Valach

Cut them some slack brother, they are clearly quite young.

This is related to intrinsic self worth. If you do not have it, you try to suck it out of external, eg. woman you date - which then in turns create this feeling of insecurity - because your felt safety depends on it, thus your survival, which makes you anxious. Going about gaining more experience or getting better at sex will not solve this, just deepen your dependency. You need to untie this link and do innerwork/inner child healing/whatever.

This is not about how good you are at sex or how much your girl loves you. This is a deep insecurity and sense of unworthiness that will take a long time to resolve. But it is worth focusing on that.

But the point of authenticity is not to get people to like you.

@LordFall Sex is neither good or bad (like almost everything). It is about the underlying reasons you have it for that matters. And of course you have to have a lot of self awareness to even answer yourself honestly why you have it or not. And yes, in my experience people "abuse" the shit out of sex to unconsciously escape themselves and their emotional issues.. That does not make them bad or evil or less than. But I am not gonna be running around glorifying sex either - just like I am not glorifying anything else (well except maybe for actual healing haha). And I have seen this among spiritual people, "normies" and people who were sexually more open or liberal. Me saying that is not coming from some sexual repression or shadow. Though obviously just as with anything I can't really prove this either as it is just derived from my experiences and observations - but it also aligns with the opinion of people I respect. Even using "sex" as a shorterm coping strategy is not really bad - as long as it stops you from using worse coping agents. But obviously it is not suitable long term strategy either.

Inner game and it is not even close. You can get results just on focusing on outergame, without a doubt. It also depends on how you define results or success in this field.

Of course, I am in agreement with that. But it does not require to have "options" or to be socially valuable.

I think you missunderstood me. I am questioning how healthy the dynamic of desiring a socially valuable person is in the first place. I am not disputing that it "works"

Would you say, in your experience, even this desire is stemming from a healthy place?

By becoming my own best friend and staying connected to myself even in the worst times.

Out sexual drives are deeply connected to psychological state. Many people use their sexuality to numb out feelings of loneliness and other stuff. Not saying that is you obviously as I do not know you personally. But it is something I have commonly saw in others and in myself.

Very good point. I would say even if the relationship was "short" I would explore the desire to jump right back into dating. I mean why do you want to be dating all the time?

I have mentioned it elsewhere, but please be careful to not disassociate from your own emotional core by doing all of this. Basically numbing down any emotions regarding rejections. Seen that plenty of times and it is very hard to revert.

The dating section is full of misogyny. If you came here often you would know already.

@something_else Why do you even bother discussing this with them at this point bro..

A lot of people (vast majority) carry a lot of trauma that leads them to pursue things that are fundamnetally not good for them. Human mind is rather fragile. A lot of people will get hurt and get jaded by going through these experiences. It is not as simple as "having fun in the moment is good for you". I mean you could use the same arguments for doing drugs or any unhealhty habbit that clearly have a long term effects on you and those are usually not positive. With a lot of self-awarreness you can easily spot this in people. Many time I have met woman (or men but obviously it is easier to spot in people you date) who eventhough they engage in casual stuff and dating, you can sense that they truly do not desire it. And they are just using it to run away from themselfs.

It is not his mistake though. It is not like he used her for sex and just dipped. Sure, he might have gotten carried away a little bit but did not do anything horrible. It used to happen quite often to me when woman would be super into me on dates, make out etc. and then did not want to continue and I never took it for a reason to hate them. Definitely felt used for sex couple of times, which was bad, but he did not go that far. Either way, I am very curious about update on what she will respond @Zenterus

It is funny how this person hates men yet she is the one seeking connection with them.

Okay, that is a legitimate redflag, fair enough. I just pointed that out because search for the "perfect partner" is more often than not just a defensive strategy for avoiding intimacy.

I would definitely hard avoid any alcohol or substances for that matter on any dates. That is going to make it easier for you to keep your intentions clearer. As for whether she is right for you or not? Have you considered that this might be just avoidance?

But you do not built relationships on laughter. As @Miguel1 said a lot of what works within the realm of casual or PUA dating is basically an antithesis of healthy long-term relationships. I am not saying that having fun is an enemy, but there should be some level of seriousness and vetting in the dating process and that is inherently not as emotionally stimulating. It is quite interesting when it comes to this if you think about it. There is a general consensus that focusing on just what feels right is not the best life strategy - then I would just play videogames, jerkoff, smoke weed etc. Yet when it comes to dating most peoples vetting process is basically "How emotionally stimulating is this person" - it's nuts.

@Miguel1 Read throug the topic and I agree with your approach. While there is nothing inherently wrong about dating more people at the same time (if you are honest about that), I feel like it tends to mix up too many energies/dynamics with different people in order to view them somewhat objectively. Besides I feel like just as @Zenterus mentioned, I filter out most woman on the first date anyways so it is hard to imagine for me to be seeing multiple woman at the same time whom I would be actually interested in. If I meet a woman where I see the potential for us to go further, I want to explore that. Trying to run around and find more people to date with seems like a defensive strategy to sabotage your relationships.

Damn, never knew that.

Hard to give any specific advice when you do not describe your interactions nor your sticking points. Looks wise you look just fine and should not be held back by it. My guess would be that you view the whole thing way too mechanical from the way you keep track of approaches/dates/sex etc. That was my impression from guys who did that whom I met IRL.

Natasha is mine! Stay way, you muggle.