Max_V

Cool plan, awesome to see someone of my age also interested in spirituality and meditation. I’d say go do it but ( I don’t know about your situation so take my comment with a grain of salt) also feel free to just let go and go party sometimes. I’m quite the perfectionist so after dedicating so much time every day it can be also good to just give yourself a free pass and just relax. Relaxing once in a while won’t make you spiritualy unworthy

It’s the moment one realizes he is the Truth. Do you know who or what you are? Is what you are a bundle of bodily sensations, emotions, thoughts, and perceptions?

A lot of things are coming to the surface at the moment so I'm having quite a hard time. I am 17 now and I would really like to get better at talking to and attracting girls. I've had a girlfriend before but never with me being completely authentic. I was always hiding behind the mask I put on to get liked by others. Whenever I see a cute girl there is this inner dissapointment. " She will not like you", "You are not outgoing enough" ,"Girls only like people who are funny and loud", "You are not manly enough" Thoughts are delusive, I know, but at the stage that I am right now, they still pull me in since this insecurity is something that sits pretty deep within me. It is probably not the right time for me to get into a relationships because I'm fixing so many flaws that my ego has, but I still have a deep desire for love. I've never really hated anyone. I pretty much get a long with everyone and wish everyone the best, but that's not the same with myself. My mind doesn't allow my ways. How I move, how I talk, there is always this inner critique. I'm working on these things with my psychologist but I still wanted to share this on the forum because I like getting opinions from multiple perspectives. Feels good getting this off my chest.

I'm at day 14 now for the first time. This energy rushing through my body is absolutely insane. Sometimes it almost feels like I'm having a full body orgasm. Pretty awesome. Also a lot of things like feeling lonely, insecurity, emotions I've never really wanted to experience are coming to the surface. It's pretty rough, but amazing at the same time because I can finally work on some parts of me that I've always resisted. The things that were numbed down before are now being thrown in my face.

@phoenix666 Haha, yes we are. But let's make the best out of it! this is so exciting and fun

@Harikrishnan That's because the fear arising is not in your control. When anxiety arises, did you consciously choose to have it arise? No ofcourse not. It's something that is happening to you. Don't condemn or avoid fear and anxiety. Observe them. This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice. meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whatever comes. because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. — Rumi May you be well.

@phoenix666 Well for me atleast lack of self worth is a big one. I’m probably urging to find someone to prove me wrong since I can’t do it myself. But I don’t think that’s all of it. I think this also has to do with believing ‘you’ to be a sepperate entity. That can be awfully lonely

In the zen tradition, they say both in the morning and in the evening. Just find your own preferenc. There is no perfect time to meditate. Although in the morning can be pretty beneficial

@Emerald Thanks for pointing me in the right direction. I'm currently working on my limiting beliefs with a psychologist. The deeper we go, the more painful it gets. All those old things keep coming up, which is really harsh. Because of that + me being on nofap for a while now, really reveals everything that is stuck inside. I can't even imagine there being any other way to live life. So you could say, I'm making my ego healthy and strong haha.

@Emerald Thanks for your reaction. Maybe this also has some correlation with this deep inner need I have to 'find' love. It's an extreme sensation in my stomach that sometimes just hits me. I feel lonely and so ' far out of reach ' best way to describe it. I just really want someone to hold and have a connection with.

@Emerald I think I have this problem. I got rejected a couple times when I was younger and now there is this feeling every time I see a cute girl that says “ Why even bother, you are not good enough anyways”

I tend to believe things very easily. This is something that has been troubling me for a while and I have now really become aware of this. Every time I watch a video of Leo, read a book or gain some other piece of information, I tend to instantly believe it if I admire or have respect for the source of information without actually confirming it for myself. When I self inquire for example, it feels like I've already heared what I am from spiritual teachers so it is insignificant to even confirm this for myself. How do I go beyond this? How can I become more skeptical?

There was never control in the first place. I like Leo’s analogy for this: “Imagine being at the movies. Whilst being there you are crazy enough to believe that you have control over the movie. Ofcourse that will cause frustration.” “You know why watching a move is so relaxing? It’s because you surrender control for a period of time. So that’s what an enlightened being’s life is like! He/she is just there enjoying the show”

@PretentiousHuman Masturbation to orgasm.

I masturbate(d) because of the numbing effect it has on depression or loneliness. Sometimes I just want to be loved so badly. There is this deep urge to have someone to be with. That’s when I break and do it. I am currently getting better and better at having long periods without MO. Sometimes I even forget about it hehe.

@Spiral Eyy cuddling is not a crime. You heared, you can actually hire people to have a hug session with these days.. feelsgoodman

@Captain Flint +

@Harry Howard Yes because over time you feel like the reactions you give conversation are not in your control what so ever. Learning to accept that gives you peace. Have you watched Leo’s video on free will?

@Leo Gura How does underlining apply to The Book of Not Knowing? It feels like I’d have to underline almost entire pages because it’s so profound. Almost nothing that could be left out.

I usually take a little nap (15 to 25 minutes ) before meditation on days where a lot of stuff has happened. Mental processing costs me a ton of energy. So I suggest you try this too. Maybe not for the same reason as I do but you can still give it a shot. Also if you don’t have time for a nap, splash some cold water in your face. You’d be suprised of how much that can actually help wake your body up.

@Joseph Maynor Hopefully I can go at it as hard as you are one day too. Currently I'm trying to find my way in school and engaged in psychotherapy to solve my insecurity and anxieties. Never thought digging so deep in your psyche can be so tiring haha. Edit: Also I can remember when you only had about 600 posts. Man you went hard on this forum

@Joseph Maynor How do you fit that in with your meditation routine? I find it hard to balance since I meditate in the morning for 30 mins, then I have school and when I come back in the afternoon I do 1 hour.

Yes, I have been there myself. What practices of personal development/spirituality are you doing at the moment? After I completed my first year of meditation, those issues kind of vanished for me. When you evolve yourself, smaller issues tend to resolve by itself as you grow.

As the title says, there is this belief that there must be separation because it seems like ‘I’ can move my body but I cannot move or control other things in nature. I have watched Leo’s video on free will, currently I am trying to process how I am not the doer even though it seems like I have control over my body. Self observation is a constant practice for me right now.

@Leo Gura Yes, you're right. I have this problem where I tend to overconceptualize about stuff without experiencing it. Thanks for the wake up call.