Seed

I have a big issue. Basically - the more 'chill'.... 'aware' and 'grounded' I am in the day time... e.g letting my feelings go, meditating, keeping to a routine. not overthinking.. then the less I sleep at night. On the days where I am at my peak in terms of clarity - the more I writh around in bed, like I am possesed by a growly bear. I have tried meditating before bed and to get back to sleep, but this just makes me worse. I have found the only way to deal with it, is to just accept it. But it isn't nice and I tend to wake up very unsettled and agitated. The following day is then spent intergating back into the physical world, regulating my emotions... excersize, yoga, work etc. So I do calm down eventually. But the more I do so, the more adrenalised I will be when it is time to sleep. I lie there and have the biggest adrenaline rushes. It is like I am about to drop from the top of a rollercoaster and my guts are churning with excitment and fear! Though I have nothing to be excited or fearful of !?! I really do enjoy my sleep and would love to find a way to sleep. PS. When I do sleep, which I do in small chunks, depending on how 'good' the day was (the better the day, the worse the night). When I do sleep, I am fully aware during my dreams.... so the dreams happen but there is this voice or knowing or energy, I can't really describe it, that tells me to 'let go' all night long. This is an ongoing awareness. So even when I am asleep, I am still partially concious. Anyone else have similar issues or have any advice? Thanks! :-)

Excellent!!!!

Hello, So yes, I have been increasingly drawn to Kundalini yoga and attempted a free video session online this afternoon. I obviously struggled with it, but also, found it very captivating and releasing!!! The after effects have been lovely (feeling calm, but energised, very present) and I feel very passonate to start practising. However, there are no local teachers near me, so I would need to continue trying to guide myself, which may be a bad idea? After futher research, i have read that is is very dangerous to suddenly start Kundalini yoga as it can be too direct. I already have a very senstive system, so I have to be careful with energy work, However, I can't help being drawn to it... I am not looking for an awakening or anything. Just a way to express and balance my energy field and to create more consisent vitality in myself. I often have surges of energy and then go flat. Any thoughts? Thanks in advance.... :-)

@Unseeking Seeker thank you. Is it okay - do you think to explore other forms of yoga ? Just for fun and peace of mind ?

Fab thak you! Any views on hatha yoga? I just tried that one. It was pleasant, but nothing like the kundalini!

Hi @Girzo I don't want enlightment, particuarly - I am not there yet - I just want to feel better and more grounded and confident in my own skin. I often have periods of anxiety and self doubt and flat energy. I've also just had a very turbulent year (emotionally), so looking for alternative ways to make positive life changes, grow and express myself. My self esteem has taken a battering recently so looking to improve that too, I am aware there is no point running untilI can walk...

Thanks everyone... This is what puts me off!! https://isha.sadhguru.org/yoga/yoga-articles-yoga/kundalini-yoga-beneficial-or-dangerous/ He also mentions in this article that all forms of yoga are dangerous apart from this Upa Yoga...?! https://isha.sadhguru.org/global/en/wisdom/article/beginners-guide-to-learning-yoga Obviously, I am keen to get going. And feel drawn to the kundalini, but knowing my tendancies and the year I have had, I am probably not grounded enough for such an extreme release of energy, if that is what it does.. Although I have always felt I have something trapped inside of me for a long time which is why I get run down and repressed.

Thanks @CultivateLove and how’s the gradual approach holding up ? so you went all in with no prior experience of energy work / yoga ? do you work with a teacher or just online ? xx

By tuning my awareness away from my mind and onto what is. My body, my surroundings, my feelings. Etc ? were always connected. We just become distracted from it...

Being unloveable

Anyone else experiencing this? I started my self actualization journey over 2 years ago.... and whilst there wa some excellent growth in the first year... the 2nd year has been a slow and insidious deterioration, to the point where I walk around with a constant pit of anxiety weighing heavily in my gut, this anxiety has no relation to anything that I can think of..... And I am now no longer working on myself so that I can actualize, grow and develop.............. but just to function and get through the day without fallling apart. I hate to admit it, but after 2 years of meditation, breathwork, life purpose (which I actually led to being a huge success and still continuing to evolve), public speaking to improve social skills, pychotherapy, journalling, many, many fanastic books and videos and now 1:1 energy healing. I am worse mentally and emotionally than I have ever been. Any reslience that I gained from growing up and life experience has been totally washed down the drain! It's like all this work has turned me into a precious, over senstive, hyper aware snowflake? Anyone else feel this way? GRRRRR. x

Thanks Elisabeth. You mean Leo’s approach of contemplation or psychedelics ? It’s a very, very deep visceral feeling deep in my gut that doesn’t affect my digestion. It feels like a knife cutting through to the core of my being.

No I don’t... sorry

This happens to me during sound bath meditations and breathwork. It’s the body going into a deeply energetic state.

@modmyth thank you. I’ll have a ponder on what you said. I think I am getting frustrated and annoyed at myself for being worse than I when I started. I guess I just feel hopeless and pathetic.

Thank you. I’ll try it. ? I feel okay atm but that’s cause I am working / interacting . I get it when I am alone

@Leo Gura I think the root of my anxiety is related to repressed childhood trauma. Because the more I try to release it, the worse it gets and there is no getting through. I’ve tried a lot of things.... It started when I started psychotherapy 18 months ago. The closest I’ve got to releasing was when I did transformational breathwork and I just lay there shaking and trembling but without a conscious recollection of anything. And since then, it’s like my protective mechanisms have adapted to that type of therapy so now it doesn’t work.

@DIDego maybe this is the case. It could be my my mind and body telling me to slow down.... Interesting ?

@Nahm thank you. I find when I keep myself busy, it all goes away. Meditation and introspection seems to bring it on. I understand that this May be necessary purging, but for over a year now, I’ve allowed these emotions and thoughts to just ‘be’ I suppose I can’t help but find myself frustrated when after all that time and patience, a year on and it’s only got worse and more persistent. Its like something in me is telling to back off and get on with living (e.g no more inner work) this has manifested into that gut wrenching pain feeling. Although there is no thought attached. It’s just that’s what I intuitively feel that the pain is trying to indicate.

@bejapuskas I find it happens when I’m on my own. If I am interacting with others that hold my presence enough.... work or good friends then it goes away. The issues I have are coming up when I am alone...

@Leo Gura I’ve had psychedelics in the past but since all this ‘work’... I don’t feel mentally stable enough to have them now. And therein lies the irony.... ? I suppose I just want to be less in my head and more in the moment. I seem to have developed this horrible gut wrenching anxiety, however this is not related to anything I am consciously thinking about. I couldn’t sleep last night cause of it. I’ve tried meditation and all sorts, it remains throughout the meditation. I want to live a better a quality of life than what I currently am.... more energy, more vitality, more confidence. Not ‘happy’ but just more resilient I guess. Like I used to be. Thanks for the suggestions.

To grow and develop. That’s why I do the work... the gain awareness and evolve. Except the opposite is happening.

@Nahm HAHA.. very sharp! I have corrected it now. It isn't him.

Gotta love ? a paradox

But we don’t know if he’s ALL masculine, the same as I am not All feminine. So all I am suggesting is him thinking about what’s best for himself as an individual based his on his own balance of feminine and masculine energy ? Rather than project our own thoughts onto him and tell him what to do...: I’m just suggesting that he uses his own wisdom and intuition that’s all. We’ve never met him or her. This is all just a very basic outline of a situation... so any advise is going to be completely subjective anyway.