Commodent

Like this? I've had it my entire life. It's called visual snow.

Consistent mindfulness practice with focus being on bodily sensations (and not necessarily eye perception and hearing). Also, keep doing what you're doing with barefoot walking etc. Maybe get a massage or something. Listen to your body's signals, eat when you're hungry, undress when warm etc. Attend to your body's needs. It has great value. Using the chakra model, I can tell you that the problem you're describing is mostly associated to a deficient root chakra. When the root chakra is deficient, you don't really have any foundation to heal (or rather, activate) the chakras above it. For example, when you're ungrounded and disconnected from reality (deficient root chakra) you can't really be in touch with your feelings and relate well with other people (which is associated to 2nd chakra). Deficient root chakra is usually caused by abuse/neglect in the very first months of your life. Most commonly from receiving too little physical contact and closeness from your parents. Don't expect immediate results, as your root chakra has probably been more or less deficient your entire life. Just keep at it. With meditation and psychedelics you are really energizing your 6th and 7th chakra, but by doing so it's easy to lose touch of your ground. So you should probably ease on that for a while until you've gotten a strong sense grounding.

It's a very useful psychological model. It can very well be tied together with Erik Erikson's stages of psychosocial development, among other things, and it showcases how different types of trauma and psychological mechanisms manifests itself in the body and your entire state of being.

@studentofthegame Yes, I've noticed that some things seems to pull me back into old ways of thinking too. It can be very frustrating, to have made so much progress and then suddenly feel like you're back to square one. I think those are the moments where it is most important to actively recall those lessons you have learned. It can also be a great opportunity to grieve and process those emotions even more deeply, as such resurfacing brings awareness to things that have been buried. I must say that this has been a most enjoyable conversation, and I appreciate your sincerety, insights and willingness to listen. I'm now entering a period of hectic exam preparation so my focus will be primarily there from now on. I do, however, hope that our contact does not end here. I wish you the best of luck in landing a job as assistant psychologist, and I think said psychologist will be very lucky to have you! Until then

@studentofthegame Yeah, BJJ is very fun. It's very technical and is almost like "physical chess", as there are always a lot of options, some of which might work and some of which might not work. It's also very good for self-defense (I've been demolished by people who are way smaller than me), there's very low risk of injury since there's no kicking (which you might like) and no hitting. There's a lot focus on sparring which is quite fun, and the people there are also super nice and passionate about the sport. I've practiced Karate and Taekwondo for a couple of years, and BJJ is way less rigid and has a more of a light-hearted feel to it. I've also considered trying Capoeira, which is a mixture of martial arts and dance. Geoff Thompson, I will check him out. It sounds like you migh enjoy the Wim Hof method, which I have mentioned earlier. One of it's components is ice baths, but you also have the other component which is breathing (as demonstrated in this video). I think that could very well be accompanied by meditation. After doing the breathing for 30 breaths and then hold my breath I feel very still and acutely aware. I think he has an app too. How do you feel co-dependency manifests in your life? Yes, that 12 step group will probably be helpful in some way or another.

@DrewNows Yes fear, or more specifically, shame.

In my case, it was because I did my very best to try to hide who I am. I also did, and still do to some extent, suppress body language in order to hide my internal state, making me notoriously hard to read.

Intelligence is not uncool. In fact people are desperate to be regarded intelligent and easily get insecure about it. A "nerd" however is pretty much uncool by definition. From Cambridge Dictionary: "a person, especially a man, who is not attractive and is awkward or socially embarrassing" or "a person who is extremely interested in one subject, especially computers, and knows a lot of facts about it" None of those sound very "cool" in my book.

@studentofthegame Yeah, change can be a difficult process. In my case I party very rarely. To some people who go partying all the time I am probably a very boring person, but then again I have good friends who are not preoccupied with that. And I doubt they consider me boring. Funny thing is, if people were to stop drinking society probably would have been way less boring than it is today, as people would have to do inner work in order to connect to their authentic selves instead of just doing it in short bursts through alcohol. I think those nights out drinking are largely what allows us to mantain an overly inhibited (boring) lifestyle. As you might know, us Scandinavians are quite inhibited, but we are also one of the heaviest drinkers (relevant comic). I don't think that's a coincidence. What I'm trying to say is that I guess it depends on the people you hang out with. I don't find people who live responsibly boring at all, and if you enjoy your life then it doesn't really matter wether you're a "boring person", imo. I read a bit of Tao Te Ching, but I personally couldn't get through it for some reason. But Alan Watts has a lot of great stuff on Taoism which I found to be more digestible. "The Tao of Pooh" by Bejamin Hoff is also pretty good. I would like to learn more about Theravada Buddhism too sometime, maybe I'll check out the Dhammapada. I've been processing a lot of blame, rage and guilt when it comes to my parents. Although I don't have as much buried emotions and am more able to relax around them, I still don't enjoy their presence as they will step over my boundaries whenever they can if I'm not watchful. I would have cut them off long time ago if it weren't for their clinginess, it could even be that I wouldn't have the urge to break contact if they were less clingy. Ex-gf's best friend, that sounds like a surefire way to end up in some drama. But then again, I don't know how your ex-gf would handle it. Those traits are certainly a big one for me too. I think it works the other way around too, that girls also want intelligence and empathy. Although I guess that maybe depends on where you live. I study CS, and on my spare time I attend BJJ and go to chess club. So most of my time I mostly hang around males. I meet a couple of girls (who also have dogs) when I walk my dog, so maybe there are some chances there. I do however think there are better chances if I were go somewhere I could meet the same girls regularly. So I'm thinking of maybe joining a singing, dancing and/or meditation group. In addition to meeting more girls I think it could be fun too, hehe. Most people my age only use Tinder for online dating. It is however quite time consuming (as the odds are not in your favor if you're a guy) and way inferior to real-life interaction.

@studentofthegame Hmm, interesting. Maybe there's a part in the middle that is not that interesting to you, so you lose interest, and when you take it back up again you feel like you have to start over again? Hard to say. Usually when I find a book I really enjoy I will read just a little bit of it each day (usually before going to bed) to give all the insights time to sink in. When I find a book that is really not that interesting I will read it in big sessions and/or read until I've got the gist of it, just to get it over with. I've added "Man's search for meaning" to my list. Finding meaning in that kind of environment must be quite hard, to say the least. Books are indeed quite lovely. Currently I'm reading "Eastern Body, Western Mind" by Anodea Judith. It seems quite useful in understanding how trauma affects development and different parts of the body. I likely have a deficient root chakra due to early trauma (prior to 12 months), which has lead me to overfocus on the higher chakras (self-knowledge, self-reflection etc.). So to me healing would probably entail working downwards towards the ground, while to someone who is more grounded it might entail working upwards towards the higher chakras. Very interesting. The strong fear of losing a parent sounds very much like to could be related to some sort of abandonment trauma, so good thing you're working with that. I have kinda the opposite problem. It sounds horrifying, but if one of my parents were to die I would probably feel rather indifferent. Maybe relief even. My mother is always suffering mentally, she's diagnosed with PTSD. I have for the longest time craved having a girlfriend, more so than normal I think. I remember in 2nd grade in elementary school I would initiate contact with this girl I really liked, and it went really well until a couple of older guys started mocking me for it. So I have actually always been quite romantic at heart, but due to my shy nature I never really interact with lots of girls, or new people in general. I feel like it's getting a lot better though, and that I just have to attend more activities now in order to meet girls. How about you? Where do you foresee yourself meeting your future wife? Thank you. Yeah, I certainly can't foresee myself sticking to one thing forever. I just sometimes wonder how I can transfer my computer skills to other more "soft" occupations. If I can somehow can use my computer skills to help people in a personal and meaningful way? Seems kinda far-fetched, to be honest.

@studentofthegame Yeah, both of Pete Walker's books are very good reads. I think it's a good idea to start with Pete Walker's works, as Janina Fisher's book is heavier and more directed towards mental health care professionals (which I assume is no problem to you however ). One benefit of IFS is that it is a model that well suits self-therapy. So even if you were to spend some time finding a therapist you can still make great progress yourself in the meantime. I've added "The Road Less Traveled" by Scott Peck to my reading list. Seems like a good book. I think I could enjoy being a therapist, and that it in many ways would be a lot more meaningful than working with computers. The only problem is that in order to do so I would have to spend 6 years studying theories and practices that doesn't really resonate with me at all. It also sounds rather exhausting to listen to people's deepest troubles for several hours a day, although I know it must be quite rewarding to be able to help people on such a deep and personal level. However, I think I would much rather offer a platform from where people would be able to help themselves. By writing a book for example. I think my talent lies more in intellect rather than empathy, so I don't necessarily think I would be a good therapist although I have the ideas. I still have very much healing work to do. I think that you, simply by doing the healing work you are doing, very well can become one of the best psychologists out there. It's quite rare, even among therapists, to do this kind of work. And from what I gather, most therapists are indeed quite split off from their wounds and inner experience. Which stunts their ability to help others. I have always enjoyed planning far into the future. When I was 13 I decided I wanted to attend the study programme I'm currently attending, and I stuck to it and worked hard in order to get in. But for the last couple of months I've been having doubts whether this is something I actually want to work with. Although software development is fun it doesn't exactly feel like my life calling, if you know what I mean. I don't really know what else I would want to do yet, so I'm sticking with it until then. I have the feeling if I read more books and try different things it will with time become clearer to me what I want to do. Having said that, I'm leaning more and more towards the arts and other forms of self-expression. I'm thinking of choosing Visual Computing as a specialization, so maybe I can use those skills to create art somehow. How about you?

@studentofthegame I hope he gets proper backing too. It's been a strange couple of weeks. One day they were beating PSG 3-1 with an impoverished team, the next games they have been losing consistently. I wonder why that is. Learning to walk before learning to run... very true. You will find that this forum is packed with people who believe nonduality to be some sort of magic pill to cure all their problems (spiritual bypassing). And they project those beliefs onto others, leading to wildly out of touch advice like "you are not your ego identity yada yada". They are trying to help others the same way they're trying to help themselves. With wishful thinking and dogma. I'm not saying there is no merit to these ideas, but preaching about nonduality as some sort of magic pill is dishonest, out of touch and in most cases, not at all helpful. Fun thing is, these "advanced" modes of thinking usually arise naturally once you start resolving those emotional issues holding you back (where good sleep, good nutrition etc. could come in handy). So actually dealing with the problem at hand would likely be more helpful if awakening is important to you. I have noticed that myself too, that unwinding from stressors can take a surprisingly long time. I have noticed it can be greatly reduced however if I spend some time calming myself, but it's so easy to get distracted by other things. Like watching YouTube, and then "oh shit, I have to study" etc. That's actually a big motivation of mine for cutting out the smartphone. It promotes a distracted way of thinking and is not at all relaxing. It very much is. I made a a quite lengthy post about integrating your past some time ago, where I talked some about self-compassion: It might sound weird at first, but if you spend a couple of minutes thinking soothingly to yourself you will probably notice yourself relaxing. IFS is VERY relevant when it comes to this.

Seeing her with someone else seems to flare up self-doubt in you. What is it's purpose? There likely is no higher purpose, but why then is it there? Chances are you grew up being compared to others by the people closest to you. And now you are living with the consequenses. You weren't made aware of your innate value, but you were taught to see your value in relation to someone else. It's quite sad, and unfortunately quite common.

@Leo Gura So you condone this kind of manipulative behavior? Inflicting harm on others in order to attain some hidden goal?

@studentofthegame Haha cool, pretty much all of Norway are United supporters at the moment. It's not every day a Norwegian gets to manage one of the biggest football clubs in the world. Where are you from? The UK? Yeah, plenty of time. I've heard there are a lot of older people who get into the profession, which is a good thing IMO. It's a profession that requires great responsibility and shouldn't be pursued until one feels ready. In my view this is skipping an important step, as gaining a full picture of your past and grieving your losses is a huge part of healing. Without a full life narrative you also won't have the understanding of how those faulty thinking processes arose (spoiler; they were taught behaviors), and without that I think CBT can very easily plant/strengthen the subconscious idea that one is inherently faulty and thus exacerbate feelings of shame. It's also much harder, downright impossible to elicit self-compassion without that understanding. In my view CBT is a very invalidating and emotionally neglective form of therapy. It only deals with the cognitive level and is really just scratching the surface. You can think like a saint and still be plagued emotionally due to unresolved trauma.

@studentofthegame Psychomotor physiotherapy was invented by a couple of Norwegians and is mostly just practiced in Scandinavia, so it doesn't surprise me that you haven't heard of it. It seems to be a quite holistic approach to therapy that recognizes the interconnectedness of mind and body. I would recommend you to look into Internal Family Systems (IFS). It goes well along with inner child work, and is very useful as a form of self-therapy. "Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors" by Janina Fisher, which is packed with cutting-edge research, is heavily based on IFS. I think you can very well resolve attachment trauma by mantaining a positive relationship with yourself, where IFS could come in handy. Thank you. The only problem is that I've been reading so much litterature in English I actually feel more comfortable writing in English rather than my mother tongue, which is Norwegian. So if I decide to start writing it will probably be more geared towards the international market. I'm 21. 15 years, not bad. Although it has been half-arsed you must have quite a good foundation. And yeah, you should definitely look into Complex PTSD. It is quite different from "traditional" PTSD insofar that it recognizes the the many consequenses of prolonged trauma. The guy who wrote one of the books I mentioned, Pete Walker, actually has a lot of resources on C-PTSD. You could check his website for a quick overview.

What does your job involve doing? Software development, accounting?

@studentofthegame That sounds very similar to the work I have been doing. I have however never been to therapy other than a couple of sessions in low-treshold public mental health care, but I would like to try out psychomotor physiotherapy some day when I can afford it, and maybe EMDR. It's definitely a lifetime's work, but yeah I think it can be a good idea to ease back a little sometimes in order to digest things and preventing it from being all-consuming. Balance is indeed important. The fact that you have done inner child work does not surprise me by the way. You seem very sincere. Yeah, change should definitely be implemented incrementally. If you try to do everything at once the ego backlash will simply be to strong to resist and you'll be back where you started. Challenging your fears is a great way to grow, particularly if it's preventing you from doing things you would enjoy. Just remember to do it in manageable amounts (which you already seem to be doing ). The resources you mentioned seems interesting. In my opinion, in order to attain a truly fulfilling life you have to become rather proficient at handling fear. It is not found on some carved path, but you create it yourself. What you want to be doing is not necessarily on society's agenda and in that case they won't encourage you and it definitely won't be risk-free. But it's truly amazing what you are capable of once you have fully set your intention. Just look at Elon Musk, or Gandhi. But it requires work and persistence, and with intention and enough time you will, through reflection and learning, figure out what to do. So I definitely think you are right in challenging your fears. It's a rare quality that's incredibly rewarding. Thank you for the nice compliments. I am currently studying Computer Science, and while I enjoy software development I don't think I would find it fulfilling in the long run. It's more of a backup-plan. I certainly enjoy reflecting and talking about these things, but I don't think I would enjoy treating actual people lol. Maybe I could study neurosciece and do some research there, but that seems a bit too specialized as there are so many different diciplines I find interesting. Maybe I could become a writer of some sort? I am also learning to play guitar at the moment, and drawing. So maybe I could become an artist? Doing something creative definitely sounds nice. As you can see, I have lots of ideas, but haven't arrived at any conclusions yet. I'm planning on just experimenting with different things and see where it goes. I guess I'll figure it out.

@studentofthegame Glad to hear that. The time I decided to get into self-development was probably when I was about 16-17, and it was followed by a couple of years of obsessing over the social anxiety and always trying to challenge it. Which, as previously stated, did not work very well. I also read a lot of spiritual books by Eckhart Tolle, Alan Watts etc. I learned a lot intellectually, but emotionally there was no development. It was indeed rather regressive, as I learned mindsets and techniques for shutting down my emotions. Denying my very self and everything thereunder. Then I started reading into trauma recovery. Most people would not define what I experienced as "trauma" (in fact, most people's conception of trauma is extremely narrow. We all have trauma to some extent). After a while I got a good grasp of where my social anxiety, inner critic etc. stems from. They were, to put it briefly, feelings and mental habits rooted in unconscious memories stemming from my childhood. When I fully realized that what I was trying to solve about myself were really just that, memories, I stopped trying to fix myself and instead focused on treating myself kindly (inner child work) and staying grounded in the present. That was really the tipping point, that allowed me to lean back and enjoy life. Processing your past is a very comprehensive topic, so if you would like to know more I can recommend "The Tao of Fully Feeling" by Pete Walker and/or the videos of former therapist Daniel Mackler on YT (in which this video sums up his philosophy pretty well). The development after that has been mostly due to the wish of living a more intentional and wholesome life (whereas previously it was to fix myself). I didn't feel like mindless technology use contributed with anything meaningful to my life, so I decided to cut it out. I'm eating variations of Leo's vegetable soup because it feels fresh and is good to both me and the environment. I've become aware of the importance of sleep, so I never sacrifice on it. Right now I'm also experimenting with the Wim Hof method in order to feel more in touch with my body. In general, I like learning, and I like applying that knowledge. I just finished reading "Why We Sleep" by Matthew Walker, and it's super interesting. So I don't feel like the self-development will ever end. Having said that, social anxiety is not a problem to me anymore. It's been so long since I thought about it that it's almost like I have forgotten it. It really doesn't occur to me to get anxious around people anymore, at least not to disproportionate degrees. Plentiful solitude has probably helped with that also. One interesting thing about neuroplasticity, is that it happens regardless whether you're experiencing something physically or in your mind. E.g. someone repeatedly playing a sequence on a piano and someone visualizing it will experience the exact same brain changes. So you can quite litteraly think yourself into mental illness by overfocusing on it. The same goes for "forgetting" it. I'm still somewhat avoidant, but it's more of a choice because I notice how much more well-balanced I feel when listening to those emotional signals. However I know that I could push through if I'd like, so I don't really feel trapped by it. This became a rather long post, so kudos if you could bear through

@studentofthegame Sounds like a good plan. You are certainly not the only one prone to mindless phone use, indeed most people are. Personally I ditched my smartphone and bought a $20 dumbphone. I still use my smartphone for Spotify, Audible and Podcast Go, but I made my own Android launcher so that I only have access to those three apps. And I never bring it outdoors.

@andyjohnsonman He did not.

Relationships are definitely important. However, I'd rather be alone than spend time with unhealthy people.

@studentofthegame Yes, without structure work-time and free-time can very easily blend over each other, causing you to never really able to relax because you're always feeling like you should be doing something productive. With structure you become much more focused in whatever you're doing, whether it be relaxing or working. When you move in with a partner I think you should aim for high-quality solitude, like walking in the woods with no distractions. Most people I know who live alone don't really spend any time in solitude even though they're technically alone. At home they're sitting on their computer or phone, when they're out they're still on their phones and/or wearing headphones. Whereas previously we were forced to spend some time in solitude, nowadays we have the technology to shut it entirely out. But it has dire consequenses. After the iPhone came out mental health disorders, especially anxiety disorders, have shot through the roof. Solitude deprivation is seriously harmful to any individual, whether it be extrovert or introvert. If you're interested in learning more I can recommend the book "Digital Minimalism" by Cal Newport. It also offers a very structured approach to dealing with tech addiction Yes, having a dog is quite amazing for the reasons you mentioned. You always have a friend by your side, it forces you to get off your arse several times a day, you get to enjoy exercise and fresh air in the beautiful outdoors, you meet great people who also have dogs, and you get time for yourself to reflect. Definitely recommended to anyone who would like to increase their life quality by several notches, but only if you're up for the responsibility of course.

@studentofthegame Yes, I am certainly not a very spontaneous person, and all my life I've had somewhat avoidant tendencies. There was a time in my life where I would always push myself to attend every social event and never give in to anxiety. That did not go so well. It was terribly stressful, and when I actually ended up attending these events I was tense, couldn't think clearly, and wasn't really able to enjoy it. And I would frequently beat myself up for not being able to enjoy it. Now my life is rather boring and predictable, and I love it. I wake up, walk my dog, eat breakfast, go to lecture, study, walk my dog, make dinner, relax, walk my dog, go to sleep. You get the gist. But the funny thing is, the few times where I actually attend something unplanned I am much more able to enjoy it, because I feel so much more relaxed and grounded. I think a key component to why my life feels so much more enjoyable is solitude. That is, time without input from other minds, whether it be on the Internet or IRL. Solitude is so, so underrated. I feel like I need several hours a day to function optimally. The only problem is that I'm not really meeting a lot of girls, as I'm not really going out drinking anymore, but maybe I'll join a yoga class or something. It is a balancing act as you say. Listen to your gut instincts and spend some time on reflection, and I'm sure you will figure out what to do.

@Girzo Hahaha sorry