Max_V

I've been experiencing this for a while now. There is a pull towards Truth but at the same time it's like I don't want to wake up from this dream I call life. When I will, there will be nothing to hang on to anymore and that scares me to death. As Adyashanti calls it, and it really does feel like this, skydiving but being resistant to it and trying to grasp at air to keep me from falling. What the hell will I do when I become conscious of the fact that all that I've been doing up until now is not real and actually just part of some dream?

@nightrider1435 Yes indeed, I should find a good balance for myself. Forcing stuff hasn’t really ever helped, so I guess I should do it on my own pace

@Shroomdoctor +1

@Shin Loooool @nightrider1435 Yes I guess I just have to keep slowly releasing attachment from this self as I’ve been doing up until now. The backlash gets me very often lately. I’m aware that it’s happening and I know why it’s happening, but when I feel a strong pull towards watching some tv-show instead of self-inquiring, it’s like I have no choice. I just go do it.

Yes it’s a very weird system. I am mindful of how I completely want nothing to do with Truth since it endangers who I feel I am. But at the same time I have this deep intuition that tells me something else is going on. So why am I trying to run from something that inherently is and will always be? Everytime my mind opens up and I get into a place where I can really question stuff and look into what’s really going on, everything immediately goes into panic mode, resistance coming up, heartrate rising, my mind jumping up and down like crazy. It’s exactly what Leo told in one of his videos what often happens, I want to see Truth and find out what existence really is but I want to do it with a ‘me’. When the ‘me’ part of exploring this gets taken away there is no interest anymore and I feel a deep rooted resistance.

@egoless I’ve met him in person and he is just that. Very humble and honestly sweet and compassionate guy

@Shin Ah man, I’m so excited for you, martial arts are awesome. I did karate for a couple years while I was younger.I really liked it. It’s all about straight punches, kicks, using your enemies force against them. Quite interesting. I’ve never had the chance to try other martial arts, but lately I’ve been really thinking about trying out some and see which one I feel most drawn to and maybe start a practice. Have fun! Hope you find the one that resonates the most with you.

I love adyashanti too. I wish he would come to the Netherlands.

@Sahil Pandit I already have a tab for insights, the problem is that I feel like it’s hard to manage them without losing older ones. It’s unhabitual to have to scroll down a lot for me, I’m looking for a way to make this more effortless. If that’s not possible, I guess I have to just get used to it.

I’ve come far with my commonplacebook and use it every day. One of the problems I’ve run into is managing my learning points and insights . What I’ve noticed is that the list of things I learn becomes so long and unmanagable, that I lose stuff and can’t properly find specific things anymore because they are lost in all the content. Do you guys have any suggestions on how to manage insights and learning points and how to properly record and keep them? I use the newest version of OneNote on macOS.

On the topic of forgetting concepts from the course, take notes on every video and think about them throughout your day and week. Have the notes in your commonplacebook so you can read them back. This will help you memorize and embody it better

I have a Macbook air 2017 too. I love it a lot, it functions awesome for what it's made for. It's expensive but I find it quite worth it. The laptop has very good building material which will last you for a very long time, and if you don't like the apple OS you can install windows quite easily on it.

@Omario But I don't have any special effects ; _ ; JUST MOUNTAINS BABYYYY

@Truth loooool

@aurum Alright, thank you!

Recently I have watched Leo’s videos on moralizing and I found them to be very foundational and important for me since I fall prey to moralizing unconsciously a lot. My question is, are there any additional resources, books, videos, courses I can study on moralization that you guys are aware of? I can really see how this is limiting me in life and I would really like to get deep into this.

@Spiral These I listed were mostly examples. Thanks for your imput

Stuff like this @Shin I should read books I should be peaceful during meditation. I should wake up around at x I should be liked by others I shouldn’t be angry I should make my homework I should have a productive day Neurotic rules that are set in my mind that sepperate ‘real’ reality and the ‘ideal’ reality concept in my mind. When I can’t live up to my ideal reality, I suffer.

It is certainly possible to get yourself a meditation and reading habit. You just have to find your balance. I worked my way up at 16 years old from 20 minutes of meditation to now at 18 years old 1 hour of meditation and 30 minutes of self-inquiry daily. Just find times you have open in the day to meditate. For me, immediately in the morning is the best, but that can be different for you. Make a 100% commitment when you plan to make this habit stick. If you don’t fully commit, your mind starts playing games with you and tries to make use of that part of you that is not fully committed. This can sabotage your practice.

Do what feels authentic to you. Personally, I have a deep innate love for animals so it doesn’t feel good to eat meat. Not because it doesn’t feel morally right to do it, but because I feel naturally drawn not to do it. So experiment with your diet, eat things that make you feel light, energetic and happy

@Charlotte Oh sorry you picked it up like that. I did not mean you in particular. Most people judge a teacher by the first video they see or the opinions they hear. I was trying to warn you for that, but looks like you don’t need it

I like his hipster style InfiniteWaters really is an awesome dude as well. Especially on the topic of food for consciousness-work, he really assisted me. Try to not be judgemental of teachers as fast. If they look genuinely happy, they must’ve done something right.

@Nahm @Shin Just recently I've felt my self-acceptance and-love gone up by a lot. With that came, about 2 days ago, a feeling of so much love and compassion for everything during my meditation. It was a feeling that radiated from my chest and throat area through my entire body. I've learned by now that putting experiences and growth in to certain boxes of being this or that, often doesn't lead to anything good. Still... I'm curious , what could such a growing feeling of love in myself and around others mean?

@Shin Maybe get yourself involved with something you’re very passionate about. I’m sure what you’re going through is just a phase, but in the mean time while going through this, Life Purpose work can really infect everything and make you excited about life.