Valach

Personally I have never met a person whom I would consider mature and conscious who prioritized sex and slept around a lot. Simply does not happen too much in my experience.

Don't have that experience, no. But it also depends on how you define high quality dating life I suppose. Depends what you consider a good coaching as well. In my experience it all boils down to just feeling at ease with yourself in both social situation and life in general.

Okay, I missed that comment, I was more responding to your general advice. I personally do not have much experience with dealing with people on the spectrum but I am not sure mass approaching is the way - The guys that were on the spectrum in the PUA community would still really struggle after thousands of approaches - but I am not sure there is easy cure for this. I am also not saying you should be working on business or fitness to get woman. Breaking an approach anxiety is actually quite easy. That is the easiest part in becoming good with woman.

No dude. I have done plenty of pickup in the past so I am not some sort of newbiee around this. I have had phases where I would go non-stop and approached close to 100 people a day. It does have it's value but it does not address the real problem. If you feel like you need to approach "meh" woman or you need to have some sort of momentum in order to talk to woman you are attracted to or to feel attractive, you have self esteem issues that need addressing. You can spend months isolated working on some other shit and then go out and feel just as good and worthy as with any momentum.

This is not a good take. It showcasts a lack of true self esteem. Not to mention you are not being authentic when you approach woman you are not really interested in.

Sure, I do have "normal" friends that I enjoy hanging out with and joking around. It has its place and I am glad I have those friends. But I also want deeper friendships and a relationship with potential life partner. And me going out to socialize with people I do not intend on keeping in my life is not aligned with that goal. So I socialize way less and that is just fine.

I am trying, it is very hard indeed. But I cant be bothered to hangout with shallow people so what choice do I have?

I feel you and I am dealing with similiar issue. That being said, you do not need to socially "succeed" with most people no? If you are looking for girlfriend that is, you can try to look for someone more conscious and mature?

In some ways it was way easier for the people in the past. As you said, freedom creates a lot of chaos. I like what one modern philosopher said: "We still have arranged relationships, they are now just emotionally arranged." And our emotions can play a lot of tricks on us.

And that is exactly the definition of people pleasing. It is often subtle. In my experience this is just a way to avoid rejection and tension. It is not really good position to be operating from. If you are interested in someone, simply flirt, show your intentions or ask her out on a date.

So you are people pleasing?

Why do you want to be chill?

What is wrong with being direct?

I would say maturity plays a big role yes. But also trauma and unhealthy unbringing causes these dynamics in the first place. As I am diving deeper and deeper into this I am realizing how much of pickup strategy, eventhough it works, is optimized for insecure, not really stable people. Those are the vast majority, so it looks like it works.

@aurum I am curious how would you explain the manosphere yourself?

Then you know more secures already than I do haha. Thanks for the answer:)

@Natasha Tori Maru You probably missed the last part about me asking why do you think secures do not use dating apps since i edited it. I am not saying I don't disagree, I am just really curious about that!

That might be enjoyable and exciting for you. And painful for her.

Which part? The not being picky around sex or not wanting to commit after it?

It is hard to evaluate since i am also biased obviously. But i feel like most people are simply not self aware to admit how insecure they are. Many of my friends if i explained attachment theory to them would claim they are secure eventhough i can fully see how much insecurity they have. it is kinda bizzare. If i could snap my fingers and heal everyone over nigth, the society with its capitalistic model would probably crumble.

I honestly doubt that there are as many as 20%, more like 5%. Obviously depending on the location, but i can count on the fingers of one hand how many truly secure and healthy people have i met. btw. Why do you think insecure people use dating apps and secure dont?

Okay, I rewatched and get it now. Yeah, redpill stems out of insecutiry obviously.

I am not sure I understand how redpill is connect to attachment theory?

I used to believe that too. But I met a lot of woman who are not all that picky about sex and also just because you sleep with them does not mean they picked you and want to keep seeing you. But the general trend is there, yes.

Basically, yes. Maximazing gain, minimazing loss.