Valach

Hello, I am not sure how to describe my problem but I will at least try to do so. I will be grateful if anyone could tell me his opinion about this. About a year ago I got into a pickup (specially RSD) and started to practice it. Throught that I found out about personal develptment a spirtiual work, which I started to practice. Since then I recognized improvements in almost every area of my life (I am more healthy, happier, joyfull, calmer, school is suddenly easy and so on). What concerns me though, is that I cant really tell that I have improved with women or in socializing in general, although, I have tried quite hard. The weirdest thing for me is this self sabbotage that is going on with women. If I get a date, I usually cancel it, because I kinda of a dont want to go there. Or if I sleep with a girl that I find really attractive both on the inside and on the outside I just like step back. I just feel that like I am pushing against some 'higher power' of myself a I just cant break it :D. I would like to hear if anyone has some similar experiences and could share his opinion with me. Thank you Btw. I am not a native English speaker, so I hope I have explained myself sorrowfully :).

Oh, I can see. I have had similiar problem, that I cant really engage with people and I prefer to stay distant from them. So I guess I have to wait for those moments when I again start feeling like not doing what I want and start feeling powerless and then sit with the feeling and explore it? Right? I might have some ideas why my childhood could be a cause of this, but I am not quite sure about this yet :).