kalter000

Music is just a music, artform, one of the multiple fields for self-expression. If you like these songs it's simply means, that you can relate to energy behind them, that's all. More than that, you can use this music for healthy release of negative emotions. Instead of accumulating them and becoming psychopath on killing spree, just go headbang and dance! I've heard much "worse" music and nothing has changed in my behavior.

@shouldnt it doesn't matter how you describe emotions, the most important thing is you paying attention to them while describing it.

@zasa joey Completely agree with you. Music was my psychotherapy for really long time. Nu metal, funeral doom, black metal - all provide me guidance into my deep emotional states for healing and acceptance. P.S: don't know what would I do without slipknot in my teenage years

@shouldnt nah, you have a great love-hate relationship, I won't spoil it. *Grabs popcorn*

Friendship exists. But the term "frendship" itself is quite muddy. Where is this boundary between "friendship" and "non-friendship"? This is a made up term. You can have sex and still be friends, you can have sex and hate each other, you can create deep connection without sex ( crazy shit, huh?). I think sex can't be reliable variable for measuring level of relationship, this is sorta it's own thing. There are a lot of desperate people out there, who see every person as potential sex partner. Of course in these circumstances it's hard to imagine, that you can just... relate to people, allow them being in your presence, not necessary put labels or oversexualise this whole thing. I was like that and I thought " What's the point in dealing with them, if I can't fuck them?" lol. Pretty low-conscious.

@Emerald Wilkins I think your advice is good, but a bit advanced for her current paradigm. @shouldnt My advice for now - stop resistance and fully sink into your situation, give up yourself to it. Drown till you hit a rock bottom and accept every emotions and feelings you have, live them. In the end you will realise, that in spite all of it "you" are still "you" and nothing really mattered. This psychological bottom will be healthy ground to build up yourself again, much more stronger. Learn being not that clingy towards misfotunes of life by accepting and releasing them. Psychological system you are operating right now is very dysfunctional, so it has to be destroyed and rebuild. This system causing all problems, including sleeping with guys you don't like and whom you want to punch in the face.

I want to drive fast in my car and throw explosive spears at Tom Hardy, then spray chrome on my teeth and explode into Walhalla.

If you are still here I'm really interested to hear what's in your opinion real self-development and what resources one might need to grow and mature? And what self-help material is not idealistic?

@The Son You seem so angsty, are you okay?

After movie "limitless" I wish we had powerful nootropics... I think they are cool if used under careful prescription.

In this sort of situation I'm always honest, although it comes at a cost. But I don't care, at least I'm not wasting my and her time and often girls respect that. But will you cut this juicy source of validation? You can't expect this honesty from everyone. Perhaps you can learn how to sort this thing out, but it's easier to find another girl. ...or do push-pull and other retardation =)

@Sarah_Flagg It's quite trivial suggestion, but try Devid Deida books.His way of superior man was good, can help you understand better men's psychology. http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/18455.David_Deida

@Lynnel Wasn't it always like that? =) We can't close every deal. I don't think people deliberately using you for validation, most of them don't even know what it means. Some people will have chemistry with you, but not enough to have sex or overcome cultural background. And it seems you are a little bit overly attached to results, don't you think? As if you don't enjoy interactions and get attention yourself.

@shouldnt I understand your condition and can relate to it. But nothing is set in stone. Be careful with labeling yourself : "INTP" ,"Virgo", "introverted"- you are too busy defining yourself and this definitely prevents your growth. It's nice theory and all, but you can't define person by four letters or his horoscope sign. Have you seen Leo's video "real growth vs fake growth"? Recommend you to check it out. Basically your way to fix self-esteem is wrong and he explains why. You were talking to guy through the internet! Your suffering is made by you, you had high expectation, invested inormous amount of emotional energy, created all these fantasies about him, and you don't even know him. He might not be prince charming, but if you want to grow, then start taking responsibility and stop blaming other people. Transcend your past, work on being less neurotic, less thinking -Leo has video "40 signs that you are neurotic" - must watch. Put aside your standarts, you don't even know yourself first, there is no use to clinging to your "shoulds", that's another neurotic pattern. Start fixing your self-image, practise mindfulness, meditation will help a lot - you would slowly stop identifying with your neurotic thoughts and start having "pure" outlook on your life and experiences. You are on a verge of discovering the real you, it's hard but fascinating work. But first - you have to let go of the current self-image.

Yeah, but to be honest, a lot of it really creepy and inappropriate 'cause guys don't know how to do it right. It's one of the pros for pickup, at least you become self-aware of all these things. I personally don't see a lot of shaming towards guys, but they rather emasculating themselves. No one wants to grow and take responsibility, no one wants to make hard decisions and work on oneself. It's easier to blame society and others for your incompetence, staying in the comfy arrogance. and then they drink and call girls sluts.

Why are you so invested in that one guy? I understand, that you have been single for 1,5 year but still. You gave him all the power over your emotions and self-worth and you don't even know him, some online nonsense. If that guy was open and okay with himself you wouldn't be so reluctant. You call him close-minded and say "I don't care", but wanted him to have certain impression of you- why, isn't it contradictory? =) looks like you're needy and seeking validation from that guy. "I don't have to impress anybody" looks like the game you're playing in your mind instead of being authentic. There is no contradiction here. Connections aren't bad, but because you have low self-esteem you want to use it as a source to fill the gap of self love in yourself. This is why you are so mad at that guy, he didn't fulfill this need. But you only attract what you are... So first of all, fix your self-esteem, practice self-acceptance and love, be mindful of negative thoughts. And throw away your standarts for a sec, stop trying to fit into others expectations, that's neurotic. And you won't be attracted to "that guy with standarts" anyway.

Wanna hear the joke?.. My attempts to become enlightened.

Yeah, but it basically gave us everything we have right now. It's a source of our expansion, vector for all humanity. Our planet became the most comfortable madhouse ever. Was it worth it? I don't know. Perhaps in the future it would be the cause of our extinction. So, to be free one has to loose himself to uncertainty (spontaneity) and chaos, and stop clinging to false models of reality?

Did you just create false scarcity to raise your value? Sneaky bastard.

@Lynnel Yeah, the ending with all this tantric $#%& was out of place. And I think sometimes he was unnecessary overdramatic.

You see, fucked up people don't really understand what it means to be "yourself" and how to do it. They are so neurotic and unaware, that by being themselves they only reinforce this behavior. Self-help is just an instrument for realising oneself. Some people make an ego out of it or use it as a form of escapism, but it's not the fault of self-help itself. 99% of self-help I find to be trash, but when it's working it's really working. We can just use it as a tool and don't undulge too much into subculture masturbation. P.S.: It's my 100 post, I'm so proud of myself (fap fap fap fap fap fap fap)

Wow... that's something new. I even thought for a second ,that he likes to play submissive, he wants to work and serve you to get your approval and desire... considering him thinking about being gay that's all interesting... Looks like his previous 6 years relationship left a huge inprint on his sexuality, interesting to know what his sex life was before. Maybe you can replicate these dynamic to fit his wants. ...but guys above are right- you can't change him and shouldn't change/betray yourself. It's up to him to fix his issues. I see no problem from your side and I admire your supportive approach towards him. If you are really into him, looks like you might need to be his therapist, open him up and in calm sincere atmosphere make him aware of his issues. That's the best you can do imo, only if you dare to care.

@Ben Landrail let's be filthy sinners on this earth together among these shiny paladins

You've been installed with certain standart how tall people should/shouldn't be. Your self worth is based on external things, which is extremely unhealthy. You have to realise, that this belief was unconsciously integrated into your ego structure, but in reality it's nothing but a thought. Be mindful of your comparing habit and drop it, it causes a lot of trouble. The true growth is in practising self-acceptance.

Don't confuse possession and neediness with intimacy.When you are in relationship you with partner can become soulmates, understanding each other on a deep, almost spiritual level. Intimacy = "into me see", as Teal calls it. it's stage of the most real, authentic relationship, where you aren't afraid to be vulnerable and open - lone wolves can't stand it. If you take this consumerist approach towards women then that's ok. But you might miss something deep you can create.