Commodent

And that is a very valid objection. But can you from that conclude that there can't possibly be anything outside our realm of experience? For example, you can't experience my experience directly, but does that mean my experience can't possibly exist? I'd say no. So what more could there be? An actual framework generating a consistent and predictable experience? Really, who knows? This very much reminds me of an Alan Watts quote:

I feel like Cosmo Sheldrake deserves a mention.

That is, if you can't find people who are more conscious than you. In my experience, most people are more conscious than you in at least one area. Agreed! So, so many fears are faced in the social arena.

I feel like the question that matters the most is; does it really matter which one it is? Maybe all experience is rooted in some objective reality beyond our perception, or maybe nothing really exists and everything is "imaginary". Who knows. As long as you're not locked in some ideology on either side I think you're good.

Haha YES! If speaking the truth is constantly causing you problems, that's probably a sign you've got some inner work to do. Thank you for the insight. Funny thing is, when most people say they're speaking the truth, they're not really speaking the truth. They're just blindly acting out their defenses instead sharing their authentic experience.

I feel that this sentence is quite significant. I want you to meditate on what it means to be "forced" to do something, and how "not agreeing" with something could potentially be serving as a defense mechanism rooted in the fear of being controlled. Notice how even my previous sentence might trigger you, due to me urging you to do something. If you do what I say, have I then forced you? It might be a bit different since we are not very close and there is thus very little ego involved, but if I had been a co-worker or a spouse? My flatmate always has all kinds of justifications for not doing what other people wants him to do (he's the landlord so he has certain responsibilities). But the thing is, his justifications are usually very self-absorbed and completely void of consideration for other people, and it's very obvious that he's acting out of a fear of being controlled. And that kind of behavior motivates people to actually try and control him, because he's being consistently contrarian and selfish, which breeds resentment. Which, to him, perpetuates the belief that everybody is trying to control him. In many ways you seem quite different from him, but it might be a similarity to have in mind. The premises of the question I quoted very much seems like a form of re-traumatization. A self-fulfilling prophecy. And the best way to deal with self-fulfilling prophecies is generally to make the issue a non-issue. Because it likely really is. That is, a problem you have created in your mind in order to perpetuate the cycle of re-traumatization. I can honestly say I lost many good years of my life to believing I had a problem which I really didn't have. All that time I was working so hard to find a solution, until I realized it was really me believing there was a problem that was causing the problem. Such a mind-fuck! Also very relevant to Leo's latest work about fear and identity. So yeah, in my view you should literally forget about the problem. And when such situations arise, just notice what is going on and think with your whole mind instead of just the contrarian part of you. Could you be more vulnerable and open about what you're actually going through perhaps? So that other people can see what is going on inside you? On the other hand, can you see where they are coming from? Do you see the importance of social harmony in an organization? etc. Try to bring that big-picture thinking more into your day-to-day life. This article might be interesting to you. It's about the character structure often referred to as the "challenger-defender".

It's more about knowing how to handle whatever emotion might arise. Being comfortable with them and not trying to run away.

My flatmate does have similar tendencies, and to be honest it annoys the heck out of me. Whenever I ask him for something, he will make a very strong point out of marking his own independence. He seems obsessed with making the statement that nobody has no control over him, and it looks quite ridiculous to anyone but him. It's as if he's creating a power struggle that isn't really there. I don't really care about how independent he considers himself to be, I simply wanted him to take the leftovers that has been standing on the kitchen table since the day before. Like that... I have compromised a lot and I'm quite fed up at this point, so I'm planning on moving out soon. Having grown up in a controlling, authoritarian environment myself, I can certainly see where he's coming from. I acted exactly the same way when I was younger. And having met his mother and seen how they interact, I know he likely grew up in the exact same kind of environment. It creates serious issues around one's sense of autonomy. I think one key insight for me was realizing that independence is not a virtue in and of itself. Our society tells us that one should always be independent at all times, and not be a tool, beta male, nice guy whatever. But if you live by such beliefs you are potentially closing yourself off from some completely normal and healthy behaviors. Surrendering your will and just playing along can oftentimes be the best thing to do. Point being, don't be afraid to be a sheep sometimes. Being able to speak your honest opinion is certainly a great strength, but I'd like to mention that the most prominent growth is usually not found in the ways one has always done things. For you that growth is probably found in learning how to get along better with other people, judging by what you wrote. These videos might be relevant. They describe the common struggle between self and tribe that many personality types experience:

I come from Norway. Norwegians are strongly preoccupied with what is going on in the US, and I personally feel that I have a pretty good sense of what is going on over there just by watching the news. So yeah, #metoo has definitely been a topic among people over here, but it's generally considered a more American phenomena. We haven't really had any "metoo" incidents here in Norway as far as I can tell. I personally think it's pretty lame, and I know many of my peers agree with me. In the education system we are taught very Green values, and most people are very tolerant towards other ethnicities. Norway is very humanitarian country and that is something most Norwegians are very proud of. We know that our countries are a bastion of human development and we enjoy all the international attention we can get (maybe due to our small size and historical insignificance). Just look in the comment section in any YT-video about Norway, lol. Norwegians tend to be quite inhibited, and I think part of that is due to the preoccupation we have to how other people perceive us. I think most Norwegians feel a certain restriction from self-expression, because it's not really normal to express yourself fully. So you will find that most Norwegians are very humble and nice, but that they at the same time can be quite hard to get to know below the surface. And I think that's exactly why we are so eager on the partying side. It's an opportunity to express ourselves fully, and get to know each other on a deeper level. All that without the fear of social repercussions. It's an opportunity to take risks socially, something which unfortunately is scarce outside of the partying setting. I don't know any Norwegian spiritual teacher, but "Snåsamannen" is probably the most famous "mystic" in Norway. You also have Princess Märtha Louise, who has been talking about angels and stuff and is now in a relationship with a shaman (to many Norwegians' dismay). I don't really care though. But yeah, the spirituality we have over here is quite Green and not very sophisticated.

@LeoIsMe69 The only problem is th at forcing forgiveness doesn't really work though. Let yourself process your authentic emotions, and forgiveness might arise. Forcing forgiveness is suppression. @capriciousduck That's terrible. Have you had the opportunity to share your story to a safe, wholehearted person? That will make the shame melt away, and maybe even cure your addiction. Shame and addiction is like the perfect storm, they almost always arise together. If you can't find such a safe person you can become that safe person for yourself. Wherein I think the book "The Tao of Fully Feeling" by Pete Walker + journaling is a good place to get started.

@dimitri No problem. I'd also like to add that letting go is more about cutting attachments with whatever you're trying to let go of, rather than actually getting rid of it. Feeling anger? Cut your attachment to it. It is neither good nor bad. Notice it very clearly, maybe even listen to what it's trying to tell you. That will allow you to make a conscious choice, instead of being blindly ruled by your emotions. Enlightenment is not a process that leaves you feeling caged in by what you're "allowed" to experience. It's the exact opposite. It's a liberating process. So follow that sense of liberation.

IMO this focus on dissolution can also be quite problematic. If you let go very deeply it doesn't really matter whether it goes away or not.

The things you hold in will accumulate and rot inside you. I think you could definitely benefit from speaking your own truth more. You don't have to be a dick about it though, as there are nice ways and not so nice ways to express your inner truth. The tricky thing is though, the more you have held in the more difficult it becomes to express it in a respectful manner. So don't wait until it's "too late".

@pluto Do you think we can be in flow with the frequencies that bombard us?

In my experience social anxiety almost always stem from relational trauma. So it might be wise to address that first. The psychology field encourages dissociation and has overall a very shallow understanding of the human psyche, so it's only able to help people who are reasonably healthy already. That is, unless you find an exceptional therapist. The field really isn't giving trauma the prominence it deserves.

@Leo Gura Yeah, I get that. But how about those people who clearly notice something is off, and yet tests show them that everything is fine? I've noticed that particularly among sensitive people. We have barely scratched the surface of the complexity of our bodies and the food we eat, so tests can be quite limited. Another thing, I sometimes wonder if you're conscious enough and have a high vibrational frequency, your body will be able to withstand environmental toxins? Like, in the case of the Wim Hof method (awareness, conscious breathing and intense focus) your body will be able to withstand extreme amounts of cold, which likely would have killed most people. Or kill of injections of bacteria that leaves most people bedridden for days.

Yes, I definitely think one should use all the tools available in one's toolbox. Pardon me for not appreciating the nuances. I'm not disregarding your example, but I would like to mention that a very aware person might notice their cognitive abilities declining after introducing radical changes to their diet. Your collection of memories is important too, not only your direct experience in the moment.

Nature documentaries, or just good documentaries in general. And I'll shamelessly mention a Norwegian TV show, which I think is very authentic and real: "Skam" Honestly I can't come up with many. I think it's quite rare.

It's an easy workout, as I can just take on my shoes and run out the door. No equipment required. However, it is quite boring. Which is why I prefer doing something enjoyable like BJJ or climbing if I can.

Might be relevant.

I've found that the best way to handle large amounts of information is to connect to and listen to your gut feel. It's really the sum of all your thoughts and feelings, and will lead to the most holistic decisions. It will tell you whether you should study more or take action.

The "Spiral Dynamics" book covers this pretty extensively. If you're not sure where people are on the spiral you can apply the universal "P-O-A", as they call it. I compiled an extract of what the book says about it. For more info see page 118 in the book: PS: This works for all stages, not just lower stages.

@kira Yes, and that's typically how addictions arise. They meet some very real needs. What I'm saying is, don't use devices to meet your child's interpersonal needs. There are several parental control apps out there which could be useful.

@kira I can agree with that if it's only used for play. But if it becomes a substitute for emotional nourishment (e.g. YouTube) then I'd say it's a problem.

@hyruga Core beliefs are formed in childhood, and most of them aren't even verbal. Pretty much beliefs that all other beliefs are layered on top of.