kieranperez

I dare to you say that to an enlightened master in person while trying to look him/her in they eyes LOL you damn devil. Of course you think you don’t have any responsibility in the matter. Just another a sign that shows that all of this for you is all talk with no real genuine insight - much less the humility. You don’t give two shits about truth. Only whatever serves your own selfishness to not take any action and recognize your responsibility. Neglecting the world is neglecting yourself. Let me make this clear before more additional dribble: I am not enlightened. I am not awake. I’m still a fool. However, I recognize and am honest about what I have not become conscious of but also that which I do know and understand and what I have learned displayed from people who’ve devoted their lives to this work for thousands of years up till today. I’m not saying I’m more awake than you. I’m not here to play peacocking games. I am here to say though that what you’re reguritating is nothing but talk. You’re dribble about nonduality is just more lazy neoadvaitan garbage. I suggest you toss that and take responsibility for your life and humble yourself to the task at hand.

Your playing only on one side of the street and missing the big picture of what’s being communicated. You’re actually displaying my point of lacking perspective. This neo advaita pathology of its all an illusion so therefore reality isn’t getting more complex and more nuanced is a pathology from lack understanding and going outside of your bubble. You’re not getting the paradox here. The world is absolutely perfect and nothing wrong and so therefore we have to work extrodinarily hard to change all the catostrophes going on. There is only one Self and there are no others to save and so you vow to do everything you can to save them. This is not a mere matter of disagreement based on opinion. Reality is both insanely and complex and dead simple and it’s your job, our job, and my job (because al such perspective ultimately are one) is play that dance.

You're only shooting yourself in the foot here man. Drop it. Your arrogance shows your lack of understanding. Your judgement and criticism of others is a creation of your own mind.

@Mikael89 you're missing the point of what I'm communicating. I'm referring to SAGE and MYSTICS. I'm not just talking about enlightenment. I'm NOT saying someone who doesn't know Spiral Dynamics isn't fully enlightened. I don't know where you're reading that. You don't need to know Spiral Dynamics or other developmental models to be at 2nd or even 3rd tier. That distinction isn't necessary. What I'm communicating is that the mystics and sages from hundreds and also thousands of years ago would not be fully enlightened today in the 21st century. A stage Blue mystic/sage who contributed ENORMOUSLY to their time and culture - which is based around a certain stage of development - put into the 21st century wouldn't be fully enlightened today because enlightenment, consciousness, and spiritual work is also about the integration and embodiment of the realization. The degree to which how much one embodies the infinite has a strong relationship to one's personal level of development (how far along they are in the many different levels and lines of development). How far along you are in your own development actually very much depends upon how many perspectives one can integrate into their own psyche and being. Which is why shadow work is so important today in spirituality. Hardcore Blue Zen masters still only see things from the lens of their traditions and that actually is a hinderance in their own consciousness. The embodiment of one's own realization is stunted if you can't actually integrate and expand your perspective to transcend and include all perspectives into your being and psyche. Which is what what Ken Wilber's integral theory (or what Leo calls Spiral Dynamics) and overall evolution is - transcend and include perspectives. This demands raising one's cognitive development and a myriad of other areas of development. This doesn't diminish mystics and sages of the past.

@kag101 I want to elaborate on few things you seem to be missing: As far as that Benthino guy: You have to separate realization from embodiment and also ego development. It’s very common for people who have genuine deep enlightenments of which the realization “sticks” to actually get “worse” as a person because they deepen repressed unconscious shadow material. He seems to be a guy that seems to have genuine experiential understanding of enlightenment, yet very partial. Realizing Love is very different than embodying Love. Which leads me to the next point... I personally very much understand the side of being frustrated by people who talk a big Nonduality game (including myself) yet, not only don’t walk their talk, but haven’t even genuinely experienced what they’re talking about to begin with. So when people talk about how everything is all Love, and it is, yet they themselves haven’t realized in their direct experienced as a result of their own deliberate practice, it is hypocritical. So of course, I imagine that’s what you’re probsbly calling out (which I tend to have a bit of a reputation for on the forum here). Having said that though... the truth of the matter is that in the end is that everything that ever occurs ever happens because of God’s Love. However Love as we’re talking about here is not a human emotional love so that Love which is unconditional does not discriminate as to what we as egos would normally make distinctions of what is and is not Love, since the “love” that we in ego consciousness are unknowingly referring to is a form of love that is under the filter of survival. So what I’m saying is that you can become conscious that for example that the holocaust occurred because of God’s Love. Not only that, you can also become conscious that you caused that. Why? Because you Love. Because Creation. Now, obviously that’s a very radical realization but nonetheless it is the case. Bringing that into one’s own life and going around with that realization as an ever present conscious experience is a totally other matter.

Good stuff! Bi-lateral symmetry is so effective it’s really comical given how stupidly simple it is. Happy for you! ❤️

@ValiantSalvatore I think I spotted my miscommunication. I’ve found in my own practice that I can’t even really create those positive feeling states effectively because I have that much stress, anxiety, fear, tension, etc. in my body. When I try to practice self love and create a feeling of love, what I get is love with a deep twist of loss, guilt, sadness, shame, fear, unworthiness, etc. Same goes with certain principles with the Law of Attraction I imagine. If the feeling states, beliefs, etc. you’re trying to program are so deeply rooted in fear for example, you’re still projecting out and attracting fear and you’re still going to feel so incongruent. It’s becomes counterproductive. Its like with people who are so heavily traumatized who can’t meditate for long periods of time. People around may tell them to create feeling (or worse - “stop doing it!” - as though it’s that simple for that kind of person) and feel, but what’s often not understand is that they literally can’t. Or in my case, I can’t without “tainting it”.’ The Kriyas and what not Shinzen speaks of in that video (I’ve seen it before) is really something I found in my own personal experience I can’t really get to the point where I can sit with it. I found for me that that general approach would most effective once I’ve worked through and freed myself up from a lot of the very “extremely muddy” trauamas, samskaras, karma, etc. Kinda like a car wash. What Shinzen is talking about, I found for me would be the equivalent of the work that’s done in a car wash after getting the main primary gunk and mud off the car by really doing a thorough rinse and basic wash down. Hatha Yoga for examples has what’s called Shatkarmas and more basic pranayamas, bandhas, and of course the mobility side to it. Shatkarmas and pranayamas for example really focus on dealing with samskaras, certain karmas, and vasanas directly. And also helps with creating a lifestyle that would help support my own consciousness work down the road. Not to mention certain practices that can really aid in breaking out of my ADHD.

@ValiantSalvatore I mention yoga because yoga has very direct practices for purifying and opening up the body. I know the technique you bring up. Those kinda of practices are extremely hard for me because conjuring up those feeling states are always intertwined with deep guilt, loss, shame, fear, anxiety, etc. I’m very shut off from that sort of stuff if I don’t address the trauma I have in my body. Meditation right now for me is almost impossible because of how much unconscious tension I have in my chest and throat to the point where breathing is difficult. Whenever I can get a breakthrough in energetic/psychic releases like through Shamanic breathing or a great breakthrough on psychedelics it’s a totally different story. Yoga is a much more holistic system I comparison to any traditional spiritual practice I’ve yet to come across. I get too easily lost with Shinzens practices in the different modalities. Which is hard because Im very conceptual and I like nuanced stuff but in practice it’s a distraction for me personally.

@Leo Gura sure. I guess it’s a compromise relative to what one is currently capable of. I guess I just get lost in the dynamic. Even when I read Ralston in Pursuing Consciousness on the fundamental dilemma of having ideals. That by the very fact that you’re holding ideals is by definition being held because you’re in scarcity of it. I just remember that and really hitting home with me. Having said that, like you say, it’s pretty much impossible to drop bottom lines and really be free of something that you’re so deeply entrenched in. @ValiantSalvatore yeah Shunyamurti as far as his YouTube teachings is pretty solid. Not a fan of a lot of what he says but I love his integration between psychoanalysis and yoga. Shinzen Young’s practice really doesn’t work well with me that much. It’s honestly such a head trip getting around his algorithmic approach (which I totally can see how and why it’s AMAZING for a lot of people) that it just doesn’t resonate with me. Yoga for me I feel like is really my path as far as practice goes. It’s very feeling oriented which is perfect for someone like me. Practices that are too mind oriented keep me trapped in my head. I’ve never really learned effectively that way.

Do you feel that this really just suppresses and represses what one really feels? One of the things I really couldn't stand about affirmations was that I felt I was just lying to myself. For example: if I have irresponsible money habits and also have a poor money mindset, telling myself "I'm financially abundant" or some such thing (I don't remember what I would say) just felt like I was repressing the real issues. Or the whole "every day I'm getting better and better" and how that really is just one deluding themselves and denying and repressing the reality of one's "faulty" tendencies. Shunaymurti sums it pretty well for what it felt like in my own personal experience:

@SQAAD totally normal stuff, man. Psychedelics have a way of bringing up unconscious aspects of yourself with crystal clear clarity so effectively that it's truly remarkable. Like I said though, totally normal and par for the course. It's actually good progress. Unconscious shadow integration goes deeper than is often talked about. Shadow material is supposed to make those who do face their repressed unconscious self insanely uncomfortable to this degree, if not more. In the early stages of my last LSD trip it started out with this insane desire to fuck. I couldn't explain how horny I was. However, I surrendered to what was truly authentic and kept processing my energy by remaining in bi-lateral symmetry (do some homework on Martin Ball for more details as to the practice itself). As it progressed I started feeling totally scared and alone and felt like I was helpless. I started to "taste" the call for help for my mom. I eventually got to the point in my energetic process early into this trip that one of my biggest unconscious drivers is my helplessness and a need for security. Further, I realized that not only did I want security but I wanted it from my mom. I don't have a healthy relationship with my mom (not going to go into the details) and I have a lot of repressed aggression I have towards her. I realized that my intense lust for girls is really a need for security and that I really actually wanted to fuck my mom - to be point blank. This of course was a tough realization to say the least. However, I was honest and authentic with what was arising and that what needed to be done was embrace this shadow. Once I embraced this root shadow element I was literally yelling both "thank you Freud!" and "mommy!" in a lustful voice because I was finally free from my own denial. Once embraced, it was integrated, processed, and transcended. Sounds fucking nuts of course. But hey... par for the course. You can't really embrace yourself until you embrace, accept, and open up to ALL OF YOU. All of the devilry. All of the sick and twisted things we hide from ourselves, individually, collectively, and cosmically. Hope this serves as a good consolation

@Big Guru Balls God I love that username ?

1 Tab of LSD Date: May 25, 2019 Setting: Apartment Time of Consumption: 10:15 AM ”Technique”: Bi-lateral symmetry (it’s ridiculous how powerful this is given how simple it is) Early Phase: Massive psychological purging, processing, and integration of unconscious repressions and shadows regarding... Sex - I realized that all my deep sexual cravings have really just been a craving for security, comfort, and approval that I now lack from my mother Solo struggle (craving for motherly safety and security) and the fear of struggling on my own. My repressed unconscious “Freudian relationship towards my mother” (I’ll let you piece that together) Repressed femininity Repressed attraction to men (more of a denial for being able to see the honest beauty in men given how I tend to deny that acknowledgement through my constructed cultural role as a man) Cross The Threshold: This was the point I knew I couldn’t go deeper until I surrendered to the fear of losing my mind and going back into bi-lateral symmetry. I had gotten up a couple times from bi-lateral symmetry by this point given that I was so exhausted energetically and emotionally but just by breaking that natural and authentic alignment energetically and psycbologically, I got to the point where I couldn’t walk because I felt like my psyche split in 2 and I was getting so overwhelmed. At this point I truly felt I was losing my mind. I started to realize around me that reality is a giant mind and that it’s my mind. My projections had consequences on what I normal would unconsciously perceive of as the “external world”. I felt I was going crazy. I felt like I was in this all encompassing and unescapable echo chamber that is my mind. I feel a lot of this has a great tie in with my ADHD and how my mind works. Despite the overwhelming fear of the massive mindfuck that I’m living in a giant mind, I knew there was no reason to try to escape the truth of this. So I decided to just go back into symmetry. Prior though I found a “Live Bad Trip Guide” from the YouTuber Psyched Substance and that really helped center me back to surrender. Once I truly let go I was able to face my own eternal devilry. I realized that I caused the extinction of the dinosaurs. I literally caused all the suffering in the world including things like the holocaust, terroism, etc. I faced my own selfishness and real suffering that stem from my own deep self hatred, shame, guilt, deep fear, insecurity, all my shortcomings and failures, loneliness, the feeling that I’m a fucking loser, my own feeling of inferiority and inadequacy, etc. I worked through all of it. The more I authentically and honestly faced whatever arises without resistance, just pure acceptance, the more free I became. For The Love of God, For The Love of Creation, For The Love That Is Me: At this point in my consciousness I realized and felt in my that I was literally One with everything. I was the very bed and clothes I was wearing along with anything I touched, saw, heard, smelled, tasted, etc. I became conscious that all perspectives ultimately collapse into the One perspective. Though multiple perspectives serve useful, they are not existentially true as they are the illusion occurring all in first person subjective experience. To deny or be unconscious of such truth is to create the illusion of separation and also a shadow. All of them fundamentally collapse into myself. This is the highest level of shadow integration. It’s also ultimate ownership of my own projections, judgements, etc. “We”, “us”, “our”, “it”, “it’s”, “them”, “him”, “her”, “that”, “this”, etc. all occur in “I”. There’s a saying in shadow work that goes something like “if you spot it, you got it.” However I’d like to add the deeper element of “if you spot it, you did it”. Gotta be careful with that but hopefully you can understand what I’m trying to communicate. This insight doesn’t forsake the importance of learning and seeking out other perspectives. Quite the contrary. The more you integrate every perspectivr, the more whole and authentic and whole you/we/I become. I realized that my own perspective spawns everything into being. I became conscious that all “evil” and anything that ever happens ever comes from God’s Love. If anything ever happens, the fundamental cause is because God Loves. It’s because I Love. It’s Love for Creation for its own sake and that it’s God being itself. It’s me being myself. I realized that God’s Love is really God Loving itself and that this is me Loving myself. I realized that God is one with “his”/my/our creation and he/I Love of our creation. I was at a point where I was taking a piss only to shortly thereafter be on the ground balling my eyes out crying with tears of Love flowing down my face hugging this toilet in all of its Beauty, Goodness, and Love. Every little piss stain, hair, etc. that was on it was Perfect. I loved it because it was me, because I accept myself, and I Love myself. I’ve never cried like that before. I didn’t just feel God’s Love, I realized it was me. This was so overwhelming I felt unworthy in yet at the same time I knew I was worthy because I am it. The more I could authentically feel and acknowledge my own authentic Loving nature, the more I was able to honestly surrender and, as Rumi accurately put it “wash myself of myself.” I realized the goal of my life... The goal of my life is to become (a) God. To fully surrender and embody and accept my own true nature as much as possible, realizing and embodying my own true “Godhood”. The goal of my life is to embody and master Truth, Consciousness, Love, Creatvitiy, Goodness, Authenticity, Self-Expression, and Beauty and take that into the world The goal of my life is to become a conscious benefactor to the world, mankind, and all beings because the world is my own creation and I Love my creation and I want to Love and accept my one Creation for its own sake. The goal of my life is to help awaken myself to myself. Which is to awaken others and elevate life. I have a deep Lovd for my Creation and I want to elevate others. They are me and I want to accept and, Love, and awaken so that it eventually becomes God Lovingly look itself/himself/herself/myself. Marveling at its/her/his/our/my Beauty. I realized I am worthy of happiness, self-acceptance, Love, and the recognition of my own Beauty. By the end of this trip I was in my bed crying so hard because I looked at myself for the first time and loved myself in a way I've never loved myself before (probably because I never really have). In the past, self-love and acceptance in practice would still feel tainted with guilt, shame, apathy, hopelessness, and self-hatred. Not only was my capacity for Love cranked up on high but my internalized self judgments had been exorcised from my very being. I felt free. I felt honest. I felt like me for the first time of my life. I understand now why the word “reborn” exists. The most shocking part of all was that this was all true. I felt unworthy and was so shocked in yet I knew it was true. That’s what made it so incredible. I didn’t understand why in yet at the same time I also did totally understand why. I am God. I am Love. I understand why religious/spiritual traditions stress reverence. You’re bowing to your creation and it’s beauty. You Love (your) creation. It’s gratitude taken all the way to Gratitude. I was bowing to everything by the end of it all. There is nothing ugly. Nothing. I realized that Creation is for its own sake. God create because God Loves. The reason we have our 5 sense faculties is to experience our own unitary creation. God wants to experience his/my/our creation through an infinite myriad of ways. Mindfulness is fundamentally a practice to train one’s faculties of attention to expand one’s capacity towards fully experiencing, embracing, and marveling at one’s own divine creation through unfettered, unfiltered, pure, honest, and truthful lens. Coming Back Down: The come down was quite pleasant. I felt so purified from my waist on up energetically, psychologically, spiritually, and emotionally. However I did have massive legs cramps on the medial end of my quads/hamstrings stretching down the top of my calves. I can almost certainly say those were more blocks. However the substance was near completion so I thought I’d take what I got and call it a day. So fucking exhausted. Just so exhausted lol. Felt so energetically and emotionally sensitive and drained I could barely walk. I had the usual feeling of being lost in the giant mind echo chamber. I really do think there’s a connection to my ADHD with that given the way my mind works. Feels pretty destabilizing more often than not to be honest. Lessons, Insights, and Conclusion: As I type this I definitely have dropped back down which is of course demoralizing. However that was expected. I have had a very rude fucking ego backlash. This has been hard given the fact that I’m now on my own for this summer. I have dropped back into my old judgments, character, etc. which hasn’t been easy. Though I don’t regret this experience in the slightest, I do think it’s more than I can handle right now. I really have to be honest with myself about where I’m at in my own growth. I can’t honestly handle realizations this massive. I know this goes WAY deeper. I know that this is not even me starting. However, the fact is that I still don’t have my life together. I’m so excited by spirituality and am more motivated by that in my heart but I’m not in a position where I can pursue that right now. There’s a reason the Ancient Greek philosophers and the Brahmin caste in India were able to pursue this stuff... because they had their survival handled because they were at the top of the chain. Same with the Buddha before he renounced. This has been hard because when you’re 24 and have genuine intentions to realize God and impact the world but your ego is so weak, fragile, is so unhappy, hopelessness, so full of neurosis and trauma AND you still have yet to ever take care of baseline survival needs... that’s hard to reconcile that internally on a multitude of levels. Having said all of that I am quite shaken. Mere recollection of 2 days ago brings tears to my eyes. I know there’s more. There’s SO much fucking more. @Leo Gura I remember in your spirituality video you said “you’re gonna feel unworthy. You’re gonna glimpse this truth and you’re gonna say ‘oh my god! Im not worthy of anything this Good!’ How do you accept something infinitely Good?” I couldn’t have put that any better. Thank you. Thank you for everything. Warm bows I hope you find this useful.

That truly is the bulk of the work for sure. Thanks man ❤️ I don’t mean to sound like a downer. I just feel like it’s worth being honest about what and how I actually feel and how I’m actually perceiving, however false and illusory it as a story actually is. I just don’t want to go about contracting what is really going on in my present experience. Lack of self-acceptance, trust, faith, and self-esteem truly are some of my deepest core issues. These are issues that are probably going to take awhile to truly correct and heal. I have a lot of trauma and I feel deeply hurt, ashamed, afraid, guilty, anxious, etc. Hell, it’s even what characterizes my Enneagram (I’m a Type 6 - The Loyalist). One of my biggest issues is indecisiveness and self doubt. Going down a long stretch of my life going nowhere, being stuck in a rut, giving up and quitting most endeavors, becoming stuck in deep apathy and laziness, self hatred, years of family trauma, years of my own trauma, not finishing junior college, not having my finances together, etc. to realizing what my highest vision is is terrifying yet also inspiring. This isn’t to give an excuse of being a victim. However, realizing that truly can feel demoralizing and utterly impossible. Which goes into why I post a lot. I look for validation and security in the opinions and advice of authority figures I trust. Honestly, I’m guilty of that with teachers I really trust and admire with people like Leo and so forth. I don’t trust myself because I’ve let myself down for pretty much as long as I had any sort of say in my life and gained any sort of independence since I was like 13 or 14 years old. In yet, that’s the thing I gotta cultivate because no one can figure this out for me in my life except for me. Which is why I tend to feel overwhelmed, because I don’t think I can.

Watch how you’re framing the points I’m making. I didn’t say nor imply you’re full of shit or any of those other projections. I’m pointing out projections and seem to be this clinging to Christianity. You’re not a historian. There was no Jesus. I repeat: THERE WAS NO JESUS. The fact that you’re judging the social structures of people who lived (one of which never did) 2000-2500 years ago is ridiculous. Yeah and Muhammad also killed people. Spiritual development and intelligence is not the same thing as modern day moral development, not to mention all the other lines of development. Even if Jesus did exist, which we have no proof that he did (not that it matters), he would NOT be fully enlightened today. Sages and mystics stay current are adapt to not only the highest realizations in their spiritual development but also in their levels of growing up (Spiral Dynamics, cognitive development, etc.). @Angelo John Gage those are some good points for sure. I am by no means awake. I am still very much deeply ignorant and have a lot of areas of my life I still have yet to develop and clean up. Coming back down from certain awakenings I’ve had via the 2 psychedelic trips I’ve had (which of course is nothing) has been hard because the distance from what I want and where I am now is so huge that a lot of my fear comes from that kinda place overwhelm at the task at hand.

I suggest you slow up on your projections. The fact that youre criticizing mystics of the highest order like Buddha for not going deep enough is just ridiculous and silly. You are in no position to be a critic. The fact that someone can be honest about the fact that they still have more room for growth is just merely that, being honest. If you were truly as awake as you try to come off in your posts you wouldn’t be spending so much time on a forum. Show some honesty and humility, please.

@Leo Gura I guess it just goes back to trusting what my deepest intuitions show me. Be able to take the risks (intelligently) and let the chips fall where they may. I appreciate the honesty.

@Leo Gura it’s funny because that goes straight to @Nahm‘s point. Thats funny you say that because that’s my thought every time when I try to think about my life purpose which is enlightenment related. That’s always the trend. The desire for God, Truth, seeking understanding was and is always the primary driving force. Everything else falls into place after (at least for the ones who are remembered and had an extrodinary impact). Impact is never really the fundamental agenda. It just so happens to be a by-product... Then again though, what about you? You still have a business that, as far as I imagine, you seem to really care about the impact you have in yet you still pursue awakening and have found that balance to do both at the same time. How have you reconciled that in your own life? Not to get too personal here.

@mandyjw there was no Jesus. I was using that as a metaphor. Jesus is a story. An archetype. This is not a post regarding critiques of Jesus. You can substitute Jesus for any other sage. Muhammad, Buddha, Ramana Maharshi, Mahavira, Nagarjuna, Sadhguru, etc.

@Nahm funny how it still ultimately just comes back to that very point.

@kag101 I never claimed to be enlightened. Read through the entire post.

@Leo Gura what advice would you give me for reconciling the transition towards a vision/life purpose of this magnitude while at the same time needing to do more basic personal development? I still need to handle base level surival needs and basic personal development. This feels like a life purpose that can only really be worked and actualized only if I’m like at your level of development or someone like Ralston, Sadhguru, or any other sage, present or past. I’m obviously so far from that that I feel like I don’t even know what to work on besides the job I’m doing now. All my other passions are kinda starting to dwindle, in yet I’m not emotionally or psychologically fit enough to do this work just yet. I perceive the world so much through my own survival needs that honest inquiry can’t even really be done. Not to mention cognitive issues I have. I appreciate any advice you can give. Thanks as always.

100% can be done. Read my last trip report. Covers this matter. Do some homework on bilateral symmetry from Martin Ball. It’s ridiculous how this is technicque is so stupidly simple yet so powerfully effective and direct. It’s honesty so effective that the amount you’re able to integrate during the trip is usually not an amount you’re able to sustain post-trip. That’s just the nature of self-survival though. For example: imagine you have a trip where you integrate the cosmic collective shadow. Which is to say, you integrate and surrender all the cosmic devilry that’s ever been done. You realize you are literally the source responsible of say the holocaust, the killing off of every species, etc. not to mention you face all your personal devilry.

Saw that awhile ago (trailer)! Trying to find the full movie!

@Pouya yes and no. What’s important is how you relate to what you call “maps”. Become conscious of what a “map” is. In the end though, no, there is no subconscious mind. Mind, language, any distinction are not fundamentally real in it of itself. The distinctions are things we, you, I create. These distinctions have been created to be able to relate to our own experience in a more useful way. Nothing wrong with usefulness. Concepts are useful in practice when utilized with that right understanding and relationship to them. However that doesn’t make a concept fundamentally real. Some good things to really contemplate: What is experience? What is my present experience? What is mind? What is the difference between real and unreal? What is the sameness between real and unreal? What is a distinction? What is existence?