Valach

Sure, I do have "normal" friends that I enjoy hanging out with and joking around. It has its place and I am glad I have those friends. But I also want deeper friendships and a relationship with potential life partner. And me going out to socialize with people I do not intend on keeping in my life is not aligned with that goal. So I socialize way less and that is just fine.

I am trying, it is very hard indeed. But I cant be bothered to hangout with shallow people so what choice do I have?

I feel you and I am dealing with similiar issue. That being said, you do not need to socially "succeed" with most people no? If you are looking for girlfriend that is, you can try to look for someone more conscious and mature?

In some ways it was way easier for the people in the past. As you said, freedom creates a lot of chaos. I like what one modern philosopher said: "We still have arranged relationships, they are now just emotionally arranged." And our emotions can play a lot of tricks on us.

And that is exactly the definition of people pleasing. It is often subtle. In my experience this is just a way to avoid rejection and tension. It is not really good position to be operating from. If you are interested in someone, simply flirt, show your intentions or ask her out on a date.

So you are people pleasing?

Why do you want to be chill?

What is wrong with being direct?

I would say maturity plays a big role yes. But also trauma and unhealthy unbringing causes these dynamics in the first place. As I am diving deeper and deeper into this I am realizing how much of pickup strategy, eventhough it works, is optimized for insecure, not really stable people. Those are the vast majority, so it looks like it works.

@aurum I am curious how would you explain the manosphere yourself?

Then you know more secures already than I do haha. Thanks for the answer:)

@Natasha Tori Maru You probably missed the last part about me asking why do you think secures do not use dating apps since i edited it. I am not saying I don't disagree, I am just really curious about that!

That might be enjoyable and exciting for you. And painful for her.

Which part? The not being picky around sex or not wanting to commit after it?

It is hard to evaluate since i am also biased obviously. But i feel like most people are simply not self aware to admit how insecure they are. Many of my friends if i explained attachment theory to them would claim they are secure eventhough i can fully see how much insecurity they have. it is kinda bizzare. If i could snap my fingers and heal everyone over nigth, the society with its capitalistic model would probably crumble.

I honestly doubt that there are as many as 20%, more like 5%. Obviously depending on the location, but i can count on the fingers of one hand how many truly secure and healthy people have i met. btw. Why do you think insecure people use dating apps and secure dont?

Okay, I rewatched and get it now. Yeah, redpill stems out of insecutiry obviously.

I am not sure I understand how redpill is connect to attachment theory?

I used to believe that too. But I met a lot of woman who are not all that picky about sex and also just because you sleep with them does not mean they picked you and want to keep seeing you. But the general trend is there, yes.

Basically, yes. Maximazing gain, minimazing loss.

It comes from game theory, which was created long before the modern games and is a subset of applied mathematics (which is computer science basically). Yes, it popularized now because of the games but the term existed long before the modern RPGs etc.

It comes from computer science.

What are the pros for you? Compared to single life and just sleeping around?

Same here. Way too high standarts for boths looks and character. And just like you I've found because the woman that are very attractive have way too many options, it in a way corrupts them (just like very succesfull pickup guys) and makes them struggle in building healthy relationships even more.

If she is looking for a relationship, or she seems to be a sensitive person and you are just looking for sex or validation, then yes, I take it as part of my responsibility to take this into consideration. I've burned woman in the past and I have been burned myself. I don't want to participate in this anymore. There is enough suffering in the world as is.