Haleymac

I have been feeling much the same way. I am going to do some expression after I try this on, this idea "I Don't Want to Exist" I find some relief in asking, who am "i", this one who Exists? It is exhausting. always wondering, confused, relentlessly searching. The ego searches and never finds. Suffering here, for me, is from resistance. If i acknowledge me as I am now, with no clear answer as to why we are here, what we are doing, or why the universe is, then i might be bored or afraid or out of control as to what happens. I might feel threatened by the unlimited possibiliy of what can be. There are no handles to hang onto. I dont have an answer i can put into a box that I can see or hold. Who are the Ones doing, acting, causing all the happening? If i intend to act from a space of surrender and emptiness for the highest good, the energy of Intent flows unimpeded by any smallnes(my ego) and there is no need to put a reason around it. The energy of the universe simply is, and the need to logically justify its existence is obsolete. Here a fear of existing comes again: how fast the universe would transform and change my life, my definition of existence might be shattered. The implications of the infinite ambiguity of existing are too much for the ego to hold. Then I might become aware of the pain my unconcious smallness has been causing me. I become aware of My ego and how limiting my idea of en exisiting self is. Its like ego is a vessel that is a billion times too small to contain the idea of existence. So maybe the idea, "I Don't Want to Exist" is actually an intuition for you from the universe. What might happen if you try living with the idea? What might happen if I just let go of how I think it should be, or not be? It comes back to just being present and observing, watching what happens and responding with intent. Thats all i got, and it may well be gobbledygook.

I would super appreciate participating in the circle! I have been attuned to Reiki 2 however I am not very practiced or experienced with results, as yet.

Try smudging your energy field with sage