AdamDiC

@denydritz Exactly man, you got it. @Good-boy There was no other way I would have learned that. You see I wasn't actually doing nothing, in my mind i was trying hard to actualize, but the lesson learned is that there are things that work and things that don't. what you think will work (the mind) mostly always turns out to be bullshit, it's fantasy and illusion. You have to ground your development in the moment. Like everything else. @ExodiaGearCEO I am currently working on Leo's LP course as you speak and yes i see the value in it. One really has to be focused on the most important aspects of his life and see a goal or vision worth fighting for to really get anything done in this life. Like you need it. But the fact is that no one is trained to be this way. Most people just wake up and go through the motions. A LP stream lines your actions, your motives, your desires, passions, and creativity into one niche area of growth for the world. If your life purpose was to brush your teeth wouldn't you run to the sink every morning? If it was to eat breakfast wouldn't you rip open the fridge to get it? LP should be simple, exciting, and broken down into small attainable steps. There should be something you can do every single day to work towards it. And for homeostasis, the fact is that once you know about the theory, you can't help but use it as a scapegoat. yes your body does react against change, but i know you also tell yourself. "Why do i feel this way, oh its homeostasis. Fuck i can't beat that it's in my genes. Oh well let's give up" You have to know homeostasis is at play and still be detached from it affecting you. Peace

@daniel695 Hmm yes. Well I feel like i'm embodying the mindset for personal dev. I've learned that it takes time to gain understanding. So I'm more patient with my self, i expect less results, i see value and daily advancemnet (reading 5 pages, doing one mental exercise) these things build up. More practical embodyments would be a dailiy contemplation habit and a daily reading habit. Currently I meditate everyday, but it's a slow and painfull process to create a stack of habits. Mostly I've just emobodied my ignorance. It takes a lot to know a lot and I'm prepared for that journey ahead. It's not a sprint but a marathon. Thanks.

If you’re on the search for your purpose and having trouble finding your passions/values, or maybe you do but you doubt them or think they are petty and lower-self. A key insight to understand is actuality in the realm of your passions. It’s super easy to be idealistic and deluded when creating a vision for yourself. One tends to create a life of having things instead of being your greatest self. So if you’re confused and doubtful just take a step back. Stop analyzing yourself so intensely. Look in your direct experience and find what you genuinely like to do, what gives you fulfillment and bliss in the moment? Sometimes those are too big of words. Coaches tend to place so much importance on the certainty of knowing what you want from life. And this scares a lot of people away from finding their true passions. All passions start out as enjoyment and fun in the present moment. Usually they aren’t even done for any particular reason or effect. You just do it because you like it. But once that voice sneak in and says, “You wanna do this for the rest of your life?” The ego tears your passions to shreds by adding seriousness, a reason, and priority. You really need an easy going detached approach to your work and life. Sometimes it’s hard to do, it’s easier when you know that life is a dream. maybe you feel guilty or shame when doing what you love. Maybe you think it’s petty or stupid because of family and societies influence. So you create new “mature” values with shallow goals and direction. The truth is, that won’t make you happy. Nothing but your fullest surrender to the present moment and your passion will make you fulfilled. Happy creating!

Hey man I feel your confusion. It’s ok to not know what you want, today’s society forces it upon the young and it’s a bit unnatural. The life purpose course is good, but don’t expect to find certainty there. It usually creates more confusion at the beginning then a birthling of clarity. I would recommend it though. I also just wrote a post that might help you. Cheers.

Cool explanation man. I agree and can see these 3 stages in the world. Personally i’d say I’m in stage 2. My meditation is deepening and my attachment to thoughts are decreasing, but I still suffer a lot... which is good. I think the biggest challenge for me is the self-image and lifestyle changes that are involved in raising one’s consciousness. It’s hard to let go, but it’s worse to cling . Lol. thanks❤️

I would like to share an experience I had last night, it was a shockingly pleasant one and sharing it with you guys would make the experience more grounded and therapeutical. I was lacking integrity between my higher and lower-self. Was feeling down and trapped in my head, a big problem for me was being honest, getting trauma's off my chest, and allowing myself to feel the full spectrum of emotions. I haven't smoked weed in at least 2 months before this. For some reason I was avoiding it, possibly becuase i was resisting the truth. But this trip was unlike any weed trip I've had before, there was a lot more awareness. I took 3 pulls off a joint, (I'm pretty sensitive to weed) at 9:30 and the trip lasted until 1 when i went to bed. I smoked the herb and here's what happened: became fully aware of my altered state of consciousness, could differentiate the high and wasn't lost/consumed by it realized that my sober reality is just another form of reality, and it isn't really "real" at all, that I have more power than I realise, fear shouldn't be taken seriously because after seeing reality differently one can undrestand that it is dreamlike and unstable aware of the infinite possibilites that life grants you each second, it is absolutley amazing that each moment is unique and made just for "you" understood that i could not go on being dishonest, the immense physcial pain was too much to cling to anymore, the next day i opened up to my parents and brother about various personal matters that i was clinging to accepted that one must always face life with the eyes of a beginner and child. Matthew 18:3 "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." children have reduced ego's. stop thinking that becuase of your physical body and societal age that you can't let loose, play, sing, dance, cry. the wisest men are kids at heart the more you learn the less you know. you have to accept that you will never know everything, and that you can only learn one moment at a time, patience is key everyone is aware and conscious of their lives, judging other people's lives is like asking a flower why it blooms. everyone is striving for happiness, if their actions makes you angry either tell them your truth or leave them alone follow your heart, it may be a drastic change from your previous life, but it's how life was meant to be lived, with a deep sense of love and direction life coaches, masters, and teachers should be utilized. self-help is hard by yourself, because the self is deceptive and tricky it is amazing to have a developed person to talk to, to see the higher-self embodied is a powerfull tool enlightenment doesn't seem to be like a lightswitch, with something as infinite as awareness I feel like growth is infinite. the goal of life shouldn't be the time of enlightenment, it should be trying to learn all the time. but what do i know, i'm still learning too. childhood traumas are important to let go, they are very deep seated emotions that are the foundation of your daily life, i think life should be blissful, any suffering is a sign of ego resistance, so keep on being aware lastly i have to make the shift from thinking about spirituality, to embodying it. thinking about it distances you from it, your mind says "I should be mindful" without ever really being present. it says "I should be loving" without ever surrendering to it. Do not want, be. your life is the path, every moment is a lesson, be happy, accept everything, surrender to fear, abide in the ever so infinite love. there's nothing to fear. now live it.

Hey guys, it's 3am as im writing this because i cant go to bed. Theres too much energy/haet in my body, and my thoughts are firing at %10000 capacity. So I'm just gonna write this trip off. Trip Info: Took 90-100mg of untested "MDMA" powder in an emptied out vitamin C capsule at 6:30pm. I had a huge lunch at my grandmothers that day so my tummy was full. The Molly took about 2 hours to set in, definitely no visible symptons within 1 hour into the trip. I thought the dose was a dud becuase my last MDMA was also a dud, I thought MDMA didn't work on me....well I was wrong. Kicked in at 8:30. Peaked at 12, then it just mellowed out. Insights/thoughts/feelings/being-voiced: Do psychedelics!!! For those of you who have never tried them, just do it. You will never comprehend how reality-shattering they are from a sobering perspective, give up your niave materialist doubt. For those on the path... DONT STOP TAKING THESE. i literally lost the past 10 months of my life to being trapped in fear, hate, and petty ego drama. I feel revitalized now, amazing! These substances give you major insight. keep tripping y'all. I'm so scared to BE. Being is the most amazing thing in the universe, and i think it will lead me to enlightenment and many awakenings, but fuck its terrifying. the more i trip and meditate and grow, the more i get called to BE, but BEING comes from within, it doesn't feel like the old me or self-image. It calls me to be more open, honest, and loving. To think crazy thoughts that some may find disturbing. IT calls for the highest degree of self-acceptance becuase growth is exponential you just have to be confident in yourself. So it's calling me to be an amazing person and my resistance to that creates suffering, although growth is hard and scary, it is the msot important thing i can do in my life. IT IS LIFE. Always a sense of overwhelming potential. Just knowing that i can do anything that i can dream of is mind-boggling. but sometimes uncomfortable. I like crying, i was kinda scared of crying for the most part, because i thougtht it made me look like a wimp, but its ok. you dont have to be sad to cry, its just an intense emotional response. I found that i cried the most out of love, there were so many people i was thinking about while tripping that i wanted to be awoken or better. I want everyone to be blissfully aware. My kundalini is FUUUCKED. my body is a nightmare, lol. so much tension, heat, stored energy. I gotta do something about dat, prolly kriya. parents are important. You can't deny their existence and your relationship to them. although you may be different, they deserve your honesty. what can a parent be? how much love can they give? what does a stage yellow parent look like?? Allow yourself to be lost if you feel the need to be so. Becoming utterly lost in the world is the only way to find yourself and your passions. Meditate everyday, such an amazing tool for living your best life. Simply the intention to set aside time in your day to meditate brings a happier mind state let alone the actual benefites from the pracitce itself. Never give upm always have the intention to practice daily and you will succeed. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE The hardest thing anyone can do is look at themselves in the mirror and ask "Am I happy? Am I being? What am I running from?" and act on those answers.

@TheAvatarState Hehehe, nice post man. Now i'm excited to watch this. It's hard to not watch TV, so at least now I have something cool to watch. Thanks!

@LiakosN Lol ya, these substamces have the potential to awake the divine infinite love within all of us it's crazy! Personally my belly doesn't really store energy/emotion in my body, it's more my neck, upper back, and shoulders. That's where i hold most of my baggage. So ya, after i cried (it was more of a weeping than a cry, i got my whole body and being into it, i was sobbing and stuff . You really have to let go to do it right, that is release deeply suppressed emotions) i did feel a lot lighter, but now i'm also aware of more subtle tensions in my body during the day so it never really ends lol. To God!!!

@MrDmitriiV I know there are companies that ship and sell Psilocybin mushroom kits that you can grow at home. The instructions are easy and they require minimal care. You end up with a looot of fresh shrooms and you can even dehydrate the rest for future use. Only problem might be shipping to your country.

@MM1988 oops sorry my bad, didn't understand what peak meant. For me 12 was when i was back to earth and its when i decided to call my brother. I wanted to make sure i was soberish before making contact with the world. so my peak was probably around 10:30-11? thats when i played John Lennons Imagine and balled my eyes out, good time! and you may be right, I should invest in a tester kit to find the purity. it may have been spiked, but at least i didn't OD this time, phew! But as for the delayed absorption i just think thats my body. edibles and mdma take like 1-2 hours to kick in for me. @Elisabeth Wiieeerd.

@aurum Ya MDMA is pretty cool, a lot less hairier than shrooms personally. @MM1988 Idk man we are all infinitely different. Maybe they're not but maybe they are. Good luck. @Rilles

Intro: (If you want the insights scroll down) Excuse the speling. From June 30 - July 27 i did a vipassana retreat in my city. It was in this old house with creaky floors ants, and roaches. The perfect place to train the mind! But there are also 2 lovely people who teach Vipassana, they have trained for close to 20 years now, and they are happy to share their knowledge. Going into the retreat i had stopped practicing daily and was in a low place, just helpless and down. My last retreat gave me an over whelming sense of love and joy so i hoped for other insights this retreat. I just wanted an escape from the routine misery of my life. So i booked a 10-day knowing that it would probably be hard and painful. What is Vipassna?: vipassana is just one way to train the mind out of thousands of other meditations in this cult of buddhism, it is beleived that the Buddha himself invented insight meditation and used it to attain enlightenment, you can awaken but it is not that powerful, must become a monk and dedicate your life to the practice still a powerful technique for gaining insight, i'd say good beginner practice, although i'd say that you NEED to stick with it for 2 years for it to blossom, you'll be lost and confused for the first couple if you dont know, all vipassana is is acknowlegding the present moment, the exercises are leabeling the breathing and body movemebts, when you get distractd you acknowdloge it and return back to the present moment. TA DAAHH just be aware of every phenomena that enters your mind. Your body, feelings, thoughts, and mind objects, very simple but challenging Insights: Intra-Retreat Insights Pain is an illusion - the sensory experience of pain is tolerable... your fear of pain is what makes you suffer, the fear that it will you hurt you in the future makes you resist pain and creates suffering, but pain is ONLY felt in the now, so if it is tolerable now - by observation and detachment - then it is tolerable forever. Fear is an illusion - similar to pain, fear is the projection of pain or danger into the future...which doesn't fucking exist!!! AHHAHAH. The future doesn't exist - stop lying to yourself, stop projecting even the slightest into the future, you are living just one fluid uncontrollable moment, live within it not in front of it (the past doesn't exist either) Happiness is a choice. Accept the NOW or suffer. - Happiness is just the complete acceptance of the present moment. If you look at your surroundings, realize that nothing is "wrong" or "right" it just is which leaves a sense of peace. If you are uneasy in this moment you are clinging to a false notion that something is wrong, needs to be fixed, or broken. In fact happiness has such a bad wrap these days, you can't feel amazing everyday, but you can be O.K. with your life. Clinging creates suffering... DUUHHH - EVERYTHING is impermanent. Happiness, sadness, craving, hope, motivation, peacefullness. The present moment is one fluid fucking moment, it is always, always, always changing. Don't identify with any of it. Acnknowledge it and live your life, if it goes away acknowledge it and live your life, if something new comes up acknowledge it and don't cling to the idea that it is better or bad then the previous states. Don't wish to have a different one, because you can't. The more you cling the more you suffer, if you let things go - let them be as they are without changing them -then they will disipate at their own pace. Determination is amaaazing at crushing ego scum - What is determination? In Vipassana it is when: for 24 hours you meditate in 2 hour sessions with only 2 meals, and 20 minute breaks in between, and NO SLEEP. So you wake up at 4am, breakfast at 6am, lunch at 12pm, stop the next morning at 4am. So you meditate allooooot, through the night, alone and afraid and restless. This hands down has to be one of the worst moments of my life. The suffering is unbearable. Although, if you surrender to the practice you realize most of the suffering is jsut resistance, you have to let yourself suffer, ehich counter-intuitively makes you suffer less. What i mean is the real suffering is my body aching, hunger pangs, and extreme tiredness. the "fake" suffering is my wanting to sleep, begging for it to be over, biting my nails, being distracted during meditaion to make it go faster. NAAAAHHHH you have to accept your suffering and amazing things will happen. First determination: this was my 5th determination at this centre and the best ever, i had the most insights of my entire life, sober (well meditating) and i just couldn't beleive it was happening. i was in avery high state, almost shroom-like, i was super creative, confident, happy, and hopeful. my biggest problem was not clinging to the insights, no, not even if they were life chaning, i couldn't let them influence my meditation or else i would be practicing wrong. The more you surrender, the more your receive. Truth is not added to you , it is revealed from within or as you. Second determination: yes a second one, right after the other, these guys don't fuck around, this is the middle way lol. Anyway this day was terrible... I was resisting the moment, i wasn't focused, motivated, or hopeful of my success. So i tripped balls until 12am and called my meditation teacher on the house phone to help me out, he lowered my practice and said to gradually raise it, i was grateful. You have to understand that this is basically solitary confinement, you can and will lose your fucking mind if you don't stick to the meditation. Your feet are bruised to the touch, your ass, back, and knees are sore. Your head is spinng, fucking hearing voices and shit. When you close your eyes you are taken away to a land of phenomena unlike any before. You realise you are not in control. But hey, your pain tolerance is sharply increased. Higher levels of vipassana lead to enlightenment - during the first determination there was a strange shift in my practice. It no longer felt like I weas meditating or trying to be mindful, no, meditation was doing me lol. I was in unison, flow with vipassana and that is what lead to my insights. and during that i realized that if you would stay in this state of contiously dropping everything, it would lead to the dropping of the self, of the you, i would realize through acknowledging experience that i don't exist as i seem to be. something like that. it was cool and i releaised why the Buddha is so acclaimed, He fucking invented this shit. Mind-blowing, he just saves millions from suffering. maybe... Post-retreat Insights I am not claiming that I embody any of this - no not even close, these just entered my mind. It's my job to integrate them into my life now, to keep practicing and to keep mindful. Meditation is not action. The Buddha said Knowledge is implementation. You have only learned something until you have acted on it in your life. To Him learning is not theory alone, it is both theory and action. Only then can you call yourself wise I am not in integrity with my highest spiritual truths - through dozens of peak experiences via shrooms, vipassana, and contemplation, i have attained a huge vision for my life, a beautifull, loving, free, creative, vision. Unfortunaetly I am miles below ground lurking in the shadows, or so it seems. This lack of integrity creates a lot of suffering for me. Whenever i fail to meet these high standards i suffer, i cling to them like a baby not knowing I need to man up and soberly, slowly, painfully, go through the emotional labour myself to get there. But I have learned to accept my position, without comparison or judgement. I only compare myself to who I was yesterday, and even that can become tricky. I don't take action - Fuck. There's no way around this one. No one teaches you about this, it's unteachable, it is all you, and you are all alone with your thoughts. You need a desire for change and a passion for growth. Things will get worse before they get better, but hat initial suffering is way better then a slow stagnated decline towards death. GOTTA BITE THE BULLET. This is gonna suck ass - I'm scared to grow, i'm terrified to be myself, and I am not looking for pity. I'm just sayin'. It makes me apprecaite the value of this work. People are developed, there are thousands of amazing people who have fought their demons, survived and that's amazing. My motivations are flawed atm, but thats ok - Look I am not satisfied with my life, nothing wrong with that. I do compare myself with others, nothing wrong with that, it's just my reaction to that that is important. Either I feel envy or lack, or motivated to acheive that same skill. I'm motivated to not live a shit life right now, if it works, it works, when it stops working I'll re-evaluate for a higher consciousness one. I'm kinda brute forcing it. Whatever, it's kinda negative motivation. WHO CARES, IMMA CHANGE U SEE. So. Words. Haven't done anything but remembered a bunch of ideas, and re-think insights. Slightly helpful to me. BUUUUT i'm also writing to you. So let me know what you think, I'd love a little ego boost (or sucker punch...). I hope you enjoyed my insights. -AdamDiC

Is this the beginning of something amazing? I hope so, I see the value in making this public. Gonna try to be radically honest with my self and others in this journal, and hopefully that extends outwards into my life where it really matters. This is all theory, but at least it's something. So, goals for this journal. Well I'd like it to be the first popular journal with a swear word in the name. thought that was funny, may be poor taste but fuck it. Goals are to NOT track my habits. I think that's neurotic, I've had 5 habits going at once and i was super on top of them but now I have 0 . So I'm just gonna pick one habit I like and KNOW DEEP INSIDE THAT I NEED TO DO IT. A little about me: 18 year old boy from Toronto, Canada. I like music, playing and listening. Genres include: Classic/ALT/Rock, Some metal, some Hip Hop, Indie, Acoustic singersongwriter. I got into spirituality last year with Vipassana. Have done 3 retreats. 3 day, 4 day, 10 day. Going to Thailand this september with @Adam M for 3 months to study Vipassana and travel. No life purpose yet. I mess with psychadelics, have done psil. mushrooms 4 times? Good experiences. Want to drop acid soon. Want to write more but I have my final exam tomorrow at 9. SO goodnight.

@Hero of Time I think you are a very brave and courageous individual who has a good heart. Keep working on yourself with love and compassion and one day you’ll look back and laugh at these days.

@Viking It's not that young people can't get enlightened, it's just that in most cases their ego's are too big that they are blocking the path. It happens to be that as you grow up on the path you become more spiritually mature and your ego is easier to let go and transcend. Bigger ego's = hard to enlighten. Reduced ego, humble ego, wise ego = smooth enlightenment. Even if you do have a surprise awakening like many people do, if your ego is unprepared then you will suffer greatly. Enlightenment is a very holistic pursuit, it is not a side hobby or interest. It is your life. You have to gather all your knowledge from all spands fo life (relationships, diet, work..) to have a full awakening and maintain it. It is easy to have a few experiences then say you know everything. It is healthy to want to become awakened, just be aware that the you don't want awakening because it is the end of everything you hold deeply, and that drive might change over time and even disappear. My advice, keep reading, meditating, do some shrooms or LSD. The path is infinite. But one day at a time.

I got bit by a wasp today, right on the face of my index finger. Maybe it's the universe telling me to stop looking at the finger pointing to the moon. I need to act instead of theorizing or thinking. I also guess that's karma. realized that I should take some time before I start my Kriya practice. My ego is too big, my life is too dishonest and unauthentic. I am very self-critical, and judgemental. I am finally aware of the huge pile of shit under my nose that i refuse to clean up. Luckily I have a lifetime to clean it up. One day at a time. Like I said before, my last Vipassana retreat opened up my heart and life force, thus increasing my awareness. 8 months later i am here and i am just learning now what i was running away from. 8 months later i still can't cope with my unhealthy mind, and i am afraid to act on revealing my unconscious mind, supressed anger, and childhood traumas. SO i am going on another retreat in 5 days to hopefully not realize how much more work needs to be done, but be grounded enough to act on what i know. i want to be stuck to the present moment and detached from my thoughts.Retreats are perfect for that. I am just scared that i'll awaken more kundalini during the retreat which will magnify my resistance to truth. ISNT THAT FUCKING AWESOME, Like c'mon! Kundalini is literally pulling you towardds truth in every aspect of your life, but if you resist the changes and surrendering of your attachments you and your massive ego will suffer... obviously. "the ego is the source of all suffering" - every buddhist ever. If I only understood that quote fully, maybe I would take massive action everyday? Maybe, If I knew that it would all workout in the end, that you have to go through emotional labour to reach enlightenment. love is the answer, all-pervading, accepting love.

Some meditations just humble you. The ability to surrender your ego, to be humble in the face of truth is priceless. Life is beautiful when you are aware of your place in it. You are not the centre, you are a just a piece. It's ok, accept it. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. thats the basis for doubt. Because all knowing is founded on the belief that knowledge exists. So i guess when you are confronted with the experience of doubt, just accept it and see where to go from there. These nights are rare. Full of love and acceptance, there's still a hint of fear but whatever it's just my ego projecting. i love life and all it's bliss and misery. the name of this diary still bothers me, i regret putting fuck in it because i don't want people to think poorly of me. i'll try to let it go but really i don't like it. goodnight. love u zel

Missed a meditation yesterday. Felt bad but let it go. But now im procrastinating doing it today. Ego is tricky. I'm tricky. Whenever i read deep relatable spiritual texts i get tired and feel a sense of avoidance rising within me, it's kinda funny. Anyway. I just can't wrap my head around how my veiw on life is changing. I can't keep living for the future, and I can't keep believing that eventaully self-help and spirituality will end. Or that there's just one more hill up ahead and then paradise. I don't want to see it as a never ending painful journey either. I just want to not care about what i am doing, or where i am going. THIS IS IT. But i am not ready to make that commitment yet, to embrace life fully, so i keep suffering and learning. It's ok. this is a pretty negative mindset. But I like exposing my flaws or spiritual impurities. I noticed that I cling to the idea of me being young and "successful". When i see other people older than me at my level or below i get a boost in confidence, and when i see people my age doing amazing things i feel inferior and weak. Probably cause i get my worth from others and not myself. Self-acceptance. But how can you accept yourself when you know you can be doing 1000x better. If everyday you achieve below average it's tough to love yourself. It sounds silly but it happens to be true inside my head. I have to sacrifice my life to path. The path is my life. Accept it.

Today was a cool dayo. Habits were in check which made way for a productive day. A few cool insights. I have no say in my life anymore. Spirituality has got me, I'm its puppet now. An instrument of good will. I was reading Enlightenment Through the Path of Kundalini and it basically sums up my position very well. August 24- September 4 I did a 10 day vipassana retreat and experienced a minor awakening and a shift of energy surged through my body. It also helped that I was 2 months into NoFap so i had ALOT of stored energy. (a part of kundalini is sexual essence). But basically what the book says is that once kundalini (awareness) is awakened, it must be used benevolently or else it will make your life living hell. Which mine has been. And it all makes PERFECT sense. Whenever i go against my intuition to love and share my joy, whenever i fear opening up, pain emerges in my neck, tension builds up, and i seek unconsciousness through petty distraction and entertainment. See i have this energy lets say at %10 and it must be put to use. But i experienced that energy at a peak experience, everything was amazing, i was whole. But my default position for self-actualization is like a %5. so i need to take action to get myself that %5. My highest realization must be in integrity with my life. or else i am living a lie. Basically: awakening = energy + awareness of my own impurities = motivation to change OR fear of change = smooth energy transition OR painful energy transition. i have been taking the painful one. And life is hell. I have a lot of growing ahead. and it sucks. but i know it will be worth it and life will be amazing again. Oh and I'm going on another 10-day Vipassana retreat June 30 - July 11. Yay?!? Night. Love Y'all.

Here's a recent video of Paul McCartney returning to visit his home town. It's an awesome video if you're a beatles fan. I don't think we understand the impact this guy had on music. His massive life purpose changed the world. He's a master musician and inspiration to all. Watch it!! Paul McCartney and James Cordon

I need to focus a lot more also. Like I want to pick a few habits and master them. Sacrifice my life to them. See if they work, or what happens. I usually start the day off with an ice cold shower with an Osho breathing technique. I'm not sure if i want to be stric about that one, because sometimes i am not home and can't shower. But also because it just puts more pressure on me to keep another habit.... No what fuck it. FUUUUCK it. My habits as of now: Cold shower in the morning. Min. 30 Max. 60 min of Vipassana. That's it. Thats. All I want to be strict about for now. If i do these 2 i usually end up reading. But I've never made reading a habit so i'm just gonna chill. Habits I deeply feel I need to install in the next week: Making a priority list in the morning of what to do with the day. These feel over/underwhelming sometimes but honestly they help. I'm not gonna put down my habits because i know im going to do them. I'm gonna write other things in which I shall acheive. Visualization. I've always wanted to do this ontop of affirmatiosn but i've always avoided doing it because it felt so basic self-actualization. But i realized i am not above any exercise. One can become blind to the benefits of mainstream self-help once you get into spirituality. At least that's what i thought. but it actaully works the other way around. Spirituality actually reveals all of your flaws to you which mainstream self-help is perfect for. Anywyay i want to visualize me being loving, open, confident, grounded, focused, and alive. Just me performing at peak experience. Like post-retreat, peak mushroom Adam! Habits I wish to install in the next 1-2 months: Fuckin' Kriya Yoga eh? Ya i'm down to mudhra it up or something. I got the books. just want a good understanding of what i'm doing before i start messing with my kundalini and chakras. I don't know what to expect. Why habits are so important? In today's day in age, there is no focus, no mastery or goals in the minds of many. everydays just a fuckfest of hedonism and ego. So habits centre you, they tame your ego and discipline your physche. You know you have to do that one thing everyday, and when you do it feels good. You start feeling worth in the practice, not that it has physical value but the worth is in you being focused and learning an art. Eventually when your days are so filled with awesome habits you begin to feel as if you aren't really "living" the same life. Your habits take up so much time in your day that your experience of your life changes. Theres less "you" in your life, and more of your habits. More meditating, working out, reading, socializing, eating healthy that you begin to lose your old self and your habits shape you into a new being. Amazing right! The phase in the middle may seem scary to some, half the day is habits, and half the day is entertainment, meaningless action, or distraction. you may begin to question what you have been doing your whole life! but don't be afraid, keep practicing and you'll transform yourself into a new and improved being. Have faith in your habits, it's just one day at a time, one moment.

Everytime I feel bad like quiting I'm just going to come here and be reminded of the path and all these other amazing people. I realized today that my life is mastery. A huge part of my purpose is to master myself and all aspects of being human. So i jsut have to get used to doing hardwork, feeling uncomfortable, wanting to quit, doubting myself, worrying, and being lost/confused. These things are normal when you are constantly questioning your reality and motives. When you're trying to live a better life, a one founded on passion and authenitcity. It's a rocky road but it's the only one I want to travel. What the fuck is everyone else doing. God damnit I have to be a leader. I have to lead myself and be confident in my path, because no one else will. I got this. Peace and love. :)) Quote: "Make the uncomfortable, comfortable"

@sarapr Ok

I am here to write about my day. And the fisrt thing i want to say is that i don't want to feel like I'm writing to people. I want to do this for myself... for people to see. Like, it's a type of negative motivation, to want to get stuff done in the fear of looking bad on the forums. But it works. It keeps me accountable. So i'll just be mindful of that feeling throughout this journal. Today: Had last exam at school. Enjoyable. Went to the gym with a friend for the first time in a few weeks. Tiring. Vipassana for 30 minutes, very nice. kept me mindful Read some Kundalini. That shit was deep. Like I had waves of recollection and regret, spirituality is hard. I stopped reading after a dozen pages because i think thats all i can handle for 1 day. But i definitely think i have slight kundalini syndrome. I had a peak experience and then crashed hard. Currently have intense neck pains. Another 30 minute vipassana. A bit more distracted. Racy and lost. but all good. tried to read a bit more. I think i need a purpose for this journal(and life). Like i want to be passionate about it. Not just ramble about my day. I GOT IT. I just won't care what people think ab it. I'll just say what's on my mind and be passionate about it. Like this. So today was cool. It was a good day, have'nt had one in months. I feel better. But I've felt better before, and then you drop back down to the dumps of your unconscious mind. SOOOOO that's why i made this lol. Leo told me i was doing great for my position and recomended a Kriya practice. I appreciated that. I'm tryna focus on Kriya now. I don't think i'll ever be satisfied by these journals, I'll never get everything out of my head. Baby steps adam. Baby. Steps.