Emerald

Thank you for the recommendation. But I'm not too interested personally in Yin and Yang from the relationship/attraction perspective as David Deida writes about. His perspective tends to be focused on creating a polarization of energy between two people to create attraction in relationships. Basically a man pushes his masculinity to the furthest pole, and the woman pushes her femininity to the furthest pole to create maximum attraction between the two halves as embodied by two people. My view is kind of the same but opposite from his. I focus more toward authenticity irrespective of human gender and integration of both Yin/Yang sides without consciously trying to control or polarize them. That way, without resistance, the natural inborn Yin and Yang can shine through in an individual's personality and react together to turn water into wine and brass into gold. The idea is basically to get in touch with your androgynous nature (as all people naturally contain a unique ratio of Yin and Yang from birth) and to create an alchemical attraction reaction within yourself and move toward wholeness and dynamism within yourself irrespective of relationship. Basically, I find it far more satisfying to be sex than to have sex. However, a caveat to my perspective is that you probably won't attract as many people. But you'll attract people that you're more compatible with on deeper levels based on your unique Yin/Yang ratio. So, even though it touches the topic of relationships, my focus tends to be on fixing internal repressions and artificially created imbalances in the individual and in the world. So, I like to look at this polarity in terms of large non-human systems as well. It helps me understand things better and find solutions. Wisdom is what I call the infinite river of divine knowledge that you can tap into when free from the constraints of ego. Intuition from this state can come as clear as a (voiceless) voice. But with the constraints of ego, intuition comes mainly through the lens of the emotions. So, cultivating emotional sensitivity will help you get in touch with wisdom via the intuition which will lead you in the direction of greatest expansion. This is true for relationship attractions as well. However, one caveat would be that it may lead you away from seeking relationship too. Either way, it will be a better feeling to follow what your intuition tells you, even if you think that things should be some other way.

@Emre A thought just came to me that I think might help you let go better. So, you have the ideas that in order to be authentic or good that you also have to be 100% original and uninfluenced by others. However, this is a common kind of misconception in modern culture. It means that even in believing this thought, you are being influenced by the ideas of others. So, the question is, are you going to just follow the crowd like that and continue believing what the others say and living by the rules and morals set by others, or are you going to truly be an individual?

I'm not 100% sure what you mean. Do you mean that you agree with my thought of needing to develop more emotional sensitivity to gain more proficiency in reading the intuition? Or do you think that the issue is a different issue? I tend to view a lot of things in terms of Yin and Yang (feminine and masculine respectively). The ebb and flow of Yin and Yang is what creates the system-like nature of every living and non-living system, including individual people. It's been a helpful roadmap for me in addressing some of my internal imbalances and issues. I grew up in such a way that I valued Yang (masculine) at the expense of Yin (feminine). So, many of my issues were a reflection of this internal imbalance and repression of Yin. It's a very common repression in our society which is very Yang (masculine) oriented. So, this issue is even more common in men as men are punished extra for expressing Yin traits. So, understand that when I use the term "feminine" I don't mean "woman-like". When I say "feminine" I mean Yin. So, intuition is part of Yin (femininity), but everyone has intuition. It's just that, if a man or woman represses their Yin (feminine) side, they will have issues with being insulated from reading their intuition with clarity. So, to cultivate a relationship with your Yin side, you'll want to become more sensitive to your emotions which will allow you to read more nuance into the messages from the intuition. Imagine that your experience of reading your intuition right now is like petting a cat with an oven mit on. You can tell that you're petting a cat and can pick up on the major forms of the cat. You can even tell that the cat is smooth. But you're missing out on a lot of the subtler details of the experience. So, now imagine that you took the oven mit off and started petting the cat. It would feel totally different and you'd be observing a lot more subtle details of the experience of the cat. You would even be feeling some of the individual furs if you cultivated enough awareness and sensitivity. So, my thought is that currently you may not be experiencing your intuition at full stretch due to lack of cultivation of a relationship to your Yin side. So, currently you may only be able to rely on the intellect (Yang) to determine whether or not someone would make a good girlfriend for you based on having certain attributes. The Yang side is analytical and logical, so it will make all its decision based on numbers and rationality. And to the Yang side, attraction is very objective and the object of attraction will be determined based upon the sum of their parts. The Yin side is emotional, and will make its decision based on intuition. For the Yin side, the attraction is organic and subjective, and the subject of the attraction will be based on being greater than the sum of its parts. You need both to be able to make a good choice in partners. One without the other will lead to two different types of disasters. So, Leo's advice for relationship red flags is a good Yang metric to keep around to avoid negative relationships. Though I also advise not to be too nit-picky. Don't expect that there will be any perfect people. Just make sure that the person isn't going to weigh your life down. But in honesty, I don't see Leo as being very proficient in cultivating a relationship with Yin relative to his dating/relationship advice. He tends to fall very polarly on the Yang side. At least this is true when he was making more dating/relationship based videos. I don't know if he's changed since then in that regard.

The brain/mind computer/internet analogy isn't perfect. But you get the idea that the internet isn't located in your personal physical computer. Your physical computer just receives the internet. Now, like I said, the analogy isn't totally perfect as the computer is what allows the internet to exist which may not be the case for the brain and mind. But you can get the idea of how it's possible for brain and mind to be separate things. It's our assumption only that makes us think that the brain is the location of the mind. But if we examine that assumption, we'll see that it may not be the case. To answer you question about consciousness, it's important to be able to see reality as it is without any belief structures that you've learned. We can never truly know if anything is true beyond what we're experiencing in this very moment. This reality could be completely contrived to convince us that scientifically observable facts like "I have a brain." are true, when they may not be. You don't know if your brain exists if you're not experiencing it right now. You just believe it. You don't know if your car exists if you're not experiencing it right now. You don't know if any of your memories really happened, or if reality is tricking you into believing that they happened. That's not to say that these alternatives are true. All of these things may indeed continue to exist even if you're not experiencing them. But we have to realize that we don't actually know anything. This reality could be created for the entire purpose of misleading you individually. Or it could be a mutual reality where many people experience the same thing. But we'll never know. The main takeaway is to accept that you can't know. Then you can let go of searching for the answer once you truly accept that. But you'll probably have to tire yourself out first. Intellectualizing and trying to understand is an addictive thing. But I'm glad that you like my videos. Thank you for the kind words!

To give you an analogy: the brain is like the computer and the mind is like the internet. The internet is not in your physical computer, is it?

In order to be able to find a girl that you really connect with beyond the physical level, you have to cultivate a relationship with your own feminine side. The masculine side in all people can only see a woman (or man) as the sum of her (or his) parts. So, the only way that someone who operates solely under the aegis of the masculine side can be attracted to someone is in a physical way or by enumerating their accomplishments or strengths. But a man who has cultivated a relationship with his feminine side will have more emotional sensitivity and awareness which will give him the ability to read his intuition. Until you develop emotional sensitivity, you'll just be going around in your mind trying to make pieces fit intellectually. The intuition will tell you who you're really attracted to in a deep way.

Well said.

That's okay. Don't feel like you need to respond. But you can use it as a reference when you're trying to put together a grocery list within your budget. You can get an idea of what you want to buy before you go so that you can buy a variety of food within your budget. Now, these are U.S. prices that are specifically from my knowledge of shopping in Florida. So, prices may vary. But it will give you a good rule of thumb.

Okay. That makes sense. It means that there's a cause for why this bothers you. My advice, given that you have BPD, is to try to become aware of when you're getting upset. Then, after you've become aware of your emotional state, you can intellectually remind yourself of how these things aren't harmful. So, if you feel negative emotions when someone misspeaks, then you can pause for a moment and realize that you're experiencing these emotions as sensations in the body. Focus just on observing the emotions themselves. Then, you can go through the thought process as to remind yourself that there is no real problem there. Even with BPD, you should be able to ground yourself enough to get past the tough moments.

Well said.

In the context of my channel, you can definitely see that it was inspired by Leo. And I readily admit to that. I really like his thumbnails and wanted to do something similar but different. So, I decided to do expressive gestures like he does... though he didn't invent expressive gestures either. I preferred it to unexpressive thumbnails and straight on head shots. But I also have a different background and different lettering. So, I have no shame in taking strong inspiration from Leo in this way. It would be inauthentic to decide not to do what I want with my thumbnails simply because someone had already done it. But my channel is by no means a copy channel of Leo's. If you watch my videos, you will see that Leo and I cover some similar topics but in a completely different way. Our perspectives are actually very different. For example, Leo likes to set himself as an example and urges people to sort of get with it and keep up. He tends to appeal to people's idealism. I, on the other hand, like to give a lot of personal anecdotes as to say "here's what I've noticed as a fallible human being." So I tend to appeal to people's vulnerability. But given that you believe my channel to be a copy of Leo's, it means that you're basing this only on my thumbnails. Watch my videos, and you will see a huge difference. But the ego is the thing that thinks it can follow a unique path to begin with. It's the one that thinks it needs to be "the different one" or "the one that stands out." But the only real way to be authentic is to just let your preferences and emotions be what they are without the attachment to "being the unique one." My recommendation is to go back to what I wrote before when you have a clear head and give it some honest consideration. It can be very threatening to tell a person that their differences don't add value or significance to them. There is no amount of uniqueness that will make you more or less valid than you already are. Just do what you feel is right. It's all you can do. Don't even pay attention to what others are doing. The reality is, you are a basic raccoon amongst billions of other basic raccoons. What are the odds that you'd be the one raccoon that really breaks the mold? The point is... "Who cares what a raccoon does... other than raccoons, of course?" So, a wise raccoon does whatever it wants to do even if it's the most basic raccoon nonsense that there is. A foolish raccoon tries to take over the entire world and be the special raccoon. Meanwhile, a foolish human laughs at the raccoon and says, "Silly raccoon. It doesn't even know that humans own the world!"

My interpretation is that you seem to have a limiting and untrue belief that goes something like, "I have to be unique and completely uninfluenced by others in order to be authentic." But uniqueness and authenticity are not the same thing, even if culture tells you so. We tend to equate non-conformity and uniqueness with authenticity. You see this type of logic a lot with many people in the "alternative" crowds who are trying to be unique and tend to look down on "conformists" for being "fake". But they also often fail to see their own kind of conformity and fakeness during the entire thought process. There is no need to break any molds in order to be authentic. You can find that the most average person can be 100% more authentic than someone who strives to be unique. So, I would shift from prioritizing independence and uniqueness to true authenticity. That means that you do whatever feels right, even if someone else (or everyone else) is doing it. It's easy to be the first person and only person to do something, but it's very hard to be the 9th person doing something, if you're the type that tries to stand out. And there really is nothing new under the sun. You'll find a lot of people will only enjoy things as long as it's not popular. Then, once it becomes popular, their feelings change. That's because (first off) they never really liked the thing that much to begin with. They just liked the idea of liking it because it adds to their "unique" identity. And (second) because they talked themselves out of any positive feelings they had about the thing because they don't want to undermine their "unique" identity. They don't want to be like the other "conformists" and "sheeple" that they judge so harshly in their attempts to love themselves through affirming their superiority via the vehicle of uniqueness. Now, don't also fall over on the other side of the horse. There will be emotions that you feel that are genuinely different from most people. So, you must also be brave enough to follow your authenticity through to non-conforming actions. So, you must let your emotions guide you in order to be authentic. Whether other people are or are not doing it is irrelevant. Conformity and uniqueness are just different terrains that your authenticity will likely travel through. Let it go wherever it wants to go in either of these terrains and you won't be confused. You are not the terrain, you are the thing that travels through it.

That's a good point. But I'd imagine that it's not too much different now than it was then. People have never not been people, even if social patterns have changed a bit with the rise in social media.

I'd say that those are good ideas. Introducing them could alleviate her fears if they aren't deep fears. If I were in @electroBeam's shoes, I'd sit down and really talk with her about it and assure her that he won't ever deceive her. He will always be straight forward with his intentions, so she'll never have to wonder. And to not worry about his female friends because he's not interested in them. But I would also set her straight that he will continue to have female friends and interact with women because that's just how the world works. But also reassure her that he'll never do anything to make her feel less in any way.

Yes. Certainly her emotions are exactly as they should be considering where she's at psychologically. I'm not invalidating the fact that she feels that way. But I'm also saying that it's likely for her to try to control the relationship because of her emotions. It's important that she works on herself, otherwise the relationship will be unhealthy. Unhealthy people can't make a healthy relationship.

That's actually not true because it's not based on any real research. It's one of those things that is meant to induce fear in people so they're more likely to buy things. Here's another source that's based in a study... "Many research studies attempt to estimate exactly how many people engage in infidelity, and the statistics appear reliable when studies focus on sexual intercourse, deal with heterosexual couples, and draw from large, representative, national samples. From the 1994 General Social Survey of 884 men and 1288 women, 78% of men and 88% of women denied ever having extramarital (EM) sex (Wiederman, 1997). The 1991-1996 General Social Surveys report similar data; in those years 13% of respondents admitted to having had EM sex (Atkins, Baucom, & Jacobson, 2001). In the 1981 National Survey of Women, 10% of the overall sample had a secondary sex partner. Married women were the least likely (4%), dating women more likely (18%), and cohabiting women most likely (20%) to have had a secondary sex partner (Forste & Tanfer, 1996). […]"

It's not a nightmare situation that she is jealous. That's just an emotion that she feels. I've felt jealous before. It's a human thing that comes up here and there... unless it's a chronic issue as it is for some. In this case, you should be able to be vulnerable enough to communicate your insecurity to your partner, realize that it's not healthy, and try to let it go. A healthy partner will understand and validate your emotions and will communicate what he feels about it too. However, if she thinks that her emotions of jealousy are justification for placing controls on her partner, then that is a nightmare situation. It will suck her partner's soul dry, especially if it turns into something serious. Life will be a prison, and there will be no peace in life. No one should have to stop doing normal things to make another person feel more secure, and that includes talking to other women. My rule of thumb is that having a relationship should not interrupt the normal flow of your humanity. Your partner should not be the boundary between you and living a full, free, and peaceful life.

I agree with this entirely. You have to realize that neither of you owns one another, even if you've decided to be in a relationship. So, your partner can leave at any time. But this is no need to feel insecure. If the relationship is supposed to go on, it will. And if it's meant to cease, it will. When I met my husband, I didn't want a relationship because I didn't want to add the noise of 'forever' as I had in my previous relationship. It was one of many factors that made that relationship hell. But I really liked my husband so I said that we'd take it one day at a time and not take things too seriously. So, I told him he could literally do whatever he wanted to do regarding being with someone else and it still is the case. And he's tried to be even and extend me the same courtesy but it makes him less comfortable because he didn't directly have this relationship insight like I did. Neither of us have taken each other up on this freedom, but it really matters that it's there. No one should ever have to box themselves into a relationship. And definitely always be 100% honest in a relationship. Otherwise, there is really no relationship there at all. You'll both always be on completely different pages. Normal relationships are definitely rotten to the core, and even more rotten when people believe that they need to manipulate the other to get their emotional needs met. You should be able to communicate these things to your partner without childish manipulation games. People who believe that manipulation is a good relationship tactic or that they can change their partner are in for a life that's literally a living hell. And for what? Just to have a relationship. It just isn't worth it without mutual honesty and genuine concern for the other's well-being.

@electroBeam @Snick My advice is to not let manipulation happen to you or manipulate back. Find someone who isn't going to try to manipulate so you can be yourself. Then it will actually be a comfortable relationship. Being single is better than being manipulated.

There is nothing you can do to change this tendency in her or make her feel more secure, because the issue is not in your court. She is likely emotionally insecure, so it comes out in the form of neediness and jealousy. She would have to first want to change, and then be willing to put in the massive amounts of effort to bring the demons to light that cause the jealousy in the first place. But chances are, she sees herself as justified in her jealousy because "Why would a guy be talking to another girl if his intentions aren't to have sex with her?" This is usually the jealous woman's bedrock belief: that she's competing with all other woman sexually in order to keep her man staying around. So, you talking to another woman is threatening to her because she feels replaceable. You can try to make her feel secure by assuring her that you like her for her and don't want anyone else. But moreso, her inner state is the one that needs work. The best thing you can do is continue to reassure her. It will give her temporary relief but her fears will continue to come up if you have a long term relationship. Just don't let it get so far that you cut off all relationships with female friends. That's when you know that things have gotten incredibly unhealthy and gotten yourself into a relationship prison.

I do understand that you're not interested in writing for the Orlando Sentinel, and your grammatical mistakes don't bother me personally. But (most likely) neither are your friends and family interested in writing for Webster's Dictionary. The point is that people make language mistakes because human beings are fallible. And ultimately, language mistakes are common and don't have a very negative effect in the vast majority of situations. They're not really a strong reason to be upset and most people are able to easily let them go. Nothing bad happens when someone makes the mistake of using the word actor instead of actress because everyone understands the meaning. And it isn't really incorrect to call the Orange County Deputy a police officer. It just isn't as specific as you want it to be. And everyone understands what was meant by it. So, I was wondering why you have such a strong reaction to these types of things. It's not that common, so there may be some emotional reason why you have such an averse reaction. It's understandable that you don't like trolling and projection though. It is really annoying. But my recommendation for that is to just realize that their trolling has nothing to do with you. It's totally a them thing. The only mistake you can make is to get engaged in debate with them. Just ignore them. They hate it when you do that. If you engage, that's what they like.

I may come off as rude when I say this but it isn't my intention. You're having a negative emotional reaction when people say the wrong thing. But if you look at your post, you've made several grammatical errors yourself. What about people mis-speaking or getting things wrong makes you upset? My daughter gets upset when we accidentally mix up words and has a panicky reaction. She sometimes even cries. (She's a little kid btw) We think it's a control thing. She wants everything to be just right and for us to get everything right. So, I'm trying to understand this tendency in her but I can't relate to it. What does it feel like to you when someone mis-speaks? Do you think it's about control for you or something else?

So, that means that you have a budget of about $75 a week for food. If you're the only one eating the food and not going out, then this means that you can eat very well. Proteins- You need about .36 grams of protein per pound of body weight If you eat meat, I recommend purchasing a few packages of meat per week. I usually get my husband and children some shrimp or fish, ground turkey, chicken, and maybe one red meat per week. I never end up spending more than $15 on their meat and we always end up with extra in the freezer if I portion them out and freeze them in ziplock bagged portions. This will be really good in getting your protein needs met as one 2-3 oz serving will usually give you 20+ grams of protein. Also, eggs are cheap and are great protein sources. You can pre-boil them if you like hardboiled eggs. If you're going to do dairy, I recommend doing it in the form of yogurt or kefir which has a lot of protein and is easier to digest. But still do this in moderation. Here are the prices for meats that I usually buy. But I only buy a few types per week. One pound of meat should be good for two to four meal-sized portions. A lot of nutrition resources say to have about 3 oz of meat per meal. So, if a pound of meat cooks down to 12 oz, then you have 4 meal sized portions. So, I recommend buying a food scale (I got mine for $13) to measure freeze your meal portions in individual packages. Remember to get more than 3 oz per package because meat cooks down. Boneless skinless chicken breast - $2 to $4 per pound Ground Turkey- $3 to $4 per pound Shrimp- About $6 per pound (more expensive) Salmon- About $8 to $10 per pound (more expensive) Tilapia- About $5 per pound Steak- I usually buy one steak for my husband that's around $5 or $6. (I cut it in half, so there's two portions) You can also look for deals, which will save you a lot of money. Dairy 32 oz of Greek yogurt - $4.00 Eggs A dozen eggs- less that $2.00 If you plan to do more plant based foods, these are some protein rich foods Canned beans (less than a dollar a can) or bagged beans (which are the same price but take longer to cook) Split Peas (less than a dollar a pound) Lentils (less than a dollar a pound) Peas (sometimes you can find them for 30 cents a can) Tofu (less than $2.00) Soy beans (I buy these at the Asian market where I live and they cost less than $3.00 for a whole bag) Grains- Some good, cheap grains are as follows. If you buy these in bulk you probably won't have to buy them every week. Oatmeal (less than $2.00 for a huge container that may last you months) Whole Wheat Pasta (if you do wheat) (About a dollar per box) Whole grain sugarless cereals (Anywhere from $2 to $4 per box) Rice (about a dollar for a 16 oz package) Quinoa (a little more expensive but still very cheap for the amount you get) (About $4 or $5 per package) Couscous (About $2.00 per package) Veggie and fruits I recommend buying cheap and frozen because frozen fruits and veggies have a higher nutrient content due to being picked at peak ripeness and immediately frozen. They are also cheap and pre-chopped which will save you money and time. You can usually buy a one pound bag of veggies for around $1. You can also look for cheap fresh fruits and veggies like bananas, apples, carrots, spinach, spaghetti squash, potatoes, roma tomatoes, and a few other basics. It's best to buy your fresh produce at a fruit stand because you'll pay WAY less and usually get better quality because it's more local. I can buy 3/4 of my family's produce at the local market (which is luckily a minute's walk from my home) and I'll come out with 4 or 5 bags of produce for about $20. So, these are some economical options that you can use to piece together a grocery list and meal plan. You should definitely be able to budget and eat a wide variety of foods at the same time. The key is to prep things up as much as you can in advance so that cooking doesn't feel like too much of a chore.

Thanks! I'm glad that you like them. My experience was not as intense as yours. But keep in mind that I smoked weed from the time I was 13 until I was 20. And this experience happened when I was 20. So, weed didn't effect me as much in general as it did when I first started smoking. My experience of smoking weed went one of three ways after I got used to it: 1. I'd have a great chilled out time with my friends and a few illogical insights would come to me; 2. I'd have an intense panic attack; 3. Nothing would happen. This is why I quit when I quit. There just wasn't anything there for me anymore. But when I first started smoking and had no experience with it and no tolerance for it, I laughed a lot. I just couldn't stop, because reality was so hilarious to me. I would look at simple things like the fold of the cushion of a sofa and I'd just start busting out laughing because it was absurd to me somehow. I wouldn't have been able to articulate it then, since I was so young. But in retrospect, it was like I was realizing how the experience of reality could be different and my perceptions of reality were no more or less real than my perceptions in the sober state. So, the hilarity of it was intense for my small worldview and inexperience with altered states of consciousness. But my experience of eating it was very pleasant and chilled out. It was more chilled out and intense than smoking it, and it wasn't anxiety inducing. It was just really positive. Everything was very intense but my feelings were very chilled out. I was hanging out with a friend of mine and we were chatting while watching LOTR, and every little thing just shined a little bit more and made a bigger emotional impression on me. So, there wasn't anything particularly hallucinogenic about it, but it felt like it was a borderline psychedelic experience. So, there are elements of your experience that remind me of what you experienced, but I think yours was a bit more intense than mine. Mine was a very easy and enjoyable ride. Yours seems like it was more than that.

I wouldn't eat more than a few bananas a day. Bananas are binding food and can cause constipation as they don't have much fiber. Also, bananas don't have all the nutrients that you need for a well-rounded diet. So, I definitely recommend a lot more variety. Plus, 15 bananas a day is about 1500 calories or more which is about 75% of the average human being's diet. So, that seems like way too much. But I understand that it's tempting because it's relatively cheap to buy bananas and eat them that way. If you don't mind my asking, what is your weekly budget for food. I can strip down to the bare basics so that eating healthy is still doable on your budget. Edit: Also, bananas only have about 1.5 grams of protein per banana. This would leave you with only 22.5 grams of protein if you ate 15 bananas. As a 125 lb female, I need at least 46 grams of protein to meet the recommended daily needs. If you weigh more, especially if you're male, you'll need even more than this to meet your daily intake needs. So, you'd have to be sure to meet your macronutrient intake too.