Emerald

That only really works to keep a woman from wanting commitment if she really is just wanting a sexual encounter. But if a woman is just wanting sex, then that's usually going to be a one-off encounter for a time when she feels lonely and the man lucked out because he was there to fill that need for the night. But if the woman wants to continue sleeping with a guy and spending time with him, then she most certainly wants a relationship even if she's in denial about it and says, "I'm fine with friends with benefits" but unconsciously believes that she will eventually win the guy over (which never works). So regardless of the frame that a guy takes, a woman who sleeps with him and keeps sleeping with him is definitely wanting more and wanting a deeper connection. And the guy could be the biggest player and maintain that frame perfectly, which will signify to the women who really want one-off sexual encounters that he's the guy for the job. But if he has women on a regulation rotation, undoubtedly they all desperately want to be his girlfriend. They are just in denial about what they really want and are choosing WHO they want over WHAT they want. And they (deep down) hope that, with the magical power of their love, he will one day open his heart and pick them... and it causes them to accept breadcrumbs from a man who doesn't really value them. So, it really doesn't matter how much of a player frame a guy takes if the woman has agreed to more than one or two sexual encounters with him. If it's gone that far, she has definitely developed an attachment.

It's worth a shot. But I don't know if it would work very well as it isn't actually the positive values that sells a conservative candidate to voters. It's the emotions of fear, anger, and disgust that a candidate acts as a conduit for that attracts in voters. Most conservative voters just aren't really psychologically attracted to positive values in and of themselves... even if you tie your platform to family values or Jesus' teachings. It's more about what family values and Jesus' teachings gives them authoritative license to hate and to try to eradicate. What really motivates most voters towards Trump in particular is the fact that Trump knows how to push their psychological buttons around their desires to externalize their negative feelings. And his emotional button-pushing allows them to feel like they're valued loyal foot soldiers to an absolute authority who are doing the right thing. And they get to feel they are vindicated victims and to name a universally reviled scapegoat. Otherwise, the support for conservative politicians is tepid at best. Like, no one is obsessed with voting for a Romney-type or Huckabee-type. They mostly vote against what they hate in the culture... not for a politician or the positive things that politician will do for them, or how much that politician aligns with their positive values. It's more like "The more a politician will rid the world of what I am disgusted by, the more enthusiastic I will be about voting for that politician." Positive values and Golden Rule teachings are not a compelling emotional driver for those who feel chronically unsafe and ruled by fear of the other. It's more of "This politician will purify the infections of society by removing or eradicating the people and elements of culture that make me feel unsafe and cause the culture to degenerate." That's the motivating message... and Jesus and family values can be slapped as a label on top of it to help people hide their hatred from themselves.

Yes, that's accurate. A lot of traditionally Feminine work has tons of survival value because it involves the absence of major survival problems... without the evidence of the tragedies that would have otherwise occurred had that work not been done. So, they're a hard sell value-wise, as they are taken for granted. It's hard not to under-estimate the survival value of the janitor... until the janitor stops doing his job. It's sort of like how people view vaccines as having less survival value than cures.... despite that vaccines are responsible for saving so many lives. With cures, there is a sense that the cure can come in as the hero that saves the day... and be appreciated for its survival value. But vaccines save so many more lives than cures do. But because they are preventative medicine for sustaining a healthy population, they get taken for granted at best... and demonized at worst. Traditional men's work is like a cure. Traditional women's work is like a vaccine. And it's much harder for people to value a vaccine. So, cures cost a lot more.

It's 100% necessary to be emotionally detached in order to let go and be playful. If a man is emotional attached he will overthink things and get too serious about every little thing because he is trying to get to a specific outcome. But if a man is emotionally detached from outcome and is keen to the let the chips fall where they may, he can just be himself and goof around and laugh at himself.

No, I don't acknowledge that because it isn't true and never has been true in any era of human history. It's just that the survival contributions of women involve a lot of invisible work that gets overlooked as the traditionally Feminine work is one of cyclical sustenance rather than of progressive achievement. For example, everyone appreciates the man in the tribe who brings home the wooly mammoth as he is recognized to have achieved something of great survival value... and is thusly celebrated for his acheivement. But the invisible labor of women in the tribe who do all the childcare, cooking, cleaning, creating and mending clothing, and other maintenance tasks gets overlooked and taken for granted... because if they've done the job well, the work is invisible. But if they don't do it and do it well, everyone in the tribe's survival is compromised. So, human history is one of women being the invisible glue that holds everything together and getting very little thanks for it. And even the notion that women provide less survival value is a continuation of that lack of gratitude and acknowledgement for the sacrifices of women now and all the woman in all eras before that your life is scaffolded upon. There is a quote that goes something like, "A man might work from sun to sun, but a woman's work is never done." And that is how it is now and it is how it has always been in human history. But it's also true with people who do sustainer tasks in general that they don't get recognized for their invisible work. Consider how little appreciation that people have to the garbage man. It used to even be the case that parents would say, "You better go to college or you'll end up being the garbage man." But the garbage man provides SOOO much invisible survival value and deserves everyone's upmost gratitude... and way better pay. But cyclical sustainer tasks are archetypally Feminine principled... so they are devalued and come with no prestige. We only value the Masculine-principled progressive achievement based tasks that are more visible to use because there is more contrast around them. In these tasks, if you've done well... your achievement is visibly evident. It's the opposite of sustainer tasks where, if you'd done well... it doesn't look like you've done anything at all. The fact of the matter is that the most of the survival value comes from the people who are the least valued in society... and who do the most thankless invisible work. Consider India with its caste system... where the bottom class is called the "untouchables" or Dalits. And people of the higher classes, don't even want a Dalit's shadow to touch them. And because of their low status, their assigned lot in life is to collect human waste and deal with the sewage. The Dalits were seen as being of "low survival value". And there was a strike among the Dalits where they refused to collect human waste... and everyone of every class started to get very ill because of the sewage problem. So, it was a bit of justice for the acknowledgment of the "survival value" of those who are thought less valuable in the hegemonic ways people tend to see society.

No, that was just one of the identity/worldview factors that prevented me (as a teenager and early-20-something) from acknowledging the existence of collective power imbalances and injustices. I never wanted to acknowledge the power imbalances against women because they were very emotionally heavy and disturbing to face with. Even earlier, at age 10, I convinced myself that I was different from all other girls to escape the acknowledgment of those imbalances. And I had a lot of overtly misogynistic viewpoints that I felt applied to every other girl/women... but that I was the lone exception. And later (in my teens), I used anti-Feminist notions of "Everything is already equal. Why do we need Feminism?" to ignore and escape those imbalances and my feelings about them. And those identity blocks to acknowledging these patterns were something that I spent a few years of my early 20s working through... which caused me to have to look at my own internalized misogyny and hyper-valuation of Masculinity over Femininity. It was helpful that I had (at age 20) experienced what Femininity actually is during my medicine journeys because it gave me an expansive and empowering understand of what the Feminine really is... which is very authentic to my core nature and very different from the narrow way society conceptualizes of it. Prior to that, I didn't have any kind of understanding that Femininity and womanhood could be empowering. The only empowerment that I saw possible was in the transcendence of social constructs around gender and the sense that there is no difference between men and women... as societal notions of Femininity have always felt so inauthentic, constricting, and disempowering to me since childhood. But in the direct experience of the deep Feminine at the age of 20, I realized that Femininity is more than a social construct... and in myself and in society, the deep Feminine has been pushed under the floorboards. So, the crux of my inner work has been about re-integrating my own Feminine side and helping others to do the same. And that process was helped along by my ability to recognize these large-scale macrocosmic patterns of unfair imbalance and injustice. (Though these are more surface-level expressions of very deep-seated emotional, spiritual, and psychological splits within the collective psyche of the human species) So, integrating the recognition of systemic injustice in my early 20s opened up my ability to see the world more clearly... and recognize how I am impacted by and impact these systems. And it also caused me to have to reckon with the fact that privilege has played a hand in my successes... and that my cherished identities around "pulling myself up by my bootstraps with no help from anyone but myself" wasn't true as society had been playing a tremendously supportive role. And that's because there were enough supportive societal patterns working in my favor to allow me to succeed... in contrast to my intermittent economic hardships. But my reason for writing these posts isn't to lament about my own disenfranchisement under these systems. That's just a necessary part of the story to understand why it was so difficult for me to acknowledge these macrocosmic realities in the first place... and what blocked me from being compassionate and serving the egalitarian values that I've always had. I have always wanted everyone to be treated justly and fairly. But my identities and fears were causing me to go blind and be ignorant to injustice and unfairness... and caused me to be an unconscious contributor to the problem because of my myopia. I wrote the initial reply because I was trying to communicate with the OP who seemed to have this defensive viewpoint against the acknowledgement of widespread injustices because he has some similar patterns centered around identification with struggle to the patterns I used to have in my teens and early 20s. And acknowledging these collective unfairnesses is something the OP perceives as undermining and devaluing his own challenges and struggles. Often times, people can push back on certain realities if they don't know how to acknowledge those realities without undermining their identity or sense of meaning. And in this case, it seems the OP feels like his feelings and struggles are being dismissed because he is white... and he is understanding the concept of white privilege as something that invalidates his economic struggles. He also seems to see it like I used to see it when I first encountered the term white privilege where I would say, "How can I have white privilege if I'm technically homeless with no support system?" or later on "How can I have white privilege if I can't afford to pay my electric bill and have to take cold showers and live in the dark with only oatmeal to eat with water from the sink?" And when you're going through the economic ringer the last thing that you want to hear is that you have some kind of in-built privilege because it feels like people are saying, "You aren't struggling enough. You should be struggling more." Now, I'm not sure if the OP is going through the economic ringer in these ways. But getting by is very difficult for most people. And if identifying with the economic struggle is his go-to coping strategy, then he might be upset at what he conceptualizes as "the left" because their recognition of these patterns feels threatening to his ability to use that coping strategy. The OP was saying that he had always valued things like equality. But because he has interpreted the political left's acknowledgment of the existence of collective power imbalances as an invalidation of his own hardships, he is identifying as far right... seemingly as a "Ha! Take that Leftists!" Perhaps shadow boxing with an imaginary image in his mind... where he says, "But I'm a white guy and I've struggled economically." and then a caricatured group of unattractive, ethnically diverse, androgynous, moralistic, strange people with bad hair-dos and frumpy clothes that are all finger wagging him and saying "Your hardships as a white man mean NOTHING! And if you don't agree, you're a Fascist!") That's what it feels like he's arguing with in his mind. And unfortunately, this resistance towards the left's acknowledgment of systemic injustices, will undermine his originally stated egalitarian values and potentially cause him to fall into the trap of being a collaborator... seemingly just to spite the imaginary leftists in his mind.

I think this is an excellent post. It very much mirrors some themes that have come up in my medicine journeys. So much of what is happening politically is just the surface-level symptoms of deeply ingrained collective Shadows, needs, and psychological patterns. So, I have thought about what the roots causes of rising Fascism and authoritarianism (more generally) are... Authoritarian parenting - which primes people to idolize authoritarian figures who demonstrate absolute certainty Disconnection with humanity, the planet, and reality at large Projection of shame onto a scapegoated other The powerlessness over economic struggles (and the transference of blame onto a scapegoated other) The unconscious need for limitation The desire to abdicate responsibility and project responsibility/blame onto the scapegoated other... and project responsibility onto the parental authoritarian Let me break down my explanation a bit more... Reason #1 - Authoritarian parenting: This was studied after WW2, when a group of researchers wondered what the main factor was that made people susceptible to being sucked into the Nazi ideology. And they found that the number one factor that caused people to become Fascists was being raised by authoritarian parents. And what happens is that the child projects their authoritarian parents onto the demagogue... and reverts back to a childlike state with the demagogue where they can put all their trust into that demagogue to operate like a 100% perfect parent who always knows best. And they follow the demagogue like a cult-leader. Then, they project their negative feelings of anger and resentment towards the authoritarian parents towards those in weaker social standing. It's similar to how an abused child might not feel safe taking their anger out towards their parents that abuse them... but will instead transfer those feelings onto a younger sibling and start trying to dominate and terrorize the younger sibling. This is what happens to the scapegoated groups in a Fascist dictatorship... like women, ethnic minorities, religious minorities, the LGBT community, etc. They are the ones that the disowned negative feelings about the authoritarian parents (and authoritarian dictator) get projected onto. And it's a more individual trauma with regard to authoritarian parents that demagogues have learned to collectively "hack" in order to get traumatized people to project their authoritarian parents onto themselves... and to get people to direct their negative feelings about those authoritarian parents onto a scapegoated group. Reason #2 - Disconnection: When we have identities are worldviews that are centered around the idea of competition and differentiation from others to prove ourselves special or worthy, this tends to lead into hegemonic thinking more generally. And this creates a dynamic where we feel disconnection from the rest of humanity, nature, and reality at large. And it leaves us in a state of starvation for connection where we feel like an island unto ourselves and totally disconnected from the whole of reality. And this produces feelings of shame... and a desire to differentiate ourselves further to prove ourselves valid and valuable. And in this compensatory differentiation, we end up creating lots of arbitrary separations within ourself and outside of ourselves... and it strengthens the perception of self and other. This lead us to project a hierarchy of value onto existence itself where we start believing that "people who have x qualities are more valid that people who have y qualities." And if these hierarchies of value involve collective identities... that is often weaponized by the demagogue who wants to say, "You are part of the chosen people" and "You are special because you exist." And there's a huge need to be able to feel valid simply because we exist. But there's often a demographic quality that gets placed as the qualifier to differentiate the worthy and unworthy... like race, ethnic group, religion, gender, etc. But all of these comes from seeing one's self as separate from everything else... and trying to prove one special enough within the hierarchy compared to others to justify one's own existence and overcome shame and disconnection through "proving one's self worthier than others." Reason #3 - Projection of shame onto a scapegoat: Similar to the transference of the feelings of resentment towards the authoritarian parent onto a scapegoated group, there's the projection of one's own personal shame onto a scapegoated group. This gives the person/group the ability to wash one's own self clean of sins by projecting them onto the scapegoated other. If you're on the left (one of the scapegoated groups of the authoritarian right), you will see a dynamic that's referred to as "every accusation is a confession." It's projecting one's own perceived sins onto the scapegoated other... and then removing or killing the scapegoated other to further "purify" one's own self of sin and the shame that comes with it. Reason #4 - Economic powerlessness (and blaming and retaliating against a scapegoat to feel more empowered): When we feel powerless to a macrocosmic dynamic (like economic problems), it can feel empowering and relieving to have someone that's less powerful that you are to blame. If you blame the macrocosmic dynamic of economic problems themselves, you can't retaliate with violence against those problems to feel power over them. If you blame the politicians and powerful people for these problems, these are also out of reach. So, you can't easily retaliate with violence against those powerful people to feel more empowered. And if you do succeed, you will be in a world of hurt because they have more power than you. If you blame those who are already vulnerable AND you live in an authoritarian Fascist society that enables violence against those vulnerable groups... you're able to feel empowered by victimizing the less powerful other. And that retaliation feels like a solution to the powerlessness... especially if the scapegoated other is being blamed for economic anxieties. This is also true for other types of macrocosmic distress that are not specifically economic... like pandemics, wars, political upheavals, cultural changes, etc. Reason #5 - Unmet needs for limitation and contraction: In one of my medicine journeys, it showed me that the function of dictatorship is to create limitation in a top-down authoritarian way when the populace has a need for limitation... but can't consciously admit to that need and choose their own limits from a sovereign place. Similar to a child that doesn't know their own limits, they need a parental figure to come in and do it for them. And right now, there's so much rapid expansion and SO MUCH information that's readily available to use with the current state of the internet. And it's overwhelming and causes a lot of distress. The same thing happened when the printing press was invented. We were flooded with more information than EVER before. And this led to the arise of authoritarian movements... as people always consciously or unconsciously clamor for authoritarians to set limits when we aren't consciously feeling able to narrow our own aperture of exposure to catalysts of expansion (like educational materials, new perspectives, abundance of money, abundance of freedom, etc.) So, one of the best things we can do in order to let go of the collective demand for authoritarianism is to help people set boundaries and limits based on their own sovereign preferences. The main thing standing in the way of that is that contemporary humans have many paradigms that prize expansion over contraction. So, many people are unconscious to the fact that they feel over-expanded... as they see expansion as an unquestioned good and contraction as a unquestioned bad. Reason #6 - Abdication of personal responsibility: Being an underling of an authoritarian regime confers a major benefit... and that is to relinquish responsibility for one's own actions... and to give that responsibility over to a PERFECT source of authority that is greater than one's self. People also tend to do this with their God image... as it is a basic human need to be able to "give things up to the higher power". But with authoritarian governments (and cults), there is a tendency to make the authoritarian leader as the higher power itself. So, there is a tendency to give one's own sense of sovereignty and personal responsibility over to the authoritarian "Big Brother" figure... and see the Big Brother as perfect and Godlike. And this assures people that it's okay to give up their power and the responsibility that comes with it... as it feels safer to "just follow orders" given the absolute Godlike perfection projected onto the authoritarian leader. That's why, during the Nuremberg trials, lots of people who went to trial tried to give the defense as "We were just following orders." They believed they would be inoculated from the responsibility for their own actions because they were "just following orders" set by the leader. So, they expect the leader to take all the blame and responsibility if something goes wrong. And they project that the leader is perfect... so nothing will go wrong as long as they follow orders. Likewise, there's also the abdication of responsibility onto the scapegoated other where the scapegoated other is to blame for all of the problems of the dominant group. So, it enables victim's mentality, self-pity, and a total release of personal responsibility because "they are to blame for all the problems". --- Solutions: With regard to solutions for this, the number one preventative solution is for society at large to discourage authoritarian parenting... as this is one of the main roots causes. That's a more long-range preventative project. But in terms of more current solutions, the more we encourage eye-to-eye human connection... and an embrace of ordinary common humanity, the better. And a big part of this is to help people depolarize from hierarchical identities of being above or below other people.... both collectively and individually. And a big part of this is helping people recognize that humans are ordinary parts of nature just like all other creatures on the planet. We are not extraordinary animals that rule from outside of the circle of life... we are ordinary animals that exist as one of many peripheral aspects of the circle of life. This breaking down of the myth of human specialness, national/racial specialness, and even meritocratic specialness is what humbles us and brings us back into a state of interconnection with humanity, nature, and reality at large. And we feel at home and like we don't have to compete with others to prove ourselves individually or collectively special enough to exist. --- What would I do if I was Trump? What Trump's goal is, is to be validated by others as a special and significant person who's more important than others. So, he wants validation AND he wants power... which further cements his identity of significance and specialness compared to all other people. My goal (as Trump) would be to continue grand-standing as an absolute authority and never show any sign of faltering or making mistakes. That will ensure that people with traumas from being raised by authoritarian parents will continue to project absolute authority onto me. Showing uncertainty of any kind is a no no! Also, I'd continue scapegoating groups of people... as that will divide the populace and make them easier to control. And it will create more allegiance to me among the group of people traumatized by authoritarian parenting... who will then self-police the working class population from within by dominating their neighbors and trying to be the tallest kid in kindergarten. What I would do that Trump isn't already doing (and likely isn't capable of doing), is to be more strategic about power grabs. Trump just seeks power like a heat seeking missile seeks heat. But he will go for the quickest route to power from where he is. But this causes him to make a lot of mistakes... and undermine his power sometimes because he only thinks 1 or 2 steps ahead, instead of thinking 10 steps ahead.

Macho guys can also have hair. But they have to have a hyper-Masculine voice and personality, cocky swagger, and big bulky muscles. But either way, that's just one type of guy.

To be clear, I wasn't trying to take a jab. When I think of guys who are macho, I think of Joe Rogan and Hulk Hogan types. And I don't have any particular admiration towards that type of guy over other types of guys. So, when I say, "There aren't many macho guys on the forum"... it isn't reflective of a negative value judgment. I literally mean that they just aren't Joe Rogan types... which to me is a values-neutral statement. The majority of the guys I get into debates with are just average nerdy guys with particular ideas and ideologies about men and women.... not macho guys.

My point in relation to your previous post was that the Feminine itself is under-valued because society is polarized towards the Masculine-principle. So, society views Masculinity as superior to Femininity. And that's the root cause of many of the problems in society... the biggest one being our relationship with the Earth itself. We tend to operate off of a mind over matter paradigm, which doesn't have to do with gender but is very patriarchal in its valuation of the Masculine principle over the Feminine principle. And it causes us to value ideas and constructs over the planet itself. That's why the idea that "We need more women in STEM" misses the entire point as it just reaffirms the idea that Masculinity is better than Femininity... as STEM is a Masculine principled career. It's just that many people who are more egalitarian-minded, believe that Masculinity and Femininity are pure social constructs... when there is an archetypal and energetic reality to that polarities that remain even if neutrality is projected over them. And if STEM were suddenly to become a female dominated field and were perceived as Feminine in a societal sense, it would lose its prestige and pay... despite it being archetypally Masculine with its focus towards technology and hard sciences. When there are careers that shift from male-dominated to female-dominated, those careers loses prestige and gets less pay. Like nursing used to be male-dominated and have more societal prestige and better pay. But now it's a female-dominated field and associated with Femininity. So, it has less prestige and pay. Money is the way that society indicates that it values something. That is why anything Feminine or female-related will always be paid less and get less appreciation, until we are able to depolarize our valuation of both principles. As a side note, I wonder how things will shift with AI replacing a lot of the Masculine-principled labor. I wonder if society will continue to push further and further into Masculine imbalance with AI (given that AI is hyper-Masculine principled)... or if AI will take the Masculine-principled burdens off our plates and behoove us to finally integrate the Feminine in lieu of those obligations. It looks right now like it will be the former because these Masculine pursuits are mostly being used in pursuit of more polarization into Masculinity. But I can see how it could be used in a more integrative way. When the Masculine is more aligned, the Masculine is the polarity that builds the stage and context, while the Feminine is the play that takes place on that stage once the Masculine builds it. (like Teal Swan's idea of Masculine containment) So, I could see a potential future scenario where humanity can re-integrate the Feminine when so much of the logistical Masculine principled "stage-building" work we have to do can be automated out. And when you've been operating your whole life (and humanity for its entire history) off of obligation-mindset, it can be so difficult to answer the question, "What do I really want?" But it would be a chaotic transition to that, as humanity has historically defined itself by its labor and obligations. And it could always go to hell in a hand basket in the transition over the coming generations, especially if it serves more and more of the same polarization. Humanity hasn't fully built the container for the Feminine yet (but is getting close to the point of diminishing returns for tech innovations). So, it's an interesting prospect to ponder on to think about what a world would be like if the obligations and needs are squared away... and there is a room for discovering one's sovereignty (if we can actually use this technology in a way that serves integration instead of reinforcing polarization).

I mean, macho guys can also get on my nerves when I've interacted with them in day-to-day life. Though I've never been close friends or had a romantic partner who was particularly macho, because of divergences in values. So, I don't really associate macho men with pain and trauma. They're just a bit annoying sometimes because they can sometimes be a bit bone-headed. But on this forum, I can't recall ever having any debates or disagreements with macho guys. There's really only a couple guys on here that I'd put anywhere near the macho category, and they're mostly pretty reasonable. They seem less likely to get in their head about women. It's usually the "brain in a jar" nerdy guys who come up with all sorts of weird gender ideologies (in lieu of real experiences with women) who I end up debating with. And they tend to have particularly inaccurate views on women as they tend to see us as a totally alien species from themselves and are always trying to understand women through complex intellectual frameworks that exaggerate men's and women's general differences... rather than through direct experience where a common humanity can be directly recognized. And it's difficult to reach them because they believe these ideologies are serving them, as it feels empowering to them in framing them as the stronger and superior ones. But these narratives don't serve them and are really just soothing their ego and holding them back from fulfilling experiences with women. But then it's also annoying and genuinely scary from the female perspective because it's like having all these distortions and inaccuracies projected onto you, as it makes it impossible to be seen and understood. And common humanity gets overlooked. Men who have these projections tend to have an idealized notion of femaleness and Femininity that conceptualizes of women's nature as something that fundamentally exists to serve themselves and to exist in an inferior role to them. And they project their self-serving narratives right over top of the authentic things about women's personalities... and frames real female authenticity as somehow Masculine or as a sign of societal corruption or as a trauma response. It's like the idea that, "If society was operating like it should, women would be Feminine (in the way I define it) and would exist to serve men." So, it views the real humanity of women as an aberration and mistake that humanity is making rather than as a reflection of the ordinary human nature that has always been there. And it aggravates ancient collective wounds because women have collectively suffered a lot because of the strange psychological projections and misunderstandings about women's nature. And that's because this projection phenomenon and the misunderstandings that it produces, has had such an insurmountable influence on culture and politics in a way that squelches women's capacity for authenticity, sovereignty, freedom, and personal expansion. So, it feels genuinely politically unsafe when a man is really up in his head about women because he's doing nothing but shadow boxing. And it's a really common pattern... and not just one-off instances of ignorant arrogance. And you can see how much these projections could lead to a loss of human rights for women. The way that we're going, I give it another 10-20 years before women's right to vote gets called back into question because of all these distorted notions people project onto women in order to try to "understand our nature". You just might not necessarily see the political danger of these projections and intellectual narratives when they infect a society, as you feel that they won't affect you. And you may even assume that women will be better off anyway if these projections are applied... as you believe it's a movement towards a more accurate framework of female nature. (Hence the danger) Consider how races and ethnic groups can be exploited, enslaved, tortured, and killed when another society projects over top of them... and uses those projections to justify their own terrible behaviors. Remember that white slave owners projected onto black enslaved people that black people are not full people and therefore lack the capacity for self-governance... therefore white slave owners are doing something charitable by governing the enslaved people. That's the unconsciously self-serving way that people operate when they have a collective interest in controlling and exploiting a people group. So, if you consider men's collective interest in controlling and exploiting women for their own gain (especially when those men struggle with meeting women and getting a girlfriend), you will understand why I push back so much on the perspectives that I do. So, it is the future collective political harm that I fear... not some upset feelings towards macho guys. It's not even remotely about relationship-related stuff.

How does this relate to back to the post that I made for the OP? I was saying that, I used to have blindspots about large-scale macrocosmic patterns of injustice because my identity was based around being triumphant in the face of the struggle. And I unconsciously blinded myself to the corruptions that impact the ways the world works because I needed to believe that all things were already equal except for individual struggles in order for me to feel like my successes meant something. Like if my individual struggle was invalidated by a notion like White Privilege, then it would diminish the meanings and identities that I could extract from my successes... because it would mean to me that I was only successful because I was fortunate. Then, I realized that that was partially true... and that I couldn't fully stay up on a high horse about my achievements because I have had some unfair societal advantages that have removed some friction for me. And that's true, even though I was economically disadvantaged and below the poverty line at the time. I wasn't talking about innate differences between men and women.... like men having an advantage with strength or women having an advantage with emotional intelligence. That's neither here nor there, as those are just general patterns of divergence that can be noticed between men and women. And I genuinely prefer having the natural female advantage to the natural male advantage. So, I have no issue with the trade-off of less physical strength for more emotional intelligence. I prefer the Feminine super powers as they relate far more to my life's purpose and are a major part of my excellence in what I do. That's what a lot of people don't understand. I don't want men's natural advantages, nor do most women. I want society to operate in a way that's more just and fair to all people... as an extension of my super power of emotional intelligence and empathy. So, those innate patterns of divergence between men and women isn't what I was talking about... and are actually irrelevant to the topic at hand. I was talking about unfairnesses and injustices that are baked into our systems and ideologies that collectively disenfranchise certain people groups... and how I used to blind myself to them in order to feel that... ...I was already treated fairly and seen as equally valuable in society as a woman. So, I was able to feel like my victories are universally meaningful. ...white and non-white people were already on equal and fair ground societally. And so, I was winning in a game that was already fair. So, the acknowledgment of white privilege was untenable for me at the time, because it would have meant acknowledging that I haven't succeeded solely on my merits... but because of some degree of unfair advantage. And at the time, that would have undermined my identity and capacity for creating meaning from my accomplishments. And once I experienced being humbled, where I faced with economic chaos that I could not surmount and be victorious in the face of (which really traumatized me because of all the terrible experiences I had as an extension of that problem) it made me realize that these large-scale macrocosmic patterns are causing so much pain and trauma on a collective level. And while I am privy to some of those macrocosmic injustices... there are others that I am protected from that simply don't impact me the same way because I'm white. And in the recognition that men tend not to be able to grok the experiences that I have had as a woman, it shines a light on my own blind-spots as a white person. And I'm sure there's hundreds of realities that I can't even begin to understand simply because I am inoculated from the experience of them as a white person. I think it's a bit harder to realize the extent of the injustice and harm caused by these large-scale macrocosmic patterns if you hear about them only from the outside. It's all theoretical and feels foreign and ideological. This seems to be the case for the OP who can't see the pain and societal injustices that these movements grow up out of. But when you feel it from the inside of the disenfranchised group, you get to feel the wound directly. And it isn't something that can be armchair philosophized away.

The impression that I get is that you may be projecting your own disowned positive qualities onto her and your own Feminine qualities onto her... and attractive women more generally. So, getting her validation is going to feel like you found your missing piece... as you see your disowned qualities in her. And it creates a dynamic of desperation because connecting with her feels like she is the key to your own integration and wholeness. These are common dynamics that happen when we repress elements of ourselves. We tend to project them onto others... and either idealize or scapegoat those others that we project our rejected parts onto.

He was better in those regards than Obama and Clinton... that's for sure. His economic policies have been the most pro-middle-class politics that I've seen in my lifetime. But he still had the same problems as 98% of politicians with regards to being bought off by moneyed interests. And that is the primary eroding force of the middle class and working class.

Yes... Democrats and Republicans are both doing the bidding of corporate interests and billionaires. And zero Republicans and very few Democrats take a principled stance against this where they don't take any billionaire dollars. So, they have both collaborated on the erosion of the middle class... though not 100% equally as Democrats have to occasionally throw the working people a bone if they want to be elected, as they don't have a coalition of working class voters who will vote for a politician based solely on the left-wing equivalent of the right's "guns and Jesus" vibes. But even if it isn't 100% equal, both parties have tremendously and significantly eroded the middle class.

What I'm hearing as the underlying subtext of this post is that you believe that the acknowledgement of large-scale societal patterns that disadvantage certain demographics invalidates and nullifies the importance of your own struggles because you happen to belong to many of the non-disadvantaged groups. And you feel upset because you believe your struggles and hardships are being invalidated. I used to have this same issue when I was in my late teens and up to around the age of 21 or 22. I had a really strong identity of being someone who has struggled but still came out on top... and (in my mind) the struggle is what made my victory meaningful. And I saw myself and wanted to be seen as a hardworking person that could always pull myself up by my bootstraps and be successful at what I intend to... even if I'm in total chaos. And this especially peaked during a time where I was technically homeless. And I would think, "I'm going through all this hardship... and yet I have white privilege." I didn't understand what White Privilege meant at the time, so I found it to be offensive as I was really going through the ringer. And I held the same idea of, "Why do we focus so much on race and gender? I thought we were supposed to be operating in an egalitarian way! So, let's ACTUALLY treat people equally." But then, my identity and paradigm shifted. And I eventually realized that I was being myopic and didn't have space to integrate the macrocosmic picture int my worldview... because I perceived it as antithetical to my identity of being "the strong person who can thrive during times of struggle". And if I had white privilege, I felt like it nullified the validity of the struggles that I saw as central to my identity. And I had to be the one that uniquely struggled more than others to feel like my achievements were meaningful, as I saw life as one big competition to prove one's grit and toughness and willingness to do hard work under duress. But then, after I had failed to live up to that identity through a great and terrible humbling... my identity and worldview and sense of meaning shifted. In the humbling, I recognized how economic societal factors were acting as this oppressive force that I wasn't able to surmount and prove myself victorious... and it occurred to me that there are so many invisible societal patterns that can delimit people's ability to be resilient. And I recognized that the only reason I was able to be resilient during chaos is because (up until that point in time when I was 20) the chaos was mild enough for me to surmount. And in that great and terrible humbling and loss of my high horse identity of being "the one who struggled but surmounted the struggle without ANY help", realized that I was being petty and un-compassionate in my perspective. And because of that, I was cutting myself off from being empathetic to the lived experiences of people who are disadvantaged on a collective level. And it was preventing me from seeing the ways of the world with clear eyes. And it also caused me to repress a lot of my internalized misogyny because I was holding tightly onto the idea that "Everything is already equal. So, we should just act that way. So, women shouldn't get special privileges because of the history." I was very anti-Feminist as a late teen up until around the age of 22 when I started reading Feminist literature. Ultimately, in my anti-Feminism and in my refusal to acknowledge macrocosmic patterns of racism... I was avoiding the ugly truths that I am not and will likely never be seen as equal as a woman... and that I do have privilege because I am white. Both of these were hard pills to swallow for totally different reasons. I wanted to see myself as a victim... but I didn't actually want to be one. And in the realities that I was facing, I could no longer get the social clout of being the victimized that triumphed through hard work. But I had to face the assault on personal empowerment that actually comes from struggling with the psychological effects of being on the receiving end of oppression... a reality that I spent my entire life up until that trying not to acknowledge by proving myself. And these were also hard to see because I wanted to believe that the game I was playing was already fair. And if the game isn't fair in a way that disenfranchises me, there's no way to win the game... which is disempowering. And if the game isn't fair in a way that privileges me, then I haven't won the game fairly and the prestige means nothing... which means I can't build empowering identities off of my victories. It was only when I was willing to let go of the identity of struggle (a hidden form of victim's mentality, presenting itself as victor's mentality) that I could really have compassion for other people and see clearly. I wasn't able to see it before because I was trying to preserve my identity and the worldview my identity scaffolded upon... which already assumed everything equal and to be on a fair playing field.

First off, some women genuinely do enjoy casual hook-ups. And I'm sure that that's a sizable minority... like at least 10% or 20%. But most women want long-term relationships because that's where the most emotional stimulation and intimacy is... and it's more possible to have deeply erotic experiences with a longterm partner than with a short-term partner. But it often does require some level of sexual experience to know this and figure this out in a way that transcends the theoretical. In many cases, women have to discover it for themselves instead of just holding themselves back from their genuine curiosity about hook-ups out of a desire to go along with social mores around female sexuality. So, before women know their preference for sexual expression within a relationship, they may be more open to casual hook-ups... if for no other reasons than to satiate their curiosity for the experience. And if it resonates for those women, it's good to have these experiences to come to know yourself and your sexuality better as a woman. But most women end up finding that hook-ups are emotionally boring... and that the juice isn't worth the squeeze as it doesn't deliver much in the way of true eroticism or intimacy. With hook-ups, it's just the concrete physical sensations associated with sex, which typically doesn't interest women as much as it does for men. Like men usually seek out sex because of a yearning of the loins for physical stimulation... while women tend to seek out sex because of a yearning that emanates from the center of the chest first before any desire arises in the loins. To expand further on this... when I was a teenager and in my early 20s (and especially in my pre-teens), I held a perception that casual sex would be something that would be fun, exciting, and erotic. And I have always been drawn to that which gives off erotic and sensual vibes... even when I was a small child and didn't yet know what sex was. But it takes a while to learn this about yourself as a woman. It takes women usually 3+ decades to know themselves sexually as there's so much that's emotional and nebulous. But society thinks about sex mostly physically... and so women can seek out sex because they see it as a physical representation of the feelings they want to feel. But it's a mirage... because the act of sex itself isn't the thing that arouses those feeling states. It's the intimacy and vulnerability. I remember when I was 11 or 12 years old, I was watching this show that used to come on MTV called "Undressed". And it was basically a fictional show where a bunch of early 20-something who lived in an apartment complex would hook up and have casual sex. And I remember thinking... "When I get into my teens and twenties, I'm going to have A LOT of casual sex!" And I was also really excited at the idea of things like Spring Break partying because of all the overt sexual expressions that I saw on tv. Then, at age 13, I actually started getting a lot of attention from guys my age. So, that wore off some of that novelty around sex because I saw that there was no scarcity of opportunities for it. Before then, my perception was that male attention was scarce as I had been getting crushes on boys since I was 3 years old and they were never reciprocated. Even in movies where the men would be super attracted to women, I genuinely thought it was just one of those unrealistic movie tropes that doesn't happen in real life. But once I turned 13, suddenly those movie tropes became the reality and I was getting tons of male attention. And male sexual access got devalued in my perception because I recognized it as common and not rare as I once believed. So, that cooled off my desire for casual hook-ups quite a bit from what my 11 year old self's perspective was as I realized that I could have that if I really wanted to. And there was also a lot of social punishment for perceptions of sluttiness. So, I learned that (even though everyone is obsessed with female sexuality, which led me to be believe as an 11 year old that being slutty was a good social strategy) that sluttiness wasn't the way I could feel the most sexually empowered and respected. Instead, I would be more desired and respected if I was perceived as very selective. I learned this by the time that I was 15 that the rarity of my sexual expression gave me more power. And I built an identity around being fairly selective and chaste. But the reality of the matter was that there was still a part of me that was very excited at the idea of having hook-ups and casual sex... even though it went entirely against my identity and worldview... and I would be socially punished for it. But I tamped down on the drive really hard for the social and sexual pay-offs of doing so... as it gave me a vibe of being rare. But when I was 20, and I got out of my first serious relationship (who I thought would be the only sexual partner that I ever had)... I ended up having terrible boundaries with my sexuality. And I slept with a handful of guys in a relatively short period of time. And I was baffled because it went entirely against my identity. But I kept repeating the behavior without feeling like I was in control of it. And I was very confused and asking myself, "Why do I keep doing this?" And the more conscious part of me genuinely didn't want to because of all the negative associations with female sexuality and promiscuity that I had learned and built my sexual identity in opposition to. But an unconscious part of me was actually wanting to have those kinds of experiences. So, from the vantage point that I am in now, I can see that this driver for a plurality of sexual experience was actually really strong in me back then. It just went against my own identity of goodness and chastity... as I had a lot of slut-shamey beliefs that I had internalized. And in the experience of hooking up, I realized that the experience was emotionally lack-luster. It didn't actually provide for me what the fantasy in my mind at the age of 11 indicated it would... which was that it would be an erotic experience. So, it was only in having casual hook-ups that casual hook-ups lost their charm and curiosity factor. And I realized in a more experiential way that the depth of erotic sexual experiences that I want to have can only be had if the relationship is as serious as a heart attack... as that is the determining factor that unlocks the capacity for meaning and surrender. But plenty of women don't know this about themselves yet. So, they are drawn to the experiences that will help them understand themselves... which is often sought out in the physicality of sex itself. But sex is just the chalice and not the elixir itself. And it takes experiencing empty cups to understand the difference between the chalice and the elixir. And casual sex is like the false grail that women need to experience in order to find the real grail. Plenty of women are in that phase of their sexual journey.

If you're struggling with attracting women even though you match certain male beauty standards, then it's probably the case that there's some kind of social barrier that's holding you back. I would focus less on trying to operate a certain way (ie. building a frame) and go more towards social basics. What I mean by that is to just learn how to connect with people and generally be social. Talk with men and women without an agenda. Just be yourself and let loose and have fun. Once you know how to open up. Then, you can think about frame and stuff like that as flourishes that will help you. But you have to have the foundation of just being able to cut loose and have fun with other people in an agenda-less way.

I'm not so sure that that's where the "ick" actually comes from... in terms of men suddenly expressing too much all at once and women not having the bandwidth for emotional compression. (though that is certainly true of some women) I don't think the "Lots of emotions all at once" thing is the actual ick factor. It's more a correlation than it is a causation. I believe it's moreso that frequent and intense emotional expression in a man tends to correlate with a general skill-deficit regarding emotional compression and social attunement. And it comes across as immature and potentially unsafe because the guy doesn't feel socially calibrated... nor does he have the capacity to do the difficult things when necessary like adults need to do. Also, some of that ick can come about from emotional expression being an amplifier that draws attention to other issues... like victim's mentality and neediness. But if a guy otherwise has these skills and opens up... and he isn't being needy or going into victim's mentality... and is socially calibrated... then men's emotional expression is a very welcome thing that indicates emotional intelligence... even if it is sometimes a lot of emotional expression all at once. Like I remember a situation back when I was a high school teacher. And one of the math teachers (who was a Masculine even-keeled middle aged man) was giving a speech. And he started to tear up in speaking about how much he appreciated his colleagues. And it was just a genuine expression of feelings from an otherwise chill and level-headed guy. And he had no agenda attached to his emotional expression... it was just him opening up. And it made him come across as more secure in himself in his willingness to be vulnerable in front of his colleagues. But if a guy is constantly a weeping mess and looking for everyone to be his personal therapist 10 times per day, that indicates that he is needy. And that is an ick. And if a guy is always whining and complaining about how unfair the world is, then that's victim's mentality... and also an ick. So, I think the ick factor is more like... "I can sense this guy's neediness and victim's mentality. And he is unable to emotionally regulate himself and wants me to do it for him"... rather than, "This guy is expressing too much at once and I don't have the bandwidth to hold space for it."

I can't think of very many careers that offer more survival value than childcare and nursing.

I'm glad to hear that you've broken up. It's difficult to end a relationship. But that controlling behavior would have never stopped.

That's accurate in my experience. I've always excelled at math and science in school. And I have no doubts in my capacity to go into many of the careers under the STEM umbrella, if I wanted to. I honestly feel that it would be straightforward in the sense of things being fairly formulaic with mathematics-based careers. But I would only ever go into a STEM career if I was forced to, as it just wouldn't be that interesting. I need for things to be subjective and creative and open-ended and human-ish for me to be profoundly interested in them. What drives me crazy is the implicit sexism that hides inside the idea that "We need to get more women into STEM." And for women who do want to get into STEM but feel blocked in some way, those campaigns could help. I'm not saying there isn't a sizable minority of women who want to go into STEM who feel discouraged from it. I'm sure that there is. And they should be encouraged. But in this framework of "We need to get more women in STEM", there is an assumption that "It's only because women are conditioned to go for lower paying careers that women avoid going into STEM." But in this nurture over nature assumption... this line of thinking gets it ass backwards! It isn't that woman are conditioned to go for lower paying careers. It's that the careers that women naturally gravitate towards are devalued and underpaid because Femininity is culturally viewed as inferior to Masculinity. So, Feminine careers are not valued as much as Masculine careers. And if hypothetically, STEM suddenly became a female-dominated field and was seen as Feminine in the collective consciousness, STEM careers would pay very little and wouldn't be valued as much in society. STEM careers would start getting teacher-level salaries. This has happened with many other fields that have experienced major changes in gender dynamics, where a female-dominated field changed over time to a male-dominated field and the pay increased. And where male-dominated fields become female-dominated and the pay decreases. So, if STEM (through cultural forces) did come to be a more gender-equal field, the amount of pay and prestige would likely diminish quite a bit... and moreso if it became female dominated. So, in the notion that there is no Masculinity or Femininity beyond what's socially constructed, there's a lot of hidden space to hide patriarchal anti-Feminine bias from one's self... as it assumes any career discrepancy between the sexes is 100% conditioned and 0% innate. Therefore STEM is seen as gender-neutral... and as an inherently superior career choice to the career choices the average woman makes. And the idea is that women are being conditioned to value the inferior humanities over the superior sciences to disenfranchise women. But the disenfranchisement comes from the devaluation of Femininity itself... and viewing the humanities as inferior to hard sciences. Like, you always hear "We need more women in STEM." But you almost never hear, "We need more men in caring professions." And that's because STEM is seen as superior to caring professions like childcare and nursing... because on some level (even people who don't believe in innate Masculinity/Femininity) STEM is recognized as Masculine-principled. So, it's kind of like 90s Feminism where the message was... "Women can be just as good as men." or "Women can do anything that men can do." But in that, it assumes that maleness and Masculinity is the standard to match up to... and sends the message that Masculinity is superior to Femininity... and that, if a woman want to be valued, she just needs to un-condition herself from being Feminine and condition herself into being Masculine (as these are mere social constructs and not innate parts of our nature.)

It's 100% exactly that with these gender superiority narratives. It has this double-whammy of "I'm not inferior! They're inferior!" AND a scapegoated group to play the victim off of.

Yes, that's the way I see a lot of the threads on this part of the forum. It's just a lot of intellectual theorizing about differences between men and women... and about women's nature. And they get it so incorrect. Or the things they do get correct, they exaggerate in an extreme way to where there's a total distortion. And half the time it's like... "Here's my overarching intellectual framework of female nature, which will guarantee that I will be able to have sex with the hottest women." The other half the time it's like... "Here's an overarching intellectual framework of female nature to show (once and for all) that men are superior to women in every way that matters. And that means that (by virtue of being a man) I'm superior to those hot women! And reality is unjust because these women have too much power despite being inferior! So, I am a victim of society and women are to blame!"

I watched the video. First off, of course women can be abusive to men. It happens all the time. Abusive behavior doesn't have a gender. Abusive people just use whatever tools they are capable of using to abuse their partner (which tend to vary a bit between men and women). And it's quite common that men don't register abuse from a woman as actual abuse because culture has this idea, "Woman weak. Man strong." So, men have a harder time recognizing when they're being abused by a woman, as they see it like, "Because I'm a man, I am stronger and more stoic... and anything she does to me can't impact me that much because I am less vulnerable than she is." Men also tend to grow up with lots of inter-male ribbing and fighting. And part of the challenge is to be able to absorb the ribbing and some degree of pain/violence to show they are able to be cool-headed in challenging situations. So, this also makes men susceptible to being harmed without realizing it, because they have conditioned themselves through their lives to be stoic in the face of pain and to show they are strong and stoic enough to absorb it. It's sort of like that Jeff Foxworthy comedy bit where he jokes about a man accidentally getting his foot cut off with a chainsaw and playing it off like it's nothing. Like, "Eh... just throw the foot in the cooler and get me another beer. I'll deal with that later." So, men in abusive relationships tend to take quite some time to notice when that's the case. I have had to inform a couple of my male coaching clients that they are in an abusive relationship because they don't quite grok the idea that they are capable of being abused by a woman. They just didn't see the woman as capable of causing them real harm. Secondly, the reason why this guy gets so much pushback is because he has a red pill slant and says a lot of ideological things like "Women are worshipped in society" and frames society as being tilted in women's direction. And because of his Red Pill ideological slant, the real message of "Men can be abuse victims too." is cheapened and framed as some societal gender war thing. If he just came on there and shared the message that men can be victims too, he wouldn't have gotten any pushback. But he should expect that, if he's using the fact that men can be abused too as a cudgel to say, "See! Men are the victims of society because women are worshipped!" that he's going to get some pushback... and rightly so.