pick the pieces of my life up. I want to make my life, even better than it was before. Practical Goals: -I'm currently a stay at home mother and homemaker, which I want to become great at. My episodes of depression and anxiety that I've been experiencing due to my career situation has been getting in the way of my functioning in this way. I truly consider myself a mediocre mom, and that's crap. So, I want to get better at that. -I started a Youtube channel and blog, about 4 months ago. I know that teaching is part of my life purpose, but maybe I interpreted it wrong in thinking I was supposed to teach high school. I want to share insights with people that have helped me understand things about myself and the world, in order to help them live a better life. My goal is to stick to my schedule, create high quality content (craftsmanship included), and grow my subscriber base. I also eventually intend to become an author. Spiritual Goals: -I had two ego-transcendence experiences when I was 20, where I was truly myself again for a short while. My goal is to reach enlightenment through strong determination sitting meditation, contemplation, self-inquiry, and spiritual autolysis

I really enjoyed the conversation with Rali. There will probably be more to come. I have been confused about enlightenment recently which is somewhat good because it opens me up a bit more. Given that I've had a couple of very strong awakening experiences, I often get attached to them and I trick myself into believing that I know more about enlightenment than I do. This conversation really helped me better sort out the differences between an awakening experience and enlightenment. And it also helped me suspend some of my expectations relative to enlightenment.

Thank you!

It's good that you're becoming aware of these traps. You especially don't want to get hemmed into getting too hooked on one teacher's perspective. It's most natural to go in and out of resonance with spiritual teachers on this path. Getting hooked on one limits your ability to progress. I think realizing what motivates you toward enlightenment is important too. At the root of everything, everyone is seeking happiness and fulfillment. But despite the fact that enlightenment entails complete happiness and fulfillment, there are often unconscious middleman mindsets that hi-jack our intentions. That's why knowing your true intentions is key. Some people seek enlightenment because they want to feel special or wise. Some others seek it because they want something new to happen. Some others seek it because they hate their life and want to end their suffering. Others still seek it because of curiosity. Many are not aware of these underlying reasons. But none of these intentions are very "pure" and are rooted in ego. They are coming from a desire for things to be other than they are. So, I recommend chucking out the IDEA of enlightenment and simply seeking to perceive what is true beyond all assumptions and beliefs.

My thought is that, if I can't watch the killing process happening, then I probably shouldn't be eating meat... or dairy since the diary industry causes just as much death and suffering. I try not to judge things as good/bad or right/wrong as I know that all is one. And that one thing can't really be harmed. However, on the more practical level, I know that I wouldn't want it done to me and I can't even watch it without being disturbed about it for days. So, I choose not to eat meat and I don't eat dairy unless I have no other choice, as my family is struggling financially right now. So, I don't always have the option right now to cut it out as I'm working with just the basic stuff that my family has in the house, which sometimes contains dairy. But as soon as we're back to being financial stable, I'm cutting out dairy again.

I would posit that your experiences of ego-loss correlate to the effects of the drug but are not directly caused by the drug, if that makes sense. So, the not being able to function is probably caused by the drugs and not the ego loss, if that makes sense. I experienced mine as a result of experimenting with Ayahuasca. The high was very mild in many ways, as I had most of my normal faculties. The effect of the drug was mostly seeing images super-imposed on things and at the onset a nice body high. But I was able to function. I don't know if it would have even been super apparent that I was high. But the profoundness didn't come directly from the effects of the drug, it came from the dropping of the personal self. My self-concept just became less important to me, and it was as though I zoomed out from my sense of self. So, all the things I would normally edit out of my internal experience and repress away, came back into my conscious awareness. I could still make decisions and had preferences, but I didn't run them through the filter of the personal self. I still knew how reality worked, and I could still make sound decisions. Less so, because I was high. But none of the impairment came from the dropping of the personal self. It was separate from the drug effects.