Emerald

It isn't about withholding sex. I recommend a woman follow her intuition when it comes to sex. And I personally need about 3 months to develop the feelings for a man to make sex feel loving and gratifying to me. And that only applies to just one guy at a time. I need to have deep feelings for one man in particular to be really compelled towards merging with him in the sacred dance. So, there's absolutely no reason for me to seek a sexual relationship to a man who I feel lukewarm about. There's no reason to go looking for random sex if it's not gratifying. Also, it's not manipulation. I'm not being dishonest... in fact, I'm being VERY honest and straightforward about what I want and what I don't want. And I'm not trying to control anyone's behaviors by saying what I don't want. I'm just making my boundaries crystal clear. And it truly means less than nothing to me for a man to compromise his own values and boundaries for me. If they don't like my sexual boundaries, then they can and should go and find someone else who is more compatible with what they do want. I appreciate it when the wrong men for me sort themselves from consideration. So, it's really just about setting boundaries, so that you have the quality of experience that you want to have. And it's a win-win for the man too. Men will tell you that what they want is easy sex... but that's only partially true for most men. What they really want at a deeper level is to feel like they (and they alone) have "won a woman's heart". And you rob him of that opportunity if you compromise your boundaries for him. And if a man isn't willing to respect my boundaries or he has an issue with them and pushes for sex before I'm ripe for it, then I'm not going to compromise for him. There are plenty of men out there that would cross land and sea and fight wild lions just to get a chance to love me. So, why would I settle for someone who rushes me and is ready to dip at the first sign of challenge. Also, trust me on this one... giving a man a "piece of pussy" is not a way to keep a man around... unless that man feels such a sense of scarcity that he's afraid he won't get sex from any other woman. The only reason a man stays around is if he really loves you. That's it. And if he loves you and he's a good man, he will rise to the occasion for you.

No, I'm just giving advice to women who leave a lot of their power off the table in interactions with men.

That's incorrect. Women are the selectors, not men. Women don't have to prove anything as that is not the job of the selector. In fact, if a woman is trying to prove herself worthy of a man's love, she's already lost because she's shifted into her masculine and the man has shifted into his feminine. And polarity flipped relationships really don't feel good to women. The egg does not chase the sperm. The egg doesn't need to prove herself worthy of the sperm. It is the sperm that must prove himself worthy of the egg. It is the man who must prove himself worthy of the love, affection, and sex of the woman through the courtship process. This is why a woman is wise to vet out how much the man is invested in her (and she him) before things turn sexual. And if a man is not interested in a relationship, he becomes unimportant. It's best to move on before you get invested. You can't turn a player into a husband. Just don't even try. And if a man requires sex before relationship, then that's equally a red flag. It shows that he's not invested in you in particular and that he lacks the virtue of patience. And you don't want to be in a relationship with a guy like that.

Now, one of my main gripes about pick-up (though I do understand why it exists), is that it presents an inaccurate view of female sexuality while simultaneously being thoroughly convinced that it's got an accurate view to where puas advocate not listening to women at all about their desires. And it's a shame because women really need to feel seen and understood to feel intimacy and satisfaction in a relationship with a man. And being with a man who won't/can't give you that from the female perspective, is as boring and dry as being with a woman who never even touches your penis from the male perspective. And many men find this inaccurate understanding of female sexuality useful for their purposes of having sex and getting dates because it's a numbers game and eventually you'll have some success if you just approach. So, it is a bit of a magic feather and a user friendly distortion... at least user friendly for pick up. So, the inaccurate understanding of female sexuality that pick up artists usually have works up until a point for their own purposes. But there is usually little curiosity otherwise, which is boring. So, this is the metaphor that came to mind. I recall when I was in early elementary school, I was taught about subtraction. And we were taught to always subtract the small number from the big number. And this advice worked well for the time. I really got the technique. It got the job done. But I only understood the pattern and not the actual concept. I knew what worked, but I didn't really know why it worked until I developed a broader understanding that included the existence of negative numbers. This is how I see pick-up. There are things that work in it. But most men misattribute or don't know why these things work. And that understanding of the patterns but not the causes behind the patterns, ends up very "meh" for women when it comes to intimacy... which is the main thing that motivates most of us to want sex in the first place.

Exactly, that's why women are unwise to cater to the desires to men who aren't seeking relationship. That's why I recommend to women to only go out with guys from their social circle and to screen out any guys doing cold approach.

That's true. It's not a logical thing. If I felt strongly enough to want to merge with and make love with a guy after knowing him for a day, I'd do it. I follow my feelings and intuition about these things. The problem here, however, is that my merging emotions don't set in that quickly. It literally takes me a few months to really feel it in the intensity I need. It's always been that way. That's the whole point. Women are motivated by emotional stimulation to be with a man. And pick up creates generally sexual feelings which are about 1/3 of the puzzle. But it doesn't create the more heart-centered feelings. This must be experienced through getting to know a man over time and recognizing how well he fits with you. Chemistry and compatibility can only really be known over time. And this is the other 2/3 of what I need to feel those ripe feelings of yearning desire. It's very different from what you experience in a hook-up with a pick up guy. The pick up guy, if he's really good, can give you some fun sexual experiences. That's about it. And if a guy is starting out on that foot, I recommend screening him out because he probably won't take the time to court you properly. He'll ditch you after you don't give him sex right away.

If you're begging on your knees, you'd lose a high quality man. High quality men aren't interested in women who are needy and who aren't a challenge to them. They will not stick around if you're communicating low value in yourself and relying too much on him. A man with lots of insecurities, wants a woman desperate for him because that's the only way he feels secure in the relationship. And so a smart man who is full of insecurities would not get me to beg on my knees, because I'd pick up on his insecurities right away. They're actually pretty easy to notice if you get to know someone for a while.

This is the problem. You're defining things in terms of sex, when sex isn't the biggest priority from women's POV. I've had random hook-ups with guys I've just met in the past. And a common denominator was that the experiences were all emotionally lukewarm... all loins and no heart. I was just seeking novelty in most of those hook-ups because I was young and looking to have some sexual adventures. But that gets old quick because it's mostly empty. And other times that I hooked up were just purely out of loneliness and a desire to be touched and appreciated for a night. Those were just some sad times for me. But would I really want to be involved with those guys in a relationship? Not at all. And would I consider those guys "high value" guys? They were okay as people, but most of them quite "low value" from a relationship seeking perspective in terms of compatibility and not really being good husband/father material. Basically, if a guy leads with sexual intent, he's probably a good one to keep in the hook up category... if that's what you're into. But most women aren't into that, and don't get that much stimulation from hooking up. It's pretty lukewarm. So, it's high risk/low reward from our perspective to jump right into it with a guy. That's not as to say that a woman will never do that. I have a handful of times. But from experience, I an tell you that it's just not that good and honestly not worth the risks.

Women do value emotional stimulation on the baseline reptilian brain level. This is why I recommend being disciplined and unreceptive to a man who doesn't meet your standards of investment. And this isn't hard usually. Just show disinterest and he's usually gone in 30 seconds or less. If you're not discerning about who you give your time and energy to, you'll end up with some guy who knows the tricks enough to push the buttons of the initial attraction phase... but is a bad longterm investment in terms of giving you the more satiating loving emotions that can develop in a relationship.

Yeah, that's another component of that. If a man only goes for women who say yes to sex right away, then that can be a sign of low standards and low self-esteem for the woman. Women who know their worth and have an abundance mindset, have no need to give into sex with a man who's rushing her if she's not there yet. She will take her time until her sexual desire for the man feels ripe enough to be satisfying to her on all levels... which takes a few months of getting to know a guy for that to happen. That's why I recommend the social circle method. If you have that bond first, you won't have to wait as long to reach the boiling point. It's also a red flag if a guy ditches out because he wasn't patient enough for me to feel ripe for sex with him. It's also a red flag if a guy requires sex before commitment. I'm not a big one for telling women they should wait until commitment for sex. I would say to avoid being arbitrary about sex, because you want the sex to happen when it feels right to you. It should always be intuitively and emotionally catalyzed, otherwise it's just unnatural. But it's much better from the woman's POV, to require commitment from a man before the relationship turns sexual.

The pragmatists are the inhabitants of fantasyland. Their fantasyland is very useful to them. That's why it's so hard to convince them it's not true. They're like a kid who brushes their teeth because their parents taught them the tooth fairy would be angry and won't give them any money for dirty teeth. It's very useful. But also very false.

It's just that they don't know how female sexuality actually is, but they believe that they do. And these guys usually have insecurities about female sexuality and female love, so it's threatening for them to empty their cup of "knowings" for a bit and to actually listen to a woman. Put yourself in their shoes for a moment... You're a guy who's kind of nerdy and hasn't had a girlfriend all through his high school and college years. And this impacts his self-esteem when he sees his fellow male peers having these experiences. And he feels totally out of control of this facet of his life. And then, sometime in his 20s, he finds pick up. And he learns all these things that are effective for him. And now he has control over finding sex and getting dates and he doesn't feel as powerless. And because it has given him some power and control, he decides that what he has learned about female sexuality is true. And that his way of approaching things is best for him and for all women... as a rule. So, when women say "Actually, I don't respond to that. That's low value attention." He will ignore that and say, "No! All women respond to that." Meanwhile he's ignoring all the women that have rejected his advances with the same mindset of "Actually, I don't respond to that. That's low value attention." And he will just chalk up the rejections to simply being part of the game, without understanding that most women don't respond to pick up. And he doesn't allow himself to realize that his success that he's had with women sexually is owed more to some women having lower standards for male investment than it actually has to do with what works for all women. And this is because, if pick up doesn't work on ALL women, then this man again feels powerless and out of control of female sexuality and female love. It again, feels to him like an enigma that he can't solve or control. But that's the thing about female sexuality. It is a force of nature... like the ocean. And you can learn about how to surf the ocean by noticing basic patterns but the waves are not something that anyone can control. So, a lot of guys who are into pick-up are wanting to learn how to surf. And this can be really helpful for navigating the waves of the ocean. But a guy who feels insecure and out of control, will stay in the calm and shallow waters where it's safe and things are in his control. And this is doing pick up and finding the low hanging fruit. And then, he gives himself a trophy for being a great surfer. But a woman doesn't want a man who is a master of the shallow waters. A woman wants a man who is willing to challenge himself and surf the big waves because a high value man is a man who penetrates deeply on all levels and who is willing and able to experience a woman's medicine fully without needing to control it.

It is that... because it's frustrating to see men be so misguided about what an attractive man is that they try to emulate mediocrity because they think that mediocrity is exceptionality.

Yeah, this tends to be an issue with so many guys. They feel like they understand women's sexuality because they've "learned" a lot about it. But they're actually projecting masculine sexuality onto female sexuality and getting our motives, desires, and biases all wrong. But yeah... same here on the bad boys = rotten McChickens in the trash.

Exactly this!

Thank you. I’m sure that if/when I’m ready for something in the future, I won’t have issues with finding a compatible guy. Though the thought of relationship is unappealing to me right now.

Now, rejection is par for the course. You can expect some rejection. But if you exist within this wider social circle and you’ve done 10 approaches within your circle within a short period of time, this is probably a strategic mess up. You can only approach strangers with that frequency without getting a reputation. So, if you’re doing warm approach with women and not cold approach, then I would guess that the rejections are coming from acting to quickly on your feelings before you’ve gotten clear signs of connection and interest from her. If you wait and get to know her for a bit platonically and wait for these signs of deeper interest before revealing your feelings and intentions, then your rejection rate will probably drop quite a bit because you’ll be more selective about when you make your moves. A man who behaves by cold approach rules in a warm social circle, will communicate low value and lack of social attunement. So, you may be applying the rules of cold approach to a warm approach scenario. So, I would change your strategy to one that’s slower and more selective. In pick-up, there are certain rules for approaching women that don’t work as much with women you see on a regular basis. For example, with pick up and cold approach, the advice is to lead with romantic/sexual intentions. But when you see women on a regular basis who exist as part of your wider social circle, I recommend adopting a default platonic orientation to the women in the group. This conveys something about your value, as it means you’re not needy or too sex-focused. And it also shows that you can have friendships with women, which is a sign of emotional maturity and balanced priorities in a man. Warm approach is trickier and takes more discernment and time. It also gives you fewer options. But it is the best way to find a compatible romantic partner. And it’s also what women like best.

For sure. Patience, emotional mastery, and discipline are super important for cultivating a high quality life. This of course is true for both men and women in any context. But it’s especially true for women seeking relationships. If you want a really good one, you’ll have to be disciplined enough to hold out for what feels best and not just pretty good. Of course, it’s much easier to hold off for better if you feel abundant in you opportunities. But if you feel a sense of scarcity, you might just be tempted to eat your one marshmallow right away instead of holding off for more.

Yeah, it’s best to hold out for the good stuff, which does require some emotional mastery and discipline. It’s kind of like the experiment they did with the little kids and the marshmallows. They would put 3-5 year olds by themselves in the room with a big marshmallow while telling them that they can either eat the one marshmallow now or be patient and hold off on eating the one marshmallow and they will be given another marshmallow later. And most children would at first try to not eat the marshmallow but would fail. A small percentage did hold off until later. And these same kids are now adults. And they found that those that were able to hold off on the marshmallow to get the second one, now have a lot more successes in their adult lives. Though, of course, this quality can also be cultivated. But good things come to those who wait. This is especially true for women looking for a male partner. If it’s fast and easy, it’s unlikely to yield the results you want.

Yeah, it’s not so much about doing pick up in and of itself. I’d probably do pick up for a while if I was a guy. The problem is more with guys aspiring to mediocrity, because they mistakenly see mediocrity as exceptionality because mediocrity leads to more mass appeal. Think about the most popular restaurants, tv shows, movies, music, etc. Much of it tends to be very mediocre because most people have mediocre tastes. And I see cold approach in this light. It’s a way men can advertise themselves to the most average audience of women with the most mediocre tastes. But as a woman who, given the choice between a mediocre experience and nothing at all, I will choose nothing at all because I have no sense of scarcity. A more interesting and gratifying experience will always present itself if I’m patient. This is why I recommend to women to be more selective and more patient. Don’t settle for canned. Hold out for something organic to arise.

He could avoid being McDonalds... As long as he’s not trying to be McDonalds. And the issue is often that men feel like McDonalds guys are the most desirable and highest quality guys because of the high patronage as men (like restaurants) value high patronage. And so they seek to be like McDonalds or be McDonalds. And as a woman who is bored with McDonalds, I see it as a shame. What’s useful about pickup is learning appetizing dish presentation and effective branding and advertising strategies. But keep in mind that a high quality restaurant probably won’t be advertising themselves using the exact same strategies as McDonalds does. McDonalds will probably go for the cheap, fast, easy, and satiating angle of advertisement. This is the type of strategy that guys who lead with sexual intent use... and it’s an effective strategy for the restaurant. But a fine dining restaurant will advertise in more subtle ways and communicate quality of experience over simply speed and convenience. And my recommendation to women is to avoid restaurants that use fast food advertising strategies.

Yeah, that’s a good extension of the analogy. Basically, a caveat emptor to patrons about the long-term health risks of eating at McDonalds... and also to watch out for misleading advertising strategies that present to food to look more appetizing and better quality than it actually is. But also, on the qualitative level, to encourage patrons to cultivate a more mature palette and refined tastes so that they can really go deeper with their exploration and appreciation of food... instead of just settling for McDonalds.