h inandout

Ok, I will watch it again too because it's been some years, so I will probably have a different understanding completely. Considering what you just said, I actually just read the autobiography of Russell Means (leader of the notorious American Indian Movement). He suggested that mixing between the tribes really weakend their collective cultures and believe mainstream Amreican Indian culture is now a joke of what it was in the past because of all the dilution. I personally am very multi-cultural, which can sometimes bother people who are very tight with their heritage. It can be frustrating sometimes, but I have chosen to surround myself with a culture that has celebrated multiculturalism for so long, that I feel like I still find depth and support, but I did feel lonely and confused for a very long time before I really found my footing and self-worth. Questioning all my culturally-informed beliefs was probably good, but certainly not pleasant.

The Iching is soooo old. The translation I use has removed all of the yin/yang symbology which was added in the shang dynasty, which is cool because it's less governed by masculine vs feminine and more by beautiful imagery. I did people's readings at an art gathering last week and made some really good tips. People who are artsy seem to allow more whimsical lines of thought into their realities which is so beautiful. I do the reading by just having them throw and line up 6 coins and then I tutn to that page (which is so easy!) This artsy kind of free association allows me to watch the body language of the reciever, and I usually interpret the imagery in a way that I know the person needs to hear it. I don't cast any doubt on my process which is key. I hold their attention deeply and let them know that the universe hears them and that they are beautiful and should have more faith in themselves, however that comes out. I think my favorite reading was an ex alcoholic who had her idea to reconnect with her AA family validated by the reading. I gave her a little Reiki too, and I could tell that something in her began to emerge and hopefully release somewhat.

A quick side note is that yes, I have also seen first hand how those who are disenfranchised may internalize a victim or reactinary mindset that no longer serves them after a conflict has ended. I have had problems with mindset, aslo, so thanks to Leo for putting some perspective on that.

You could watch Little Mosque on the Prairie or La Haine (both works of fiction). I wish I could link you this story that came out in the local magazine this week about how a 26 year old refugee has been adapting to life in the US ever since she immigrated 5 years ago from Afganistan. Definitely a success story. I did watch the video you posted, and learned something from it, specifically historical information that really does broaden my understanding of the back and forth fight between civilizations. I worry about how his overall atitude is influenced by more sinister motivations (conciously or unconciously), because yes our war was very profitable for a few select corporations. I also believe that a growing number of Americans believe that our own government may have had something to do with planning the 911 bombings (take it or leave it). Either way, what unfair trade policies could we have had to provoke such an attack anyways? Of course, how can we know if the war zone refugees are radicalized or not anyways, well honestly I don't know what our policy has been... To bring it back to self development, maybe the reason why I look at it the way I do, and continue to have an interest in immigrant rights is because I have seen first hand how large systems can have a tendency to swallow up or completely disenfranchise normal human beings who have different cultural backgrounds or political status. I would be deeply moved to work in any immigrant/minority community (new or old) to help maintain the flow of resources and cultural exchange. Immigrants add so so much to our economy and rainbow of cultures here. It's why I'm fluent in Spanish, and why I know so much about traditions and histories outside of the one in which I was raised. I get tired of how stagnant my parents worldview can be, so that also has something to do with it.

I could totally share some fun media that would tell a different story, but I'm gonna challenge you to share something enriching of the opossing viewpoint. @Steph1988 To be fair, I'll nominate Ayaan Hirsi Ali. While overall, I lean away from the overall narrative that her work is used to support, I have to give her full respect for telling her story and her truth, and for her bravery and for expanding my worldview significantly.

As Andres Moritz puts it: It is a defense mechanism. If we assume that bodies are born in perfection, and that disease is just the symptoms of your body trying to throw out whatever is harming it, then cancer is actually good for you... or better for you than your body simply absorbing whatever toxin/trauma is building up. And it has the added bonus of forcing you to question which behaviors of yours are harming your body. How much faith should I put into this theory?

I was criticized a lot for studying buddhism. No one in my family or peer group or even my partner understood why I would care to study how to sit quietly. All they had associated with the practice was a bunch of projected memories of how buddhists had been so self-righteous and uppity around them. I totally relate, because I've felt intimidated and insulted pseudo-buddhists before as well. But all this criticism built in me sooooo much painful turmoil, that I wouldn't even do a daily sit in the morning. I would just pretend to sleep if I wanted some peace and quiet. It was unbelievably hard to live like this, not knowing how I could simply ask to be more silent, without coming across as very awkward. It was so sad because studying buddhism not only brought me peace and solace, but it also brought me closer to the people in those very same relationships. It caused me so much distress to no be accepted as the growing, learning, hoping for more person that I am that I broke and made some very bad choices that I regret because they hurt me and other people. Just consider. It is very hard to develop a peaceful dynamic when the message from the get-go is that you're not welcome here.... I also want to mention that while we sort out the aspects of this that are related to racism and the aspects that are related to ideology, maybe consider some economic, cultural, age, social and gender components too. Just be kind to those around you, and try to see into them, and be willing to release your projections. Also be willing to let them see into you. Maybe they can learn something beautiful about how you do life, even if they have to release some of their projections.

I think if you get to involved in fixing someone else's life, that can sometimes send the very insidious message that that person needs to be saved. They are already capable of saving themselves. You can also sacrifice yourself too much, which is bad for everybody. That's why they have to remind people on airplanes to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you help your child put it on. If the parent passes out, then what is the child gonna do? It's so easy to be compassionate, and you absolutely should be. Have good boundaries about when you are nearing your own exhaustion. Remember that there are a lot of things that young people tend to ignore like having a financial safety net, developing good relationships with themselves and others, understanding their own psychology. Don't use compassion as a means to skip over these steps entirely. Rather, capitalize on compassion. Use it for your own nourishment. Let those you help know that they are actually helping you, so they can feel good about receiving help. I like your idea of making selflessness a habit.

I used to use selflessness as a way to avoid accepting my own value and examining my needs and as a self-righteous way to avoid advice. I destroyed my life, and didn't create very much positive change in the world. I am still glad I chose that path because it revealed to me some very deep humbling truths about the world and about myself. I accept now, that if I don't take care of my needs first then everything I am doing for other people will colapse. I also accept that one of my needs is contributing to the lives of others in significant ways, so I let myself be idealistic because being cut-and-dry pragmatic isn't going to work for me either.

I remember when my (American) mom was having night terrors before we flew to Prague. She was terrified of going over the iron curtain. It brought her memories of the nuclear fallout prevention videos they had to watch at her school. Like how the fuck is ducking under your desk gonna help you in a nuclear explosion!? Anyways, we had a great time in Prague, despite the irrational fears subsiding deep in my mom's brain! Point being, I think fear is very real, and has definite impacts on us in unforseable ways. Maybe the best thing to do is to walk right into it with courage and love. As an adult, you will live in a very different world than the one you were raised to be a part of. Go forth and create that new world now before it gets claimed by unconcious fear.

I have pretty serious lymph issues, and there are some really uncomfortable knots that pop up especially when I'm stressed. I don't know if you're experincing the same thing as me.... I know that when I am enjoying life, relieved of my stress, eating well and drinking lots of water and using a humidifier, symotoms subside. Getting all of those things straight is kinda hit or miss though.

Studying the occult takes courage because it is that which cannot be defined. You just have to try it on, and if it makes sense to you, use it. If it doesn't make sense to you then you don't need it yet. If you feel curious about trying something, then that is the best time to learn about it. Why are you interested in the Chakras? Chakras are just kind of blobs of generalized goings-on all about the body. I just took a class on Reiki. It was really valuable to be phisically present because energy work can be hard to conceptualize. It was more valuable to have been studying healing for some time now as well.

When I worked grocery, I noticed that the management buddies would get together and spread their knowledge at the cigarette circle. I used to be jealous in a twisted way that I wasn't more of a drinker/smoker/gossip. One theory that I hate, but sometimes seems true is FUMU: Fuck up, move up. If it's true, then I am embracing it fully. I am gonna use every "fuck up" as a way to advance my life and create comradderie. I don't think I need to get addicted to anything new for that to happen. Secondly, if I had really wanted to advance my career in grocery, I am sure there could have been many cut and dry pathways. If I really wanted to make friends with the management, I could have talked to ones who were more open to my energy, or I could have had fun weasling my way into the smoking circle by treating everyone to coconut water. Yes, this might take a little courage and creativity and embracing social awkwardness, but when you realize that they are just little kids on the inside too, we can go play with them.

I remember watching Fight Club when I was 19 and being so confused why someone might want to go pretend to have cancer just so they can cry. I do remember thinking that movie was really beautiful though. I think I kinda get it more now. It's like needing to feel your own poetry. Maybe watch that movie? Try NLP/guided meditation/hypnosis. Be creative with it. Try sometimes when you are alert, sometimes when you're sleepy. Try anger meditations or a mediation from say positive meditation magazine (on youtube). Try talking out your anger and finding something good in it with your friends. The LP course has NLP towards the end too.

My friend sent me this track to do some self inquiry (basically just a technique of repeatedly meditating on the phrase "What am I?" or any similar question) Listen to Mindex - Nostaltrophin by MINDEX #np on #SoundCloud In other news, I must move West! I will take my time and write poetry along the way. Perhaps get a seasonal job at a nursery or farm. I think I might land in Sebastepol or Eugene?

You know my problem? I have a HUGE ammount of repressed joy, peace and happiness.

I have anger issues too. Seriously. You know what I realized today, again? The reason I don't have a job is because I was programmed to be an overachiever. I did incredibly well in school, but when it came time for me to get a job, not only did I think I wasn't good enough or deserving, but this belief was so pervasive, that even when I tried to overcome my fears on job applications and in interviews, every answer I gave was always in the light of "I really am trying so so hard, please just give me a chance, I can change!" I imagine from an outsider's perpective this would sound like it was coming from some horrible person who needed to repent for some serious crime. Even when I have had jobs, I haven't been able to hold them down for more then a couple months at a time because I throw myself in so wholly, that any criticism (especially repetative criticism) seems so painful and uncalled for. Perhaps any non-overachiever would let it slide off their back, or even just think that "oh maybe I should respond to the criticism because I actually haven't been doing a good job." And here I am getting overwhelmed by fucking produce jobs bevause I'm doing too good of a job. The law of attraction fucking sucks. It doesn't matter how much I psyche myself up to function in the real world, I just attract bullying and rejection like a magnet. The sad part is, if I didn't FEEL like shit all the time, I probably would be able to do all the inner child work, and convince an employer that I need them to support me and not attack me. It's so hard to not feel like shit all the time because I already live in a world that has grown to mirror my inner beliefs of being a failure. So, we must make a resolution of this; here goes world! I'm not playing this bullshit game anymore! I am only going to engage with people who love and nourish me and encourage my creative solutions. Even if it means I am homeless for some time. I am proud to be taking this step. I don't think it has to be this way always, but when I disconnect from this system and do for myself what I know I am capable of, I will be the one leading others out of their turmoil. I will do all I can to use self-inquiry to detach myself from this pain as I slowly and peacefully begin to rebuild. I am beautiful just as I am. No joke, and there is no reason for me to feel obligated to defend this. Anyone who wants to call me a bad person is JUST MAKING IT UP.

@Salaam I so wanna be you. Thanks for sharing.

It's kinda terrifying at the moment, but it's so serene.

Call your new friends habibi ?

Wonderful!! You are so brave for searching for answers about this. Now begins a potential love afair with another culture. Your culture (and everybody else's) has been supressing a deep sense of curiosity fear guilt shame etc towards "outsiders" for many generations. Coming to know another culture is very scary because you really do have to be detached from your preconcieve notions and your fears of being seen as foolish. I have been through this. The other side is incredibly beautiful. Being able to release my previous assumptions is beautiful. I have a friend who studies Arabic who went to visit the refugees in an encampment in Hungary. He brought a family some fruit juice. The family he spoke with is going to name their child after him now. It's so easy to make friends. Go to the local mosque and tell them you have questions. Obviously be respectful, but ask a couple of your most burning questions and then stay for prayer.

I take 100% responsibility for living in a culture where the Colombine school shootings happened. I now choose to open my awareness up to as many diverse perspepectives as possible on on murder suicide psychology. And on school bullying. I take responsibility for living in a country where the government has become so entangled with secrecy and power structures that much of the public is very skeptical about what really happened at 911. I take responsibility for not knowing what the country I live in had or had not been doing to deprive other cultures of lifes necesities and respect. I vow to hear brothers and sisters from many cultures speak their truth on this. I vow to listen to as many fresh perspectives on the subject as possible. I take responsibility for my perspective and vow to share it, and I also vow to grow my perspective. I also vow to stand confidently in my growing perspective when it comes time to making decisions. I also will not be afraid to change my mind occasionally, and to really consider how it is that I am interpreting my sources of information, and how it is that I am spreading information myself.

@Nahm I am afraid that if I take that question too seriously, I start thinking of all kinds of reasons to feel apologetic. Maybe I'd rather approach it from the standpoint of what have you been able to learn from your mistakes, and in what ways are you more aware now? Maybe I can answer this by saying I now know that I now see value in learning more about communication, culture, self-awareness, awareness of other perspectives, cultivating self love, not being afraid to establish and maintain good boundaries, and being self reliant for all my needs. These were things I was not doing as much of back then as I'm doing now.

I think maybe a confident man who is not afraid to pose interesting questions would make me feel really high, because he would be allowing me insight into alternative realities that I had never thought of before. But there is a very fine line here! If you question a woman too much she will begin to become consumed by self-doubt, and resent you for yanking the carpet out from under her (especially if you come across as insulting her on the very ground upon which she is standing). I really have to wonder about this whole phenomenon, because I want to find a partner who causes me to be the best me possible, but I have to admit, this might be kind of tricky if you don't know what my best me looks like. I suppose I would prefer a guy who is not afraid to pose alternative understandings, but also is willing to back the f off, and let me have my space to weave together both of our conceptualizations.

I have slowed down enough in hard times to notice dancing dust motes, and been reminded of peace. I have happened across a Brian Froud book at a second hand store. I can pull off a pretty good Irish accent, and even sing a song in Gaelic. I have climbed Bishop's Castle twice. I can look deep into someone elses eyes and by this simple act make them giggle. I have listened to the birds sing in spring. I have walked past the Jorge Marin statues in town 100 times. All of this because I choose to. I busted through a limiting belief last night at the open mic. I thought I had nothing to say and that noone cared. I told the audience of my affirmations. I shared the story of Marcus Garvey (a notorious self-advocate). Many people complimented me very colorfully after the show.