lostmedstudent

@ShamanicAnarchist it was a great read. Thank you so much <3 <3 <3

@nexusoflife i great appreciate your answer for me and others. Reading them really helps. Thank you I have also come to realize that i need to be more patient with myself. I used to think that i "should" trip soon because its been "this many month long" , but thats not the right way to think. My last trip which was 6 months ago, still needs to be fully integrated. I understand to follow more my intuition rather than push anything. Thanks for sharing that it took so 6 years, it put things even more into perspective. you are right, there is no rush I committed myself since last week, that instead of avoiding to feel my panic attacks i will observe it, dismantle it one piece at a time. Yesterday I used the visualization method you mentioned earlier in this thread. Within 30s of setting my mind to contemplating death and fear, this energy and anxiety began to come up on me. My heart began beating really hard and fast, my breath deepening, my face getting sensitive and my heart chakra area sinking. I stayed with the breath and to tried to feel where the fear lies. it turns out i feel it the most in the heart chakra or a little lower. where my stomach was sinking into infinity. I was a bit scared but not a full blown panic attack and i kept breathing, feeling it as it passes. As my heart began to slow down after 1-2min i continued to contemplate how to let go. then the cycle of nausea and stomach sinking repeated a few more times in my meditation. i felt a strong urge to purge. like a monster wants to come out of my throat but i didnt. i also felt a strong desire to cry, which i did, but not a lot. I felt like i needed to sob but i couldnt totally bring myself to sob. it was a powerful experience to be able to bring it up like that and i know i can let go more and contemplate more next time. i just need practice. I have not had that many experiences. Never a breakthrough. However, i have had the "initial seeing" during my ayahuasca trip which you can read my trip report below. I was shown absolute consciousness in that trip but i wasnt ready. As i tried to grasp the experience, it brought up a lot of shadows that i have yet to work through, mainly in the form of fear of death and anxiety. thank you again is there any book that helped you doing your shadow works? I only see one in leo's list but he didnt rate it high.

@Raptorsin7 ugh thats frustrating. Cause the other dangerous substance nboMe is supposed to have no reaction.. did you repeat the test ?

@outlandish great thank you so much! and according to my research , the ehrlich also works for mescaline 2c-b, i mean the color diagram has a bunch of substances. Are they accurate? Could one rely on ehrlich for mescaline, 5 meo-dmt and all the rest of the item mentioned iin their color diagram?

What color did yours show ? In what way was it non conclusive??

Haahhahah touché

Hey guys i have a newbie question regarding testing kit. i was wondering if by looking up LSD testing kit, i found the ehrlich reagent. Does it mean i only need to use that to test if my substance is LSD? Or do i also need to use the other reagents to make sure its not mdma or cocaine etc? basically im wondering if you only test your substance against 1 reagent , and it would be enough? also for LSD, does the ehrlich reagent work with all forms of synthetic LSD? Like 1-p LSD, 1-cp LSD, 1B-LSD, etc? is there any website that explains testing kit for dummies? thanks guys

Hey guys i have a newbie question regarding testing kit. i was wondering if by looking up LSD testing kit, i found the ehrlich reagent. Does it mean i only need to use that to test if my substance is LSD? Or do i also need to use the other reagents to make sure its not mdma or cocaine etc? basically im wondering if you only test your substance against 1 reagent , and it would be enough? also for LSD, does the ehrlich reagent work with all forms of synthetic LSD? Like 1-p LSD, 1-cp LSD, 1B-LSD, etc? is there any website that explains testing kit for dummies? thanks guys

@nexusoflife Thank you for explaining the positive and negative visualizations. I will give it a try and my psychedelic experiences have been challenging exactly for the reason that « i » dont want to annihilate. I have had fear during and months afterwards from the experience because i couldnt let go. After watching Leo’s video on fear, i realized theres only 1 way: to confront it. However, the fear of death doesnt come up that easily, meaning that i was only truly able to confront in during trips, or sporadic panick attacks. But i cannot predict when will the panick attack come up, and usually the fear was too intense for me to contemplate. So i wonder what could be a middle ground? I think the visualization sounds great, i will work on my concentation and try to go deep with the visualization. Or maybe i should just keep doing full-on confronting with psychedelics? do you have any advice on this one ?

@nexusoflife first of fall, thank you so much for sharing your experience. i was wondering if you could expand a bit on the positive and negative visualisation exercises you do? i am looking to bring up fear and trauma in my meditation as well, as i feel like i wont be able to handle it during a psychedelics trip yet if the fear of death comes up. thanks

thank you for the report! i specially enjoyed this example you gave: the trade-off of a sense of self vs infinite Love. When you said you became fearless, was it a goal you set before tripping or did it happen spontaneously? were you consciously afraid of death before that? thanks

But how come the imagination is so consistent? I will always remember my childhood to be this specific way and so do others around me (parents, siblings etc)? Why is imagination so consistent if one never questions it. Its so hard to deconstruct, why? If is just an illusion.

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@Cepzeu how did things go ?

thank you !!!!! <3

@The observer @Nahm i enjoyed reading both of you . thank you so much <3 <3 <3 <3

My ego backlashed hard after 2 profound psychedelics experiences, where panic attacks can be triggered by re-experiencing those trips or reading topics on non-duality (almost like PTSD, but not as intense). I have been sober from psyches for over 6 months but i can tell that i am more anxious at a baseline level. i often think about death and resist that thought. Everytime i have a re-experiencing of the existential fear, i CANNOT lean into it. each time, i feel like if i do let go, i will die and i resist the thought of dying with everything that i can.. last night, i must have eaten something bad and i had a lot of nausea and vasovagal symptoms like lightheadedness. It made me so anxious and that i panicked. i try to sit and breathe and it eventually passed but i know that i didnt let go AT ALL. i was so tense and waiting/wishing for the nausea and anxiety to pass. i tried telling myself to face it and accept it but i also didnt want to because it felt like dying. After the episode has passed, i honestly felt pretty disappointed because i knew it was another chance for me to lean into my fear of death that i did not take. intellectually i know that i must face my fear in order to overcome it. but every time the fear comes up, i panic and resist. I have been meditating everyday for 2 months. sometimes i try to simulate and trigger the fear on purpose during meditation, but it doesn't fully works. does anyone has any tips on how to face and embrace the panic attacks? should i keep going slowly with the meditation or should i face/trigger it with another trip ? the panic attacks come up so sporadically that i dont really know how to work with them. thank you

@Natasha thank you @Aaron p could you give an example of what you mean here? do you mean you do SDS till the point where you are so uncomfortable and in pain?

@Natasha thank you @Aaron p could you give an example of what you mean here? do you mean you do SDS till the point where you are so uncomfortable and in pain?

@Natasha do you mind sharing some articles or books about it? id love to read more on it. a simple google search didnt seem to bring up anything credible

@Aaron p very occasionally.. weed gave me panic attacks 70% of the time i consume it, especially edibles. my first ever panic attack was triggered by weed. i stay away these days .. i think i have a more anxious nature. and i tend to react with panic with susbtances that alter my state of consciousness....

@Natasha no i thinnk its a mixture of chemistry, life events, genetic predisposition, personality/temperament and childhood factors. i just read a bit about the neurobiological parts of it, interesting..

@Joshi3 im a female

found this on leo's fear videos 12 METHODS FOR DEALING WITH FEAR: 1 - Face your fears head on. Just do the thing you fear. If you avoid the fear, all it does is deepen the fear. 2 - Put yourself proactively to challenging situations. Don't get too comfortable. Push your comfort zone. Be bold on purpose. Be bold, not reckless in a stupid way. 3 - Training. Massive experience. Massive exposure. Expose yourself to something mindfully, conciously. Feel into the fear. Get comfortable with that fear feeling. 4 - Rigorous mindfulness practice 20-30 minutes a day [see episode on Mindful Meditation] 5 - Be totally present. When fear comes up, if you're able to be totally present, you can notice that your mind is jumping into the future. This can be done through a lot of meditation practice. 6 - Psychedelics. One of the most practical and powerful tools for dealing with fear, because it puts you face to face with death. 7 - Kriya yoga, which is sort of a meditative yoga rather than physical [see episode on the Importance of Yoga] 8 - Contemplation using a journal: what is this fear? Why is it arising? How is it connecting back to my identity? Contemplation alone will not be enough, though. Fear is too powerful to just reason your way out of it. [see episode on How to Contemplate Using a Journal] 9 - The letting-go technique. The Sedona method. [see episode on The Power of Letting Go] 10 - Breathing conciously, slowly and deeply as you feel the fear. [see episode on Body Awareness] Fear is a physiological phenomenon. 11 - Visualization and law of attraction. Overwhelm the fear with a positive vision. 12 - Love. Love is the ultimate solution to fear. Whatever situation in life that you're in when you're scared, the most counterintuive move you can do in that point is experience love. There'll be a separate video in the future on how love and fear inter-relate. Be grateful and more appreciative of life. When you feel grateful in your heart, there's no room for fear. When you're feeling afraid, do something selfless to another person. Help somebody. Fear is selfishness incarnated.

@Raptorsin7 no i havent thought of the path of finding a coach. but it sounds like it can be a good idea. so far ive been lucky to find answers to most of my questions on the forum with help of other members. wow, that sounds insane! koodos for you for braving through 3 of them! good luck on the integration