Max_V

Hello, it’s morning for me now. I think homeostasis kicked in and brought me back to base. Now that I can give some more context, I will. I have been meditating since I was 16, I turn 20 the 27th. Two days ago during practicing my AUM chant, then pranayama, and finally some breath meditation, My self started dissolving. (I had this 2 years ago too, even commented about it on the forum as well.) As a result this incredible gripping fear of death came upon me. I brushed it off, knowing it would probably pass like last time. Then yesterday it came back full force. It felt like my entire reality was collapsing. I ended up sitting in a fetus position with my family holding on to me so that I could confirm I still existed. Pretty crazy. This thought that “I cannot hang on to anything” was rapid firing in my mind. Then as a result I oscillated between that meaning that I am safe everywhere and that I am safe nowhere. Eventually I got into a loop of “I am safe nowhere”, and had a long panic attack lasting for about 3 hours, that I was going to die. Right now, like I said, I’m back to base. I want this process to go more smoothly and lovingly. How do I do that? @Highest @nightrider1435 @Leeeon @karkaore @Leo Gura @Visionary @ADD

Thank you guys for responding to my message. That means a lot. I’m going to sleep now, will give an update tomorrow. bye

Hello friends, I have a couple of questions about autism and the efficiency of the brain and nervous system. Since a while I've known I am on the autism spectrum. Which manifests in multiple ways in my being, but the number one thing I want some help with, and perhaps advice or answers to, is processing sensations/perception/data, and the fastness of my brain in connecting dots, creating solutions to problems, and things of that sort. My nervous system and brain process data at a much slower pace since it doesn't really have a filter. Wheras people not on the spectrum, most of the time do have a functioning one. I am very, very sensitive to all perception. Which is a plus in a lot of pursuits, but also a negative in that it slows down the rate at which I can think and put stuff together. This in turn makes it so that my mental and emotional energy is spent very inefficiently and so makes it hard for me to do more of what I want to do in life. It also causes me to get overwhelmed really quickly because my capacity to process is that much slower. Perhaps IQ and this processing are related or perhaps not since there are people with autism who do have a high IQ, nonetheless, I am searching for a way to one increase the efficiency of this system. And also (perhaps related to increasing IQ) make my thinking brain faster, more capable, and sharper. I would love to be able to form sentences better and faster, become better at planning things, and being able to hold a big picture without it being overwhelming, and lots more that fit into that category. If you know anything about this subject, or would like to add suggestions, please feel free to do so. I would love to discuss this topic and look for solutions together. All the best, Max V

@nightrider1435 @Highest @Leeeon I've been trying to just let it pass, it resulted in me having a panic attack that has been going on on for more than an hour now. My heartrate has been elevated all this time, I feel so tired.

I have a lot of trouble making friends and allowing myself to meet people. It feels like everyone in the world is out to get me and stab me in the back as soon as I trust them. I don’t know how to feel more safe and trusting in the world. Right now this feels like the safest thing to do to escape hurt. Yet, as a result, I have pretty much no friends and no dating experience. There is an inherent sadness that comes up when I look someone in the eye. Beforehand I have already decided that I will try to kill any sort of connective opportunity. This whole dynamic of wanting to keep myself safe and as a result being isolated makes me want to stop existing. I don’t know what to do anymore.

It could have something do with an inner transformation and as a result wanting to change the outer to align more with the inner. Also, it could just be that he wants to change things up and wants to wear a different shirt, lol. Don't overcomplicate everything.

@Leo Gura I was wondering, have you done any research on this topic that you could share?

You gotta feel how you feel. Maybe that sounds boring or same old, but it's the truth. You cannot start anywhere but from where you are, don't feel shame or bad about that, it just is. Work your way up slowly and invest time in the subjects of life that you are actually interested in. Eventually they will start paying dividents and give you tiny boosts of excitement here and there which eventually turns into your whole life gaining positive momentum What do you want to do? Start with that, and honor that. Love you man, wish you the best. If you ever want to reach out, feel free to do so.

@Apparition of Jack I absolutely love Mushishi, it is my favourite ever created.

@Leo Gura lol

@CreamCat Mhh, true. Find things to replace that activity with that you actually like doing. And also question, why do you want to quit in the first place?

@CreamCat Those addictions are a little different to hardcore drug addictions in the sense that your body starts building up a certain tolerance and relying on them. When you quit cold turkey and depending on the amount of dose your body is used to, the withdrawal effects can be so overwhelming and intense to your body, you can end up dying. Depends on which drug, but said by Mikhaila Peterson in her latest video, the drug Jordan was using classifies as one of those with dangerous withdrawal. So, controlled lowering of intoxication at a pace your body can handle is crucial in this case.

@CreamCat Don’t be ignorant. The drug he was on and other drugs like that have been said to in the worst case have lethal effects when withdrawal is too much to handle for the body.

Can you do and become masterful and proficient at something without identifying to it and with it? What happens when you set out to master something without taking it as part of your self-image? Can you be as involved as someone who completely takes it as 'who they are' ?

I felt so incredibly loved and safe while I watched that video. Thank God

I got diagnosed with autism about 3 months ago. I’m 19 right now

Yeah, when there is nothing to do or say, I become silent and observe. Many don’t understand or get confused. I think it is and imbetween stage between unconscious chatter to full authentic, present being. I feel like it’s not mature yet. Observe it, and stay with it, try to grasp what is happening. You cannot control the perspective of others so try to practice releasing resistance to this. Wish you the best.

I wish you the absolute best man. Much love.

I am addicted to filling up emptiness with content. I feel better when I don't do anything, yet I must fill my time. I must consume content. I don't know how to go about changing this is a handleable way. Every time I try to work on it a little bit, it's like a big wave comes a drags me away in a fast going stream, unable to move. And I'm back to square one. Again, and again, and again. I guess after a while I just gave up, because the issue was too big of a titan to even look at. I know this need for content is the reason why I have so many thoughts coarsing through my mind all the time. Even when I'm not on the internet, or whatever, my thoughts are here to keep me busy and drag me into their stories. It's my modus operandi. How do I change this mode my mind is set into, needing there to be 'stuff', in a way that will stick and is handleable?

I have a lot of trouble with the idea that everything happens for a reason and that this universe is a safe and wants the best for us. That there is something out there looking out for me. I don't believe in God but maybe unconsciously I believe in something, a force, or an angel, or whatever looking out for me, protecting me, and guiding me the right way. I've always had this. Seeing 'Angel Numbers' during tough times or after experiencing something important, understanding how I am slowly becoming more and more conscious, and being born with already a certain disposition to see through falsehood; for some reason I was and still am consciously or unconsciously aware (if I don't want to face it, it becomes unconscious) what is the right direction to go into and what is truthful. Feeling blessed you might say, feels very wrong to me when I see what happens in the world around me. Why do I get this lucky and see stuff and feel protected when others don't? What happened to that 17 year old girl for example, Bianca Devins, who was murdered the 14th, that really fucked me up and made me feel very upset because I cannot understand why. If this universe inherently wants stuff to evolve and wants the best for people, why does stuff like this happen? because as it seems to me right now everything feels really random and unsafe.

@Nahm I can see that I automatically give meaning to my sensations. For example, when I feel a certain way in my stomach, it automatically becomes fear. But further than that, I cannot see. too much noise and chaos going on

@Aaron p Yeah, I don’t know if that is true

@Nahm Thank you for all this. I haven’t been here in a while because I was discovering a lot of stuff. Finding out which way to go. And then learning about having autism confused me even more. It’s always comforting and relaxing to talk to you.

@Nahm Oke. I wil start noticing the distinctions between sensations and thoughts. Although, this is very difficult to do in the midst of very turbulent emotions. @SunnyNewDay I am working on personal issues as well. Recently I got diagnosed with autism so becoming more understanding of what that means in how my body works is something that I am exploring right now. But what you’re saying is still a projection into the future. It doesn’t help me solve how I feel NOW. It is something that I transform over time.

@Leo Gura Then what is the correct response to hearing about what happened to that girl I mentioned. If Evil is just another concept we create, how do we approach acts like that?