Max_V

@phoenix666 Well, I'm willing to give a lot of things up. Metal ain't one of em

@Sevi @Shin His avatar is pretty funny Thanks for your post Sevi, it really resonated with me. Next time I find myself in another one of these crisis I wil think back on your advice

@Sevi I still feel kind of weird, but I feel like the phase I was talking about is almost over. I feel like my mind is clearer and it is easier to remain mindful. So all in all, right now I'm doing pretty good! My inner state is a rollercoaster atm though, so tomorrow I could feel different Thanks for asking though, that's very sweet of you.

That'd be pretty awesome, I probably couldn't attend though. Have to be older

@ParanoidAndroid True but I don't really feel drawn to these things. I want to create something abstract and different. I might just study on how monks look and draw them floating somewhere

@Azrael Alright, I will keep going Thanks for all the assistance I really appreciate it.

You have not seen your own brain before ( unless you had a open brain surgery) So that means that it's a concept to you Everything you haven't directly experienced is a concept or belief

@Azrael I've had a blood test about 3 months ago and my heart checked twice. These sensations should be totally mental. Sometimes my mind tricks me though, that there is really something wrong with me. What power the mind has is incredible. I've had many occasions where I felt so sick but there was nothing that could be found on the physical level. Looks like I will just have to go through this phase of struggle. I would really like to know though, how do I stay highly conscious of these uncomfortable sensations ? I try to ask myself who is aware of these sensations, but the turmoil is so great that I cannot do anything, it is simply too overwhelming.

I'd really like to become a good drawer, but I just don't know what to draw. Everytime I get an impulse "Ahh, why not draw now!" then I get my paper and pencil ready, and can't figure out what to draw. Quite weird really In the past I've drawn tv show characters, and I was quite good at it, but now that I've almost cut out all entertainment, I have no inspiration anymore.

@Martin123 When I had my first insight that involved space between awareness and object, I was very weak for a couple days. But afther having this huge insight, I feel very light headed all the time. I feel like there is something wrong with the body and that is pretty freightening for me. I've already had my heart checked out before because I have chest pain. My doctor told my my heart was very healthy so no problem should be coming from it. Lightheadedness and chestpain are symptoms that anxiety brings with it though, so this is a pretty vicious circle. I notice these sensations, Thoughts come up like "There must be something wrong with my body..." That brings even more anxiety which then enlarges the chance of these symptoms occuring again @Prabhaker @Nahm But when you consciously watch pain or anxiety, how can you at the same time create it? Isn't that something that happens unconsciously, that you can do nothing about? @Azrael That gives some comfort knowing. My thoughts are getting pretty weird these days indeed. I keep seeing myself in the future dying from a heart attack wherever I go. Quite fearful really. The first thing that I thought of when I got to my holiday appartment was which phone number will contact the ambulance the quickest in case I do collapse, and if there are any hospitals nearby. Today I was hiking in the mountains of Austria with my parents and little bro. I kept feeling lightheaded and every time I was becoming aware of my heart beating fast, fear arose that something was going to happen.

Thanks guys, even though this is quite difficult for me to handle, I'm really happy with this insight. It feels as though I'm meditating all the time. The pain and fear is just there. Normally I would have totally identified myself with it, but now I feel like there is some tiny space between what I really am and these sensations/thoughts Quite beautiful to be aware of really

Sorry for your loss. The same happened to me 5 years ago so I can imagine what you are going through May you be well

I feel the same way, It is scary as fk Even though it is so overwhelming, keep pondering who is it is that is experiencing it. This will make you do a 180 and focus on awareness rather than the object Awareness will go back resting in its own stillness

@Shin That'd actually make for something very interesting. One of my biggest fears is my heart beating fast during meditation. Observing it during self inquiry will be a challenge

@Shin The weirdest thing ever just happened. I got insight. I am dealing with this much fear because something in me doesn't want to progress in spirituality. There is a deep rooted belief in me that I'm the body. It cannot be that who I really am is not a body. That means my entire paradigm of human existence is wrong. That just completely fks with all my ideas and beliefs. It is really hard to let it go. For a second during my meditation it was as if bodily sensations weren't really mine. I was just watching. It scared the absolute shit out of me, my body is still shaking.

@Principium Nexus Awesome, glad to hear that!

@egoeimai Yes that's true, motivation should come out of myself. But when it's really getting to me like right now, it's nice to have some people to talk to

@Shin Is it okay if I can keep you updated on how this goes? I need someone to talk to about this. I need someone to keep me motivated when I'm at my lowest Edit: Alright, I will post updates here aswell It's quite hard when your mind is trying to trick you this bad, good to have people around that can keep you in line

@Shin But how will I know that I won't really die in the process? It feels very real, like my whole system is telling me to stop Is there any way that I could really collapse during a meditation?

@Shin Fk, then this path sure has a weird way of showing me im on the right track haha The anxiety feels so overwhelming though, will it do any harm if I shorten my meditation time for 3 days? I just can't sit long with this, it hurts too much for me to handle.

@Nahm Tried to meditate this morning, I felt horrible. It litteraly felt as if I was going to die. My heart beating fast, anxiety rushing through my body. I just don't know what to do anymore, and I'm quite over it. All this fear and stress, why can't everything just be in it's place and peaceful? Everytime I feel the quality of my consciousness raising, there is always my mind that tries to deny and disown. It feels quite horrible. Once every 2 months, I feel like I'm unsafe, like death could be approaching every minute

I am very afraid of death. Have not yet experienced an insight on how what I really am never dies. All I need to do to move forward is face this fear right?

I've always felt this neurotic need inside of me to have someone that loves me. Now that I am getting to the end of my teen years this feeling is getting intenser. With meditation and deep looking what I've discovered is that I want this love from someone else because I don't feel love for myself. Whenever I see a beautiful girl smile at me, I get so attached that I feel sad and depressed after she passes because I know I will probably never see her again. That makes me feel alone and sepperated. I just want someone to hug with, share amazing experiences with and be happy with. Never has it felt this intense for me, it is hurting not only emotionaly, but also physiologically. Primarily aches in my chest and my belly How to cultivate love within myself, so I can become more self accepting and loving? This is something very close to me. Thanks everyone, Max

@egoless Look up tantra. It is a way of integrating sex into spiritual practice. Transforming sexual energy into spiritual energy.

it happened again. There was this beautiful waitress at my hotel. She helped us about 3 times during the 3 days I was there. Every day I hoped to see her again. I just felt super attached to her when she looked me in my eyes Now that I've left the hotel to continue the travels, I feel this intense sadness. It all feels so lonely and far away. Something inside of me doesn't want to let go. Really weird how a look in my eyes makes me feel this intense attachment and love. @Loreena @Shin @ajasatya @Visitor @Shin What methods did you use to get over it? I will try to go deep into the feeling next time it comes up, I have the feeling I can really go deep with this.