Valach

@zazen What are the negative aspects of hook up culture or casual sex to woman according to you?

@universe @flowboy @nickjoky Thank you guys for the answers, found them to be quite helpful. Decided to stay in my current job since I enjoy it and learn a lot of useful skills so far. Might look for better paying job in the future.

Hey guys, I am in a difficult position and need to decide about I suppose about my future right now. I am fairly new to the software development, without that much experience and 3 months ago I started working at a quite known company as a Junior Python dev, mainly writing microservices in Flask. I feel like the team is great and I like the scope of the work as well. I am surrounded by some really skilled people, which is something I was looking for because I wanted to learn solid basics of development and best practices regarding python. Recently the end of my probation period was getting closer and I guess since I have been experiencing quite a imposter syndrome I started getting nervous, whether the company is going to keep me or not. I asked my manager twice about this on our weekly calls and he told me that he can't tell me yet and he will let me know at the end of the probation period. That stressed me a bit too, since I just moved places and spent all my savings and couldn't really afford to loose an income. So Just to be safe I decided to go on 2 interviews, to have a backup job in case I don't get to keep the work. I went to the job interviews 2 weeks before the probaton period so it would aligned with me being freed up from a job (just in case). I recieved offers from both the interviews so it called me down quite a bit and I didn't think about it too much. However one of the offers is kinda interesting to me due to money. It is a web development position in Django. I don't have that much experience in Django myself ( i told them I am a junior), but at least I have 3 months experience in Flask now which is quite similiar. Rest of the requited tech, I was familiar with (like postgres, docker, gitlab, CI/CD). After having the interview I received a phone called from agency, that the team is interested to take me in. I told the lady, that I cannot answer yet (since I was still waiting for my manager to tell me if they are keeping me or not). Couple days later (this week) I asked my manager about it and he told me that he can't still tell me yet and he will let me know at the end of my probation period (which at the time was at like 8 days). I didn't think much about it. But yesterday the lady from agency called me again, asking if I know already. I told her that I don't and she told me that she understands, but the team needs to know on Monday and that they pump up the offer in terms of money. I am now in a situation that I am getting offered quite a lot of money a junior developer and I would be making 2 times the national average here (and also 80% more than my current job). It is work on contract though, so I might pay a bit more taxes, not sure about that yet. However I am now super confused, this was supposed to be my backup job, but the money offered threw me away a bit. I am also confused about why they are offering so much since I am junior and whether I would be of an use for them and meet their expectations. I would also have to learn Django in couple of weeks which I think is quite doable. Now I am not sure at all what to do. Keep my job at very well known company where I can build my resume and learn a lot or go into a smaller team of contract developers to get a lot of money for my country? What would you guys do in my position. Do you have some things you look for when switching jobs.

I think I see what you are hitting onto. I have gone through interesting transformation in pickup, where first I entered as a super weak, unconfident guys and thanks to going out and studying pickup I improved greatly but I also noticed that my relationship to woman became quite dark and I started developing some narcissistic tendencies and I had to pull back a bit and focus on healing myself. I suppose I had shadows around woman from past experiences of feeling left out and unwanted and my ego was overcompensation of low self confidence? I am not clear here yet, since I am still in the process (and possible about to return back to approaching since I still crave experiences and want to develop more). It sometimes feels like going full circle hehe.

@aurum Could you expand on what issues you see in Leo's advice?

Hey guys, Recently I have been thinking about how jealous and possessive I tend to get in my current relationship. I have been dating my gf for quite some time now and I have noticed that whenever she mentions that she hangs out with her guy friends, that she finds somebody attractive or just goes out to a party where she will drink, I get a little jealous. I don't mention it to her and don't forbid her anything, but I definitely stings and I experience a little bit of anxiety (eg. she's at a party a doesn't text me as usual or something like that). I really noticed it today, because she mentioned that she might go out for a coffee with a guy she used to sleep with before meeting me (he invited her). Interestingly enough, I always though that there is always one person that is more invested in a relationship and that person is also the more jealous one. But it's not in our case, I have generally been less invested and was thinking recently about breaking things off with her, while she would definitely want to keep the relationship going, yet I am definitely more jealous one (as she is super secure, being fine with me hanging out with her ex once or quickly getting over me kissing other girl at a party). Recently we have started about the possibility of having an open relationship, which is something I might want to try. But also I think with my issues with jealousy I am not in a place to have one before I resolve them. So if any of you guys had issues with this and managed to resolve them, could share your insights?

@gettoefl Thanks for the feedback. I feel like it's the first one.

@flowboy I will check out your video about it. Thanks for all the advice

@flowboy You are right. I guess I might give a try since it might be so challenging for me and we will see, worst case scenario we can break up. Right now I have couple of weeks left before getting to normal state with her so I can think about all the boundaries I would like to propose to her. We might not in the end even find common ground there so might ditch the idea after all. If I can ask you, how would you use such experience to grow into a better man and combat the jealousy and insecurity you feel inside youself?

@flowboy Hmm, I don't think so honestly. I think it would make me more anxious and make me ruminate over if she is gonna do it or not. But it's hard to tell, I've never been in such a situation.

Sure I can see that. It would be bad breaking the rules of the relationship now. But once we open up there is nothing stopping us from meeting other people, so what would cause jealousy then?

Could very possible be the case for me not trusting her. I feel like I am not the one who is 100% to be trusted. However I am 100% confident that due to the way our communication is set up, we would tell each other if we did some mistakes. So I can trust at least on that. Yes. You are super right here. I have recently started working a lot, solely focusing on my goals and myself. Due to this we see each other like once every 2 weeks (will change soon). This made me quite grounded and confident in myself and reduced the overall jealousy in day to day life. However now I feel more jealous when she goes out to a party or something, because before I would just hang out with my friends or something, but since I am kinda on a grind I am usually just programming at my home while she parties which definitely makes me feel weaker. @flowboy Would you say that fixing my jealousy issues is something that could transfer and enable me have a open relationship with her. I don't think my jealousy is bad (even she said so, she was surprised that I even have some when I mentioned it), but it definitely would be bad if I found out she slept with someone else. And you know what kinda my situation is and why I am considering to have a open relationship Thanks for answering!

@Leo Gura I am not really sure I agree with you here. I think this thinking is more part of the history now, but I definitely feel like woman don't have to have a desire to be in a relationshi(or date you)p with you in order to sleep with you. I feel like nowadays girls have much lower standarts for sex than for relationships. I've been meeting girl who actively keep guys in a 'fuck zone' whilst he wants a relationship etc. Maybe that's because I am in Europe or I am just meeting girls with high sex drives, but their thinking commanly is like "I didn't really like him, but I was horny, so why not sleep with him". Pickup in general helped me understand woman tremendously, but I feel like it often described them as wanting mainly relationships, which was not my experience. Feels like in today's world girls want to sleep around and are sex positive more than guys lol.

So you suggest breaking up and having more experience?

@Lyubov RIght, that makes sense. I think I will mention it to her anyways. I think even if we break up, she can always meet that guy later since he's been trying for almost a year now. Would you say me meeting my 'ex' was out of line too? And did you have to fight your own jealousy at some point? I am asking you since I saw your posts recently and I resonated with you quite a bit.

@Arcangelo 1. What is wrong with marriage according to you? 2. What is wrong with having kids according to you? 3. How does redpill prevent that? I mean I get that redpill says not to get married but that's like saying "I will never get heartbroken if I never trust anyone", its right in a way, but also super defensive and I think not really heatlhy. 4. How does redpill prevent that?

@Lyubov Well I am not really ok with it per say. I am fairly confident she is not interested in him at all. Normally I would tell her that it's against my limits, but the issue here is that she did let me meet up with my ex couple of weeks ago and also since I am quite jealous in general in the relationship, I wasn't sure if I have any ground here before I resolve the issue. I am pretty confident however If I told her I am not okay with this, she won't do it. Also I don't want to be making any rules now, since I am in the process of evaluating whether I want to end a relationship. And I would just look like a douche to forbid her to meet a guy and then break up with her in two weeks. @puporing The relationship until now was not set up. And I didn't describe it correctly. She has no desire to have an open relationship. However after some of our talks she sensed (rightly so) that I want to reconsider the relationship since I still have desire to meet other woman. So she offered to open up relationship to avoid a break up I suppose.

@Arcangelo I am sorry to jump into convo with @something_else but none of what your wrote is practical evidence it improved your live. You are super vague, could you be more specific about how consuming redpill content improved your intimate relationships, your dating life or how you approach a relate to woman in general?

@Knowledge Hoarder Pickup does way more to you than just increasing your extroversion. There are many benefits to it as well as drawbacks. For example as @RMQualtrough mentions, I can definitly see a narcissistic tendencies developing in myself because of pickup (which it promotes).

@Hardkill Dude, I don't mean to insult you. But please get finally off this forum and go get some real experience. Your theorizing is just waste of time for you.

@Striving for more Go for whoever you find attractive

@Gesundheit2 @Etherial Cat No wonder girls don't like coming to this subforum. Jesus, dude... @Etherial Cat I am sorry for that experience.

I see where you are coming from, but in total honesty, the relationship is the other way around where I feel like I am sometimes pushing her boundaries. She is a bit of a people pleaser and will often apologize for things she should not apologize for. And yes, those were truly my fuck ups, such as kissing other girl at party or often times being insecure about her past :/. Spot on. I did do some work, but can't seem to get a handle on the problem. It is indeed very hard position to be making an evaluation of a relationship from. I feel like my mind is so much clouded by my emotions and insecurity that I can not make a honest decision. I definitly want to resolve this before deciding on our future. If I didn't have this issue, I feel like I would already be single again or fully comitted to this girl - or I guess I would just find other irational issue, heh. Will check out the video and give you a feedback :). Great point and I agree. I tried to do this in the past but without success. It's kinda hard because I separate myself from her and then start missing her after couple of days and start missing sex too (I am very sexual person) and it clouds my mind again. It almost feel like my feelings gets much stronger if we take couple of days break. Then I break the silence and meet her and after we have sex and I again feel little bit 'meh' about the relationship. Using pickup terms, it feels like my sex drive is push-pulling me in the relationship. I also experience this regarding her looks -> we meet in a bar, she is all dressed up and has great makeup and I am like 'holy shit, this girl is so hot', then we go to her place, have sex, she undresses, takes her make up off and I am again 'meh'. Truly incredible, how our biology fucks with us. Yeah, i feel like life is gonna be always messy no matter what path you choose Thanks for the feedback man, hope ur doing well!

Hey Guys, I am struggling with making a decision regarding my relationship right now and would appreciate your input if you have similiar experience. I have always struggled socially since highschool. However some time ago I decided to change it and started going out and practicing pickup and socializing in general. The things were quite hindered by COVID and I practiced pickup for like 3-4 months in total. And I improved, a lot actually. I have went from almost virgin with no social skills to someone who is now quite outgoing and charismatic and is considered an extrovert by others. Last May however, I met a girl, who I found quite attracted to (both physically and emotionally) and decided to give it a go and start a relationship with her, that's been going for 8/9 months now. I would consider the relationship healthy (we are both very honest and open with each other, the communication is great, intimate and social life together as well). I do really think this girl is quite a relationship-material -> she is very stable emotionally, has great relationship with parents, doesn't carry no apperant trauma around, is very feminine, kind and fun to be aroud. Also is quite sexually libared, without any hang ups, which I love. The issue with the relationship is definitly coming from my side. Eversince the first wawe of passion and love faded (after ~3 months), I started doubting the relationship for couple of reasons. Firstly I feel like I ended my pickup journey too soon. I think there is a lot of growth waiting for me there still which I am avoiding by being in a relationship. There is also some imbalance between us regarding experiences (we are both 25, i have slept with 8 girls so far and she slept with 20 guys). I do get quite jaded and envious of her experiences and also have experiecne quite strong retroactive jelousy (which I am trying to work on, without sucess so far -> would be super cool if I met someone with same issue here). Also sometimes, but I don't think it's the biggest issue -> I just simple think I could do better looks wise, it's not that my girl is not good looking, but she is also no the best looking girl I have ever seen. Now I am not sure if these reasons are enough to end the relationship. I kept the relationship going since I was switching jobs, moving to new place so I would have no time for pickup anyway. But now that spring is coming closer, I have a feeling that I might want to be single again. But I feel quite unhappy about the whole situation because 'yes - i wanna do pickup to better myself and gain more experiences' but on other hand I have hard time letting go of a great girl with who I have strong emotional connection a who essentially didn't do a single thing wrong (we havent had an argument regarding something she did, it was always my fuck up so far). So I am afraid we might break up and I might regret it down the road. I sometimes joke that I will break up, live a single life for some time and then end up with a girl like she is anyway. Have anyone been in similiar situation? Being in a healthy relationship but desiring the single life? What did you do and how did it turn out? What would you recommend to me? Thanks in advance

Could you briefly describe how would one go about developing real confidence? Lately, I have noticed shortcuts in pickup. I am getting results but I have become really neurotic and can't seem to enjoy life as much, so I am curious what thing I could change regarding my pickup journey.