kieranperez

It’s not that simple. Speaking as someone who has ADHD. Research behind ADHD is very behind but neurofeedback seems to me to be a legit solution. I’ve heard about neurofeedback more and more over the years since I was like in the 2nd grade (and I’m 23 now). This isn’t a new fad. However diet also matters. Media addictions also come into play. Definitely don’t give up on concentration practice though. What I’ve found with concentration is that a lot of concentration comes with “stopping self activity”. Try still gazing without blinking at a candle flame for 5 minutes. In the past I used to try to concentrate more through this exerted effort that just caused a more flustered mind. Try instead just to be with the candle and notice the more you can just be with the flame and simply keep your gaze on the candle and continue to relax this mode of self, the more room you have to concentrate. Turning down self turns up consciousness. Try that as an experiment for a bit. This is funny because I’m reading Sadhguru’s biography and this was pretty much his case from past lives of of intense sadhana. It’s pretty hairy when you throw in things like karma and previous life times of spiritual work. I definitely think this can have validity. In the end, I think you need to be an advanced and accomplished spiritual master to be able to subjectively confirm this stuff. Accomplished beyond just realization of the many facets and depth of the Absolute but also when it comes to psychic energy stuff which for example someone like Sadhguru seems very adept in.

Zen devil

Although your self reflection is good. Yet, correct me if I’m wrong, the way you describe your relationship seems to all be very much based around you, your development, your enlightenment, etc. One of the things I’ve come across in my own off and on study of conscious relationships (intimate and platonic) is that it comes down to what you bring to the table. Higher conscious relationships come down to what you’re surrendering to the relationship. It’s like true genuine sages, heroes, etc. when you have the grail, it’s about giving yourself. It’s not about you. You give yourself to the relationship. Not to the person per say, but to the relationship. I actually think your ex was in the right and made a very mature move in wanting to go to therapy, talk about meditation and hearing you out and maybe then she could more understanding and maybe even get into herself. That’s very mature on her end. It sounds to me that she was try to meet you halfway but you were to afraid to meet her halfway. Remember, how you act, behave, how you self serving and self surrendering you are influences your own practice when you’re on the cushion and vice versa. Which is to say, practice is always the case. I think you mean well and you have a good heart. I say this because you sound like me in the way you describe this. Also check this out. All the best man.

It’s not “superior”. Just more evolved. Just like if you were Turquoise and I were Purple, you wouldn’t be better than me but you would be more evolved than me in terms of your own development relative to my own.

This is what I’m trying to point out to you: the higher you go in the spiral, the more all inclusive the perspective is. Hence: transcend and include. So as you go to Turquoise you’re worldview is more accurate because it includes more. It can see more. Ethnocentric groups that we deem damaging now were actually necessary developments in the period in time when they were first conceived. However, the human psyche is evolving and human culture is becoming more interconnected, more complex, less tribalistic, etc. and these demand a more all inclusive point of view. Neo nazi groups have a truth to what their ideology, only partial. However, Green postmodernism does as well have a partial truth but that partial truth is more inclusive than Blue. Which is what our world is demanding now if we’re going to live in a more conscious and ever evolving world (the world and God is going to evolve regardless but that’s another rabbit hole).

@Zizzero You keep bringing up this same thing on “Green thinks it has the highest truth.” Every stage below Yellow thinks it has the whole truth. This is not new information. If you want to move towards 2nd tier in a society, you need to move up the spiral, period. End of story. Right now we’re in a mostly Orange and Blue country. That isn’t a debate. That’s a statistical fact. If you look at the damage Orange and Blue causes in the world today, in some of the examples I’ve listed, those results are not my opinion. I AM NOT SAYING GREEN IS PERFECT. Green has flaws and yeah the postmodernism can turn toxic but that’s not a postmodernism problem, that’s an ideological/dogma problem. Green takes the environment seriously, Green takes racial equality seriously, Green takes gender equality seriously, Green takes breaking up big banks and corporations seriously. It’s not merely my opinion that these are necessary changes that need to happen. It’s not my opinion that Green is more advanced and beyond Orange and Blue. That’s not a judgment. That’s fact. If you want to disagree with that, call up Wilber, Beck, and Coen and all these other leading developmental psychologists. Yes, on the Absolute perspective, everything is fine and is what it is. If we got a strong Yellow visionary candidate, that hallelujah bring him/her out. However, there ain’t one right now because integral politicians are incredibly rare. Much less ones that can get votes and build a campaign. Orange Exactly what I saying

Who are some observers, explorers, scientists, etc. that understood at a deeper level than conventional science living eco systems at a Stage Yellow and even Turquoise level? Another to word this question, who would be the Turquoise Leonardo da Vinci of ecosystems and the environment?

Such an irrelevant point. Blue thinks everybody should be Blue and serve it’s ethnocentric moralism and serve it’s clan. Stage Orange thinks everybody should individual success chasers and min max life and be scientific and strategic and damn the costs so long as it’s in the name of personal growth because they think that’s what life is a about. Stage Green is beyond the majority of the US. No one is saying Green is perfect. Green has its flaws. So does Yellow and even Turuqoise. For example, Western Buddhism and Zen is largely diluted in its actual nondual teaching because it takes relativism as absolute truth and for me that can be a bit frustrating since I live in San Francisco where there’s a lot of Green. However, if the majority of say middle America was as environmentally conscious as coastal cities like SF, NYC, etc. and also more accepting of different opinions, sexual orientations, just to name a few things, we’d be a lot closer to moving into Tier 2 (although I don’t see that happening in my lifetime and I’m 23). All 1st tier tends to think they have the whole truth. That’s missing the point. Your little beliefs and values are irrelevant. Start understanding your place doesn’t matter. Start understanding the evolution that needs to be taking place and go beyond this Blue/Orange paradigm. It’s killing the environment, other species, exploiting other countries, and even people if you look at how Orange manipulates the pharmaceutical industry and the entire way we look at and treat mental and even physical health. Start thinking more integrally and beyond your personal beliefs and preferences.

Just be aware that big doesn’t = strength. If you want STRENGTH then you can do that without weights. Don’t go for external load if you can’t manage body weight. This is first and foremost. If you don’t know how to move (which is most people... including a fair amount of elite athletes), you don’t have good range of motion and mobility, you’re better off starting slow and working on that and basic exercises. The problem I see most people and even most elite athletes have in terms of strength work and workouts and training as a whole is that I notice they can’t tolerate the reality of how simple it really is. For instance: push-ups, squats, lunges, lunges step ups, calf raises, calf raises at different angles, light and heavy plyometrics, etc. Don’t make strength work into some overlycomplicated thing. You’d be surprised if you look at top the top athletes in the world 20, 30, 40, 50 years ago (who are in a lot of ways stronger than a lot of athletes are multidimensionally today) did for strength work and how they never went to a gym and used machines. If I were you I’d buy: A couple kettlebells Med ball Jump rope Thats all I’d really buy. The amount of stuff you can do with those things are quite astounding. Maybe through in some dumbbells but most dumbbell work you can do with kettlebells. Also check out Kelly Starrett on YouTube. A great Stage Yellow systems oriented guy towards strength, mobility, injuries, and so so so much more. He makes the overly complex into understandable systems that average people can comprehend what’s going on.

I know you don’t mean ill will but make a distinction between deep suffering and depression. These are 2 different things. If you like Om Swami, who I truly admire, read his book on depression. Most nondual people have no idea what depression really is. Depression is very hairy in its root cause and it’s solution is not just meditation. It’s just not that simple. No. @Bluebird much love man. Really REALLY needed to hear this. As always, thanks. This felt like a relief in lot of ways.

Here’s my question regarding this... is it okay and maybe worth putting off life purpose stuff and get the stuff that’s being discussed on this thread solved first? Such as my depression, self-esteem, adhd, finances, living situation, confidence, etc. One of my fears with just getting a job is that I am afraid that if I get a better job, start improving my dating (which doesn’t really matter to me tbh), and so on is that I’ll get dragged off from my highest drives. This is one of the things I faced while trying to learn programming. I hated it so much and just wasn’t engaged with it at all and I just couldn’t reconcile that and going to work in some office building where I’d still have to live in a city which would still feel like hell to me. Not justifying this fear at all. Just being honest and clear on what it is.

There are tons of studies behind neurofeedback. Neurofeedback has been used since the 70s and even when I was little kid in the early 2000s there was a rise in reports in neurofeedback use for kids in training them out of adhd and even depression. Don’t expect conventional modern western medicine institutions to really help with much. This country’s medicine practice is honestly disgusting in how it treats patients, what they deem as valid and invalid treatment, the downright lazy “solutions” they offer to patients who are truly struggling and are actually seeking help, etc. I’ve wasted more than a decade trusting this system. Thinking most of these institutions actually knew wtf they were talking about (not to mention my own well-being). Honest anecdotal feedback is the most important feedback.

Yeah I’ve seen both of those. I remember watching the one with the guy a few months ago and what he said really brought me back to when Adderall used to work for me back in middle school when he said, ‘I could finally hear the person across from me.’ I remember listening to that and just smiled because that’s what Adderall feels like when you have adhd. Your focus is much more concentrated rather than all over the place. It really was surreal the first time that happened. I actually have memories going back to like 4th grade feeling like ‘I can hear them.’ The main thing again is the money. Where I even get the money for that. I have no problem going hardcore. The problem is always money. I also have the book from the booklist.

Messaged. This meant a lot ❤️ I’m waaay ahead of you here.

@Leo Gura never heard about that. Going to call up about tests tomorrow. Thank you for providing the specific tests. I swear to God if I can get this ADHD and also depression, I will be in a such a better space. I’ve had my thyroaid tested before and it surprisingly they were normal results. I used to have to take lithium blood tests because I used to take lithium and I wanted to test my thyroid because I’ve always had a freakishly fast metabolism that’s beyond all my friends including my friends who are elite Olympic level athletes. Never had a Vitamin D test. Isn’t that mostly must sun exposure related?? My diet has never been perfect but I grew up under my dad whose a chef level cook. I grew up eating a variety of vegetables, grains, meats, etc. We definitely mostly eat savory food. I didn’t grow up eating tons of fruit as my dad would always talk about the sugar in them (at least now he does). Keep in mind though, he cooks primarily for taste not for health. My average staple dinner for example though is like white rice, black beans, and pork (grew up under a Cuban dad ??‍♂️). Whenever I used to go to friends houses though, I definitely ate better than the majority of my friends who always seemed to function much better than me. Just curious, what gave you the feeling it might be physical? I was tested for ADHD when I was like 5/6 for over a period of like 6 months i believe as my parents didn’t initially want to put me on medication and I showed all the signs of what I pay attention to and everything, not just how erratic I was. The main thing that I guess gives me paranoia about neurofeedback is the cost for sure because there are tons of neurofeedback places here in SF. Honestly, my dad doesn’t really want to help me with my psychological stuff now and given that neurofeedback centers tend not to take insurance, they do seem to cost a fortune of money which I don’t have. I also feel like he’s put off because the evidence for this stuff is very much anecdotal (despite me telling him all the flaws with that view and him brushing it off as new agey self help nonsense). Both of you are just proving my point that you don’t know wtf you’re talking about. Real depression is not the same as general human suffering. Om Swami will actually be the first to say that too. Read his book “When All is Not Well: a Yogic Perspective on Depression”. Meditation doesn’t solve fucking everything it can actually make certain things worse. Your myopic advice and approach to people who suffer shows your ignorance. Not to me. But to those that actually are suffering out there. I really hope neither of you know people who are truly hurting in life for their sake. I don’t need pity but cultivate compassion. If someone is suicidal, you don’t go up to them and tell them “no one will come to help you.”

Yeah I’m done with this forum. No empathy or compassion towards anyone. Mostly just nondual keyboard jockeys who think they know everything about everyone (excluding @Joseph Maynor in this post).

@Leo Gura, when you were at your game design job in Boston and having that mid life crisis that you talked about in other places and also when you were first conceiving Actualized.org did you really think that this was actually possible for you? Not the success of having 800k subs or the following that you have now but the big picture understanding, the growth that you’ve gotten, the insights and awakenings, the self mastery you’ve been gaining over the years, etc. I’m not asking, is this work worth it. But do you think you could’ve predicted the kinda growth you’ve gotten to now back when you were 23/24? I don’t mean visualizing and believing it was possible. I don’t mean predicting you’d be this cool dude on YouTube. I mean, when you were contemplating your life, your potential, or whatever it is you contemplated when you were my age (23 going on 24), do you think you could’ve predicted this kinda personal growth, consciousness, understanding to the degree that you feel? I’m just curious because this really is coming up for me when I really contemplate my death deep, get in touch with my intuition, and really feel what I ultimately want out of my life, which is - really feeling like a lot of this is fantasy. At the end of the day I don’t want to just run off into a cave and be some hermit. Nor do I want to keep living in a damn city where I live now (San Francisco). I do intuit this kinda blend between a Sat Yoga ashram/institute/community (btw, would you consider that a cult with all the doomsday stuff?), Peter Ralston, Om Swami, and you kinda blended into all 1 life purpose and I couldn’t fit my vision when I visualize it and feel it because that’s talking such a drastic change of becoming this spiritual master/mystic with high level big picture understanding and all this other stuff but when I think about it I look in the mirror, my bank account, my rapid ADHD monkey mind in my 20 min sits of trying to build concentration, my depresssion, life history, etc. and I’m like “this is a fucking pipe dream.” The extrodinary self mastery I’d need to not even reach what I even want spiritually but also to not turn into a cult leader and run stuff and also to just turn my life around now I’m like “this feels like a fantasy.” Yes in the abstract I see that it can be done (like that whole Ralston story in your interview with him buying a toaster) but I feel like this vision is crazy. In yet, when I intuit my life and I feel my ever bearing death just from the reality that this limited perspective (aka “my life”) will end and now that I’m getting older and I’m having that feeling of ‘holy fuck, those last 2 weeks flew by,’ and ‘good God, that was 4 years ago already...’ I just feel like this is what I’m supposed to do. What the hell else am I going to do? I guess I could just use your thoughts on this. I feel like I haven’t been able to get this handled with myself, the life purpose course, or even other enlightened people I’ve met. I’ve met some at my work that I’ve talked to, at the Zen center I live near, and other places. I mean, going from a place of total self deception, no skills or money, a desire for an adventure (external and internal), a desire to connect deeply in solitude and silence, ADHD, some debt of $15k-25k, no car, car insurance you wouldn’t even pay able to pay because of such a bad driving record, victim mindset, depression, and the whole works... is vision REALLY enough? Not in that, will some magic LoA save me. But is a strong powerful vision TRULY enough?

I think it’s time I depart from this forum. I’m using this platform as a crutch and I know there are genuine users on here that in a sense serve a support system but I don’t think it’s enough for me personally. I feel like I’m getting to a point mentally, emotionally, and in my utter just self-hatred and my life as a whole where I feel like I’m going down a path that might leading towards somewhere bad (I don’t want to say suicide because I thought I was personally past this in my life and thought I was done with but I feel like this might go there unless something changes) and I really don’t want my life to go that way. I don’t want to die this way and I feel like I don’t get the help or support system I need and I feel awful writing the same damn long posts just basically crying out for help. My life has no direction at all, I’m at home still, haven’t dated for almost 3 years, have like no friends anymore, live in a city I’m losing my mind in, and can’t stand waking up in the morning knowing from the moment I open my eyes that it makes no difference whether or not I get up because I have nothing going for me and nothing I really feel like I can actually do or any support system I can rely on as a bar to climb up a long staircase. I thought my life was going to be more than this and I’m afraid I’m going to waste my life and I feel like this forum is just becoming a place where I waste my time on because deep down I know I’m not strong enough or capable of getting a single dream, ambition, anything of mine actually accomplished anymore. I hope my comments and posts on here have helped at least some of you. I don’t know what I’m going to do, where or who I can go to for help, how I’m going to turn this around, who I can actually talk to, where I’m going to turn this around to, what I actually want. I don’t want to blame parents, teachers, whoever because really at this point my life has just been built on an extremely dysfunctional and rotten foundation. For those who actually have given supportive words of encouragement, thank you. It has meant something but it’s hard for it to make an impact just from the fact that it’s just more stuff over the screen and no one in my actual life. Lastly, thanks @Leo Gura. I’ll still watch the videos.

Looking to meet Stage Green girls and really starting up a new healthier social life for myself. However, I'm not a bar person, I don't drink at all and I don't really party that much anymore. I really got the partying out of my system being part of the rave scene in here in the SF Bay Area in high school and what would've been early college and I don't want to meet girls that are into partying, drinking, etc. I've outgrown that and I just don't vibe with that anymore. I'm looking for more of a short/medium term relationship. However, the fact that I'm 23 and I don't party at all anymore, I don't drink at all, I'm not a bar guy makes me feel like my options for meeting girls have dwindled quite a bit. I live in San Francisco so there's not really a shortage of Stage Green girls to say the least. I don't want to go back on Tinder or dating site. I want the growth from actually meeting girls, putting my ass on the line and so forth. Meeting girls on Tinder gives me the same feeling I get after I eat at McDonald's, needs got met but feel sick after. What are some potential options that are relatively low cost? Are meetup groups worth a shot? Ideas? NOTE: I'm not going to do the whole, go to bars sober and hit on girls who are drinking/drunk. That doesn't sit well with me and in my opinion, is downright creepy and manipulative.

I want share this as this is something I really feel (and I imagine at least a few others on here as well) whenever I watch @Leo Gura video on escaping wage slavery: Its probably going to be REALLY hard but don’t psyche yourself out. I do this a lot. I get so revved up on this energy of “get me free!!!” That I actually do feel like this flight or fight response sense of being chained down like I truly am a physical slave to the point where my mind turns on me and turns this whole thing into something that feels like an impossible task.

So I was at an art museum in Golden Gate Park in San Francisco and I usually have never been one that understood art that much and what certain paintings were portraying and what not. However, needed some inspiration the other day and decided to drop by. While most people were taking stupid selfies with pictures and all that stuff, I found myself totally engrossed in the painting and found myself in such deep absorption, meditation, and contemplation looking at and observing each painting. It was strange because I’ve never had this relationship with art. Suddenly though I found myself accessing new ways of thinking just through observation, beyond all mental language and traditional thought. It was like, if I just focused and opened up to the painting itself and wonder enough openly and paid enough attention and be curious of matters like “why is that dog painted here?” “Why is she looking down this way?” “Why is the painting portrayed in this way with this style of shading (or whatever you call it)?” I could literally feel, become conscious of, and learn what that painting is being portrayed. Then I’d go deeper and realize all of that was a fabrication by mind and contemplated deeper on that whole mechanism. Then, as I’m going through the museum probably looking like I’m high on something since I was staring at these pieces of art so intensely, I was reading this description on the historical contexts on some paintaings. As I was reading, I become so engrossed and focused so effortlessly at what I was reading and of my awareness I literally dropped off. I wasn’t even blinking. I dropped off and literally became this unified awareness without location in yet I was one with everything in my awareness. Then all of a sudden the panel I was reading starting doing this subtle yet also radical infinite morphing. It was like the panel was zoom out to infinity while also zooming in for infinity. I literally felt like I was in a trance while having totally dropped off. Eventually, I started to come back in a little bit and I felt like I was probably looking like some deranged psychopath looking at this wall the way I was and felt like security was going to check on me and I walked off feeling like “what the fuck was that?...” I want to be clear: this lasted a couple of minutes maybe at best. I didn’t TOTALLY drop off in yet I also did... I’m starting to get why explaining this stuff is so impossible lol. This intense focus, trance like thing is also happening more... I don’t know why. It doesn’t happen in any of my meditation sits ever. My meditation is 20 minutes of me focusing on breath and struggling at best. All of this stuff happens if I just lock in scenarios if I’m walking around totally relaxed and i have that feeling of like “I can go all the way right now” and suddenly start to concentrate super deep or if I’m even just sitting down on the toilet or at a desk. The crazy part is that it’s effortless. That’s the really paradoxical part.

Your "analysis" is just a perfect example of how much people project onto authentic people and how much people are governed by wild imaginations. 1:02 to 1:30 says it all.

For real though. I'm listening to MIKE TYSON talking about his enlightenment experience... LOL WHAT?!?! What planet am I on?! This is fucking amazing. The moment I heard "toad" I knew where this was going and I was like "NO FUCKING WAY. THIS IS NOT GOING WHERE I THINK IT'S GOING!" That was truly an amazing podcast episode. I'm honestly happy for him. I think Mike Tyson's background is a bit of an exception to most sports icons giving his above average abusive background and also the fact that he's a fighter not some basketball or tennis player but he really displayed really well in this podcast just how much better it is to drop the facade of being the best in the world and all the narcissism that tends to come with. I really think he shed light on that perfectly because I don't think a lot of people understand fully well how unhappy, neurotic, dysfunctional, etc. these extreme winners actually are such as Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Tiger Woods, David Goggins, etc. Not because they're bad people per say but more on the fact that that's not something worth looking up to and I think Mike's 5-MeO experience really shed that light on how insignificant all of that is and also how toxic it is. You can really feel how much he wants to be done with that. I listened to a really liberated man. Not spiritually or anything but someone who has outgrown that level of narcissism. This guy came from a fucking ROUGH background. Glad to see he's moved on. @ajasatya I remember talking to you on another thread about why I don't resonate with Goggins. Listen to this podcast and that'll shed more light. This is what that guy is really missing.

Accept her. She doesn’t need to be the way you want her to be. This is just a projection of your wants and expectations. If anything, everything you’re writing has more to do with you than her. Accept and love her. Offer a helping hand but if she rejects your help then that’s her. Love her fully whether she’s a bum or a success. A Zen master can still accept, love, and be with people even if they’re asleep, don’t meditate, etc. Make that a test of your acceptance. Love and accept the person in front of you (your sister).

+1 Don't talk about something complex you know nothing about then.