Emerald

There is a reason, and that has a lot to do with negative self-talk and what you get out of it... probably to quell deep insecurities. But if you think you're some sort of social pariah that can never get a girlfriend, then it's simply distortional thinking.

I watched today's video, and found it to be very helpful. There are no clear road-signs on the path, so it is helpful to know how it has been for other people to get a general rule of thumb. I pegged myself, for the most part, as a stage 3 who has glimpsed the Ox but has not yet caught it as with stage 4 with some qualities of stage 5 coming though here and there. And I've been at this stage of letting go of attachments and conditional esteems for about half a decade or more. So, I've been there for quite a while. And I really felt like I was making progress for a long time (as I truly was). But over the course of the past couple years, I have shied away from listening to spiritual content. This is why I'm surprised that I was so compelled to watch the entire video today. Normally, I get disenchanted very easily as it feels like I'm treading over the same ground. And I feel as though I've lost the trail and run out of mind-based teachings that will help me along the path. So, I only want to share as of late. And I think that glimpsing the ox in the way I did previously has put me on high alert for self-deception and obsessed with honesty and perception. So, I don't mind looking at myself and world in unflattering lights. And because of this willingness to look at things in this way, I receive insights quite easily, and it's a skill that I enjoy having and being able to help others with it. But this doesn't really lead through to the letting go that needs to happen for me to progress, as this insight seeking is just another way to get lost in thought relative to enlightenment. It's a useful skill at best and a parlor trick at worst. And I am aware of this, and have been. But the awareness of this pattern, leads back into the pattern as long as I am engaged in thought. Even now, it is what I'm doing... and now... and now... and now. And I'm aware that it's escapable just through detachment from though processes, but I seem unable to resist the pull toward though in daily life. Anyone else, who pegs themselves at a three have this issue? If so, what have you done to make a habit of becoming mindful and detaching from thought in daily activities? Just looking for something to help with building the fires of motivation really...

You probably dislike the idea of a woman having a job and a house of her own since you want to lead. And because you don't have a lot of basic things lined up, it's not possible for you to do so in the majority of situations with the majority of women. So, if a woman has her s*** together, you feel intimidated and it mirrors an insecurity about your own life and your own feelings of inadequacy. A man who had his s*** together, wouldn't feel intimidated by a woman in this way. He already has his own thing going on. So, he doesn't derive his sense of self-worth from her. He's got lot's of other things. So, this is the issue, and why a lot of women are probably not interested in you. You don't have a job or anything really going on for yourself right now. So, you want a woman to fulfill you and take the place of all that you lack, and you are needy. And so you're at risk for making a woman the center of your life, which is something women hate. It feels icky to be around a guy like this. So, women will sense this and if they're smart, they will steer clear. So, the solution is to develop yourself as a person. And become so highly developed that you don't need a woman to fulfill you. Then women will take notice of you because you have improved your character and built grit. But you have to get out of victim's mentality first and take action to improve yourself and your life. And belly-aching about how bad women are for wanting these things, is just keeping you stuck in it. Think about it this way, when you start to think women's way of attraction is unfair... Maybe I think men shouldn't be attracted to appearance. But it doesn't matter... because men are attracted to appearance. So, I can be wise with this information, and if I'm looking to attract a guy to maximize my looks. Maybe you think women shouldn't be attracted to a stable lifestyle and personal character. But it doesn't matter... because women generally are attracted to these things. So, if you are wise, you can max yourself out in these areas. And be smart enough to see that you were dealt a great hand in this way, since there is no limit to how much you can build yourself and your life. And that women will like you based upon something malleable like lifestyle and character instead of something relatively fixed like appearance.

On the absolute level, everything is always perfect forever. So, all human beings are perfect. On the relative level, there is no such thing as perfection. So, there are no perfect human beings.

I agree with choosing your battles as you can't take responsibility for everything. But with climate change, it's really the issue to end all issues. So, it would be unwise to avoid addressing this one and just slip into denial or defeatism. Choosing unconsciousness is the worst choice to make here. There are very real things that people can do to help combat climate change individually, and we have very real social power to influence the leaders and policy makers that make the decisions that exacerbate the problem of climate change. We can also create a demand for new technology that helps us remove carbon from the atmosphere. I'm sure it's possible... it's just not lucrative. But if enough people demand it, I'm sure projects like this will be funded. And then all the workers who lose jobs due to changes in technology and automation, could work in the field of global clean-up in our oceans and otherwise. Again, this is possible... but it's just not lucrative. So, it's a matter of shifting the general public mindset to collectivity-oriented Green thinking instead of self-oriented Orange thinking. For those who are only interested in their own goals, they will be unwilling to find a passion for large-scale global problems. And this interest comes in Spiral Dynamics-wise at Green and above. So, the goal is to shift the public mindset more in that direction, so that we can actually make the jump necessary for humanity and the planet to survive the human Orange phase.

It's a sneaky mindset.

What is your life purpose? And what are the things that you typically fail at or have failed at?

It makes no sense on the surface. But like I said, you get something out of the wallowing that you feel like you need. That's why most of your posts are you wallowing in self-pity.

@Mikael89 If you're complaining then you haven't let it go. But here's the thing. You could make a connection with someone. Like I said, it's possible for everyone who puts themselves out there and has realistic standards. Your problem is that you get more pleasure out of wallowing in self-pity than you would derive from actually having a woman be attracted to you. This is why it will never happen. Because if it happens, what will you be able to wallow about?

So, just let it go. Don't try anymore. It obviously only causes you suffering. And if you don't try, don't complain. If you believe that you can't do it, Just accept that it will never happen for you and stop talking about it already. Move on.

I've seen all kinds of guys get female attention. And these guys are at varying levels of attractiveness and unattractiveness. There are a ton of nerdy guys that I know who get girlfriends and get sex. So, I recognize that, when you're a man, it's a bit more challenging. But it's not so challenging that it will take more than a month (two months tops) if you really put yourself out there, and let go of the negative self-talk. It will be difficult if you come off as needy and clingy... as you probably do because of your mindset. That will intimidate women. But this is fixable. So, it may be the case that because you're in the mindset that you're in, that you repel women, which puts you more in the mindset that you're in, then you repel women, and it becomes a vicious cycle. I could see this happen and that being the 100% cause of your lack of success. There is no other reason than that. Plus, if you actually were to drop this mindset, you wouldn't be able to self-flagellate about it, which would be a bummer for you. You really get your jollies from wallowing in self-pity. But there is nothing inherently about you or anyone else that makes them un-datable. And all this victim's mentality, is just keeping you down. But you get too much out of it to ever let it go. So, you just gripe about things.

Well, if you see the world from this view... how do you know that YOU exist if you're not looking at yourself? Are you just like your mother in this situation? Is the image you see in the mirror you? Is the bridge of your nose that you see when looking you? What is this sense of there being someone you call I? Right now, you've had an insight that shows you that Naive Realism isn't necessarily true. But it could easily lead into a Naive Solipsism. Question even that, and stay in the middle ground of total innocence. I have a video on this topic...

For women it's super easy as it comes looking for you. But for men, it's more difficult... but it's really not that difficult if you're willing to put yourself out there. At the end of the day, people like sex. This includes women. So, you just have to have realistic standards and you can find a woman to have a one-night-stand with no problem. It's a little more difficult to get a girlfriend... but not that much. You just have to actually swing the bat and get rid of these self-defeating narratives. Your self talk is delusion. Your idea of how difficult it is to get a girl to have sex with you is also delusion. Unplug from the rhetoric and just get out there.

Orange was all about bringing women out of the traditional role that women were previously prisoner too. And this Orange anti-traditional femininity and anti-motherhood idea that takes a while to get over. It comes from a subtle misogyny that disguises itself as empowerment by telling women that they can be powerful like men if they divest themselves of the feminine in all but appearance. And this includes anything from wearing pink, wearing bras, being a stay-at-hom mom, etc. Second wave Feminism had a lot of this type of rhetoric that was well-intentioned by still very steeped in the anti-feminine ideals that it reacted against. So, for many women who are Green, there is likely still some of this mindset that hangs out. Plus, Green has different reasons for mistrusting traditional gender roles that comes along with their acceptance for people in the LGBT community. And for Green, instead of being cold toward children, it's generally an awkwardness and not knowing how to act. Or just still being disconnected from the feminine, as Green is like the training wheels of the full integration of the feminine that has been repressed, likely since late early-Purple. Basically, in an Orange society, it's going to prefer the masculine as the society is ruled by the masculine principle. And women are socialized to be more masculine to be seen as worthwhile. This is what enables them to climb higher than Blue on the spiral. Otherwise, if they accept the traditionally feminine role, they won't be in the mind space for that kind of growth. So, it takes quite a while to outgrow. I used to be very awkward around children myself. But being a parent and substitute teacher, I feel like I know how to interact with kids of all different ages. And it doesn't feel foreign to me. I used to think babies were ugly, until I had one of my own. And now I think babies are super cute. I even see babies as being cuter than the cutest of baby animals... which I never thought would be the case. But I suppose it's just the tension between the idea of a baby/child and interacting with a real baby/child who has a complex personality and way of being just like an adult does.

You have a choice in how you express yourself. Personality is not fixed.

It's honestly not that hard to get a girlfriend if you're being social and casting your net wide. And you really don't NEED all or ANY of those things on your list. Someone will be attracted to you... and not just one someone. But you also have to understand that women have an intuitive way of becoming attracted to men based on the melting together of various traits including the context in which the man lives their life, and how she feels about a man as a whole person. This is core to choosing a good mate because biologically women can have (pretty much) only one child per year. And it will take a lot of her time to care for the child. So, if a man is lacking in resources, grit, drive, and staying power, then he will lack mass appeal since this was a death-sentence for mother and child in the oldest times of humanity. And these are still concerns that are valid today. No one wants to have a child with someone who is unable to offer the proper support during that time. So, this is sort of woven in to women's natural sexual leanings. So, if I were on the hunt for a new partner, I wouldn't just consider individual traits or personality, I would also consider his work ethic, sense of direction, his job, and his living situation. And if a guy is significantly lacking in these areas, then it's a bit of red flag that he may not share my values and that our lifestyle choices wouldn't be congruent... or worse, that the dysfunction of his life will be invited into mine. I have to have a partner who is stable emotionally, financially, and otherwise. And if a man didn't have these traits, I would be unlikely to get an organic attraction to him because it wouldn't seem like a viable relationship choice. When a woman invites a man into her life she is also risking inviting a lot of chaos if the man is a hot mess. I suppose the same goes for men who invite women into their lives in large degree. And if a guy doesn't have the direction, drive, or ability to keep his own life stable and peaceful, then women who value stability and peace and all those other qualities are unlikely to look twice. And it won't even be a conscious decision, most of the time. But the lucky thing for men is that these qualities can be cultivated. You just have to work hard at becoming a mature adult and having that stability. Since you don't have experience in relationships, I'll tell you that your partner is going to determine how your life goes. So, if you find a partner who is unstable, your life is going to be unstable. If you find a partner who is broke, unless you have enough money yourself to cover all the basics, you're always going to struggle for money. If you have a partner without drive, you'll have to reap the consequences of their laziness. So, your partner will largely determine the quality of your life. I would wager that this is true, especially for women who date men, as men tend to gravitate more toward the dominant role in the relationship regardless of competence to lead. So, if you have a shitty captain, that's a dangerous ship to be on. So, your post tends to demonize women for having these standards as though it's a shallow thing. But for most women, it's just the outcome of the wisdom that comes along with going around the block a few times. And for most women, these are just practical concerns to avoid danger and dysfunction. That said, there are plenty of "hot mess" women that are attracted primarily to "hot mess" guys. So, it's not like you can't find a girlfriend, if you don't have your life in order. Finding a gf will be easy if you just go out there and socialize. But the relationships you form will likely be very dysfunctional. So, I do recommend getting your life in order for a little while before trying to date. Once you even your life out and catch up, you'll be able to find better quality long-term partners. But if you're just looking for sex, none of that applies. So, you'll be able to get it really easily if you just put yourself out there in an effective way and your standards are reasonable.

... or we could try to create a more harmonious relationship between the human species and the Earth. If our technology can mess it up, our technology can also be made in a way that doesn't.

Because a lot of people spiritually bypass whatever is inconvenient, and the ego convinces them that their bypassing is the spiritual "enlightened" response. But it's really just avoidance under a different name and a way to remain in homeostasis. So, if someone posts about productivity, there will be tons of people who are like, "It's all a dream" and advising other people to focus away from matters of practical importance. And this is because they want to further convince themselves that their spiritual bypassing is actually a wise decision to make.

Well, the Green POV does lead to more social harmony, as it is concerned with fairness, green energy, and all kinds of other things that (if enacted) would lead to more social harmony. The issue here is the Green doesn't understand things at a deeper level, and their execution of these goals can lead to more social discord. For example, if there is an issue with climate change then someone who is stage Green will go around moralizing to others and demonizing others which will have a backfiring effect. But if a person is at Yellow, they will mostly have the same goals as a Green person as the Green's vision for the future does lead to more social harmony, but they will execute on those goals in a better way because they have a deeper knowledge of how the system works.

It certainly can become a rabbit hole, if a person is not in touch with their emotions and defaults to thought. To come at this perspective from a purely intellect-based perspective, you can lose all bearings on what path is wisest to take. It's an awful place to be.

All POVs are not true. In fact, all POVs except the absolute have only relative truth. But they have varying amounts of relative truth, as some relative truths are more in alignment with reality and some relative truths are narrower and less in alignment with reality. But they are neither morally right nor wrong, since morality is inherently relativistic. But if your desire is for a particular outcome, such as the social harmony, then it is true that your friend's way of being will stand in the way of that. But if your desire is for social discord, then your friend's way of being will be more in alignment with that goal. So, something is only right or wrong in relation to a desired outcome. And neither outcomes are less valid than the other. The universe is perfect whether or not human beings live in social harmony and peace or social discord and suffering. But it is a nearly universal human preference for social harmony and peace, so it makes sense to behave in ways that beget that end. But it also makes sense to discourage ways of behaving that stand in the way of that goal. But if your goal is to produce as much needless suffering as possible, then going around poking at people's potential insecurities is one way to achieve that goal. Or you could just go around setting homes on fire and killing people. That'll do the trick too, and a lot more quickly and efficiently than calling people fat.

I agree on the focus toward these things. That's the way that the people in power come to change the way that they run their businesses. The people need to change first for the people in power to have to adapt to them. Because the people in power derive their power from the people who are willing to support them. And this is true for business owners and policy makers alike. But I ultimately think that we're just talking about different angles of the same issue.

I think it's probably technically possible for somewhat extended periods of times by monks who have spent decades conditioning themselves to open that... sort of like a siddhi. So, I'm sure there have been monks that have been able to fast for weeks at a time... perhaps even over a month for some really hardcore monks. But I don't see any reason to try it or focus upon it, and I think it's rather foolish to have such high ascetic expectations of one's self as an everyday householder. There is no need to be in conflict with our animal/Earthly nature. As human beings, we are designed to need food and water. And I think that the movement of breatharianism is going to attract a lot of people with eating disorders who are trying to hide their eating disorder from others as well as themselves. Or it will attract a lot of people who are in resistance to their body and life in general. So, if a person wants to awaken, there is no need to starve the body of what it requires to live. And if the person in the video is claiming to only eat one mushroom and one square of chocolate per year (like in the post above), I'm sure that they're making it up and capitalizing on people who are interested in Breatharianism. So, I would say that Breatharianism is a b.s. thing, meant to capitalize off of vulnerable people's willingness to harm their body.

@Aimblack Then, if you don't see the leaders as a leverage point, then what is the actionable solution that everyday people can leverage?

@winterknight Do you abide in the state of freedom from ego constantly? Or do you flip back into the ego-perspective here and there? Also, how long were you engaging in the self-inquiry and searching for the feeling of "I" before the shift happened?