Arkandeus

one by one my friends, my mother, my father, my family the ones I once thought were separate from me, that they existed outside of me I saw my own flesh looking at them, my own eyes, my own skin, I saw the reflection, and I saw the idea of them being revealed and drifting away people are dead and I know that I live with the universe my understanding is killing everyone, reality is unraveled, and more and more I see life I see the universe the only one that still needs to die is me and for such a death I hope

I'm aware of everyone's existence once again, and what a joy it is I realize that it is my love for others that maintains my awareness of everyone I pursued my desires,what I believed I lacked and in focusing on myself I lost consciousness, of other people it is my love that maintains my awareness of this world that I live in, I will try to love, more then ever

I agree, I had been in a negave spiral, looking at what I don't have, seeking control to obtain it this morning I went to the toilet and I had an experience equivalent to going on the toilet while being on ayahuasca it was a real purging in a spiritual sense, and I realized the momentum that I was carrying. I realized I'd rather look at what I have and go with the flow of the abundance of what is, of what is present so that I may carry positive momentum and more love I live anew I really dig this one!

quite indeed I agree fully, I was just about to post about it if I could id snap my finger and id turn this earth and every single living being on it into heaven, the earth becomes a limitless heaven, everyone becomes happy,free,divine and have all their desires realized in complete synchronicity with each other even if its for a "good purpose" im not afraid to say I would love to control this entire planet and everyone on it to some degree at least to control the emotional atomsphere, and the only reason its not happening is because I do not seem to have the power to do it, thats how much I like control, I cant say if this sort of control is good or evil, I think its both really may you surrender to the right moments!

its fun, its comfortable, it lets me realize all my desires at the pace that I want, it lets me shut out experiences or feelings that feel bad. im not looking to beat control, I realize this was an idea put into me by the spiritual community perhaps there was some interest, and after a bunch of heavy psychedelic trips where control was completely out of the window I came to really see the value of control, and how grateful and how fun it is to be in control seriously, its heaven it was never a goal of mine in my life to lose control except when I consciously meditate, I surrender, but not even fully, I meditate and I surrender because it feels good, so its still me checking the experience and controlling, if a meditation were to turn sour id stop it see I will never acknowledge suffering or fear, there is no value in those emotions, I absolutely hate them, the only lesson in these emotions is the ability to stay as far away from them as possible or to control them as best as possible I follow my joy and my good feelings, these are the emotions I wouldnt mind surrendering to if it feels good I'll allow myself to lose control in it, so I guess I am ready to surrender,but only to what feels divine, and control is absolutely needed to ward off surrendering to bullshit, pain and carrots on a stick so im not gonna aim to lose absolutely all control going through darkness and pain just because there might be a carrot on a stick at the end of the road dangled by spiritual guru's control will allow my surrendering to the Right moments, the Right feelings so in the end even my surrendering is controlled, and thats how I like it control and surrendering go hand in hand

the mere fact that you ask this question means that you feel that way and what is, is what you feel is real and is happening, thats how quick it goes there comes a point where you need to make a decision around the people that you surround yourself with that is my opinion

indeed, I have been depressed in the past, this is different, its not a sad or depressed kind of tired, its just a tired end of the road thing, time to rest , it feels like ill finally be able to rest, to die while I live, an inner death as my family and friends died as they dissolved into life it only makes sense my turn would come as well? I hope so dearly I deeply crave this inner death, this gentle falling into nothingness, im really sick of the games, the infernal wheel of seeking , the endless fears and conflicts it feels like im the only one left and I stand in my own way I seriously welcome my own death

I want to reduce all the lies, no more pretending I want to be satisfied because I am not satisfied, I want something from enlightenment, and thats what it has always been about, it was always about gaining something, it is

hmm indeed ,your speaking of creating a family warms my heart although I wont hide that I do not mind the end of the world my whole quest to enlighten really boils down to me not being satisfied and seeking a new world I wont hide that I wont mind the end of it all, im quite tired of living, of being me, of being them, its all insanely tiring

as soon as a single person takes mushroom or lsd the entire atmosphere changes, every other person who didnt take anything is affected if you ever manage to be around a friend who's tripping with shroomz or dmt or lsd you will feel in it in your whole body, in your toes,you will be pulled,this doesnt happen in one brain, these are electric vibrations, we are all energetic beings and its seriously not that hard to figure out that shit is actually happening, it doesnt take much research or experimentation take a few psychedelics, observe the effects, be around people who take a psychedelics while you are sober, observe the effects scientific research on psychedelics would decimate civilization as we know it and propel us ino an entirely different civilization you cannot do research on psychedelics and remain neutral, any such research will permanently alter the people who research it, the truth of life is like pandora's box, once opened its out it doesnt fit into the limiting boundaries of empirical science, it doesnt fit into political structures, there is no "research" and "researcher", you touch psychedelics and you're deeply involved, as far as the deepest atom of your cells that compromise your anus which is why science and politics stay away from psychedelics for now, the day will come though

I want the ability to fly I want the ability to be immortal with this body at least till I get tired of it I want the ability to travel through time, with the ability to conceal and/ or survive in a different time the ability to teleport instantly the ability to talk and understand any language I want to engage with!

if you do not believe in big magic you do not believe in small magic either whats the point of having magical powers if you're limited to boring stuff? I want to be able to fly, to levitate, to teleport, to control water, fire, light,might as well have fun

@Logos thank you for your input @tsuki this does it, it feels like I can delve deeper into what you're saying

@tsuki allright, I will give an example, lets be real as said in the topic I'm the elevator with an attractive woman and I feel like grabbing her butt, a woman that I do not know. What do I do, do I grab it, do I control myself? we are talking about a person here, so letting go does seem to involve serious threat In the past such urges could easily be overlooked, but as I explained as things evolve dimensionally these urges become stronger, it becomes more enticing to not resist, yet this goes against all moral codes and even admitting that im struggling with these feelings, I feel like I'm crucified and reverted to some wild beast. because in the end I very well realize that an attractive woman can have a husband, can not want to be touched by a stranger, that that woman can be a mother to someone so I know all the moral implications, I like to do good to be good, how much meditation and chakra activation havent I been through up to now, ive travelled dimensions literally (spiritual brag time ) yet now I seem to be really fighting these animalistic urges, meeting them do to speak im still at a loss, despite all my goodwill, my hopes for happiness and joy for everyone on this planet, the realization that we're all in unity, there's still part of me that really and quite simply feels like grabbing an attractive woman's ass no questions asked. so this is real and raw, this is where all guilt comes from, all the restraint, so how does letting go fit in this scenario? how do I not control myself here? it seems like control is the only way if you have some advice for me I will seriously be impressed and grateful because this is it, its as simple and raw as this

I just cannot agree. I will never yield to pain and suffering no matter how much it comes knocking. I think every moment of pain and suffering is a real moment to realize that we do not deserve this, we deserve to feel good. its simple, I feel pain and I do not like it, that is how simple it is, its not tolerable its not some teaching lesson or healing....if you see value in pain and suffering you open your arms to it and accept it again and again and again I think the healing and growth from pain is that each time we subconsciously manage to end it, we suffer then comes a boiling point and we eruptly access this higher will of reality and we say stop I deserve to feel good now I actually fear that leo and many spiritual teachers are in this pain-healing loop, which is addicting because the more you suffer the more you seem to advance but the point is not to see healing in pain, the healing is that we do not tolerate pain and that is the healing that is truly my opinion as long as one sees value in pain he is not listening to the message of pain if your wife was about to fall of a cliff and there's literally a microsecond to react would you watch her fall while feeling "life is probably trying to teach me something through the loss of my wife..." or would you react and instantly grab her and feel "hell no this aint gonna happen to my family" we dictate our reality and life merely reflects our beliefs, I know what I want to believe in

to be in solitude means keeping track of everyone. for how can you be in solitude if you are not away from everyone? you have to constantly "be away from everyone" to consciously aim for solitude is to consciously keep everyone on your mind you run away from people physically, but they are very much present in your mind im not saying to not do it, but its important to be honest about what you are doing in my experience true solitude comes when you are ready for it I feel a lot of energy in your posts and thats awesome! anyway you go im sure it will be exciting

it is not a placebo my friend after the activation of my chakra's my senses are in constant evolution, I see wider, deeper, wider, its barely come at a point where im able to look in two directions at once, what was once the background blurry motion vision is becoming very sharp and detailed, I smell insanely better, sound can be up to a hundred times louder and deeper, I think developping echolocation is a real possibility I can be in a public transport and I see a person staring at me when im looking elsewhere, and they know subconsciously that something is up yet consciously they dont really know so they look at me sorta confused and bothered, when I enter a tram wagon I see all the 30 people in the wagon at once, im not kidding when I say that many men get intimated and scared and starting waking up aggressive fighting energy and just keep tracking me,although it is only those who have their egos up their noses looking to competem good men are always in harmony and power is shared when a single day is probably as long as a week compared to before my spiritual awakening....this is real, its not a placebo or a belief and I know im only at the tip of the iceberg,I assure you that you could develop powers imaginably more powerful then anything youve seen in a superman or avenger movie, I may sound entirely nuts at this point but these powers are galaxies, dimensions away from being grasped by any ego power is literally intelligent love, you only have as much power as you hold love, and no one will ever reach a single shred of real power without the wisdom and the love required for it no one will reach superman levels of powers just to troll around in the city showcasing how cool they look or bullying poor criminals to impress others we are literally creating this reality that is how powerful we are, and we allow the ego to be run loose with its illusions of power but the ego has no real power over life,its very intelligently limited and restrained, restrains that are unimaginable, you can only know the nature of the restrains once you step back in to your real godly power lets for arguments sake that donald trump is ego obsessed and he is seemingly the most powerful man earth (for info I am completely neutral on this man, to be honest I even love him but for argument) youd think this guy who has no love for anyone gets to go and boss around america and all countries related to america, which is pretty much the world? if donald trump is evil his life forces could be so poor and depleted he may live up to a hundred years physically and still his entire life wouldve been as long as a a single year in the year of a poor normal chap living in the suburbs of delhi with no money but plenty of love, his conscousness so meek, so small, he could so called "rule the world" and still feel less power then a farmer who really cares and is responsible for the life of his farm animals. to feel power you have to be conscious, and to be conscious you have to have love, which is why egoic people keep running after power, the more they run after it, the less power they can taste consciously, they more they try to get physically, the less they have,, their consciousness becomes so dim they barely have any idea what they are doing , they can barely grasp the meaning of their own actions, they become streams of energy employed by life. In the end everyone serves love the less conscious you are of love, the more unconscious you are of your actions as the universe takes over the direction of your life,so you get to be mean and egoic in your little illusion that grows smaller and smaller while still actually being in complete harmony with everyone, its all terriffically intelligent. to be alive is to love only those who love can be here powers are for fun and love, see the power in your favourite sport game, your favourite player's best move, the power in your favourite music song, the sheer power behind mozarts music or even a good piece of metal, the power in your favourite technology, power is for fun, love, excitement and it is always shared, we evolve together, as all one

@tsuki I do not mind doing this here, the visibility can help others eventually Somewhere I agree, but I think the beauty we may experience in hard moments is hard proof that we are beings of pure love, and even in hell we can find beauty,not because hell is beautiful but because we are beauty, and therefore we can express our beauty everywhere we are I pay careful attention to not follow suffering, except when it explodes when im surrounded by it, which started this thread hehe, I see to be honest im grossed out sharing that which is the sexual expression of myself. im grossed out talking about it, I feel ashamed, guilty,I feel mean, oppressive, there's a lot of guilt behind these this, like a sin almost im not grossed out by sexual energy, I am a being for which sexuality is an important part of my journey, whih is why I'm really dissapointed that both jesus, buddha, or any modern spiritual teacher barely speak of sex, in worst case almost reject it. granted maybe for jezus and buddha certain scriptures were simply not released to the public, yet for the modern teachers.. I dont see mooji or sadghuru speaking about their sex life, and I know thats a sign of blockage, I dont see any such teacher. I live in Brussels, in belgium, here I see thousand of people in streets, I meet many many people, in public transport, through the city,in sidewalks in parcs. I have this gigantic intuition that people really really need to get fucked, people need to fuck and get fucked. this is not some reflection of my own mental state, in the past when I was 19 I had little sexual experience and I was miserable pretty much, I thought everyone had so much having sex and I was the sucker. now im 24, Ive had satisfying experiences and im less "starved" so to speak, yet now its the other, im starting to see in people that they really desire to engage their sexual energy. im thinking that the next big spiritual guru is gonna be the one that will be able to get a ton of people together and enable them to fuck freely between each other,to let out all that sexual energy flow goddamnit the frustration in the city, on the faces of men,even in women im starting to sense it now, people need to fuck,to have a bigass orgy dare I say, everyone old and young, just fucking I'll be damned if not gonna aim to become such a guru myself, who knows, for now ill put that as a potential future, a sexual spiritual guru, yep feels joyful, there's potential for it to happen

@tsuki thank you tsuki for intervening here to suffer because I am too happy, it makes me happy that you say that, that puts it in a nice way. I wish this upon anyone that would truly enjoy it. Why is this such a touchy subject? relationships, sex I've yet to find any concrete spiritual information , any book or teacher talking about this in detail. we're talking about a massive need to feel satisfied from connecting with another being, this is pretty intense. walking a fine thread of consuming another being and connection. I woud like to explain more how I really feel to you, but even inside I feel blocked speaking about this stuff. there's something about sexual energy and its role in life that needs to be figured out id like to give you more honest details about myself but it feels blocked, it feels gross

@WaterfallMachine very very very interesting my friend, thank you I will read that book!! @Mikael89 life is perplexing, you have my full support, I root for you, somehow we can win

any meditation involves a transcending of time as you are more present a 30min meditation now is probably twice as intense and long as a one hour meditation before you are dealing with abundance of time here, you have more time, and what you with it you do it faster so to say more vividly and intensely this is acceleration of your spiritual evolution if you aim to cling to old structures like "progress means meditating one hour" you will feel the insanity, that structure is already primitive to your current being

when you feel a pulsating ball of organic physicality in your forehead,that make your eyebrows frown and go up and right, that make your ears pulsate you dont know or believe in chakra energy centers, its happening to you , its there whether you know or belief it or not,if you'd see this live for yourself when this happens to me youd probably lose it when you feel like there is a literal hole on the top of your skull,like your head is plit open, you dont know or believe, you have a friggin hole at the top of your head when you feel a ball of energy in your heart, your sacral area, your stomach, its there,its organic, it moves, and if im out in the city I dont let the movements go out,I retain a normal appearance, by myself at home I let the energy flow its own courses through my body when you feel the root chakra, the bottom chakra, you feel like youre getting fucked by the universe, as a man ive had certain issues feelings this one, as I like to do the fucking and not the other way but hey thats how it seems to be for now when there is fear anything you feel will be transformed in a vile disgusting version, im perfectly aware that with acceptance I can come to feel and experience my root chakra in a healthy and harmonic manner that doesnt involve any gross feelings these energy centers are there, and the day you will be ready theyll be activated, and it wont be a matter of believing or not

I get it, I try..but its like trying to ignore a dwarf planet made from pulsing magma and constant earthquakes, thats how I feel inside, trying to find peace in the few clear clouds at the edge of this dwarf planet, its insanity if we were talking about normal girls and women as I once knew them in the past, I wouldve long transcended this longing,this need not only is every girl women the most attractive women ive ever seen, they are the same time the first woman of their kind,im not kidding when I say that in the course of an hour the human body evolves as space, structure and time evolve too its the same with men, men look cool as hell, they look like gods,and every man represents the recreation of the divine masculine, a creation entirely new, never before seen, every man is the first man I see and every woman is the first woman I see I shouldnt complain because its wonderful being able to witness this evolution, yet with it comes great pain I really shouldnt complain but at the same time I really fucking should to be honest telling me to appreciate this divine femininity is like telling a man to appreciate reading about the scores of his favorite sport team, only ever reading about the results and how the match went,only reading about those great games, never getting to see them live, to participate perhaps suffering is what will make me appreciate things as they are?perhaps I should chase women again like a wild dog? at the very least this whining releases details about my life, what you can imagine can be yours too, perhaps ill accept this suffering, what choice do I have, If I muster anger and frustration its all felt by me, against me I will keep your advice in heart

from what I know from the book of Ra Genghis khan is a negative enlightenment our earth has mostly beings who come for a positive enlightenmnent, and rarely beings who seek to evolve among the negative path, the path of self-serving

everyone's words here are really precious to me,I toke them right to my heart, and so thank you for sharing your opinions @the_end_of_me somewhere it does not feel right to answer this request, should I rant even more?I feel ashamed but if there's one thing I like and thats honesty, and perhaps it will help me to structure my suffering straight away my biggest hurt is girls ever since I hit puberty I've had a real passion for girls, they've shined like angels on earth, not only are they adorable and interesting,they're also sexy I fell in love, I had relationships, I even did pickup, succesfully, because I am that obsessed with girls,in the end I decided to do the wise choice, to trust life with love, to not run after girls, that in the right moment ill meet the right one, gave up all pickup and approaches all is well and good except im awakening spiritually, third eye is open all chakra's booming, To imagine the evolution of reality, its like a half a tab of lsd, some mdma and mushrooms in a single day, I quit psychedelics long ago, but reality is evolving everyday the universe is literally being created everyday,the evolution of the human body visually, visually, in smell, in presence its just girls are like gigantic godesses, stars of love, literally, and I dont have the time to get used to their divine appearance that 2 days later the visuals have evolved and they look more divine, more feminine, more attractive then ever before, its always like this again and again and again I shouldnt complain but Im literally going crazy like a wild dog in here, yet I gave up pickup, I gave up running after girls,to do that again would be immense suffering, that would be like racecar seeking, Id literally burn under the spinning wheels, so im damned if I do, damned if I dont I fall in love with half the girls I see and Im waiting, waiting for life....heartbroken then comes men I cant go out in the streets or the city without getting into atleast 20 psychic fights, the way I walk, my energy, Im literally in another dimension of space and time, everyone notices this, feels this, and those who are not willing to put their ego down, to learn from my vibration, will see this as me trying to submit them,they rebel, its mostly men who think they are tough and dont have anything to learn from no one a real man can submit, its part of life, we all have feminine energy which requires us to submit from time to time, to submit is strength, the feminine energy is strong, immensely energy is shared, instead of getting intimated they could take myenergy in literally, use it for their own life lots of men disconnected with their feminine energy, so lots of men rebelling against my extroardinary energy a fist fight is only the physical tip of the iceberg, I feel people emotions more deeply and vividly then I felt my own long ago, lots of men rebel, express aggressive energy, they express fear, they start walking towards me, they start watching me, tracking me, looking to stare me in the eyes, fuck them, the physical actions say nothing, the emotions are deep, they're iron, they're sharp, ive had many times where I sat down in a public transport and men get up and leave their sits because theyre scared to death, its their own fault tho, somewhere I act like a mirror, if you want to see evil in me you'll get it right back in your face there are many men who deal just fine with my energy, good men, with whom there's simple peace of being, they are and I am, im goddamn grateful for these good men, im proud, even in such suffering there always seems to be a way to learn about love then there are those who absolutely want to know who's stronger, who's the more powerful in the room, theyre the ones that refuse to lay down their ego if you want to know who's got the most power you're an evil power-mongerer yourself! let that be known to everyone theyre the ones that immediately turn to me because I carry power, once you stop measuring power from others, you can have access to your own godly power, this is for everyone I guess life needs me to be some kind of butcher of ego on these streets, but the stands-offs are so intense and aggressive I can barely walk properly or I feel im about to be absorbed in the aggressive energy and I almost long to destroy these scum who target me because they cant put their ego down then as third, there's money the absolute fear of ending up on the streets, in the cold, sleeping in dirt, sleeping with insects, losing weight, losing life energy due to malnutrittion, without money you cant eat well,... Im plagued by this fear so I find work, I go to work and I deal with out of control ego's at the workplace, barely a sliver of love, and a deadpaining 9 to 5 grind fear,absolute fear, I go to work because I fear what life will do with me if I dont...slave, hostage of money so women, men and money, these are my pains thats pretty much human society I do wish happiness for everyone, as always