Max_V

Banana’s work for me. You’re always going right if you eat fruit, pick something you like.

@Space Maybe so, but for me the reason behind masturbating most of the time is because I feel lonely and unconnected and want to feel some sort of connection. I do it because there is a deep down belief that no one will ever love me and accept me for who I am.

I just really like Kendrick

I love Teal a lot For those of you who haven't seen this: You're in for a treat.

@Key Elements I’m lucky because movement is one of the inherent things that I love to do a lot. Might make my life purpose around this.

Having had a deep intuition that finding out who I really am is something that I should devote my entire life to, I feel a very strong confliction within me. I know deep down that this work so important to me, yet the fear of giving up my self is excruciating. Having gone through this I and seeing how difficult and challenging this pursuit is, I have even more respect for Leo's decision.

@Slade lol

Recently I have noticed that my motivation towards growing is not only neurotic, but also holds me back and sepperates me from what is my current state, and thus makes it impossible to truely love myself. I want to grow so incredibly badly it actually hurts in my stomach when I think about everything I still have to do to get where I want to be and how far away this goal is. How do I move towards being able to love myself as I truely am right now while also being positively motivated to evolve?

My values list is getting more and more close to what I feel is in alignment with my authentic desires, nonetheless, there is still this feeling of inauthenticity when I look over some of these values. A strong feeling in my stomach. These are the ones that evoke most of that feeling of inauthenticity: Wisdom: I have always loved learning and being able to understand why everything is the way it is. But next to that, I'm scared that people will not find me smart enough which I subconsciously associate with being worthy. Compassion: This is something I naturally feel drawn towards. I want to give everyone love and attention, make them feel inner compassion. The thing that makes this feel inauthentic, is that I have the neurotic need of wanting to be approved of and liked by others (I'm working hard to purge this from my system), so being compassionate feels partly inauthentic because I'm sometimes doing it for the wrong reasons. Independency: I want to be able to always take care of myself. Emotionally, physically, self-trust, financially. What makes this feel negative is that I'm fearful of not being able to look after myself. Not having enough money and having to ask for help and begging. I can't recall these been created by a specific events, but more so because of social and cultural conditioning and my own reaction to this over a decade. I'd like to know how I can fix these negative motivators that screw with my values, do you guys have some suggestions?

Ah man I'd love to attend one of Ralston's intensives, don't have enough money to attend one of them sadly. Enjoy and work hard for the both of us if you're going

I cut wheat completely and try to avoid it at all cost, but stuff like buckwheat, amaranth, teff, oats etc. doesn't upset my stomach as much so I still have it from time to time. Find what works for you, everyone reacts differently to grains.

@Empty They are not toxic, you're right. But they do have a partly negative motivation driving them which I find hard to get rid of. @Torkys Wisdom and Compassion for sure, Independency is something I think I would still value, but it wouldn't be as important. @phoenix666 I think meditating and mindfulness will help these dissolve over time for sure, I'm just scared that it won't actually happen. My mind is tricky, it wants progress very badly, but when there is significant progress in something it tries to cover it up.

Happy birthday Leo, wish you the best!

@Arman I’ve been thinking about buying this book. Could you tell me a little bit about it and if it helped you?

@Charlotte Very brave, I admire your courage. Best of luck ❤️

@cetus56 What he said has peaked my interest. How exactly can I find my own portal and align the practices that support it?

I've always been quite bad at being able to zoom out and look at the big picture. My mind generally likes to think about and plan short term stuff, which I know is very counter-productive and holds me back a lot of the time. I really want to improve on this. I want to be able to sit and vision what I want to do and stay inspired by that, instead of letting my subconscious drag me towards what feels good right now. Which most of the time leads to nowhere. I have my diet right, I have my meditation habit set, contemplate every day, read every day, I think and contemplate my values and strengths every morning, I do affirmations to help with my self-love and acceptance. All great stuff and I'm proud of myself for having been able to stick to this, but I still lack the vision of what this will lead me towards in the future. Being able to delay gratification and get inspired by my future. I can't see what this will get me. What resources would you guys recommend on developing this skill and capacity? I'm willing to spend a lot of my time getting this right. Thanks

@Joseph Maynor I'm not knowledgeable about systems and how they work. Could you give me some pointers on how to refine this system I already have? @Martita I think you're right. I'm following these steps now that I think about it Nevertheless, I still have trouble setting up a schedule and sticking to it, and I'd love to learn that

@phoenix666 Yes I can understand what you're talking about. I'm very committed to meditation so it doesn't even come up as something I have to decide to do every day. I just find myself being moved to the cushion and sitting. My self-love has gotten a lot better but I think nevertheless, I would really struggle and give myself a hard time when I miss a day The mix of motivation towards meditation is swinging to the positive side but there is still a part of negative motivation that drives me to do it because I will inevitably suffer if I don't.

@Charlotte Yes exactly, the only bad meditation session is a missed meditation session

@Joseph Maynor I will keep at it, thanks for your suggestion!

@Sevi I love panda’s ?

@Rebec I'm not saying he should avoid emotion-and-shadow work. The opposite. When you completely own that you create your emotions yourself, you can't blame anyone else or any other 'outside' circumstance anymore. This is fucking scary because it makes you realise it's all in your hands to change. So, you start taking full responsibility of your emotions and learn about why they arise.

@Rebec Notice and actually experience for yourself that no one creates anger or frustration within you. It's all your creation. You choose to act and react and interpret things a certain way. What would it look like if you literally did not have an opinion or a set way in your mind about how the world should be?

@Charlotte Well I hope it passes soon then, I wish you the best ?