lostmedstudent

Thats some powerful message! it was totally true. the same falling went from fun and laughable to being life threatening because i freaked out. see, my problem was i tried to calm down and listen to my intuition, but the moment was so powerful that there was no place for me to intuitate.. it sounds like you getting lost in the woods was more dangerous than what i did but you just handled it better. what skills are you referring to exactly? equanimity? Thank you so much for reading and sharing your story.

@Mu_ thank you for reading! Yeah the people I loved flashed right in front of my eyes. They seem so close yet so far from my heart. I’ve had panick attacks before and that definitely was a strong one! today is 3 days later.. I feel like I’ve already fallen back to the same life habit. I had forgotten that it even happened! It’s so easy for us to live life automatically, and stop realizing how precious it is !

@bejapuskas i tried Yhuasca once with uniao de vegetal. It’s very religious though. Throughout the ceremony they read a lot of rules and articles and they do religious hymns and musics. Also I threw up and ayahuasca tea is known to make stomach upset, about 4 people at the session got sick and threw up.

I just finished reading this little boook. i was wondering if anyone has read it ? the author is a psychoanalyst and a zen Buddhist teacher. In the book, he takes different koans and offers insights from a psychoanalyst point of view on how some of the zen practices is not totally emotionally healthy. anyhow. here is a quote that i found very interesting: The moment we sit down to do zazen, we are useless, what we are doing has no point outside of itself, outside of the moment itself. We just are, we just sit, and in the very act of sitting, we actualize the completeness of the act itself and we actualize our own full completeness as a useless human being, another name for which is buddha. I would like to hear what you guys think of the quote. it's similar to another quote that i really like: Act always as if the fate of universe depended on what you did, while laughing at yourself for thinking anything you do make any difference at all I guess there's something about everything being useless yet completely meaningful that really speaks to me.

Hi all i am quite perplexed and concerned as to the fact ive dreamt about killing people on a few accounts lately.. twice in the last month.. last night, the whole night (or it feels like) was about killing one person and feeling guilty about it all throughout the dream and i woke up with puffy eyes because i cried in the dreams. im just curious to people who know about psychology or do dream analysis, whether those dreams reflect certain states in the real life. im not looking for superstitious ideas or speculations, but im just wondering if this could be a sign of things or areas i should work on in real life. thanks

@Gabriel Antonio nope to both

@Hellspeed darn that’s dark

@kev014 thank you ! it could be i get annoyed and i have a short temper in real life. so whenever something annoys me, i wanna get rid of it. and in my dreams, there no morality so i just get rid by killing... hahahahha fast and simple

@Leo Gura i dont think ive even scratched the surface but thanks leo! next trip: 150 microg of AL-LAD

Context: Got 7g of mushroom from my BF's bro who told me it is not very potent. I've never tried any psychedelics before. only weed brownies. It's barely a trip but i do want to put it here because i do have some questions for my future trips. Thank YOU ALL SO much for your input and for reading. Date: 2019/02/08 Time: 8:45 AM What: magic mushrooms Duration: 4 hours Dose: anywhere between 1-3g … Method: tea Settings: home alone . Only had fruit smoothie at 7:30 AM Setup: just me in my pyjama. In my bed with warm blankets. Quiet room with meditation music. Had water, notebook, (books and ipad) with me Purpose: first psychedelics trip ever, just want to see how I would respond and try to learn to let go. I did not measure precisely the dose because I already had too many obstacles / excuses upon starting so I did not want to add one extra factor. I knew I had 7g in total. I took roughly 1/4 from that so I knew it was going to be safe. Overall impression: good start for testing the waters. Did not have a difficult time, thus did not have many insights or feelings of dissociation, had fun with the visual and the mild feeling of euphoria. Did have difficulty staying put in my room because I wanted to do all kinds of stuff. The trip: I took about 30 min to finish up the tea and the mushrooms. I wasn’t sure so I made 2 cups in case 1 cup would be enough. So I started with the first cup of tea. After drinking it, I felt nervous for the first ~15min, felt my heart pound, wondering all kinds of questions. Then at around 9:15 I was getting worried that I wasn't feeling much, was the mushroom no good? Was the dose too small? Could I be the category of people who only start to feel after 2hrs? At first I tried to just sit and meditate, but then I became more restless. I started drinking the other cup and ate the mushrooms little by little and started double checking things on the internet. Reassured myself, and when I put my iPad back down, I realized the colors have started to change. The come on was very gradual. The changes were all very mild, blankets started to look like they are slowly moving in waves. the materials look like they were moving and breathing. the colors are slightly different, the shadows on the ceiling move with the music etc. I was pretty happy at this point that I was feeling the effect. I drank the last bit of the tea and ate the mushrooms and put the dishes away so I can go back to my room and fully enjoy the experience. I started to feel a bit nauseous and some stomach cramps with the onset of visual effects. Otherwise I just enjoyed listening to the music and observe how my thoughts and my moods were shaped by the music and even the visual effects tend to dance to the music. I was laying in bed, sometimes looking at the ceiling, other times with my eyes closed. I had to pee quite a few times and every time I go to the bathroom, it feels as if the trip was paused. My room was this magical land where everything danced to the music and as soon as I left, it was just weird feelings associated with the rapid change in my body position, some headaches and tingling feelings. The effect became stronger around 9:30-9:45 AM. I was also hit with some drowsiness. I was yawning a lot since the beginning of laying in bed listening to relaxing music. I tried to not be bothered by it. I had these thoughts on one hand: I should've taken coffee, I should've slept more, should I fight through the sleepiness and try to meditate? on the other hand I thought: why not just let go and let your body do what it wants, even if it wants to sleep. So I kind of just opened my arms and legs and closed my eyes. It felt cool, kind of like lucid dreaming, drifting in and out, interesting and creative thoughts came in and out, things shift and change as with the music. I just let myself do what it wants: yawning, relax / sleeping. And obviously, I felt horny, so I just let myself touch myself for a bit. So on one hand im just doing whatever I feel like, but on the other hand I am questioning whether I should , because the ultimate purpose of psychedelics for me is spiritual development, not recreation. Anyway these thoughts fought back and forth, either way, I did not have the willpower to force myself to do anything else. I also realized the fighting was useless so I just surrendered to my desires. Then I felt hungry so I went downstairs to bring some smoothie. I had a chocolate too at the same time. And the chocolate straight up escalated my appetite. The next thing I know, I started putting water in the pot and cooking hot soup. While debating with myself out loud whether it is a good idea. This was around 10:00 AM and that was the peak of this trip. I almost had a glimpse of a panic attack during that time because my thoughts were racing and I did not expect myself to be cooking. So during this time, I had a glimpse of how the thoughts can shape your mushroom experience. They just change so fast and with positive thoughts, you feel good and happy, and with the slightest worry, it can throw you down. Either way I did manage to make the hot soup which was quite tasty. The thought process was weird this whole time and there's always a voice in the back of my head telling me: what the hell are you doing, you should go back to the room and observe yourself. But the cravings to eat were too strong. Everything I wanted to do during this trip felt like unstoppable cravings, like I couldn’t resist: falling asleep, feeling horny and hungry, and to which I all reacted: sleep, masturbate, eat. LOL and I gave myself "good reasons" to react. I thought I did it on the premise of "letting go" during the trip. So I ended up spending 1h (the peak of the trip) in the kitchen, debating with myself, cooking, eating. When im finally done around 11, I went upstairs. The feelings are still strong, the thought pattern similar, a heaviness in my head. I decided to lay back down in bed and maybe ponder on some questions or try to observe my feelings more. Then sure enough, I felt sleepy and horny and we are back to point 0. Then maybe around 11:15, I opened my eyes and I couldn’t believe it: I am not tripping anymore. I am coming down from this trip. WHAT? ALREADY? So I tried to not get disappointed and just relaxed into it. The effects were there but I started to come down. I tried to masturbate a bit more because I felt I was being unproductive if I didn’t orgasm. But I was pretty drowsy so it didn’t work and I just end up really falling sleep for about 30 min. it wasn't a restful nap. I would feel jumpy and heard weird loud noises in my dream. Insights: to be honest, not any. The only one I realized is that I could probably come up with some insights around this experience if I wanted to and talk about them as lessons I learnt. But that just would be another story to tell. Currently it is 2:30 PM. I can say that I am completely sober now. It is probably a trip that showed me I need to sleep more. Other than that I have the following questions for my future trips: Should I really try to stay put in one place and meditate instead of doing all kinds of activities, like masturbating, watching TV (which I didn’t in this trip), cooking etc. This time, it just felt like I couldn’t have meditated even if I wanted to. So for the future, what should I do if I still get strong urges of sleepiness, hunger, and or hornyness? It sounds like I should double the dose next time, what do you guys think? Any other advice, tips, or stories to share? Feel welcome Thanks all for reading. Im glad I tried it out before I turn 24. will have to go MUCH DEEPER next time I think.

@zikzak ohhhhhh my god i am so dumb! i never thought of measuring how muhc the substance weigh in a scoop! hahha thanks but i guess calculating the density works too?.. and saves me a scale?

@GabeN hey! did you end up finding the scoops that leo used in his videos? i am looking for those as well, i am not sure how it works. like does 1mL = 1mg? or we need to calculate with the density of the substance thanks

@Serotoninluv Thanks a lot ! I am not planning to redose in the next few days. i will wait at least a few weeks. i am living in -20 winter, nature is not so much of an option right now . ohh its good to know that the thoughts i was having implied that my state of consciousness did not alter much! i do agree, i was pretty much in full control and the brief second i was slightly out of it while cooking scared me a bit... so what i take away is the dose was probably too low and i still haven't seen anything yet compared to what a good dose can do. i will get a scale in the meanwhile.. hahah

so if we get strong urges to eat , sleep , or hornyness during trip, should we not resist and just do it ? i just had my first trip and i am wonderin the same thing.. thanks

@Harikrishnan a few things that have helped me over the years. Remember, it is a LONG PROCESS. I have n internet addiction too and it can always creep up on you even if you think you’ve gotten over it. You will get better, relapse, stand up, relapse, and over and over many times because it’s not something we can just get rid of over night, it takes patience, kindness and awareness. 1) be aware that you have a addiction and admit it 2) have some hobbies you can do that takes up your free time so you have less time where you are bored or have nothing to do 3) if you don’t have will power like me: simply delete all apps one your phone, block the websites and have only one place where you can access them for practical reasons. For me my phone and iPad almost have no social media. I use Facebook , messenger, YouTube on my laptop 4) meditate 5) practice doing only ONE THING AT A TIME. ex, when you are brushing your teeth, just brush your teeth, when you are walking from one place to another, just walk and try not to check your phone. When you are on the interne, be fully on the internet and just aware of the ONE thing that you are doing 6) don’t beat yourself up for it and expect to have fallbacks and relapses when you are working to break a bad habit good luck! I m making a video talking about those thing 8n details, in the editing process right now

@PetarKa for me more active practices , such as reading, watching videos, theorizing seem to help more. In the sense that It makes me “feel” I’ve grown intellectually. Meditation is the most helpful habit to keep me grounded. When I’m making time consistently for meditating, my life falls in better order even though I might not gain as much intellectual advancement during the actual meditation session. sooverall, yes I think it’s crucial to meditate or have some sort of way to get away from the theory and just allow yourself to BE. To FEEL. Although it might seem unproductive at times and we will have the tendency to actively “search” and “grow” via reading and watching videos..

@Paul92 you can consider this « journey » something that unravelled your unhappiness. How could you truly have been happy if discovering these things suddenly makes you miserable . Your unhappiness was probably already there and this self discovery lifted up the veil. So now that you think you are no longer happy, get on the journey and you will never look back

LOL

@Identity right on man!! You are beating me to the punch! It is exactly how I feel too! Actualized.org is the thing that helped me the most in my life . Strangely, there are always things that I disagree with when I listen to other teachers, but with Leo, either I don’t understand what he’s saying or I align with everything he says. It’s quite uncanny and it made me take a step back. Just like you mentioned, I read books from his lists, I listen to his videos, podcast, and this forum. I tried to distance myself a little bit and just check out other people but it always feels different and I kind of end up circling around and come back here. But I do read books outside of his book list. In one of his videos, he says that we actually don’t need any of these. He says he shoots these videos and goes very deep because he loves epistemology and sharing these knowledge but frankly, we don’t need to understand or consume all of the content to reach spiritual enlightenment. I think it’s great that you are aware of it and you can choose to distance yourself from consuming and always just go to goo’ ol’ meditation. Thank you for sharing your thoughts . Good to know we are not the only one !

I am planning to do have my first psychedelics experience soon (probably mushroom) . I was wondering if it was better to be alone or with a trip sitter. I have 7 grams of magic mushroom which are a bit broken and in pieces... I was wondering if I should do a very small dose (less than 1g) or an effective dose (1-2g). i have bad tripped on eating weed brownies before. I am not scared to bad trip again. I reason I bad tripped on weed was because it wasn’t a good setting and I wasn’t sure ending to the experience. But I still am worried that if I d it alone, i,l harm myself, like go running on the streets, use dangerous stuff like knives (idk). My bf agreed to trip sit but I feel like if he’s there, I’ll have the tendency to chat / be distracted or go for help as soon as I feel the effects of the drugs. what worked best for you for the first time? Thank you

@outlandish @Serotoninluv thank you to both of you! i think you are right! doing it with an inexperienced trip sitting would probably add an extra distraction / impairment even.

I like that!!! Well said !

@Bluebird I think for me it has been experience. And just being more aware. Meditation definitely helps but it’s just using the meditative awareness in your life experience. For me it’s to realize how much I judge/hate myself and others and see that there’s no reason to do so. In my career I deal a lot with people so it helps me to see how much I judge them unfairly and really there’s no reason I should judge them. It helps but it’s a very slow and seemingly not productive process

Hi all recently I’ve been struggling with a decision that I have to make. It’s not that life changing but I’ve never been this undecisive in my life. I’ve been back and forth between yes and no and I’m basically running out of time and I still hasn’t figured out what I really want. the more I think, the more confusing I get. But the way I try to make the decision hasn’t been very thorough. It’s more mind chattering than really objective evaluations. So I am wondering, what should I do? Should I sit down and take one full day to ponder it and see the pros and cons and just make the decision or should I just go with my gut feeling and do it and be over with ? like I said, it’s not a life or death situation. It’s about a school / career task. But I would love some tips that hlped you guys when you hav to make big decisions in your lives. What are the important factors in the decision making so that I don’t make a decision I will regret or an impulsive one? thank you so much!!!!!