Valach

This will work only on deeply insecure woman. Be careful to not "pickup" bad habbits along your pickup journey.

Focusing on negative content will taint your energy which will translate into socializing.

I do not think learning some toxic strategies of woman are gonna help you with that though, quite contrary.

I would spend my energy in more healthy directions tbh.

Not disputing that;)

I would argue that some level of approach anxiety is healthy and warranted even after years and after having success. I still get anxious when approaching a woman I like, A lot of guys who have no fear simply dissociated from their own emotions, not good.

Hard to make arguments for or against this since people are so much full of projections, idealizations and self interests around this. I personally think it is better to keep it simple with my partner - it is hard to have enough self awareness if your desire to have more woman in your life is coming from a healthy place. Besides, these days I even struggle to make friends I would be aligned with, can't imagine meeting that many woman I would want to keep around.

I agree with this so much. I never really sought out stopping of the avoidant patterns in my life and facing my own inner misery. I was forced by life to do it.

Because it touches the wound that were created by our parents. They saw us and rejected us (partially) and so it creates the feeling of us not being good enough thus the need to perform and if we do not perform and get rejected for this, the wound gets reactivated. Probably you can't know someone completely, that person would have to know themself in the first place. But you can reach a point of true vulnerability and being seen.

Because for the first time in your life you would be getting rejected for who you truly are and not for some persona.

The point is not for the other person to accept me, it is for them to see me. By being truthful i am practicing unconditional love - by myself to myself.

Effective in what? This still signals you operate within a paradigm focused on how to get the person (aka get validated) instead of how to express yourself freely.

Self regulation is not the same thing as hiding truth of yourself from someone. You can share honestly your truth, even if it is painful from a place of self acceptance and not to get soothed by the other party. Furthemore if your life sucks so much, why are you even on the date in the first place. I am not saying to tell a list of your worst qualities within the first 10 minutes of a date. But also pretending like you have it all together while you are aware that you do not does not lead to anything good in my experience.

Why do you think you should be selective with sharing yourself with other?

I am gonna check it out later, thanks for sharing brother. I would like to share a video about dating approach that really resonates with my values:

Especially for traumatized people - because these people did not experience properly what comfort and safety feels like when growing up and then it pushes them away because it is the unknown. And subconcious mind always interprets the unknown as danger. And that is going to be majority of woman (and men too) sadly.

Hey brother, I really resonate with this. I've been—and to some extent still am—quite avoidant myself, especially in romantic relationships. I never really struggled to make friends, but I definitely noticed my avoidant tendencies showing up in friendships too. One thing I've learned is that you have to cultivate a lot of self-awareness. Whenever you feel pulled away from someone, ask yourself: Is this because there's a genuine incompatibility between us, or is it an internal fear manifesting as disinterest? That distinction can be surprisingly difficult to make. That said, as I've gone deeper into my own healing, I've actually found myself preferring fewer friendships. Partly because it's become harder to find people I truly relate to, and partly because I've become much more aware of how other people's energy and presence affect me. As for the "ideal" number of friends—I don't think anyone can answer that for you. Only you can discover whether you genuinely want more connection or whether you're already fulfilled with a smaller circle. What stood out to me, though, was why you're asking the question. You mention feeling envious when you see large friend groups online, and you also worry that having fewer friends might make you appear deficient. Underneath that, I hear a fear that maybe you are deficient. That's a completely understandable fear, but I don't think it's a healthy place from which to build friendships. To me, healthy friendships come from genuine curiosity about another person and simply enjoying who they are. Not from trying to match an image of what a socially successful person is supposed to look like. One last thought. A lot of people—including myself at times—carry a significant amount of emotional pain, whether consciously or unconsciously. One of the most common ways we avoid feeling that pain is by staying constantly occupied. Dating, pickup, sex, endless socializing... these can all become ways of distracting ourselves from what's happening inside. So when you see people constantly surrounded by others, it doesn't necessarily mean they're living healthier or more fulfilling lives. Sometimes it's exactly the opposite. I'd stay connected to yourself, keep exploring what you genuinely want—not what you think you should want—and trust that you'll end up with the amount of connection that's actually right for you.

Cool read! Best of luck to you!

Thanks for an answer! How do you then go on living a role that society pressures you into whilst full on knowing that is not who you are? What is the concious realating you mention?

I am struggling here internally. How do you navigate developing your own masculinity because it is who you are (or want to be if that's possible) vs Wanting to be a masculine man because you know that is what woman desire - and you want to be liked/loved by woman, so you want to become the masculine man. Which basically is just another neediness manifestation.

Of course. Pickup at its core is performative paradigm. How could you connect from that.

That is what pickup conditioning does to guys.

How does mature love look to you then?

My bad, I missread that.

You can be very confident and emotional as well. Those are not exclusive.